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Women, Victims Of Domestic Violence: Whats The Point In Not Speaking Out?

It beats me why women who are bruised and battered by their spouses refuse to speak out!

My cousin thought i didnt know she was being handed boxing lessons by her husband (one handsome coward like that) almost on a daily basis. Her silly excuse was that 3rd party interference would only make it worse. MAKE IT WORSE MY OILY HIDE!!

The latest attack has landed her in hospital. I think she's a fool

Likewise all other (silly) women that get beat and endure.

ENDURANCE OJOKOLO!

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12 answers

My scenario was supposed to explain that women/men cannot get charged/convicted if proven that their act was one of defense.

Of course women DO get arrested for abuse. Abuse charges is not divided between genders, as I know that you know that.

As for the post, like I said before, some women do not have the opportunity to speak out and object to abuse.

Some that do have that freedom do take advantage of it while others continue to deceive themselves and mistake the abuse for love.

Others that do not report the incident WANT to believe that they caused the abuse or they're just too deep in love to want to escape from it.

The same reason why some people know they're being cheated on, yet they try to ignore the truth.

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Men who hit do not start overnight. It usually starts with verbal abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse etc. By the time the hitting starts he already has her in a very emotionally fragile place. She already feels she is nothing, nobody else would want her, she is a failure etc. It is not easy to build all that back up not to talk of then leaving especially when there are children involved. Also it is even worse for women in Nigeria than here in the west. I have seen cases where a man hits his wife and she leaves or calls the cops and she is basically ostracized by other Nigerian women. In fact I feel that in a lot of cases Nigerian women are evil when it comes to this. I am not making excuses for them because at the end of the day they still have to leave such a man but these are just a few of the reasons why some of these women stay

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I only noted that scenario to illustrate that women do get arrested and charged with domestic abuse and that their possible arrest is another thing that may weigh on a victim's mind. I also wanted to point out that many of these ladies get into an "abuse/victim mentality" and are in love/hate/hope for the best relationship with the abusers. That was not quite the case with the illustration I gave; hwoever, I could give many many more. Bottom line for me: Domestic violence is reprehensible and the original poster wondered women don't speak out. I just wanted to show it is not always black and white and women the world over struggle with how to deal with an abusive relationship. It is awful and effects rich, poor, educated and illiterate alike. The woman I spoke of in my post is well educated and so is her husband.

BTW, though "scratching" does not require a jury verdict, it is always your right and your choice (in my state) to take any criminal offense to trial by jury for judgment by your peers. It is not done by "level" of offense. So, the scratch could end up before the jury just like the murder can.

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Nice points you made there.

I'm familiar with the fact that both men and women practice the abuse game.

I also know that law enforcements tend to arrest first, ask questions (interrogation), and collect evidence before convicting someone of a crime.

Maybe I should make my scenario a little clearer:

A woman is scratching her abusive husband whose intent is To Molest her or harm her.

Yes, she'll get arrested, but she will not get charged or be required to complete an anger management course.

It's an act of defense.

Well, I think it depends on the level of the situation for the case to go a court.

Scratching does not require a court/jury verdict.

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That is not necessarily true.  You are charged with a crime if there is probable cause to believe that a crime has been committed.  Charges may be dismissed against you or you may be acquitted or you may be found guilty.  Whether or not it was self defense is a matter for adjudication not a matter for "charging."  Also, the police in my state have more of an arrest first and ask questions later.  There have been many historical cases of domestic violence in this state and the police want no liability; so, again, they arrest MEN and WOMEN where there is evidence of ANY physical altercation.  If they can not ascertain who the aggressor is, the arrest both.  Now do not be deceived.  Men and women involved in violent relationships are hip to the "game."  The men know that all they have to do is say, "she hit me first" and the women get to go to the pokey just as quick as they do.  If you yell, "I was defending myself," and if there are no witnesses, IN MY STATE (which is all I can talk about as I am not familiar nor am I licensed in any other state), you both stand the risk of going to jail.  It happens often.  Now men still outnumber women by far in our domestic violence court.  However, please do not believe for one minute that women are not arrested.  This is my only point here.  Women are arrested for domestic violence against men in the US. 

Also, these victims and these men are often in a very troubling psychological cycle.  The men beat the women.  The women accept it until it gets unbearable.  They call the police and someone gets arrested.  Before the preliminary hearing date, the couple is  back together, even though they are ordered to stay apart after the arrest.  They pretend they are not living together even though they come to court in the same car.  If you try to stop them from being together, the woman will often get aggressive with you.  I have had a female victim's mother retain counsel for her daughter's abusive boyfriend.  It is crazy.  One friend here calls these couples the 3  Fs couples:  they only love fussing, fighting and f******.

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If it was an act of defense she wouldnt have been charged.

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Think what you will but I see this everyday. In my state, the state of Tennessee, laws r gender neutral and must be enforced in a gender neutral manner. I saw a 4'9" woman who weighed less than 100 lbs and was charged with domestic violence for scratching her husband. The husband called 911 and hung up. The police must respond to hang ups and when they got there they saw the man had been scratched. In my state, if there is evidence of physical violence, the police MUST make an arrest. The lady eventually got off with anger management but she was arrested. I saw another lady last month with a similar story. She called on the guy and the guy claimed she hit him. The police arrested both. Women get arrested in far less numbers but it does happen.

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Domestic violence happens everywhere and the victims hide in silence. To their minds speaking out makes it worse because they dont always have resources leave and if they anger the man by telling they will surely be punished. Let me tell you how it goes in my state in the US. The man will beat the woman. The woman takes it until she fears serious injury. She sneaks and calls the police. The man goes to jail. If she fights back and scratches or even slightly injures the guy, she gets arrested too. Let's assume only the man gets arrested. The guy makes bail and goes home to the wife. He is told not to go home, but what man stays away from his home. He promises never to do it again. Court date comes. The lady doesnt show up so charges agst the husband are dropped. Next week he starts beating her again. She stays because she feels she has no help and no support. She even may call her brothers to deal with the man. When her family arrives and start trouble, she defends her no good husband. Her reasons r complex.

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you see my dear domestic violence and women who stay behind and their reasons is much deeper and complicated than you think

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Yeah she's in nigeria of course. Where else would that kind of silly thing happen. Timid pricks thats wat nigerian women are!

Sacrifice your life to save your marriage. DUMB

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she must be in Nigeria.

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So what would you do if she confides in you? Beat the hubby? I tongue-lashed my sisters husband once for hitting her and she hated me for that. Dunno why. At least i'll keep my gob shut next time.

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