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Can Long Distance Relationships Really Work Out?

I just wanted to know peoples experiences and advice.

I've been in a long distance relationship for a little over a year now, I love the guy and believe he loves me, but I am beginning to feel the strain, and we are falling out quite often now. Is this normal? How do we get over this hurdle?

Have you been through the same or know people who have?

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107 answers

If both of you truthfully love each other without any cheating, then distance is just a piece of cake because whether near or far love exists in the heart.

However, getting in touch once a while will make the relationship stronger. Just be strong and patience if my above write-ups are true in your relationship .

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@martinosi, I met him in our neighbourhood as we lived in the same area. He was on a student visa and had one year to work which he was doing when I met him. His visa ran out and he had to return to Ghana, he didn't tell me his situation until he was nearing the time to leave and he said he did not want me to think he was with me in order to stay in the UK, so he would prefer to return home an maybe I move to Ghana. After visiting Ghana, as nice as it was I just cant live there. We went to Nigeria also, he liked it, but he said he wouldn't live there either.

So we decided its either UK, or anywhere else we are both happy to live.

He left four months into our relationship, and I have seen him once because neither of us are flush with money. i strongly believe we should build our relationship first before we make plans to live together in one country. Things havent worked out for him in Ghana, and I dont want that to constitute part of the reason he is willing to come to the Uk, rather than actually coming 100% to be with me and further our relationship.

There is no part of me that believs he has an ulterior motive for being with me,but I dont know how much his current situation is unconsciously at play.

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well to itz pure foolishness to try dat how can one date someone u'vent met.well with some social networkz one can see there picz but it isnt enough.one how can u know d person character etc.so i don't advocate for dat

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@topic,

Body no be firewood. So i say NO it can't.

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yes it can but it takes serious work, commitment and trust

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Thank you guys soooo much, some of the responses have given me so much more clarity. I do see now that I have to be especially careful and maybe (even though it feels unfair) now is the time for me to carry more than my fair share of the burden. I guess "for better or for worse" is not just for married couples huh?

Its a bit difficult to make definate plans because he is more of a dreamer than I, I am more practical and prefer planning, he is more of a romanticist.

I dont know how to get the message across to him about having a timeline and different alternatives so we can eventually come together.He tends to think i have no faith in his ability when I suggest different approaches.

To the men in the house, what do you suggest I say?

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LOL!!!

I am in nigeria right now for a couple of weeks.

And their are all kinds of long distance relationships taken place

all round me as i speak ROFLMAO! Economic hardship is a demeaner of men!!!

Long distance relationships work if the two involved

are resolute and knew themself before distance took them apart

ie one travelled, was re-assigned abroad, went to school abroad etc.

But its always good that the two are almost on equal footing ie can make

choices and are not trapped or solely dependant on the other ie

the guys abroad and the girls is in Nigeria and has to rely on marrying

the guy in nigeria in order to join him abroad or vice-versa.

But i guess its all about foundation, what i have strongly noticed is that when the girl is abroad and the guy is in nigeria, the relationship most of the time works becuase the guy is serious about leaving the country lol!!!

You know if you were not born into a "Middle/Upper or UK/USA Citizen home

the best way to improve your status is to "Marry into one" lol

So many guys i know have done this and its the "subliminal intent"

in so many nigerian relationships lol!!!

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again immaturity , relationships that will stand the test of time will. I know of a couple now in their sixties ( actually my aunt and her husband ) , who lived seperately for 15 years while the man worked in Saudi arabia as a doctor and the woman raised her kids . At an age where other men are taking second wives and mistresses when they are in close proximity to their wives , these couple were able to do this. To be frank not all marriages or relationships will succeed , LD or otherwise .

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Pls guys let's not deceive our selves, it is very very difficult for a distance relationship to last longer, it can only work if the both parties involve are very close to God and know what exactly they want in the relationship, but for guys who are sociable, i mean game guys who love the things of the world 4get it, by the time he or she fails in love with someone who is very nice and homely like the Calabar girls, there is no way the relationship can be the same, gradually communication will definitely be cut down, sometimes phones will be switch off to avoid disturbance, things that befor will be taking in good faith will not be accepted again and flimsy excuses and misunderstanding will creeps in, my advice is that if u are in a distance relationship just pray to God for your partner not to fail in love with someone far better than u both in beauty and character, if he or she does there is no way the relationship can be the same.

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Greatest Nairalanders,

The issue of distance relationship depends on individual so long as there is DEEP AFFECTION on both parties. Ive been and i am still in a Long distance relationship for close to 4 years now, My Gf has been based in the Uk and prior to her leaving the shores of the country, several people have said lots about the relationship ,

Anyway, i still and will always love her so passionately and i think she does too as well cos i think it has to be mutually defined by both parties involved,

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for d fact dat it does nt work for some of us does nt mean we sud conclude babe or guy if u dont trust hm it wont work bt if u do then give it a try cus it might be d best at least u guys wud cherish every moment u wud ve together

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I beg to differ , stats are very relevant when taken in context ( without going off on a tangent on how stats are important ) my point is if you are looking for a trend the fact is that LDR's dont break up or succeed at a significantly different rate from normal relationships. I think the biggest difference is that it puts a quick end to an unserious relationship, and the couple is quick to point to distance as the reason for the break up instead of the underlying immaturity that caused the break up.

Two years going strong , headed to the altar for me . But please note that this was an individual that I knew for several years prior to the LDR

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EVERYBODY,

LET ME TELL YOU ALL THE TRUTH ABOUT LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS. IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU ARE IN NAIJA AND YOUR GUY IS IN THE NORTH POLE, ALL THAT MATTERS IS THAT THE TWO OF YOU LOVE EACH OTHER BEYOND THE NORMAL DESIRES AND PASSIONS. CONSTANT CONTACT AND THE WORKING OUT OF ANY PERCEIVED PROBLEMS(MOST QUARRELS ARE BASED ON PERCEIVED OCCURRENCES) WILL DEFINITELY SEE YOU GUYS THROUGH AND ALSO A CLEAR TIMETABLE OR PLAN AS TO HOW LONG THE DISTANCE WILL BE MAINTAINED.

TRUST IS A DICEY ISSUE. FOR ME I WILL SAY, TRUST ONLY THAT THE GUY IS SERIOUS ABOUT BEING WITH YOU TILL YOU BOTH WALK TO THE ALTER AND NOT AS PER SLEEPING WITH ANOTHER WOMAN, BECAUSE MY DEAR, HE IS OR HE WILL!!!!

JUST MY TWO CENTS!

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it will work out,learn hw 2 trust ur man.

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the question should be, should you give up the love of your life becuase of distance? is hard but is doable. I have been in my relationship for five years and just recently moved out of state from my guy. we are living a hell! but when you care about each other, you will/must stick it up.

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@ poster, I have been in one now for a little over a year. I must confess, it is not easy at all! When we first started, we had this illusion that we would be able to cope but it gets harder by the day. Sometimes, we fall out for the slightest reason and I've come to realise it is probably a way of easing our frustration.

We are into each other a lot so I dont see it ending soon. I was supposed to be in Naija this Christmas but not anymore as I have pressing stuff to do here, so she might be coming over.

Long distance relationships DO work, as long as both parties involved are willing. My 2 cents.

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@ cantell

"We all know that sex is more physical for men while sex is emotional for women"

Bro, which PLANET are you from? You must have slipped and bumped your HEAD.

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Do LDRs work?

Despite what many people believe, LDRs do not break up at any greater rate than more traditional, geographically close, couples. Multiple studies comparing LDRs to geographically close couples find the same rates of breaking up over time.

Rates of Break-up for LDRs Versus Proximal (Close) Relationships (PR) from 5 Studies

30% PR and 27% LDR over 6 months

21% PR vs 37% LDR over 3 months*

35% PR vs. 42% LDR over 6 months*

23% PR vs 11% LDR over 6 months

25% PR vs. 8% LDR over 1 year

*Not a statistically significant difference (i.e., rates are statistically equal)

http://www.longdistancerelationships.net/faqs.htm

I hope this helps the debate, cheers

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Its VERY DIFFICULT but am sure it can work, its not impossible. Am in one and wished it was the other way round with the same person though. Kai even now as i talk we have issues. God help me cos I LOVE THIS BABE.

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@ Poster, It really ever works, i have not seen my GF in 13 months now and were both in 9ja. There is a strong tendency to cheat, trust me its hard on both parties, any one ask me i wouldn't encourage unless there's a strong opportunity for the couple to meet soon and consumate their love, but Sis the tin hard,

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life experience this couple was so much in love with them selves .so so so the lady went for NYSC at the beginning of it, they were really getting along with all the circumstance but due to the fact that the place was really a desert really lonely she got no option she started going out with her fellow youth corper and she feel in love with this guy.so you see is not really easy for a distant relationship though it depends on the kind of environment you find your self.

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long distance relation is not really easy especially when both couple does not really understand themselves very well.

i feel the barrier in long distance relationship is 1, communication 2, trust 3,love when all this are put i place it is very hard for both of them to have a problem.

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It's amazing how a single heart could analyse in a million and one ways a single word uttered, how much more a sentence made in an argument. It's been said a number of times now -TRUST- don't be insecure, try and get to the root of any argument you guys have, is it something that can lead to argument if you were together? if not, check yourself first, is your insecurity having its hold on you? if not, have you been fair with him? if not, try to be fair, if yes, i bet you might want to take a step ahead of love and be objectively realistic by looking into his points in your arguments, this is ash but believe me, if you are really fair and you still get into incessant argument, you might want to give him a break, definitely in a mutual manner, if he didn't come back to the normal friendship you had before you both notice the unusual trend in your relationship, he's not you man.

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i wouldnt advise anyone to go into a L.D.R. It stresses one up. im currently in one and it aint funny. too many arguments, too many things.

L.D.R also depends on the individuals involved. There should be Trust and high rate of commitment if not,

Insecurities has its toll on breaking LDRs. Im talking from my present relationship cos mine has almost reached the height and its becoming so annoying, stressful, nerve racking and most def its emotionally draining.

For me, most Guys shouldn't be trusted in holding on to a LDR because at the end of the day, they will just hurt the lady's feeling because they always want someone close to them, (THIS JUST MY OPINION).

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@ donjon pls tell me good reasons how it will work lets see

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mine is just 2months and she has began to complain but my words and constant phone call did the magic am in abuja she is in the east but she has began to understand and by next year we will draw up a chart on me visiting and she doing same. what matters is the love and the will but for me its ok cause she is all ive got

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People have posted long essay on this topic and it won't make any sense to over flog the issue.

Meaningful and remarkable advice has been given. Therefore, the ball is in your court (@ poster).

All the best!

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I doubt it is only in consideration, the two parties can be playing games provided it is coded but i do no think it can work, because in the case of a girl she needs to be close to her partner most of the time, only a 5 % can work

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May be the lady is not beautiful.

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Long distance relationships work, but a lot of self-control is involved here.

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@nues aweso

lol,

dis thread is healn my wound.

@all

thank u all 4 ur comment,

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unless u both r matured n cn apply widom 2 cope wiv d emotional strain, it gonna end up in heartache!

well, dats it in thoery, in practice, Na God o!

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I know long distance relationships work,they don't just work for me & I'm honest enough to know it's probably my fault.Don't get me wrong,I don't go about cheating.Its just that the distance can't be bridged by phone calls & gradually,we start to grow apart.It's happened to me no less than 3 times.

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@nues aweso

lol,

dis thread is healn my wound.

@all

thank u all 4 ur comment,

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Well, it works. I have been in it for two years since I travel alot, not untill I found out whats been happening yesterday. A guy called her at night and she pretended she didn't know him. I found this guy in the hse on arrival without notice. He drives my cars and sleeps in my room. Verdict? She's been screwing!!!

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i know of a couple who courted for 8 years, and they were in different countries throughout, (Canada, UK) and they finally got married like 3 years ago, i think if you are dedicated and full of trust like the others have said it will work out, The couple i spoke of seemed to be very much in love when they finally came together and they are still happily married today, so it is possible

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@190, pls desist from using the word 'never'. Nothing is impossible.That your relationship fail to materialised doesnt mean every long distance relationship cannot work.Vicki09, axeman85, N101, Ovie etc have given you their good advice and experiences. With prayer, trust, dedication, patience,communication(at all time),love and sincerety, it will work. I have many testimonies. However, it demand 100% TRUST

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I was in one for FOUR years. We're getting married and I'm glad we went though those years apart. It taught us the importance of communication, and mostimportantly, how to communicate and build trust. We now live in the same city and it feels great after all

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Why not?, if both parties are sincere, and honest, then its possible, have seen and heard several success stories,

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It is really a hard one,i think both parties should do something about the distance cos HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM,its crazy hard to bear.

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well it depends on the situation

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@nues aweso

lol,

dis thread is healn my wound.

@all

thank u all 4 ur comment,

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Long distance relationships do work. It all depends on the level of understandin between the individuals in the relationship.I've been dating a girl for almost 3 years and we are still good to go. I can count the number of times we've seen each other these 3 years. Phone calls and text messages have really helped but as I said earlier, it depends on the individuals. It won't work for everybody.

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Well in the long distance thing i thing you should be ready to permit someone to sleep with your spouse because you both have needs , as long as you have each others heart, what happens to the body in your absence does not really matter.

Meka Boy, i am not sure abt this ur comment o. I will not not permit my man to slp with anyone, neither will i slp with anyone else. I am not saying u do not have needs, but self control is not impossible. If a person can cheat in a relationship, then he or she will definitely cheat in a marriage.

we act as if we are animals that cannot control sexual urges. Please dont settle. Let ur man be faithful to u o. A man can have weaknesses, but cheating is not a weakness that should be excused

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all depends on what you guys want from the relationship, how serious the relationship is and how committed both of you are to making it work.

i got married this year to a lady i have dated for more than 5 years (and I have spent more than 4 years out of nigeria), she joins me here in january anyway. the story has not been as easy as i painted it, tots of breakin up the relationship used to flash through my mind daily sometimes, so, the lesson of the story is that - it all depends on you guys

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it depends on individuals ,but it is very difficult for it to work out, for long distance relationships to work out , the man and woman must be ready to close their ears to each other's faults, because i don't think it is possible to be in a long distance relationship for more than 2 years and stay faithful to each . that is my view

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I'm experiencing same! We're both servin(NYSC),she in enugu, i in ondo. We both luv each oda we jst try 2 make tins wrk.

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It depends on what stage the relationship is at. If you are already married with kids then its fine but the temptations will be there, except you have a trusted lover to make up insanity will set in but if you are not yet married and you are promising eachother, forget it, believe me its not worth the trouble, there so many guys and babes around why should you wait for one person whom you cannot say with 100% confidence is coming back to you without a story to tell. So for me no way for long distance realtionship its a charade, like a kids play. Get real hold your man /woman there with you until they have performed all necessary functions at home before you release them into the world shikena

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i am doing the lagos -abuja route

it aint easy. we see once a month. we plan to get her a job in lagos so we can be together til we get married. cos

the distance aint healthy no more.

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