Would you ever put your parents in a nursing home? Why or why not?
i know my gram wasnt to keen on going to a nursing home (run by the convent her two sisters and daughter belonged to) but after she was there she wshed she had gone sooner. I know some old folks who hate it and others who love it. (in the US the highest increase rate of new hiv infections isnt in the teens or early 20's like most countries bu in the elderly, there is more bed hoppin going on there then in a frat house). it ll depends on the faciliy and what it does. some arebasicaly full apatments that have a nuse station in the lobby while others are hell hole institutions
Reading most of the responses above I feel people need to be more educated and more open minded about adult care and Nursing homes. Having a nursing home cater for elderly ones does not mean abandoning them. It actually shows how much you care for them and how much you want to ensure they live long.
Did you guys know that Life expectancy of Nigerians at Birth is 46 years? and at age 60 it is 15.5 years? and in a population of about 165mill only 3-4 % are 65 and above? This is so because there is no social security, pensions are unpaid for those that are pensionable, most families cannot afford basic health care for the elderly as such they manage and in the process give their loved ones less than the best leading to their early demise and at the same time ruining their marriages and careers. The elderly are isolated socially from their peers and so have little reason to live longer thinking they are already too old as it is?
Do you also know that the government does nothing to cater for the elderly?
On the other end of the spectrum we have poor quality Nursing homes. If there were good quality homes with the assisted living houses where an elderly couple or even one of them can be accommodated in a well furnished apartment within the facility where all their needs are taken care of from Medical to social and all the kids have to do is pay and visit. I feel this is very good as it will not end up destroying your marriage, your parents will not feel deserted and you will be rest assured that they are in good hands.
People have to open their eyes to see the world is changing and if we try to stay stuck to the Typical tradition of maintaining our beliefs about family then maybe we should not go look for white collar jobs and stay home fetching firewood and selling groundnut in front of our houses. That way we will not have to worry about balancing modern life with traditional values.
I once met an elderly woman in a shop and we got talking. She informed me that she was in a nursing home and that the Nursing Home Manger had to give consent for her to visit the shop. Needless to say the elderly woman let me know that she found this humiliating. I asked her what she was doing in a nursing home seeing that she was a very strong and healthy looking woman who did not look as old (75) as she claimed. She said that she hated the place and that she would never forgive her daughter for putting her in a home. She said that her only child (the daughter) took control of her finances and forcefully placed her into the care home system although she begged her not to.
She said when she lived on her own she had many friends and attended many functions with her friends but in the Nursing home, this was impossible surrounded as she was with paraplegics.
She said she had worked all her life to make sure her daughter had a very good education and upbringing. The old woman decried the fact that her daughter repaid her in this manner, placing her in a home.
She told me that she hated her daughter and no longer spoke to her. This elderly woman said that she was not ashamed to admit that she prayed to god every night to do to her daughter what her daughter did to her.
Loads of British born blacks particularly the ones married to oyibos, who tends to loose all focus on reality are forcefully taking over their parent’s property and finances and pushing them into old people’s home. The parents hate it but are powerless to do anything.
I have heard of so many cases of this particularly amongst people from the Caribbean community whose children are born in Britain. At the rate the African community are choosing to abandon their cultural heritage I can see them following along the same path in a few years.
My mother has had Alzheimers for the past 2 years. She does not know us or herself any longer. She has lost her memory and wears adult diapers. She was once a strong mother full of love and care but but now stared blankly into our eyes. Bathing my mother or changing her diaper has been a humbling experience for me. I do it proudly. We had to have a meeting and we decided NEVER to put my mother in a home. Most of the old folk are riddled with bed sores and rashes. She now resides with my older sister who is not employed and most of us go to work. Its not easy seeing your parent like that. It needs understanding and most of all love. A nursing home will never give my mother love, and love is needed for everything that is done for her today. I can still give her the same tablets at home. Its not like she's on oxygen or something.Taking care of your parent is not easy but I think its the best option, and when the time comes, it lets them die with dignity. Dignity of being clean, well fed and most of all loved. Its the best way to honour my mother, and I do it proudly.
No, because my mom strongly warned us not to put them there when they get really old - She knows, she works there.
That doesn't mean they'll live with me though, it's a burden or so i think. . .If I'm stanky rich by then, I'll just hire nurses who'll be coming to their house to take care of them.
if they needed specific medical care that i could afford but i am not qualified to give - then YES as much as i love my mum i would put her in a nursing home and pay the best i can afford for it.
if it is out of OLD AGE then NO i would not put her in a nursing home - she can stay with me - that is why a good relationship between my furture husband and his inlaws and me and my in-laws is very importnat to me
There is nothing disgraceful about it, so dont choose to judge others who put their parents in nursing homes. At least, your mind is at peace while at work that your parents are taken care of, unlike keeping them at home unattended which could be dangerous to them. Supposing your loved one had a stroke, and you were a working mother, how would you take care of him?
i wonder where so many of us would have been if our folks had put us in foster homes while they pursued their careers
of course it will be difficult, but just as our parents made sacrifices for us, things have come full circle, and it is time for us to make sacrifice for them.
of course, this is easier in theory than in principle. . .
I might.If she can no longer take care of herself.
Sometimes they need more care than a family member
can give at home,even with a visiting nurse or whatever.
Its a tough decision but sometimes, the quality of life
is actually better when they are cared for by professionals
and you can visit stree-free . . if a loved one is in the throes
of Alzheimer's or Dementia,caring for them at home can be next to
Yeah,I know its difficult and heartbreaking,but sometimes its for the best.
Well, both my parents are long gone, so I don't have to make that choice, but. . .
Yes, I would.
It's not about them being a burden, more like the whole family - my wife and kids routine will be disrupted.
Caring for an aged / ill parent, and running your home takes a lot of juggling, and my parents would not want us to put our life on hold for them, regardless.
We'll all get old, and become less able to do things which come naturally to us right now, but I would not want my children to place their lives on hold to cater for me. I'd want them to be happy, when my time comes, at least I'll know that I'd lived a good life, and that of my children was only just beginning.
I would personally put myself in a home, and have fond thoughts of the time I'd spent with my children, without feeling I was robbing them of their chances of happiness with their own families.
If I put my parents into a home, it would be for the best - and it wouldn't mean I loved them any less.
Well i am white and funny enough I was only thinking of that last night, see my father died young and my mother is now 67 and going blind in one eye. I would never dream of putting her into one. Some over them over here are great but I just couldnt to that. If I have to leave my husband temparorily and my job i would do that.
quote from osisi
[Many people do it because they can't afford nursing homes.
They are expensive.
I know people who have taken care of sick parents till they died,many of them had to quit their jobs and get on welfare and they aged a great deal with all the stress.
Some end up diovorced from their spouses because the illness takes over the entire household.
No body wants to "send their parents away"
but sometimes a nursing home is the best option for sanity sake]
yes, u r right. but then every case is different. so it might not work for everyone
For me its not about the details of the implementation. For either of my parents (and in-laws), I would always do what I feel is in their best interest, and give them priority over myself. It doesn't mean that they have to be at home with me, but as long as that is the best thing for them, I will do it. My parents placed my well being ahead of theirs, and I will do same for them.
As for issues with mother-in-laws staying with one, my paternal grandmother has been living with my parents (and still does) prior to my birth. At no point has anyone thought of having it otherwise. Its not always like the horror stories one hears.
reloaded,wasn't it in New York that a Jamo impregnated a woman in coma in anursing home some years ago
The silly was sexually assaulting this woman until her belle started growing and an ultrasound showed a baby
and she delivered a mixed kid and a paternity test proved who the daddy was.
Not all nursing homes are bad.
Imagine if you had a parent that needed to be bathed,toileted,fed and was on dialysis etc,you would keep her in your home here in the USA wth strangers coming in and out of your home and drive her to be dialysed 3 days a week plus all the specialist visits in between?
When there's an option of a place she could go and be cared for and you pay the bills and visit her daily.?
Plus she'll be having interaction with other residents of the home.
My parents are gone, but while I was against the idea initially, now, I am beginning to realize that nursing home isnt that bad of an idea. I mean, you have folks taking care of your parents while you are away at work. Which is better, leaving your parents all by themselves at home and risk themselves to a life threatening danger, or have someone take care of them 24/7.