«Home

Are My Standards Too High?

I have one rule in my life and that is to always say how I feel. . .

People can always say where they are with me at every moment, I dont know how to pretend.

Maybe its a character flaw but thats the way it is and some people actually appreciate the blunt honesty, I know I do.

I've got a really good friend who has people around her who've hurt her badly in the past, she never really brings it up and doesnt discuss it with them. personally anyone who has treated me badly would have no place in my life but she insists she doesnt want to hurt their feelings. she has people in her life who she doesnt really like and I am of the opinion that all this baggage is weighing her down. Unfortunately she doesnt see it this way and although she seemed to understand in the beginning its becoming a cause for concern.

Recently, she said to me that we probably cant get along if I continue to act this way. Friendship is the most important thing to me and I have accepted the fact that she chooses to keep thses people close. The thing is I cant be around people who've hurt her because I cant smile and pretend its all good. I cant and wont stop her from seeing these people if she wants to but I cant understand why she wont see i cant be that way. I can be civil when I need to be but thats about it. I believe she deserves better but she thinks I'm being stubborn and difficult. Ok so maybe I am stubborn and I can be very bull-headed with my opinions but these are the traits that have helped me succeed in very challenging situations.

I have personal standards and I accept nothing less, does that make me such a bad person?

Avatar
Newbie
11 answers

nothing do u jare. am kinda like that, it dosent mean u are a bad person. u just know wats wat. ad that is a very good thing. no dickhead. can mess around with u. male or female. cos u know ur level

0
Avatar
Newbie

So basically, you have problems with her saying she doesnt want your relationship anymore?

0
Avatar
Newbie

cramming my "high standards" down her throats is definitely what i am "NOT" doing. I told her how i feel about certain things but I constantly make it clear to her that she can do as she pleases. I accept people as they are and do see things from their point of view, that doesnt mean i want to change and i don't expect them to change either. Like I said earlier, I always let my feelings be known and she does get quite defensive, I really can't see why we can't just agree to disagree

@ spikedcylinder

I'm talking based on what I have seen first hand

@yemivictor

I suppose you can decide to see it that way,

I generalised the situation as best I cld without infringing on her privacy. It however is the way I see it and I think she too would agree.

0
Avatar
Newbie

It's bad taste to cram your "high standards" down the throats of other people.

There's a thin line between "high standards" and "intolerance". It's called "point of view".

You shouldn't be friends with people you can't accept for who they are. That's just wrong.

0
Avatar
Newbie

HR. Hotness, Do you realise:

That this your friend who you think has been hurt by all these people could have been the one who inflicted the hurt on them thats why she refuses to be confrontational?

That she might be telling you horrible things because she wants to seem like the victim when the actual fact is that her friends are the victims?

That the same way she has told you all these horrible things about people is the same way she told them horrible things about you?

Its rather strange that someone who prefers to "suffer in silence" is suddenly very confrontational about the state of her friendship with you.

My dear, think things through o.

0
Avatar
Newbie

i personally dont have a problem with people who have high standards. it just shows that they have really good taste.

0
Avatar
Newbie

There's nothing wrong with it. I think you're friend needs to quit thinking she needs to belong. Otherwise I don't know why she would keep these folks close to her. I don't and can't roll with peeps like that either.

0
Avatar
Newbie

darlin, your friend is not telling you everything you need to know,

This goes both ways , Maybe you think she should open up more so that you can share her problems and all, seeing as a problem shared is a problem half solved,

the second is, maybe she doesnt think you should get involved in that aspect of her life, she might feel you are being too inquisitive and all, she might not be comfortable with that,

if that is the case, its up to you to decide what you really want from the friendship between both of you

N.B, note my use of MIGHT, seeing im not perfect, these are just assumptions,

0
Avatar
Newbie

Accepting nothing less than your personal standards does not make you a bad person but someone that should be emulated. People tend to get uncomfortable with people who know what they want and are confident about it. We must not be forced to accept other people opinions if they conflict with our personal standards unless if there is a valid reason to it and you shuld not giv a f**k what they think of you.

0
Avatar
Newbie

If it means anything to you, I admire your approach. We never stop learning and we can always be better. See you around.

0
Avatar
Newbie
Your answer
Add image

By posting your answer, you agree to the privacy policy and terms of service.