Your opinions please folks !
About the shyness I had a divided opinion. On the one hand, many appreciate shyness, but not a great course. On the other hand - shyness can be very harmful. Here, for example the teacher asks a question that you can find the answer, but you hesitate to raise your hand, because you think that your answer may not be correct. Thus, being shy, you have lost a good mark. You have to be self-conscious in the measure, then it is much appreciated. Otherwise, you will be very difficult in life. Everyone chooses their own path, remember!
I was a very shy teenager. I still av got some traits of shyness in me. But then my work the pple av met and other experiences have made me a much better person. I guess being shy only becomes a prob when it's stops u from doing things u want. Right now I still consider myself a shy person....But when I need to talk I talk. Besides I prefer meeting pple individually than in a group. So when I meet pple in a group I might jst watch them talk. But individually I cn rily speak a lot. I actually enjoy observing pple talk cos I cn guess the kind of person they r in few minutes by their body. Language and speech. But if u want to get me... U must rily try ooo...Which makes me mysterious and girls are always eyeing me...lol
Its neither black nor white, though being shy to an extent can limit your reach.
On the other hand some people thrive on their own, with just a little outside influence.
Some teenagers were abused as kids, Shouted down and stopped from expressing or airing an opinion they've got.
Many of them grew up thinking their thoughts doesn't matter, while it does. In other words, low self-esteem.
Is not good for a someone to be shy, but i have a better way out for people that are shy
this problem is common among of mens even so men find it difficult to talk to a lady ,some men don't even know how to start and what to say .but kindly visit this site for help.
There's a difference between being shy and being timid. I dont think there's anything wrong with being shy. Personally I detest people that a brazen and being shy comes with a kind of sweetness I always admire. Being shy does not stop you from acheiving things and meeting people. Being timid is guilty of that. Timidity is associated with an inferiority complex, but being shy is just a temperament and I dont think its bad. just my opinion
ohhhhhhh, I just what to thank all my wonderful people in the house for all their contributions.
why i'm saying this, it's b'cos am the shy type even at times when someone is talking to me I hardly look at the person's face due to shyness. what am trying to say is that shyness is a disease it's a bad thing, it can rein one's life in future and deprives one from his right, yes bco's you can't be bord enough to speak or stand in the crowd which brings about timidity unless one deviate from such habit.
ohhhhhhh, I just what to thank all my wonderful people in the house for all their contributions.
why i'm saying this, it's b'cos am the shy type even at times when someone is talking to me I hardly look at the person's face due to shyness. what am trying to say is that shyness is a disease it's a bad thing, it can rein one's life in future and deprives one from his right, yes bco's you can't be bord enough to speak or stand in the crowd which brings about timidity.
Well it's a bit late but I thought been a very shy person I would write some stuff too, you know just because I can!
No really though Shyness can be a disability if you let it be, I think some people on the forum are mixing arrogance, low self esteem and shyness. Shy is when u fear that if u say something to someone they will rip your heart out with there tough, been arrogant means you don't want to speck to people because you don't think they are worthy or just prefer not to for some reason. Low self esteem is a negative attitude to everything you do. Generally low self esteem crosses with shyness.
Good points of shyness:
Shyness in my experience can be a good thing it means you don't say something u regret later and make every one feel horrible, and it can also be good because you always think things thought and plan things well, and when your on your own and no one is there u can generally entertain yourself very well. It also means you have less chance of getting killed because u are less likely to get in to a situation from talking to much, or getting in to a high risk scenario.
For Example: a little fear means u don't say out silly to some guy in a train cue or bus cue that is psychotic and will kill you because he believes that the next person who says hello or smiles at them or says hey how r u? is insulting them and at the minute he is so high on drugs that he thinks he is perfectly justified in pulling the gun out of his pocket and splatting your brains all over the street.
Ok I am been a little over the top but, I bet if you are shy person u will realise as most shy people get good at reading expressions of peoples body that this person probable is not a good person to talk to.
Also A shy person at a poker table is hard to read as they generally will not say a dam thing and will notice when u are nervous or not happy because of body language or face expression.
Basically I think been shy can be good, because your less likely to get in high risk scenario, and 2 some girls like the silent type and find a shy person a challenge.
I like to think silence is deadly, so don't mess with the quiet guy in the corner. But that’s another story.
Bad points of shyness:
Well there are lots of bad points most have been pointed out. E.g. Chance of opportunity that is missed due to fear that people will not like what they say and that by talking to them will upset them which upset u or the person dislikes what you say and critics you for it.
There are lots of scenarios like this but this is not just shyness it is fear it is fear that you will look silly fear that you will do something shameful generally shyness is scared to talk to people and this is why u misses a life opportunity that Joe Bogs holds the key to making u a millionaire.
A really bad point of been shy is displayed in the following quote the link below has more quotes about shy!
The shy man does have some slight revenge upon society for the torture it inflicts upon him. He is able, to a certain extent, to communicate his misery. He frightens other people as much as they frighten him. He acts like a damper upon the whole room, and the most jovial spirits become, in his presence, depressed and nervous.
- Jerome K. Jerome
What this means is that if you are a shy person with low self of steam when u go in a room your so scared to speck that u don’t say much and people think u don’t like them or judge them when actual u think they do the same. so then they fear u and u fear them slowly the room goes quiet and because u don’t speck they fear u think your better then them in other words u look arrogant as the atmosphere gets worse u worry more and now u go in to shell u don’t say much u hide and either u or they will exit the room hope u don’t follow. Now that your scared this will happen again you do all u can to avoid it looking wired as u are a loner, all the time wanted to say hello, am not wired but your so unconfident u don’t u try hide hope some one will come say hi and learn u are not weird but very, very shy.
The best way is to crack a joke or think your taking to your mum or dad or a close friend as u speck. If your still nervous and they don’t laugh, or u can’t tell jokes just smile and say “cheer up, You cut the air with a knife in here, if I make u fell uncomfortable because am quite it’s not because I don’t like you but highly value your opinion”, it shows your not arrogant and that u do actual care that u are making a bad atmosphere and generally after that if u just be your self u should be fine and even if your still nervous they will understand now, and if they don’t well who wants to know people who can’t understand that u are very shy. Ok this is hard to-do when u have low self esteem I find it hard to-do still.
If your at stage two the hiding bit then, what you need to do as impossible and how hard it seems is to talk to them, ok if there is like a main person try talking to them not suck up to them, just talk to them if u make them realise your shy and like them, then the others after that should realise the same and hopefully they will go out there way to invite you to stuff.
Shy people are scared of a new situation there not use to and they don’t know what that person thinks or does. generally confidence evaporates this fear as was said but some people will not get that in there environments they will get less confident and find it hard to get out of this downwards fall, these people NEED to do sports in order to preserve there confidence else they will fade out and hide away. These people need to find something in there heart and do it otherwise they will lose all hope.
The best way to over come shyness is as follows pick something u really like a hobby go talk to people who like it also as u talk u will gain confidence as u both teach each other new things about this hobby, and as u gain confidence in this hobby u will find it easier to talk to people. I know this sounds corny, but as u gain strength in your hobbies u will find it easier to talk to people, more then one hobbies will give u different confidence and if something is new and scary take a friend. But don’t just hide with your friends mingle, use them as a buffer to fall back on, so like if your talking about something and it looks as if people are not liking what u say or disagree say to your friend he does not really agree on me with this ether and make a joke out of it and move on, ok this is slightly shallow, because your letting them think your option is wrong but at first sometimes its best just to avoid conflicts and just to get to know them.
This runs in to luck a lot oh he is so lucky that he is not shy etc.... This is not true I read a site a bit back explaining what luck is and what it comes down to is confidence and lots of it basically a positive attitude could make u rich!
The saying “Luck is just opportunity that meets preparation”
Here is a link on luck. I think this is also a good way of learning how not to be as shy!
Mixing low self esteem with shyness!
Ok what am trying to say is a lot of people mix shyness the ability not to talk to people because u fear they will not like you and self confidence and self esteem ok these cross a lot and generally effect a persons shyness, but generally shyness is scared you will upset people and by doing so upsetting your self. Confidence in your body and looks is self esteem. Don’t get the two mixed up when u mix them together u get a very shy person. This may end up making this person look like a loser, who may even not achieve much because of the fact they don’t have the confidence.
Is shyness generic:
Shyness can be generic but not because every one is born shy they aren’t they just have characteristics of there parents that means that they probable have a higher chance of been shy or taking criticism the wrong way. But generally shyness is because of bad parenting or been bulled or thinking your different or a geek, basically been put in situations which u can’t deal with which damages your confidence stopping u from trusting people straight away.
In my opinion shyness is not generic really thought, people who are shy generally suffer from low self esteem, this means your self critical and always put your self down despite what people say or are generally negative thinker or maybe gullible thinking what every one says about you is true and the good things are not true so what u do is when they say u look good you think there lying because they don't want to upset me, or they just snarled at me but I will not ask them because why find out what I think is true or they will just lie because they don't like me. Check out this site for what self-esteem means:
I read the bottom bit the bit that says about the four situations and what u think, and I just about did all of them and worse.
Why people get low self esteem.
Ok - being very shy normal is because of paranoia mixed with lots of insults, when you was younger which slowly gets worse if you are unhappy in the environment your in and can’t get out of it as your a child, this normally is why people end up with low self esteem and end up shyer then most as they bottle it up because they don’t want others to deal with there shyness, as they think it is a burden on others. Which is not true talking to people like your family and as long as they understand most the time it will get sorted sometimes u just have to be selfish else you will end up been screwed up and it’s better to have a little uncomforted now then a lot in the future is a lesson I learned a little late.
Shyness is not a bad thing, low confidence is!
Not doing something like taking up an opportunity is not normally because they are just shy it’s more based on self confidence the person who did not take that opportunity was not held back by shyness as the person she talked to had the job for her, but because of her fear that she was not good looking or the fear she would fail because she was scared they would not like what she thought. Not dancing and doing sports is generally a fear u will not do well, this can be affect by shyness in that u think that people will not like you if u are not good at it, but this is more to do with confidence. Lots of people do sports or are millionaires and are shy, but they have got confident with who they are meaning that shyness is not affecting them as much because they now have the confidence to go in to this scenarios and because of this confidence they generally do well and this overides there shyness. Some millionaires ave very shy and use the internet to make money, but I don't think this is a good thing living in fear your whole life and having no one to share your money with is not a good thing!
Ok if she did not know them and she was scared to talk to them will probable been a factor of shyness but if she had high confidence she would over come the fear of shyness and talked to the people and probable been fine, but because of low confidence not necessarily shyness but that fact she was to scared to do so was a facter of low self esteem not shyness as most shy people will not pass off a good opertuinty they just will not get them much because they don't talk to many people!
So if you don’t talk to some one in a bus cue but u want to it’s normally because you are shy if you don’t talk to them because your scared they will not like you it’s generally low self esteem. And if you want to talk to them but are scared they will not like you then it’s both making u a very shy person. For example if you see some one you new 3 years ago but have not talked to them and are very shy you will think I know them ok alright how are they hope they say hi? but if you have low self esteem u will think on no what if they changed do they still like me crap lets turn run hide hope they don’t notice me and go away! That’s low self esteem not shyness.
Shyness is the fear of talking to new people as you don’t know them. Low self Esteem is negative thinking. Now mixing the two and you get a very hidden person and if you see one quiet person, who probable does not do much and tries hard to avoid talking to people not because he is weird or does not like you but because he is to scared to talk to you as he thinks u judge him with every word he says and probable that he thinks he can do nothing to make u like him as he is to unconfident to do so.
Like anything, shyness shouldn't simply be thought in the simple terms of good/bad. I would say that society (american and probably most western ones, at least) consider shyness a inferior characteristic, which i think compounds a shy person's problems. To not take advantage of opportunities because of shyness is probably not a good thing. But I think shy people can also be more respectful and thoughtful of others, since shy people are seeking to exist in the world which is less critical and judgemental.
I also wanted to comment about ijebuman's comments on unlearning shyness. As another poster said, everyone has a 'shyness gene' (think of this figuratively, as shyness is much more complicated than a single gene). The experiences one goes thru then act upon the person's genetic makeup to determine their many characteristics, including shyness. Thus its not simply something which can be unlearned. Some of us will always have a predisposition to shyness, just as others are inclined to be more talkative.
Personally I think shy people need to learn to keep their shyness in check, but we must also remember to keep true to ourselves, and not try to have the 'ideal pesonality' society deems is best. Being shy is who we are, part of overcoming it, is accepting it, and learning to work beyond the shyness.
To me being shy pays in a way, am a shy person and this has helped me in a way and has in some cases baeen bad. i have lost people cause i could ahrdly xpress my self and at the same time, i have been able to sit and think before i approach something. saying been shy makes you lose somethings is true. but saying it makes you an underachiever is total BULLSHIT! I as a shy person i have been able to study pple and know the type of pple i wan to roll with. it has made me think before i speak cause i cnt just speak anyhow and has made me know what i really want and deserve. this makes you ahve an insight to waht you really want ur future to be like. this i am telling as a shy person believe it or not folks. i love my self been SHY sometimes. though am getting over it a little cause am an adult now u know
Just as Seun said: "being shy evaporates with age."
That is, the rate or degree of shyness is inversely proportional to one's age.
Shyness α 1/age
I used to be shy but not again.
But I want to put that everybody has a gene responsible for shyness but to different degrees. I am not saying that being shy is bad but like every other thing if too much is bad, shyness also if too much is bad.
Pls loveth, can u pls explain further why u said being shy can be good?
Cos i'm finding it very difficult to understand frm ur point of view.
Moreover, I cant see any advantages attached to it. It will only help to deprive one of great opportunities that will ever come one's way.
Pls, dont take any offence at my asking. I'm only curious to understand ur point.
Maybe the girl is the cause of her own shyness like me. You see, my friends and I have a corner in school where we sit when we are jobless, we will start rating everybody that passes according to their beauty and dressing. "This one scored 20% in dressing and 5% in beauty", "That one's head is like coconut", "This one has a C-face" "That one looks like a ghost", etc. So when I'm walking alone and I see a group of people sitting down, I would think they are probably rating people too so I'll quickly turn back and go and pass through another way.
I guess the girl too has been abusing others on the street, that's why she finds it difficult to walk alone on the street. Bottomline is to be less critical of others so you won't be afraid that people might criticize you too.
Shy is not good and will never be good. l know of a girl who don't walk alone in the street. whenever she wants to go out, her money for bike must be down if not no movement. even if somebody is dieing so far there is no money for transport let the person die.
All in the name of been shy. she said that people look at her when she walks on the road and when they look at her, she will no longer control her steps. l no many of us will not believe this but it is real.
Don't you think that this girl is in a bondage, so if you are shy you are living in a bondage you better help yourself and come out of it.