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Am I Wasting My Time With This Guy?

My boyfriend and I have been living together for two and a half years. at first things were rosy but now,

First he says he wont consider marriage unless he is sure i can get pregnant?!!! Is this normal?

Secondly I found out he has been romancing another woman back in naija-I am not nigerian- he is. I He denies there is anything happening between him and the other woman-as far as he is concerned we have a relationship as long as we are living together. I'm not silly and i've seen the text messages they exchange. Am I wasting my time? He has met my family and has indicated he will come for formal introductions etc, I am not convinced, help

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28 answers

change your ID to getabrain

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If you ask me I would say yes.

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i would throw his trifling behind away. Girl you are worth way more than what he is giving to you. i mean come on now, he obviously doesnt have the word "faithful and commitment" in his vocabulary. you should try to work things out but if the situation just seems to grow more unbareable pack your things and leave. strangley this reminds me of the poem i posted up. "The Confessions of a Love Slave"

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Thank you for that. I have given myself a timeframe based on some things we have discussed as a couple. On the upside, I have gotten a dialogue going with him to establish where we are going. Based on the outcome of that I will move on or stay put. I have also tackled the issue of the other woman-whatever is happeneing if anything, she is there, he is here with me. But the most important thing for me is to establish whether we have a future or not becasue if there is then its worth my while confronting the other woman issue-if not I go my way, Whatever happens, I have learned how to appreciate and make fantastic egusi and pounded yam, and my pepper soup!!!!! I always get compliments!

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@ Topic!

YES YOU ARE!!!

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I think you have to give yourself a proper time to try and investigate the issue of having another woman, try and confirm for yourself at the right way but don't believe in the kind of sms try and see it physically before taking any action dear sister and i hope that can help you a lot.

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Why are you asking us question

Na you wey get the time.

Na you wey go know whether you dey waste am o.

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yemi, dont start with me cos I always end up proving you wrong

You are the one that is blind obviously. Did you read what she said? Where did she say she wanted to get pregnant? she even said she doesnt trust his offer cos who knows if he'll end up leaving her if she ends up getting pregnant. Btw my comment was general towards the thought that anyone would be "confused" by someone not being pregnant after being with someone for 2 years.

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This is only one side of the story which in my opinion might be the musings of an insecure woman. We are always quick to judge men and cry foul when they have actually done nothing wrong.

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Funkuy I see what you are saying but is it really out of the ordinary to see someone have sex for years and not get pregnant? I'd like to think people are aware of the PILL/oral contraceptives by now.

People that dont INTEND on getting pregnant do what they can so it wont happen so for people to be "surprised" that a person hasnt been pregnant despite having sex for some time now baffles me.

I personally think he's using the pregnancy thing as an excuse. She should just leave and stop putting herself in such a pitiful situation

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Confront him

ask him if he wants 2 wed u.

& give him 1 wk 2 decide,1month 2 wed.

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sweetheart,there is absoluteltly no doubt you are trully not a nigerian, no nigerian girl will live with a man for 2+ years without him making a serious commitment, talking to his uncle or sister does not guarantee anything, another girl may also be talking to the uncles.we naija girls know our men we dont give them all until we are sure of their commitments.getting pregnant? girl get ready to be a single parent. no guarantees.

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my dear im fine jare,seun ban me naaaa

But all i said is true naw, . . . . . . how can a girl live wt a man for 2 years wen shes not married to him,haba "will u marry me " is not enough,if marriages can break then wat is a mere relationship

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Your both have been staying together for two and a half years.

He gave you 'terms and conditions' for marriage which in your own words 'until he is sure you can get pregnant for him'.

Could it be that both of you have been having unprotected sex for over two years and you are yet to tell him ' honey, i have missed my period'?

I am not a big fan of 'live-in-lover' arrangement but since you agreed to move in with him, you should just as well accept his terms.  

After living in the same house with a man for over two years, no wedding, nothing- so what is 'not normal' if he asks you to get pregnant for him?? So it is the 'habitating' together that is 'normal', right? Often times, we ladies just put ourselves into difficult situations with our own hands and then later we turn around to start screaming 'help'.

He might not tell you the real reason for seeing another lady. He might just be worried on why you have not 'taken in' for him yet after two years.

Am only trying to see things from the guy's point of view oh.

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abi ooo , d girl has not even said she's been pregnant once not to talk of D AND C

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y will u live wt a man for 2 years when he has not even married u,or showed himself to your parents fully for introductions?when will u girls grow up and make men beg u for your attention and not u begging them ?when will u girls make men know that they r not doing u a favour by dating u?

i am not against a girl dating a guy for 2 years,but im against the girl going to live in his house as if he has married her,y will u even pack your luggages and bags to go live wt a man that has not shown a good sign of marriage?

so many men propose to women on daily basis but its not a gurantee that they will marry u,and it does not mean u have to be dumb by going to live wt him

my dear d guy is no longer interested in u,he has seen a fresh material and you're now an oldbie,im very sure d girl is romancing now was not to loose to him,for christsake no man wants a loose woman ,they all want women that have got self discipline no matter how much you're inlove wt them

sorry if im rude,but im telling u d truth,d truth is bitter though but it must be told

get ready because d guy is going to throw u out of his house soon

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personally i don't blive in premarried couples but anyway u guys av leaved 2gether for two years now as couples . my opinion is that any man who insists on his lover getting pregnant b4 marriage is not serious at all, cos fine, kids are the best thing that can come in a marriage but even if they don't come it doesn't mean the ned of the world.

so pls take yr time and don't marry a devil.

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no we don't do the bride price thing-its not our way. You cannot put a price on a good womans but thats a discussion for another day. as far as i understand not all groups in naija use the bride price system? I stand to be corrected

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You lived with someone that have not paid anything on your head for 2+years, anyway you said earlier that you are not a nigerian though we did not ask you, maybe in your country guys doesn't pay bride price, anyway stay cool

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never been pregnant nor had a d and c! but i think me getting pregnant is just an excuse, no guarantees he wont politely ask me to go my way once i am pregnant- not finding excuses but i think after his 1st marriage broke down (very badly) he is scared, or I am being naive

As for the lights- no not "just like that". One looks at all the angles- tunnel vision is a problem. it sometimes helps to get an outsiders view. I like to consult my guy pals to get a male perspective. He would freak if he knew I was taking "our issue" outside of the home! but like i say getting alternative oppinions helps

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@ibkaye

just like that?

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Thanks for the pearls of wisdom, somewhere along the line I lost myself and my life became about pleasing him. He's been married and divorced has a child. he's been talking about us going to Nigeria to meet his family, I've spoken to most of his family members (I know they are his family not just some randoms) and his Uncle who has been to visit (I know its his uncle, not a random) to whom I was introduced as the wife. Even his closest friends don't understand his dillydallying, the lights are coming on now!!

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@ topic

yes im afraid u are

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u know already lest u wont have posted this post wit the title.''AM I WASTIN MY TIME WIT THIS GUY'' u see u already hve the answer if only u put the letter I before the am and dont forget to rmove the question mark

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leave that guy, pronto, infact, as you read this post start leaving right now

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Sister, sister, sister,

in plain English- move on. This is a serious loser and you can do much better. Why settle for left over bacon. Go shopping and get some real meat. lol

Good luck love. You'll need it if you stay with this guy. Don't get used. It's not worth it.

Peace and have a good day.

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yeah you are, come on hun living with a guy for 2+ years without no commitment, think about it (thought in this day n age women would be smarter), n he says he will only marry you if you can get pregnant, im sorry but you are rolling with a loser who is using you n prolly has a nigerian wife somewhere or is cheating on you.

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