Am really confused now and i need serious advise. This is a matter of love, family interests and money.
i am 28, have a nice job and single, desperately wanting to marry soonest. i broke up with my boyfriend of over 2 years because we were always querelling over trivial issues. We met during NYSC and all through d 2yrs we dated he didn't get a job. He humiliated me so much with d way he treated me later on that i had to quit. 3 months after, he just got a job with one of d oil companies and is begging me to come back. we are of d same age, n with d way he treated me, am not sure if i want to marry him even though i luved him. besides my family didn't support because of his age.
After i broke up with this guy in November, i was so devasted. i have been under enormous pressure 2 get married, from family and friends. i live with my brother at d moment n is no fun for me. my family would not let me live alone. with all these pressures i established contact with this guy, Temi who had proposed to me 7 years ago while we were in schl. He is crazy about me but i never liked him one bit. d moment i called him in december, he sent away his girlfriend and came after me. we were even planning our wedding, but d problem is, i am not attracted to him. He works in an oil company too, and he's offering me everything a girl would dream of in a marriage, but i find it difficult to love him. not even 1%. last week i told him my mind, that i don't feel something for him n i want him to give me more space, n halt d wedding plans. right now, d guy keeps sending money to my account, n i really don't want to marry for money. that would not make me happy.
Now, am always online and while i was on skype 2 weeks back, i came across this guy Ben. It sounds really crazy but i fell in love with him. he is 38, lives a modest life in US. we kicked of so well, n he wants to marry me. He is a nigerian. In d course of our discussions, i realised he is from a typical polygamous home with all d demerits(my parents would have none of that). he has a son from a girlfriend before he left for US. his sons mother is now married to another man with 4 other kids. the woman's family keeps custody of the boy but he is always there to help when they need him. he calls me on phone eveytime, n his planning to have me meet his family n friends in nigeria. he's also planning to come meet me very soon. But his family background n d fact that he already has a 12yr old son really scares me. i might just have to run away with him because my family will never support my marrying him because of has background n son.
Please guys am really confused. If u ask me, my heart goes out to this guy in US because he's much older dan i am n i think i need that kind of man 2 give me some security. am attracted to him, my heart goes out to him, n in 2 weeks, we've said so much about ourselves. i like everything so far about him just that we've not met face to face. Now am really scared because he already has a son who is 12yrs. what do i do?
My family thinks that Temi is OK for me, but i don't feel anything for Temi. do i go ahead n marry a guy i don't love? for money? i can't even stand him looking at my eyes let alone make love 2 me. Do i wait till Ben comes from US n see if we get along? shld i marry Ben inspite of his son? Or do i go back 2 my former boyfriend? Will i get enough love n respect from him now that he has gotten a job(he said it was his joblessness that prompted his behaviour to me).
Please i need honest advise as this whole thing is causing me sleepless nites. as i was typing this, my mum called my phone. i didn't pick because am not ready for more bashing from her. she is putting so much pressure on me. PLEASE HELP!