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Can I Break Up With Her On Phone?

I really need your advice please. . .

I've been dating a girl for over a year now. She's in school in Osun state and I'm based in Lagos. It was good when we started because the feelin was still hot then.

The problem is that we are far apart from each other. We do not see eachother for long spells of time. sometimes we mite see like just once in 4 months. So the only way we communicate is on phone. .

As a guy, I'm not comfortable with the distance because it is really killin me. Apart from that, I also spend a fortune on phone calls because I make 70% of the calls. . .

Please  what should I do. . I can't continue like this. . 

1.Shld I break up with her?

2. If yes, can I do it on phone or i need to break it off face to face?. . Cos she mite not be back in lagos till after 4 or 5 months.

Please advice. . .

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61 answers

Hello Room,

I read through your post and the rest of it. Is pretty great to read through the thread.

Well, I am currently involved in a distance relationship and is moving on well. The first of it all is if you are Really or Deeply in love with her. The second is as same as the first, DO you involve yourselves in Sexual Acts (sex)? Do you have Trust Her, Do you think she really love you?, is she sincere and worth entrusting your heart to?,

When you ask yourself more more more of this questions, then, the issue of a breakup would either sink in or vanish.

If she truly or deeply, or really, or sincerely love you and you happen to break her heart, what then would you say you have achieved?, If you were in her shoes and you trully love her and on the long run, she dumped you, would you feel happy, relieved and glad she did? Has someone you really trusted and love ever failed or throw back the love you felt for her back to your face? DID it hurt?

If you love her, Distance will not bother you guys. If you wanna save money, you can let her know, you are gonna save money for this or that project, I bet ladies understand it when you make them see the reasons for your actions.

Am currently reciding in Clapham Common, have been here for 3 years now. I just came into town few weeks back. She' doing fine. We had never had sex and won't. She waited for me for about 2 years plus. Thats the spirit of love.

The love you feel for each other varies, so don't take much advice from our brothers in here. Ensure she really love you, set a goal for your relationship and see how you can develop an avenue for her to trust you even more. Every relationship has its ups and downs, so, this is not the end of it all, you know what you want. When you finally see to it that the relationship is nothing but seeing each other as sex slaves, then you need to back off, before is too late, Try love her even more than when you first met her, if you gat any problem, let her know what the problems are. I bet she will listen and understand, Don't try break any ladies heart. You can't allow anybody to do that to you, so don't to others!,

Finally, BE FAITHFUL

Best of luck from me.

Segoye2

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I think if yu wanna break up with a partner, u owe him/her that much to let him/her know why, at least respect the partner and do it face to face, dont look for easy way out,

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If you look into her eyes and you fall in love afresh then you are still in love or obviously infatuated. It's your call.

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Listen to me, if sex is the only reason why you are complaining about distance note that even if she's in Lagos she may say no to sex or may not see you frequently. If she abandons school to come and sit with you, can you cope?

I really don't know how to help break what I didn't help start but if you are looking for solution, first you have to stop seeing the phone bill as stressful afterall if she is within reach you will take her out, visit her and buy things for her every now and then which I'm sure you aren't doing now.

Make the phone calls meaningful; talk about important things that can move the relationship forward. Try writing letters to which she can respond; that way you can always look forward to reading from her. Always have stories from your daily life to share with her. Try not to schedule calls; calling her 5pm-5.30pm daily does not necessarily show you care. Verbalise things (I know men are visual) but you can derive similar satistaction from leading her to talk about what you would have loved to see.

Don't forget that except she intends to live all her life in her school location it's patience with a time frame. All the best.

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Well if you must, then you must. Why complainin bout phone bills? Nor distance? Well since you don't feel anything for her, tell her in person.

There are only 2 possibilities resulting from fone breakups which are

1. You'll waste more phone credit than you'll ever imagine tryina explain the situation on phone. Besides, you'll still get to tell her in person after the phone breakup if she needs ya.

Or

2. She may have you for the rest of her life or just think you ain't man enough for some poo reasons. lol.

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Bro, Be man enough to tell her face to face, it wont cost you more than 2k and a saturday or even a sunday to take the trip down to Ife and tell her yourself, she will appreciate the fact that you respect her enough to take it upon yourself to come in person, also that will be a small price to pay for keeping your integrity intact!! telling her on phone suggests that not only are u a coward but also your reasons for breaking up with her are not genuine and cannot withstand scrutiny, don't take the player's way out,BE A REAL MAN, and do it the manly way, all the best brov!!

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l think theres more to it than you telling .Are you sure you want to break the relationship

purely on the grounds of  a  long distance relationship  if you managed it before whats stoping you now?A new love perhaps?The ball is in your own court bounce it the way you feel

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Siena! That na the real thing! Go say it to her face!

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Siena! That na the real thing! Go say it to her face!

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Siena! That na the real thing! Go say it to her face!

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Yes, he should make the trip. It's not her fault, he's lost interest.

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email is worse. At least you can still hear her voice and reaction when you do it on phone

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if u are going ot do it, u can do it over the phone because ur case is a special case. just call her up adn gently speak with her. explain to her how u feel about the whole situation adn that if u could go to osun state to telll her in person u would have, but since u cant well u are calling her. Good luck

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Did you read his posts? He said he wont see her in another 5 months! So should he travel to her school and tell her d news? Best bet, bro if you cant wait for her, do it on d phone faaaast

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why don't u take her out and then break the ugly news to her rather calling her on phone.

u are not man enough if u do that on phone.

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oh! no sweet. . i sound lyk som1 u know?

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hey ronnie_slimz,

did you by any chance attend Apata Memorial ?

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No disrespect man  but that is a cowardly thing to do!

Check this, when u were asking her out i can bet you were

practically dieing to see her and hold her hands and touch her lips, all that stuff !

But now you are tired , all that fire is gone and you want to break it all off on phone?

Common man! What would you want to do a thing like that for?

See her and have that conversation it would do you both a world of good.

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make it one on one. . on fone is crazy!!

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@ Poster:

Let me do it the poetic way -

Different people, different stroke

Man is a complex being

Most times, he knows not what he wants

Sometimes, he complains his world is empty and needs constant presence

And at times, he needs his space

When he sees his babe everyday, he grows tired of her

And when she is scarce like gold, his feelings grow cold

My Bro,

I understand how you feel, but before you make the final decision, please talk to her and express your fears, worries and anger. Be open for once, men don't really want to be seen as weak, but expressing what u feel is not weakness. What makes you think she is also happy not seeing you always? I don't know your age, but if you are at a level where what you want is a serious relationship - you need to talk to her. if this does not work out, then go ahead and break up with her but not hurriedly on the phone. Or do u have an ultimatum for carrying out this act? Are you under pressure? Take care man!

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i want to believe you did start dating her through the phone. so, why do you have to break with her through the phone. the problem is not breaking up with her but doing it in the right way. if you cant wait for her, then take a trip to ger base and give the news.

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@Disturbed:

Simply put -Don't break up with her over the phone.

We may not remember much on the details of our interactions with others but we always remember how they made us feel. Please don't make her feel less than her worth.

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whether you do that on the phone or in person it doesn't really make any difference. You've made up your mind to break up with her isn't it? So go ahead and tell her its over better still talk to ur girlfriend maybe you both would sort something out.

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@disturbed

there is no point in managing a relationship. you will only keep hurting yourself. . do not manage a bad relationship. if u cant cope, end it.

but the ending on phone part is wat am concerned about. everyone keeps sayin dont break up over the phone. he said the girl wont be back in another 5 months. so wat shld he do? chill out till then? and put his love life on hold?

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Distance is a barrier on relationships.u guys r far apart frm each other which isn't always d best for a love-relationships.

70% of the calls isn't cheap considering call tariffs.i really feel ur pain.

Atimes u guys might want to do a little more than jst expressing ur feelings for eachother over the fone then u become helpless.

Look dude,here's what i think u shuld do.

Jst let her kno that u tried ur best to wait 4 her bt u culdn't help it anymore and u thnk the best thing is 4 u to give eachother a break.

If u cnt do this, then u r on ur own o!

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MA MAN I FEEL U! I UNDASTAND DA SITUATION EVEN BETA THAN U DO,COS I JUST TACKLED MINE 2 DAYS AGO.

WAT U NEED 2 DO IS, SINCE DA RELATIONSHIP HAS GROWN COLD,JUST BE CALM WEN SHE CONPLAINS OF NOT CALLING HER,COS I KNOW HOW MUCH U CAN BURN JUST ON SAYING 'HELLO'

SHE REMAINS U GIRL,BUT U GUYS HAVE A BARRIER- 'DISTANCE'.CALL HER WEN U CAN & TAKE THINGS SLOWLY

WIT TYME DA GROOVE 'LL PICK UP AGAIN BUT U MUST BE SINCERE & REMAIN FAITHFUL 2 HER,B4 U KNOW IT SHE'S THERE WIT U.

CHEERS MA GUY,

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@disturbed,

u can do whatever u want. guy, just do d right thing. if na congy dey worry u, u need not break up! just find other options. if na call-costs dey worry u, buy a glo line and dial 1251 and just follow d voice prompt. its 40% off to any glo no. u add to ur list.

to cut it short, u have no excuse at all! u dont luv her, simple! at least, not any more.

men are on this forum o, especially with more experience on issues like this o.

one more thing, pls invite her to view this topic on nairaland & hear what she has to say!

Good day.

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And this statement is comming from a girl. Now i understand what it means when they say a woman is her own worst enemey.

We are talking about girlfrind and boyfrien and not about Pet and sugar daddy

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is that what they teach you in Your church.

@ .Poster Relationship is not my force.

This is what i will do if i were you.

I will stop calling as often as i used to.

I will stop talking as Long as i used to on the phone.

Slowly she should get the hint.

And when you see her break up with her. If she is smart , it will not come as a big "out of the blue" for her.

One year relationship should be treated with some respect

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dats crazyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Don't do it over the phone.

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disturbed pay no mind to salsera. he's basically encouraging you to cheat on her.

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I won't encourage travelling for either of you naija highways are rarely in good condition

besides she's in school for an education not because of a relationship

If visits are few and in between just make those visits worthwhile and sweet

There are so many ways to communicate besides calls

send txt messages,good old fashioned letters

send gifts via courier

and better still use the WEB

set times for you both to chat online, I KNOW there is access on Ife campus

send emails too

Haba , its not like she's schooling abroad!

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@ disturbed,  I agree with most people who have responded that you should break up with her face to face.  Since as you mention the calls is not the issue, only you alone feel the emptiness, so we cant judge you for breaking up with her.

I would  however suggest  that you dont go see her guns blazing (as in today na today, breakup day).  Try and talk to her heart to heart, see if you can both agree to a better way of both investing in this relationship (i.e if you still both want to be in the relationship) , eg her finding time maybe once a month to come down to Lagos to visit you, or whichever works for you guys.

All the best.

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The best way to break up with a girl is to stop calling and stop recieving her call.Women are generally proud,she would get the picture within days.Remember that you say it best,when you say nothing at all.

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i met the girl through a friend. we got talkinh and then we started the relationship from there. Then like 3 months later, she moved to school in OAU. . . and she doesnt come home very often.

I've visited her a number of times but I'm also very busy here in lagos so we rely mostly on calls.

The last time she came home, we got talkin about the distance stuff and i'll told her my pain. we both realised the distance was nobody's fault. . just fate.

So the only way to keep it goin is to keep callin and vistin her when i av the time. . .

seriously, the calls is not the issue. . . .but i just feel empty sometimes.

so many times i jus want to treat her maybe go see a movie or something, she's not around.

i know its not her fault, but should i also suffer for it?

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Did you start it on phone?

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EASY DUDE!

wat is it with U sef!

wat does ASSHOLES VE 2 DO WITH

THIS NOW.

u think say na only u fit speak the Nigger Gee's accent

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Break up the rust on phone, then you can explain to her later if at you owe her any explanation, cos she's not wife and no normal being will question you as long as u are not ready to marry her, but I repeat, be with friends with her. It's a good decision. I applaud ur move. face to face or phone makes no difference.

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ToToChopper, i dey feel u. Mr. man u hear that "follow your heart" because the best advice is the one given to urself.

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Bros, I’ve been in your shoes before and yes it’s hard.

I’ve even witnessed prosperous marriages break up due to this issue of distance, but dawg only you know how much this lady means to you and if she’s worth the wait…, pls don’t listen to anybody else, FOLLOW YOUR HEART.

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@Seun

i don't know how to lie. Most people doling out advice here are trying to create ideal situations that even they would not want to find themselves.

By the way, have I told you guys that I once bought a chick a break-up gift on the day I was meant to break up with her?

Ehen, Seun! Tone down your temper O! Because no body dey vex pass me.

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Assholes teaching each other how to be better assholes. How disgusting. Why must you spread your vice to others?

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Guy just write her a good break-up poem and send it via email. That's save you the stress, time and energy.

I once broke up with a chick without even telling her anything. It was distance too. All I did was widened the distance some more and then gradually reduced the amount of phone calls till it got to zero.

Goodluck.

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@camden

i have been involved in a long distance relationship,it didnt work out because we wanted diff things in life and not because of the distance

agreeed u would like them to be with u 24/7 or whenever u want.but as they say distance makes the heart fonder.

there is sth this guy is not telling us,when u re ready to spill it we will continue.

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SHOW AN EXAMPLE OF A 'REAL MAN'

with a good sense of responsibility,decency, maturity

and above all, HIGH I.Q' by waiting up for her to

explain why u ve to break up.

dont leave until u make her see reasons, understand and

accept without holding any grudges.

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U r very funny o hw can u decide 2 break up with ur babe jst because of distance haba u be wicked person wht if u were in her shoes,y can't u jst explain things or is there sumtin else u r nt explaining to us.

Maybe u av eyes 4 another babe abeg no break d poor girl's heart jst because of ur insecurity.

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are u breaking up with her because of the distance or is there another reason?have u ever thought of people that made it work even though they are five thousand miles apart?

mmm well do what you have to do.but i still think the distance can be shuttled every weekend if you want, or do you have another girl?

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