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Your Career Or Home: Which Comes First?

which should come first your career or your home?

I have an aunt that is at the verge of loosing her home because of her over ambitious self, her job is one that requires lots of travelling and her hubby does not like it but the point she keeps hammering is that the man knew of the the nature of the job before getting married to her.

Please I want the married to contribute to advice the singles.

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58 answers

my marriage comes first, 4 its better to loss ur job than to loss ur marriage. at the same time one has to work hard not to loss the job 4 things are hard in this country. my advice is 4 her to look 4 another job that will give her chance to take care of her home.

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I always thot my career would come first, working all the hours in a day and some to impress; well that was the culture where I used to work. However, when I had my daughter, my priorities changed dramatically. I could not do all the hours I was expected to do though I was still achieving my objectives and all so I changed jobs for a strictly 9-5 with less stress and contract basis only. Hence I work 6 months and take 3 months off to spend with her. Wish I didn't have to work at all. In this case I've let my husband do the chasing after regular income.

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You can balance both.

Balancing career and motherhood can be challenging and overwhelming. But you really can do it all.

First Start with routines: when you do the same thing over and over again, not only do you get really good at it, it becomes second nature. You can have several sets of routines for your entire day. Then Learn to say "NO": As women, we are people pleaser's and we don't like to upset others or feel like we have let

someone down. Instead, we need to feel that way about ourselves. etc

Check out my signature below and by implementing the strategies, you will be ahead of the game and enjoying everything that your life has to offer.

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I am a career woman with a family.I put my family first but at the same time i don't allow my job to suffer.Though it is not easy,cos i work so hard both work days and weekends.

I use weekends to prepare for workdays.Getting everything my family needs and doing all the cooking,store them in the fridge,spend time with my family.

In summary when things are planned well it makes it easier.

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@post

We all know what every woman here is going to say. . . .action is another phase.

Can we handle it?

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My home comes First !

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Individual choice on this issue should be base on being able to determine what make him/her happy in the long run. if you feel your career can give you a long term happiness, why not going for it. And if you think you family, you always have the right choice,

However, with a lot of understanding both can be manage together,

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my home have and will always come first

though i try to balance both

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Our perspective of view matters alot.

But as for me A young man with a vision to be great in life.

I've being guided by my parents on wht to BE and DO in life, and for this i will say i have beind pratising my career since my childhood, hence i can later think of who my home will be, just as and adage of my people that say "omo to lowo lowo lobi e ma yin" that a son prosper in his days shall be celebrated.

NOTE: for ladies that thinks after all her achivement she will end it up at home. it is not true Men these days need industrious woman who can manage Home effectivly and still do well in their busineses.

people like Doral 'NAFDAC' Boss Ngozi etc they are not born great, but like a baby, now they are doing well all over,

Why no check this out

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@ringim nice point

well its sumtin couple to be and intending ones should talk about, theres a phrase like job replacement. one could always get laid off or sumtn at that point where do u go to? home

i feel the home should take more priority, not at the expense of your career though, cos a home without some money is in for some serious issues.

its all about wisdom, if the career is taking you "too far" from home, then watch its better to loose a job than loose a family(home)

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AS FOR ME, MY HOME WOULD BE MY NUMBER ONE PRIORITY.

HOME BEFORE CAREER DEFINITELY.

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As trukoment says "there will always be people ready to take over the job once you leave,,they'll even do it better.but who would take over your home?" if it werent for our parents dedication a lot here would nt have the knowledge to respond to such topic, Jobs are temporary work you do to earn a living, but your home is and will be part of you til death, "Whatever left behind good or bad (children) will be seen as you" and thats the home u didnt have or have time for.

Be it merging the too together, or giving up one for the other if u are nt good in multitasking,

Personally, I think it is necessary for the man accomodate the two functions together coz its his responsibilty and for a lady, she should really discuss such matters with her man b4 getting married, figure out what she wants and his opinion about it, coz sometimes we men are biased about the idea, and then there is this insecurity of what if he divorce her, or died, stuffs like this

I hope your aunty work things out with her hubby

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As trukoment says "there will always be people ready to take over the job once you leave,,they'll even do it better.but who would take over your home?" if it werent for our parents dedication a lot here would nt have the knowledge to respond to such topic, Jobs are temporary work you do to earn a living, but your home is and will be part of you til death, "Whatever left behind good or bad (children) will be seen as you" and thats the home u didnt have or have time for.

Be it merging the too together, or giving up one for the other if u are nt good in multitasking,

Personally, I think it is necessary for the man accomodate the two functions together coz its his responsibilty and for a lady, she should really discuss such matters with her man b4 getting married, figure out what she wants and his opinion about it, coz sometimes we men are biased about the idea, and then there is this insecurity of what if he divorce her, or died, stuffs like this

I hope your aunty work things out with her hubby

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Arielle, I like your way of thinking! I wanna try that working independently thing some time,,,but much, much later. All the best with your company!

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Some times it seems as if we have forgoten the fact that we are Affricans. Just take a minute to imagine what your trusted husband will be doing with other women the moment you step out of your house to work, you will ask why would he do a thing like that the answer is simple (body no be fire wood) considering the fact that when ever you come back from work, you will be exshusted and will not be able to perform your marital duty as a woman. remember you will always ask your husband to consider you becouse of your busy day at work. I have had such experience.And will not wish i experience it again. My family any time any day.

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lets not create the idea that one as to choose between a home and  career. Its  not in the  case in most times.

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OHHH when i read all these post i have just come to realise that "EXPERIENCE IS THE BEST TEACHER".I am not saying CAREER is less important neither am i saying a woman should be a full house wife.I think i have several examples to make.My sister works with a Bank where she had her daughter with the nannies,unfortunately the daughter that used to be very lively turned to be a dull type after 6months or so,they got to realise that sleeping tablets are being given to the little kid because of her being troublesome and the nanny has so many children to look after.

This is what i am saying,if you miss the motherhood care you and i wouldnt be where we are today,our mothers didnt make career their first choice,i could remember my mum when i was a kids,i used to be very sturborn and rude,i started smoking when i was age 11yrs cos of peer presure and i want to point out something to you "CAREER FIRST SCHOOL OF THOUGHT" , Peer presure is something we shouldnt neglect,a child who doesnt get advises from mum esp will definately have answers to all his or her question from his peer group.

I am married and i know what it takes.It not enough to say or feel the heat when you havent got marriaged,but to be sincere i would have to say this.Couples should avoid working in BANKS, I mean in Nigerian Banks where u work 5am- 9pm at night, if a woman can get a teaching job or lecturing job or better still work in govt parastatal or maybe get a job that would allow her to get home by 4pm or latest 5pm ,i think thats not bad.

My wife had a terrible experience when she had our first child but you know, i wouldnt trade my little handsome boy for anything not to talk about her career or my job. I would rather go extra mile to take care of my wife and my Kid,at the same time i wouldnt like my wife to be idul in the name of taken care of my kids so she has to balance the two but having in mind that he has to give the kid and me 75% and the rest career,cos in case of unforseen contingences.

To all ladies in the house,you need to think very well,cos marriage is a like lookingat beautiful house from affar but you wouldnt know what and how the inside looks like, All these would makes things easier if the husband is supportive.I would like to hear frm the marriaged women and men in our midst to share similar experience as i have shared mine.

Hey friend, tell that your sister that travels alot in pursuance of her career at the expense of her marrital home that, if she doesnt want her househelp to take over her home,or maybe her neighbour or someone else outside(like most of these Husband hunters all around the cities,who would go extra miles to satisfied her worrisome husband),she should quickly quit that career shes pursuing and look for similar one around her environs or else that career would be usesless eventually cos she MIGHT not find happinerss in her home eventually if the career goal had been achieved.

REMEMBER,IF YOU ARE NOT MARRIAGED YET YOU CAN MAKE A LOT OF NOISES ALL AROUND BUT WHEN YOU GET INTO THE INSITITUTION THEN YOU KNOW THAT SACRIFICES ARE MADE NOW FOR FUTURE JOY AND HAPPINESS.Pray to God to give you your real wife or husband as the case may be, pls your HOME come first ohhhhhhh, Remember say na pure african men and women we be ohhh, take care.

Good luck.

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My home comes first before my career,am the homely type and cannot watch my home suffer while my career moves on.If the home suffers the children also suffers.Its not right to abandon your home for a career that can end anytime while your home lives on forever.The legacy you leave for your children also lives on.Yeah is good for a woman to be hardworking and deligent but you have to create time for your home,very important.A working woman is a happy woman while a full house wife will reap the fruit of it,when it happens.

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it is a hard thing to battle with.it is really destroying a lot of families in nigeria now.especially bankers.the passion for the family is being traded for thier jobs.the motherhood and fatherhood has change to bankerhood.people really need to take a deep thot about this.it is killing believe mii.and at the end of the day it leaves so many people unhappy and empty even unforfilled.

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Definitely my home first. It is very important for a woman to have a career or at least some sort of source of income so that she can be fully part of the family support system. It is also very important for both woman and man to be fully involved in what goes on in the home front, but more important for the woman because she builds the home. Yes its possible to multitask, take care of the home and maintain a full time career though it can be very tasking and this i intend to do but if eventually i see that the home is suffering for it I'll drop my career like hot coal and face my family.

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Nothing in the whole wide world is as important as

my family.

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I believe every woman should be earning an income even if she only works 2 days a week selling "okirika wake up".

I refuse to ask, beg or expect money from my fellow humanbeing on a regular basis

Or put myself in a position to be at the mercies of anyone.

Not as long as my God given hands and feet are still mobile.

that is my personal stand

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I want to site another example from Proverb 14: 1. "A wise woman builds her home but with her own hands the foolish one pulls her's down". With this i will take HOME first, God has given women some qualities which men don't have and that is to build/take care of the family. But not withstanding if most women can succeed in building a great home with their career/business, why shouldn't we? Like the VIRTUOUS WOMAN (Prov. 31), she succeeded in both, and peolpe called her bless. Let's make that decision to LEARN how to successfully balance the two instead of insisting on one. I think that is the wisest thing to do.

Thankyou Virtuous A.

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Oyb

u surprise me

ur mental state seems to be deteriorating

what is a career?

simple question.

answer!

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For a woman, in todays world, the best bet is to balance the two.Infact this days, most men would rather choose what they love to refer as an independent lady(be it a white collar job or simply buying and selling) over a housewife(which they have coined the word liabilty for).

Not forgetting that everything changes i.e situations and even we humans, I think it is best to play safe o!

Love your man the way he wants it,give them all the respect they need, that way he would not notice whether or not you are extremely career conscious or not. Infact if you are good at it he would even help out with the kids without complaining. Men do not like anything taking their place in their woman's life, whether job or children.

It is a psychological thing. So work on the man by loving him excessively, stop by at his office, call him on the phone, romantic holidays every now and then and treat him to some good TLC between 2300hrs and 0500hrs of the following day, not forgetting special food treats.

Much as the home is important, it is highly unsafe for a woman not to have some form of career path.

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The Home & Work goes hand - in - hand with each other if the party involved deem it fit. If your aunt's home is not in good order there is no way the management of the organisation is she is putting in everyything will promote her or commend her for a higher. Because to be a good manager of human resources in an organisation it requires that you manage your home credibly before any other thing.

So please do tell your aunt that the husband still remains the head and takes every decision for success in the home.

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As a guy, it's alwz goin to be my career, without a career, I doubt I cld manage a home. Gs I'm not speakin for myself alone

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Hhmm.

This is a very serious issue indeed, don't just jump into conclusions until you find yourself in such situation.

I am referring to those who believe their careers come first. I used to be all ambitious (still am), travel from one place to another.

The experience was fabulous, the freedom and the dough, then I got married and everythin changed. Guys, it's not as easy as you guys think, honestly.

I had to make a sacrifice, and returned home to my family. I have never been happier!

Life is not just about making money, at one point or another you'll sit back and reflect, count your losses and gains, you'll then realise there's more to life.

You might be lucky to still have your loved ones,waiting and willing to have you back, but in most cases, the deed must have been done.

But then, we all have choices. Just that the choice we make today will eventualy determine our happiness/fulfillment tomorrow.

Family first, career second.

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@ Topic

Truth be told, family first, if are great at home you will excel in the workplace, if you are bad at home your work will also suffer, we need to find a balance so that one dose not take the place of the other.

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Exactly. It's a ridiculous question

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The question is an unfair one.

It's like asking a woman with 3 kids which will you save first in the case of a housefire.

Both are important and so different that there's no basis for comparison.

My home is where my heart is but without a career,I'll be miserable there.

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@adeboo

u b Noah?

na wetin dey my bele u talk so

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what is "career"? money

what is "home"? children

whats the duty of a man? make money

whats the duty of a woman? take care of children

*Have this at the back of your mind " if your mother was a career woman (like you want to be), then you wouldnt have been where you are today

if a woman loves her career, then there is no need getting married.

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As a goal-driven but loving person, i HAVE to strike a balance between my career and my home. To me, there are no two ways about it. Shikena!!

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I would have love to choose my home first, but l need my career too for emotional balance. l tried the wifey role for a while after the birth of my first baby and boy! l almost went banana fiddling with my fingers at home. ln all honesty l think us; today's women can have it all - home, career et al, if we apply wisdom.  l think we can have the best of the two worlds, its a matter of balancing the pendulum properly- do not shift too much to one side.

So its quite a hard choice for me- so allow me to balance both, howbeit proportionately.

l work 9.30-5.00; and l seldom do official trips. My family comes first for me on the scale of priority. l do my job the best way without getting carried away.

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I would say my home first and am an African woman who still still believe that i have to train my children myself,watch them grow and my husband hmm hmm my big baby gotta take of him too.I could still do something,alongside to support my home that wouldn't really take much of my time.

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I would say home first then my carrier would be second. But like some already said they work hand in hand cause though I love a happy home I still wouldn't wunna stay home all day in the name of being a housewife. I wouldn't wunna overwork my self or let my husband do so either. Also, after a day's work I would love to relax at a peaceful, happy and loving home. So yeah, they both work together in a lot of cases.

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[/b][b]home.definitely home.no one is going to ask you how ''that your car is??!!or your big blue house'' e.t.c.

the first thing people would naturally ask is how are your family, and the saying goes in yoruba, EMI ISE GUN JU EMI ENI LO, meaning the life spN OF A JOB IS LONGER THAN THAT OF HUMANS, there will always be people ready to take over the job once you leave,,they'll even do it better.but who would tale over your home?!!that other woman or man thats been sneaking in your house when you've been away working and not having time for your husban or wife.

lastly if one is patient,it is possible to find a job which would accomodate your home life and work.good luck to your aunt and her family and tell her to take it easy.

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my home will come first and after that my career. though am a career woman i still put my home first.

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Career and home are terms that are mutually exclusive; to succeed in career, you need a home whether of your first or formed family, to build a successful home, you need a career whether as a bread maker or a bread eater, a home maker or a home builder.

Two can never work together except they be agreed; asking a woman or man to give up career will not do the trick neither will giving up home be psychologically beneficial to your career.

The chicken or the egg; which comes first?

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in my opinion,i think women should learn to strike a balance between the two,it might not be easy but its better ,because of unforseen contingencies.

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no one on his/her deathbed ever said - i wish i had spent more time at the office

a career is a means to an end-  financial freedom. thats all it is.

one needs to strike a balance to ensure that both are met. its easier said than done

its no good being  a celebrated  architect, lawyer, doctor if your home is in a hambles and your kids are all never do wells. (and they are be your real legacy)

in the same way, its no good being a fellowwho's always there, but who can't provide the basic necessities.

i guess i will try to put home first - as often as i can. no sense in giving all to an employer/client who will downsize or dump you and your 20 years relationship for some good numbers(profit figures) in the quarter.

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personally i believe career should every single fellow priority but if u ve married as a woman then it should be ur home

for guys he should knw how to strikes balance.

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my home definitely comes first,

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Actually they work hand in hand with one another.  I cannot imagine one without the other really!

Especially with the kind of men being born these days!

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Michelin

lol

Dont get me wrong

Women feel free to pursue your dreams and ambitions

but make sure its in line with Gods plan for you

And dont pursue these things to the detriment of your family

you will only end up feeling cold, unsatisfied and lonely

even if you have a family

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