This is very controversial fact, but sexless couples are very popular. What are the consequences of such style of life? Find out all tips on how to save your family and stay happy together!
Millions of couples who live together for a long time, harboring a little secret: ‘we still love each other, but we do not have sex’. Can the relationship survive without sex? Can sexless marriage be happy? Why are they becoming more and more popular.
For about 40 million people in the United States, the answer to this question is yes. While the average couples older than 30 years have sex about 58 times a year (a little more than once a week), 15-20 percent of couples generally live without sex, according to a national research.
There is no lack of information about what marriage without sex is. Some couples do not deal with ‘this’ at all, others are doing it several times a week, but still describe their relationship as something what is not connected with sex. What is the difference? It is believed that ‘the lack of sex for couple’ is a sexual activity at least 10 times a year. However, the precise number still cannot be calculated because it depends on the activity of the desire in the couple.
Some partners are quite satisfied with sex once a month or less, because they have a low level of sexual desire for natural reasons or because of health problems. For other couples sex once a month - it is the end of the relationship, because for them the norm is a few times a week.
In fact, the real problem is that, if one or both partners feel the lack of sex in a relationship. The question is heated, when one of the partners has a higher libido, or the need of another in intimacy is replaced by sex, it may also be true that both partners suffer from love, relationship or sex.
Some spouses are struggling with major emotional disorders such as sexual addiction, which can even deprive the daily sex feelings, because in this case it will be used more as a means of confidence and control, rather than as something that can strengthen the bond between people. People, who are looking for a constant intensity in sexual relationships, often cheat.
Decreasing in sexual desire is inevitably?
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Although both men and women can have a low sex drive, studies have shown that the females occur in this state two times more often than men. This means that in many families the husband wants more sex than his wife can give him. It should also be borne in mind that any long-term relationships have ebbs and flows of sexual desire. Sex not necessarily presents in every relationship, even in the early stages of their development, as many couples spend a lot of time on everyday life stuff. Busy schedules, illness, pressure at work, parenting, and money problems – all of this can spoil the mood.
The prospect of a good sex life can ruin even if one partner suffers from low self-esteem, depression, trauma, anxiety or from another mental disorder.
Despite the fact that the lack of sex in marriage is a very common phenomenon, not all couples face this problem. Most people know at least one couple who had lived together for more than ten years and they are still ‘hot’. However, it requires constant effort and regular communication regarding the sexual and emotional needs of each other. Oddly enough, but people are more likely to think about sex, watch how others do this or do themselves, but not to talk about it with their partner.
If two or three months have passed without sex, and its shortage is very concerned for one or both partners, it is important to discuss the situation before it would jeopardize the future of the relationship. For some pairs lifestyle routine change is the solution. Appointment of night dates, weekend without children, as well as discussion of common interests - this is something that can help spouses. Others, perhaps, could solve the problem in a marriage with the help of third party involvement, such as a psychologist.
Is relationship in which there is no sex, doomed to failure? Sex is a natural, healthy thing, which binds couples emotionally; at the same time it is an important element for the health and happiness. Studies show that there is a connection between sex and happiness, also stresses that marriages in which it is absent, often disintegrate.
Marriage without sex is becoming more vulnerable to infidelity, which, in turn, deprives the marriage of trust. While women tend to cheat due to unmet emotional needs, men are cheating, as a rule, due to the fact that they need more sex than they get at home.
However, a marriage without sex is not necessarily a marriage without love, because sex is not the only way to express their feelings. It happens that those couples who have sex often, much less put forces in the vicinity of the construction, than those who simply spend more time together, talking and touching their partner. As long as both partners are satisfied with the proximity that exists between them, until they honestly discuss with each other their feelings and needs, the relationship will flourish.
This issue comes down to the definition of priorities. If sex is the top priority for one or both partners, the relationship will be strong, if a man and a woman enter into an open dialogue, and taken steps to create a satisfying sexual relationship for both. For whom intimacy in a relationship is not sex, it can be an optional part of the relationship.
In the first phase of the relationship, which usually lasts no longer than a year, sex happens anytime, anywhere. The second stage: the couple makes love only in the bedroom almost on a schedule - several years can pass so. And then comes the third phase, when a husband and wife intersect only in the hallway, and send each other to hell. The lack of sex in marriage is very common: for example, about 20 million people live in the United States in such a way. What to do? To ask yourself a few questions and try to answer them as honestly as it’s possible.
1. Why did we stop making love?
Most of the answers that the reason is that the spouse has put on weight, aged, lost appeal. Or name external causes: children, work, stress, unemployment, depression, pornography, menopause, infidelity, sexual dysfunction. Some people manage to blame the lack of sex the authorities. And yet to say that the relationship without sex is always bad, is as absurd as to blame the government in this issue. Some argue that in the absence of sex there are always deeper problems. Yes, deep problems and search for compromises - it is an integral part of any marriage! Those who believe that the relationships without physical intimacy are something bad and they should be immediately corrected, usually cannot separate the intimacy and sensuality of the reproductive function. This approach is typical for most people. But typically - it does not mean good or right.
2. Marriage without sex - is always bad?
If the lack of physical proximity makes you or your spouse unhappy, yes, it is bad. And if not, there is nothing wrong with that. Only you can decide what you really need, what is important.
3. Can it be corrected?
The optimists want to say that everything can be fixed, but the scientists know that this is not so. There are also unsolvable problems and incurable diseases. However, most of the problems can be solved yet, and the rest can be adapted. In the simplest case it is sufficient to assign the necessary drugs. If there is a special problem it may be solved with the family therapist, sexual experiments can help someone. Importantly, not to be afraid to identify the problem and begin to solve it.
4. Do you need to correct it?
We often overestimate the importance of sex. Yet it is worth remembering that if we are not trying to conceive a child, it is quite possible to live without it - it is a scientific fact. If we can find happiness in something else, is it bad? Sexual activity stimulates the reward system in the brain, producing ‘pleasure hormones’. This is quite an ancient part of the brain, which cannot think. It perceives any sex as procreation, even if in fact we are protected, practice same-sex contacts or masturbate. Therefore, we should not forget that sex in itself is not something sacred or the only source of intimacy and joy. The meaning we attach to it happens under the pressure of mass culture.
Sexless marriage forum became very popular a few years ago. Such couples are wide-spread nowadays, because people are busy with work, plans, and their self-education. People discus if it is normal, how to live without sex and how to improve intimacy in the couple. Some consider this style of life quite acceptable. However sexless marriage divorce rate is rather high. Because usually one spouse keeps silence about his or her annoying and rejection of this case. And one day there appears cheating or a huge scandal. Then it becomes very difficult to save a family.
So always talk about your problems or something that bothers you! And it will certainly help you to improve your close relationship and save your family! This is the most important. Because it’s very easy to get divorced, but you will always have time to surrender, try to fight for what you’ve been building for years.
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