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20 years age difference - does it really matter?

Hi folks, i was just wondering - would u go our with someone about 20yrs older? If yes, how do u intend to manage the relationship? If u're in an existing relationship and ur spouse is at least 10 yrs older, pls lets have ur contribution.

I went for a walk about half an hour ago and was approached by an old man- as in old enough to be my dad. Here goes our 2-minute conversation:

Old man: 'hello'

dablessed: Hi

Old man: Nigerian?

DB: yep

OM: Ok, r u ok?

DB: {walking away} yep thanks

OM: Pls wait, i just like u and would want u to be my friend.

DB: {Laughing} but u're old enough to be my dad

OM: It doesnt really matter, i promise to take care of you, at least better than all those youngsters.

DB: {laughing} Oh! it does matter to me SIR! Bye

OM: Byeee!

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54 answers

ya....it matters a lot. both in the side of the man and woman.becausf if a man is 20 years older than his wife,he will get old even when ìs wife is still young.imargine when the man is 50 years and his wife is still 30,the woman may start having an afaire with another man,there by destroying tgeir marriage.And if the woman is the one thats 20 years older than his wife ,then that also has lot of disadvantage such as.the man will not be able to command the woman.and that can destroy their marriage

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I want to see posts where the one 20 years older is in their 60's and up and see how that is working. And not a new affair but one where the couple has been together for a few years because I can tell you from experience it does matter later. A woman reaches her sexual peak in her 30's. And from what I've read a man does in his early 20's. I'm not saying that they can't perform at that age. They most definately can. I'm saying look at the biological difference even at those ages. Then there are the other differences once people reach 60. I know sex isn't everything. Especially if you love someone but my how things change when you no longer see that person as a intimate partner because the can't control their body functions. You then become their caretaker. Noble of you for sure but after a while you will long for someone to hold you, caress you, be strong for you, desire you. And their time has come and gone. In your 40's you are not yet ready for that kind of life that a person in their 60's has. I know, I know. Age doesn't matter. It's just a number. Love conquers all. No it doesn't. That's crap. Wake up and smell the coffee. You can't say what it will be like when you are 40 and they are 60 unless you are their. You have no idea. I learned more about what happens than I wish I knew.

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Yes. I have heard some people offline say that age doesn't matter and soon as their significant others reach the "threshold", they are no longer together.

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My ex husband was 20 years older than me. It did not matter in the least for many years. Everything was perfect. Once he reached his 60's however, it did begin to matter. He began experiencing erectile dysfunction and blamed it on me. I was devastated. Also his health began to fail. I would have gladly been there for him to do anything. I loved him so much. He had open heart surgery, developed hypertension, began to dribble urine on himself and had to get his teeth pulled and get dentures. I assured him every day that I loved him and that I would always be there for him but he became vile and mean and talked awful to me. I knew he was going through alot so I just counted his meaness as that and loved him anyway. One day out of the blue, he came home from cardiac rehab. and told me that he was leaving me and moving in with his nurse from the rehab. center. So yes I say age matters sometimes. Maybe not for many years. But eventually it does.

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@ topic

Yes it does. At 40 I don't want an old 60 year old being. Ewwww

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Age is nothing but a 2 digit number. If you see in that person something that attracts you or sparks your interest, then why not see where things may led.

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think about long term, you'd be 60 when they are old and prune yuck

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In my own opinion, I think love as noting to do with age difference.

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initially the age difference wont matter but lets face it sooner or later the age difference will become apparent. you'll be putting on your husband's diapers and helping him into the bath tub.

women are die hard romantics but reality paints a harsh picture. as long as you're ready to do what it entails, knock yourself out!

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yes i can date a guy who is 20yrs older than me. as a matter of fact am in a relationship with a guy who is about 24yrs my senior, we've been 2geda for a year and 5months, and he's talking marriage. i love him so much (and am willing and ready to settle down with him), because he's passionate about life, loves me for me. i think it depends on your heart and what's in it. so if u find ur self in that situation, think about it b4 taking actions.

NB:am no aristo girl.

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Rhodalyn,

Do you support a younger woman and older man marriage?

Personally I can only date a younger woman. But I want her to marry a younger man. Why? For her own peace of mind. I have my life to live.

But if the younger lady is in love with the older man, what should the older man do?

Reject her and break her heart?

I heard that it was Lady Bianca Ono who talked Chief Emeka Ojukwu into their marriage. And they say they are still happily married.

I am really worried, because I have seen younger women falling in love with older men and their parents even welcomed the older men.

I care for humans a lot and that is why I don't condemn anybody engaged in pre-marital sex or extra-marital sex. Because, we did not create ourselves and it only natural to be attracted to the opposite sex. And if the babe is old enough to choose the boy or man she wants to be with, why should we discourage or stop her?

Her security is what matters most. And if the older man can take good care of her, let them be.

Jacob was 47 when he married Leah and waited another 7 years to marry Rachel in the Holy Bible. And from my researches, I found out that they were very much younger than him.

So, when hypocritical "christians" are posing and posturing over an older man getting married to a younger woman, they are only fooling themselves. Because, once the nubile girl or maiden is 18, she is even free to leave her parents and marry the man she wants to be her husband for life.

Jesus Christ never officiated any wedding and none of his disciples did. So, I don't know where churches got their bill of rights to make rules and regulations for marriage. Because, Jesus Christ never gave us such an assignment.

The business of Christians is to make disciples of all nations as Jesus Christ gave us the great commission before his ascended to heaven.

I am making a comprehensive post, because I want to address many religious and moral sentiments on this topic.

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I don't see anything wrong with it. Personally, I can date a 40 year old. My boyfriend is 31 and I'm 18 . . . everything is working out fine.

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Let's say RMD is still single and eligible and he proposes to you and you are only 18, will you accept or refuse?

I know a successful professor in Nigeria who only got married at 50 plus.

He was a professor at UNN.

He was happy when he was still single at 50 and happier now married to a much younger person and she was the one who convinced him to marry. Because, he was too busy with his projects to be bothered by women who cannot offer him anything more than marriage.

My father married early at 35 and I am over 40 and I am still single and I am very very happy and more concerned about my charities than chasing skirts or being monopolized by a woman in a selfish relationship or marriage.

Most people in Nigeria tell you to marry early so that you can raise up your children before you die.

They also tell you to marry so that you will have children to survive you.

With all the early marriages in Nigeria, we have only increased the population of poor people all over Nigeria. Because millions have rushed into marriage without family planning and have multiplied the socio-economic crises in Nigeria.

The age difference is not even the problem, but the productivity.

Useless relationships have produced useless marriages.

I will only marry for the sake of "Jaiyesimi".

I have a publishing company and the two books I have published between January and February mean more to me than taking a girl or lady to the altar.

Right now, I am more interested in relationships that can turn the fortunes of Nigeria around to improve the state of Nigerians.

What we need most now in Nigeria are not sexual productions, but human capital development.

If I find a young girl of 18 or an older woman of 50 who can inspire me to write a bestseller or make a great film, I will marry her right away. But not all the materialistic girls and ladies who cannot offer anything more upstairs, except to lure you into marriage and make babies and have comfortable families.

Even sheep and goats do that and have been more peaceful than humans.

Look at Nigeria and look at where your ways of life have led us.

The most populous country in Africa and among the poorest in the world.

The sooner we know our priorities in Nigeria the better.

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If your 30 and above, having a partner 20 years older is okay. Otherwise; you'll be manipulated by the age difference and experience that coms along with it.

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20 years diff? if i want a father - i already got one

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Kai!! I can do no such thing.My range is btw 5 - 10yrs.Anything less or above dt na no go area.20 yrs is a lotta yrs.I cant dare it.

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20 years older than me that is a no no, i can at least marry somebody who is 9 or 10 years older but not 20 that is just too much.

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Does it really matter?

look at the pic if the couple look okay

to you then it doesnt matter

if they dont then it does matter

it is left for u to decide.

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Sorry Sweetnini.....

but that's a lie, isn't it?

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@sweetnini, how old are you?

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my folks too have about 18 yrs in between and their marriage is a year younger than i am. it doesnt really matter as long as understanding rules.

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ma dad is older than ma mom wiv 22 solid yrs

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I don't get it when people say age is a matter of numbers. In what way is 20 years age-difference a matter of numbers?

Help me out here. In that case, we could have 70 years old women marrying 20years old guys, afterall it's a matter of numbers.

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proper thinking my dear, u can never know what comes up next tell u so just keep the option open just in case....

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Age is but a difference.I don't know if I can actually date a man 20 years older than me,I don't know.None has approached me,I pray none does,though.But as the saying goes,never say never.

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I WOULD DATE BUT NOT MARRY SOMEONE 20 YEARS OLDER IF SHE STILL LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE IN MY AGE BRACKET BUT I DEF WILL NOT ASK A GIRL 10 YR YOUNGER OUT I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO RELATE EFFECTIVELY WITH HER

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Similar Story: Would You Date a Man Twice Your Age?

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Very funny sweetheart, I do not use age as yard stivk in my reletionships but I tell u it really matters...

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Uncle Whiteshark! Haba! 13 yrs plenty o! I can bet she was calling you "broda" or "uncle"

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Yes we're listening!!!

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I was older than her with 13 yrs and tis was all goood until......

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what are the misplaced priorities of mamba's uncle. Who says a man should settle down?

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20 years difference is too much sha

but if its ten years difference and i love the guy i will u know...........

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I will not date any guy that is 6 year older than me, not to talk of 20 year difference.

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mamba, ur uncle's really going down the drain like sade said.. he's got misplaced priorities..... & if u re not careful, u re gonna get part of curses rained on him by those girls u do arrangee with for him.. if ur uncle doesnt realise his mistakes, very soon, he'll be wallowing in self pity.

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At 42. thatz too bad. I guess the western lifestyle has influenced him so bad he does not even know that he is going down the drain. Arrainging chicks 4 him would not help him realise himself mamba. He needs to be told to wake up. if he were 26 and playing it is understandable but 42! There is my friend here whose uncle is over 50 and still sleeps in ahotel every night, does not have a degree, family or good job. All he is intrested in is woman after woman each night at that age.

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Ha! Omase o! The guy needs deliverance for real. Tayotina/Mosiate, una still wan try? You no go flee?

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Tayotina/Mosiate

I know you are both fine babes as per your posts and I'll only warn you to stay away from this guy o!

You might be thinking of Aristo runs but this guy doesn't look like a sugar daddy in any way.

He looks very young, well built, handsome, sexy and got $$$, charm & style.

By the time you start rolling with this guy, he'll lead you on and you'll start falling for him, the guy knows how to play his game well and he's very deceptive with his cool, and calm way.

He'll just tap ur Bottom till he's tired and dump you like garbage regardless of how pretty you are.

The last girl, my (childhood friend) has refused to talk to me for 3months now cos of this guy, she keeps saying that I planned it all just to mess up her life cos I was the one that did the arrangee! besides, there are two other girls on my neck too...

The guy is based in L.A but comes to Nija regularly for trips....

If you still wanna try something funny we can continue this jist via PM, I'll give you his number abroad or you can just wait till he comes to Nija b4 X-mas.

I'm sure if I tell him there's one pretty/sexy Tayotina or Mosiate chick that wants to meet him , he wouldn't even mind travelling just to have fun.

But I just wanna remind you that I'm not a part of this deal and whatever happens, I'm not to be blamed cos I'm already in enough yawa for now.

Even his old momsie (my Aunt) has tried to hook him up several times but he always uses them and dumps them sadly.......

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i can only date a man who is 20yrs older than me if only he's going to be my aristole or sugar daddy for the main time,but i can never marry him oooooo

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Calling for help! Let's organise a deliverance service for Mamba's uncle o! Right here in the forum!

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And Pinky + Pinky Bear = Pinky Junior!

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Dad+Mum = Pinky? I am so surprised; I thought you were delivered by a stork!

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well well well! AM short of words.. so much age difference in a marriage?

well am a product of such a marriage!.... DAD + MUM = Pinky

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Me I don taya for the guy sef o!

I've even tried to hook him up with so many cool pretty girls but the guy keeps using them and refuses to marry any of them. When I got into serious yawa with the last chick(she almost killed me) I arranged for him ( He slept with the girl, made promisses and dumped her) I decided to fashi the guy o! I don't want yawa from any girl because of this old player.

Maybe cos he still looks cool (if we're walking together, people think we're friends and that he's 28 or something), that's what's deceiving him sha! The guy needs deliverance o! abeg help me pray for him o!!!

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Well I see no reason why a girl can't date a man much older than her. I am actually the product of such a relationship, and don't see where the problem is since they are still happy together. What really matter is the chemistry not the age. Love can transcend generational differences. Obviously I'd expect thata man that's so much older would apply more finesse and have a better approach that blurting out his intention in such fashion.

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Umm dating someone significantly older is something that has been on from time immemorial. My dad (of ever loving and blessed memory) was 17 years older than my mum and they remain the best matched couple I have ever seen. 17 years and 20 years sounds the same to me.

I'm with someone who is 10 years older than me and absolutely prefer it to my last relationship where the guy was merely 2 years older and, needless to say, without a clue.

Now would I date a guy who is 20 years older? It would very much depend on the circumstances. A guy 20 years older who approached me in the way and manner the man in question approached you, a definite no! Nothing turns me off a guy faster than the condescending words 'I'll take care of you'. Implying that I look impoverished to him or could do with better care or what?

Other equally vital issues also come into play such as 'how will my family cope with a guy who's older than all my siblings and a mere 5 years younger than my mum?' 'Is he married, divorced with children?' The list is endless, really.

But then again, this is simply my personal opinion.

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Me i dated someone who was 10 years old than me o and i would do it again. All that matters is the relationship you have between the two of you and the conversation between the two you. With my ex, i would even say he was my soulmate. Too bad, it just didn't work out.

I would have to say though, he didn't approach me like a pervert in the street........

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