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Women Paying Dowry For their Husbands?

Please, you'll recall that the trend of marriage is scarce nowadays. Men do not get married as before.

One may tend to think that it is the economy that put them in tight corner even when our ladies are saying money is not everything, that things can get better even after marriage for the "bible say who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from God".

Can the trend change if women are allowed to pay dowries for their would be husbands? I know of a country where this custom is being practised: Sri Lanka.

Please men and ladies of substance with unquestionable character, full of wisdom. What is your view? Let's get to talk.

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28 answers

Today paying a dowry is just a tradition. No one buys or owns another person. It is illegal. However, no payment can solve the problem of men being unwilling to marry. There is a different reason for that. Let’s be honest. What do men want the most from women? They want attention, services, love and of course, they want sex. Today they can get most of it and SEX is number one for free. They do not have to get married to do that. Women sleep with them, they love them and they even become the baby mammas giving birth to their kids? What’s the point of marrying? They can leave those girls any moment as they are under no legal obligation to them. So, until women get smarter and stop giving away freebies, no dowry would help to make men marry again.

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It's expected for Indian women to pay dowry to their men to marry them. Some of them even get burnt to death if they default on the dowry payment.

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The only funny thing is that Indians you poeple always using as an example is Hindu by religion while nigerians are christains and muslems , it is even writing in the bible that a husband is the head of the family while the wife is his helper , so for woman paying dowry of a man ,is she now a head of the family or will she still a helper? Now India paid for their husbands because they r still blind uptill today and they always belive in marriage arrangment by their parents and if u insist of doing it ur own way they will disowned you.

You cant even belive that the husband doesnt reguard their wivies because he didnt allow to marry his choice , so they always marrying to have kids and nothing more , even a woman still dont have freedom in the house given them by her parents as her settlement after paying the dowry of the husband and she will always accept any condition with happiness because they dont know God and accept anything the way they see it.

So i pity any nigeria man that allows a woman to pay his dowry because you know what it means for a woman spending her own money for the family not to talk of using her money to pay for a man dowry , i mean so sorry for the man because the man is no longer the head of the family but a sarvant of the house, As you can see that nigeria is civilisedmore than all the Assian countries who doesnt know their left and right , please try to be the provider of the family if you really want to be the head of the family if not women will now be the head of the family if they allowed to pay dowry for the men.

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i heard a tribe in edo does dis, i heard

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It not at all common in Nigeria.

However,the payment of dowry is nothing more then symbolic.Apart from a few cultures in Nigeria and the rest of the world ,payment of dowry is at best a few items and some loose change.

There are quite a few countries in the world which charge the women.I think from the top of my head -India and lots of eastern european countries do this.

A few of them charge a hefty fee like some Nigerian tribes charge the men likewise.

However for most its symbolic.They say its their parents way of been happy that the woman lives the house and stop been a money burden on the family.

But truth be told this is all symbolic and just a way of respecting the culture and should not be seen at all in modern time as a way of buying the other person.

Funny to see some girls posting have a problem with this.

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It is very funny for a woman to pay her dowry or bride price as the case may be. In Nigeria, it is the duty of a man to pay for such. It is an issue of custom and not that the woman is being sold. It shows that the man cherishes his wife to be and will always strive to make her comfortable to the best of his ability. However the issue of whether to demand or accept such depends on the head of the lady's family. Some communities have even made it possible for it to be less stressful for the man by fixing a minimun. This is to make sure that finance did not hinder their children from finding suitors. My brother did not pay any money as dowry, not because he cannot but because his inlaw refused to accept that. He said that he was only interested in seeing his daughter live happily with her husband. However to me the duty of who provides the money depends on the individual. Unless the couple open their mouth very wide as long as they can keep it to themselves, I do not think there is any problem. But I will advice that the parties do a soul searching before embarking on such a venture. I have witnessed where a woman provided all the money for the marriage and today they are very happy couple, loving and caring.

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darling

dont worry, trust me before that happens in igbo land chai,well heaven will fall down first.

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No freaking way.  What has the world come to?  Oh I see, is this happening in the developing world?  If so then its a shame.  Why try to be like the western world?  Because only in the western world will a woman ask a man out or ask the man to marry her. Which of course in my opinion is absurd!

Regards,

I.B.

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this is funny, me pay my own husband dowries??

it wasn't even that way in the bible. but if its practiced in some cultures oh well.

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Wow this is so silly woman paying a dowry for a husband

This is America and men are to marry for love and when they divorce the woman take all the money and leave the husband with the shirt on his back. I guess this is how the American male pig is born. I who am an American pig would love to meet a rich foreign woman with a dowry.

At least when she leaves I could pay for food and not have to go the local food bank.

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I am a American male who is currently in a serious relationship with a Nigerian (Yoruba) woman. We are serious about each other and marriage is on the horizon. I was recently told about the Dowry. Did not know it was still practice only in East Indian and Muslim cultures. Our circumstance are unusual her parents are gone and so are my parents. who does the Dowry go to?

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Whether dowry or bride-price. The practise of paying money to marry is a useless tradition to me. They've lost sight of d purpose. U pay to show how much u love your spouse but now its 4 buying your spouse..which is rubbish.

I don't like the idea 1 bit.

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A taboo here but a normal practice in other nations.

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This is one of the many problems we have in many homes today which people re misunderstanding for age difference.How,for God's sake would a man allow a woman to pay the bride price which is his first responsibility as a man? No wonder,so many of our women today control their husbands.Why won't they when theyare the husbands? A man who can not afford the dowry is not yet matured to house a woman,and if she does that b'cos u don't have the money,then never complain when she begins to rule u.We,as men rule them b'cos we marry them-paying the dowry.We shold expect them to rule us if they marry us-paying the dowry; but that is a taboo!

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Ok thanks for that correction. But the message has been passed.

Idea is needed.

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Keep in mind that I live in America so my veiws are mostly based on my experiences here and the social and moral structure of this country with some global education.

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Outside of ethnic or community culture there is a thing called human culture and Human nature which can be broken into specific genders as well.

Example: we all function on the same human ways of living. We use air for breathing, we use water for hydration and we use physical food to nurture our bodies and so on.

What I mean by Original is the natures that God created us in and with as man and woman.

He created men physically stronger than women for a reason. He created women to be delicate for a reason. It all ties into Gods original plan for man and woman.

What is his original plan? Well there's not a specific answer to that but we can assume the bottom line is to submitt to God's will no matter what. God's original plan doesn't mean that man and woman don't evolve, God wants us to evolve. But just because we evolve, discover and create new things in this world doesn't mean that our original natures change. We still have the same natures as humans and man and woman and those natures are still governed by the same principles that God created them with.

When we go against our natures we create bigger problems and go further away from what was intended.

My whole point is that we can have our cultures but our cultures must not conflict with the original culture of mankind as God has designed it.  Another example

There is a culture of men who love other men. The conflict is clear to me. Some may say that it's normal and it's their life. I would say Yes it's their life and it is normal to decide to be how you are but in retrospect according to the Original culture of man it's not normal. It conflicts with man's nature completely. He is imbalanced and UN-able to produce as a part of why he was put here. He's 100% masculine with out feminine balance of a natural woman.

How it relates to this topic. Men are originally the head providers of women so if she's the head provider then the roles are switched and there's an imbalance and it should conflict with both natures. But now a days men are so use to being treated like women and love for women to take care of them giving them the easy way out. The flip side is that women have been oppressed for so long or suffer the lost of our men in wars or more that we pick up the bill in striving to prove that we can handle things and take care of everything and he could play our roles until he ge's in together.

yet he can't nurse the children, nor can he deliver them from a womb that he doesn't have. 

I hope you get my point. Sorry if not this is the best i can do. Maybe someone who understand me can help you understand the point I'm making. We are all entitled to our opinions so I respect yours

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The original way that it was designed? Please go ahead and tell us the original way? Because frankly, there is no originality in present cultural practices to past cultural practices. All cultures have been just the way they are.

Although cultures have developed with time. Some Cultures have been dropped, especially the unnecessary harmful ones for example "The Yoruba inheritance system, whereby the child inherits his Fathers Wives, when the Father Dies (He becomes the Successor)", so please elaborate on what you meant by the original way that it was designed. And also who designed them?

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I almost laughed so hard when I read your post. You seem a little comfused about men doing a woman a favor by marrying her. Are you crazy? were you dropped on your head? lol. No but really How is that a good thing for a man by having a woman pay his way? If anything it seems as if it would take away from his credibility. Truthfully women respect men who hold their own. When a woman takes care of you she has little to know respect for you as a man and would more than likly look at you as if you were her property of play thing, unless she was a very different woman which is very rare. I do not have a problem with people's cultures if that's how they choose to function I'm just saying that it's not the original way that it was designed.

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It's not done in my place but I think a woman paying dowry to the man is the best thing for the man is doing the woman more favour than the woman is doing the man by marrying her.

For a Nigerian womana marrying India; well, my sister cannot marry an Indian and I will clap for her.

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It is a matter of culture. The fact that you dont understand the culture doesnt mean you should insult it. In India and most of asia, the women pay the dowry. For my people, yoruba, most fathers dont accept it anymore, cos they'd tell you, am not selling my daughter. But of course you still bring the yam, bible and other stuff.

For the Ibos, they would collect it. In fact, I have a couple of ibo friends who refused to marry ibo girls cos they said they couldnt afford the dowry. As we speak, I have a yoruba guy who is getting married to an Ibo girl and the dowry thing is nearly killing his family.

Each to his own......you girls are just making mouth. If you fell in love with an Indian or pakistan man, believe me, you;d pay the dowry.

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Wow this is a big deal and i'm not too sure if the people doing this really understands the point of a dowry. I guess it may mean something different to everyone.

From what I understand, the point of men paying a dowry is for him to demonstraight his ability to provide for his wife and family.

If women allow men to under cut this then I could only see them settling for less than what Allah has prescribed. A dowry is not just finanical it is supposed to be what ever the woman wants and her dowry should be within his means. If he is not very wealthy then her dowry should not be very expensive because she has to think about his current status and how her dowry cold possibly affect him. The dowry does not have to be paid right away, but it should be paid before the marriage takes place.

Some people use Prophet Mohammad and his first wife Khadijah as an excuse for women paying for dowrys. Khadijah was a very wealthy woman and the Prophet worked for her before they married but he still paid a dowry within his means as a demonstration of his ability to handle things.

I do not support the actions of women paying dowry and at the same time it is rightfully their choice. This just tells me more about the state of women & men in the world today. It's sad to me because the roles are being revesed and women have been oppressed for so long that lot's of us feel we have to prove a point to men. The point of being equal and able to provide. This is not right because women and men are equal in being creation but we are very different in our natures which seperates us in how we function on many levels. For me there is not point to prove because Allah never said that women can not provide for her family or handle manly functions, nor did he say that men were unable to handle women functions.  Allah gave us specific nature that we prodominatly function within for a specific reason.

I don't know but this is my take.

Keep it moving!!!!

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Dont u think it's silly encouraging such thing, even when a man is paying the dowry, he still dont appriciate his wife. Despite the money he paid on her, so what happen if the woman now pays the money, dont u think the man will not even care wat he dose at all, he might even tell the her to lye on the floor so dat he could walk on her

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Just because of the usually traditional way, I will feel odd paying for it now and in fact, it will look as if am marrying in the wrong way.

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They do it in India (now a big problem http://www.asiaobserver.com/India-story2.htm ) & other Asian countries.

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Aren't you a Nigerian or African rather. We still dey pay dowries ooo. They no go pay on you? Cho!

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What nonsense is that? I'd rather remain single for life. As a lady, I've got my dignity to defend.

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