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Can You Catch Yourself Before You Fall In Love?

Is it possible to catch yourself before you fall in love?

I believe I have seen many young guys do this, where they are really starting to grow attached to a girl, but then they either get scared (out of their control), they become distant (by choice) and they do a complete 360 degrees and undo months of dedication and hard work.

I know a guy who broke up with a girlfriend who he claimed to adore, merely because he felt he didn't want to be 19 and in a serious relationship, he sincerely believes that she is THE one, but for some reason, he can't resist the temptation of the single lifestyle. He says he has missed it, the past 10 months he has been with his girlfriend, but at the same time he says it pains him not to be with her. I believe that the guy loved his girlfriend, but wasn't 'in love' with her. I believe one can be controlled and the other cannot, he took a quick detour before he arrives at the latter.

At this stage though it hurts to break, it is still emotionally possible?

What do you think? Is it possible for a guy to detect incoming 'love' and to block it so that he can do what he has to do, such as move to a different location, marry another girl to please his family, obtain freedom so he can chase his career dreams, obtain freedom so he can focus on becoming successful (without the baggage of a girlfriend he 'so dearly loves').

Or do you think that the guys never truly loved the girls, they simply were just very fond of them and just snapped out of the whole daze of pretending that the relationship would last 'til marriage?

What's the verdict?

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37 answers

I don't think you can catch yourself before you fall in love. Love just comes again.

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I think if you let your mind rule your emotions instead of the other way around, you won't have to worry about this being a problem. By the time you reach the stage of being "in love" the love will be ginuwine.

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story! u havent met me thats why

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Topup are you a psychiatrist or a literary writer? you tend to use so many words,

my finger is sore from scrolling down - ok just kidding.

personally i agree with the person that said love is a choice, i think there's a great

difference between attraction even infatuation and love and one of the problems in many

relationships is that people are going through one or the other and they mistake it for

love

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Hmmmm yes older couples have more experience with love blocking, but i wouldn't say younger people don't. I depends on the 'thinking' of the person. I am one of those who don't do long distance. But it's more complicated for me than just love. I am too mental about things. People are too in love with the notion of love. Madly in love for one day, one week, one month. If that was madly in love, i hope to never experience it.

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Topup,i'm most impressed on your mature reasoning and conclusions.i think you've said it all.i must applaud.your mental age is way too beyond my imaginations at your age.

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your mind is your personal property.

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There have been a lot of interesting replies especially from DUDUSPACE**, HOLLASLYD, BLUESPICE and OUTLAWS. Well, I agree with Hollaslyd's point about immaturity, and willingness. Yes, I agree with others that it is possible to decide to back out of love, however, there are several teenagers I know and speak with who are always talking about being madly in love with someone and that they are so involved that they are unable to make rational decision, so I believe though it is typical of youths to back out and love block, I actually believe it's more likely for older people, who have serious consequences to think of, work, life, family & other responsibilities. For example let's say the teenagers have just found out that their parents are going to prevent them from being together, or they found out that one has a disease that would affect their future together or one is to move away, I have heard a lot of teenagers attempt these hard relationships, but heard a lot less adults do the same thing. In the case of the teenagers finding it easier to back out, I would say the majority of cases would prove opposite. I think teenagers have a lesser ability to love block, after all they are still mostly naive about love, and it is through the experiences in life that we begin to become harder and more rational about everything.

I believe you can view when decisions have to be made as maturity, that a mature and rational person can easily withdraw from the sensations of love and make a rational and logical decisons, which benefit them, but jeopardises the relationship or the 'love' between the two people. But I also think you can view it as immaturity, in the sense that the person seems to be unable to attach to anyone significantly, (which contradicts the fact that we are able to make more rational decisions, the older we get), surely if you don't have enough feelings for someone enough to want to compromise any part of your life, you may not have been seriously involved, it seems like selfishness at times even, especially when a decision about where a relationship is going is based solely upon what's the easiest way for you and you only.

I have seen many couples break up because they were going to travel, and they didn't think long distance (LD) relationships work, so instead of trying, they broke it up, I have also seen other couples, who also had the opinion that they didn't work, but because of the love they had were unable to break off the relationship, and worked hard at it. The obvious difference between the two couples is their committment to one another, their ability to distance themselves from their emotions, or love block as I have called it.

I believe older couples have more to lose/risk so of course, they make more rational decisions, I believe older people (not saying they are old, but >20 years) have been conditioned from life's experiences to make rational decisions, to focus on themselves, they may have been taught these lessons the hard way, through heartbreak or failed relationships, but I think the older we get, the easier it is to love block, and then maybe when we reach the age of desperation (where most singles, just want somebody!) then our ability to love block greatly decreases again.

Opinions?

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When it comes to relationship.it's something that you become emotionally engrosed with.i think before you go into a relationship and get deeply commited in it,you have to be mentally mature.say a boy of 19-25 can easily wizzle out of an uncontrolable relationship that is of an extreme seriousness from my own views cus

1 he got to enjoy for a long time before settling

2 he got to get that money to keep a girl very comfortable.abi topop you wan beg food.

3 he got to be mature enough to know it's a once in a life time decision.

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Oh i also disagree ma! It's up to you to decide whether or not to love someone.

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I think that you can't catch yourself before you fall in love. Because love happens when you least expect it.

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I wonder why the question. You can stop urself from doing anything except there is a gun pointed at your head; even at that u still can decide to get shot.

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Fallin in love is overrated as love could mean a lot of things. The Greek concept of love would make for an interesting study with their eros, phileo, agapao e.t.c definitions of different types of love. Which one exactly are you talking about?

If it is the shaggin type, that is just a basic primal response to stimuli which societal views and upbringing has conditioned us to resist with variable degrees of success in each individual starting from the full scale proverbial "dog" who gets turned on at the sight of any member of the opposite sex to the quintessential religious individual who practically sees it as a necessary evil of some sort within marriage.

As to the other type that shows nurturing, care, romance e.t.c; I guess it has to do with our realization of the fact that we need to replicate such things as we receive from others to them as well if we are to continue receiving such consideration from them in the future. Also it does no harm in helping you achieving your shaggin needs if you get what I mean.

In summary, there is nothing like falling in love IMO it just depends on extent to which yu allow either of your primal responses or your societal conditioned responses dominate your decision making.

To answer the poster's question, Yes you can always catch yourself before you fall in love and in fact you can do more than that, you can actually fall out of love when you so desire to do as the power of decision and choice is in every human (who doesn't have other mental defects) from birth but societal conditioning either reduces it substantially or almost takes it away from you in certain instances.

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Hello house,

Can someone give definitions please,

What does being in love constitute and is it the same for everybody?

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im a witness to this

my best friends boyfriend dumped her saying he wasnt ready for love when it was obvious he was smitten

i have backed out of "sticky situtions" as i call em cos i was not ready for relationships

yes it is possible

how else do u stop urself from developing ur crush to love?

its all up in there-the head

is it possible to have the mods delete spammers frm this board?

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Of course you can. BEFORE YOU FALL IN LOVE.

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very true, happens all the time a guy will rather move on than

hurt a girl in the long run, knowing very well that she is the right one

but he is still too young to be committed.i've done it a couple of times.

and till date, the girls cnt still understand what happened to my fire.

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Most young guys have commitment phobia. They hardly know what they want and when they finally do it's too late.

There is nothing wrong in making a 360 degrees turn if you discover you are on the wrong track. But, always learn to leave an explanation so as not to leave the other person drolling.

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That's a 'rooster blocker'.

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I can sympathize with the love blocker thing. I've done it once or twice in the past. I think for me it was not that I didn't like the guy, I just got cold feet not necessarily because I was yearning for the single life but just because I think longer term relationships are work.

I think I love blocked myself because I saw the "thing" was getting serious and I wasn't really ready to commit myself to putting that kind of maintenance work (calling, texting, doing things together and just all the generic dating cuteness etc) into a relationship at the time and I'm not someone who will string someone along or waste someone's time. (Abi make someone no bring my tori to NL).

I think it's relationship immaturity really. I know for me it was. I think if you were really ready (emotionally) to be in a relationship and if it was someone you really liked, then the love block thing wouldn't come into play.

Sidenote:

I always thought a "love blocker" was the friend whose constant presence prevented a guy from reaching his targeted chick.

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and may i ask why 19 is too young and how to make your friends not last too long and whats wrong with having a relationship at 19 . Oh um i hope I'm not intruding , looks like this is a female Forum but id really appreciate a friendly reply from any or every one here .

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I have always said, love is a choice.

You can choose to fall for someone or not. So yes, you can block it either when you think it's becoming real - too close for comfort or right up from the beginning (that is if you know what you want)

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It happens, I have done it a few times before sha, when I feel that i am getting too close to someone, I try to step back, don't want to form any more emotions than needed

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@Poster:

The 'love blocker' mechanism comes into play for the following reasons:

1. When the guy does not want to lose the freedom of choice that goes with being single

2. He wants to focus on his career. Sometimes men do feel that a committed relationship can be a distraction in the 'building phase' of one's career. Emphasis on building phase

3. He has[b] 'Provider Mentality.'[/b] Even if the girl loves him unconditionally, is prepared to build with him and isn't materialistic, he does not feel confident about relationship until he is financially comfortable with himself. Please Note being 'financially comfortable' in the case of such a man does not refer to middle class comforts - car, house, stable job. Such men will not be confiident enough commit themselves to a woman until they are rich. I have heard several contemporaries say 'until I am rich, I will continue to play the field' - even if the woman is not even asking them for marriage, just a relationship.

4. He is not emotionally ready for a relationship, and does not want to destroy the friendship with the girl by messing things up taking into account the fact that he isn't ready.

Most of the guys I know fall into at least two if not all categories.

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some come for a reason, some for a season others to stay or bring the best or demon out of you. that is if you have one.  we all owe our destinies and future the great service of sorting out who we allow to stay in our lives  because it can make or mar you for the rest of your life.

don't travel with wrong partner. it is too expensive

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That to me sounds like there was nothing in the relationship to begin with, if they want something else, surely they are not emotionally tied to you in the slightest, right?

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It didn't make sense to me, simply because the guy cried, was really upset even sick after he told his girlfriend it was over, all his homeboys are single and I am sure that the single-life is very alluring. Maybe females have different criteria to guys but I know if I found the right guy then I wouldn't want to let him go, it would be relaxing at least to be with him, and my thoughts are that his current girlfriend isn't THE one. If she is, I believe that single life will be incomparable to whatever they shared, he would surely miss her companionship. It also coincides that things are getting really serious now and he is having to consider things he never did, so it seems to me that the guy was probably not looking for something serious and isn't ready for it, which is all well and good, but don't go cry when the girl has moved on, because it would be something very upsetting, if you were so ready to be with someone and all they had in the back of their mind was an image of you being a bunny boiler and them not being able to enjoy their life. Yes, the best time to be single is when you are young, but he doesn't have to be single at all, I guess some people don't like being in a relationships, but I just think he had wandering eye syndrome, the grass always looks greener on the other side, for us singles, we can dance with whoever, kiss whoever, with only a little guilt, but he has to think about never being able to kiss another girl again.

I think that is what is daunting him, he is trying to control 'this urge' you guys talking about, how your body naturally wants to propagate and sow the seeds. . .

Hmmm

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i think the first one is true, they sense then block it either cox they are scared of loosing their free single lifestyle, or they want some thing else

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if you are in the midst of people putting presures on you it would be wie to change location. people can change church, work or states to run away from people they dont want to be around. it is sometimes good.

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This is not the reason your boyfriend left you sweetie.

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Urm. . you might just have to be a lot more specific than that, don't get me wrong, useful advice and everything, but can you answer the question?

Thanks

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always better to catch up than clean up the mess of a wrong /bad relationship. the available person is not always the best person for us.

it is always hard to do but run as much possible from a relationship that you know would seriously do you harm in the future. never to try to settle for a relationship that you know wont be a blessing to your future. dont do relationships for now.

whatever you do, please dont bing kids into relationships you are not sure of

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Of course you can, even if you are already in love. To love or not to love someone is a choice.

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