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Can you Date your Ex-Lover's Brother or Sister?

Can you go out with your [former] guy's brother or your [former] girl's sister?

What am really asking is:

- For the ladies, if you can date your [former] guy's brother.

- For you guys, if you can date your [former] girl's sister.

If "yes", what's your reason? If "no", what's your reason?

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35 answers

I have a story like yours. I'm madly in love my exs brother. I saw my exs bro when we were dating, and I thought to myself (and he was a bigger guy then) that i could look deep into his eyes for the rest of my life. I fell for him over a dinner, with my bf at the time, and his parents. I would try to find any excuse to hang out with the brother. Then my bf left me. I was preggos with his daugther. 10 years past and I needed a date for a wedding (I was the maid of honor), the brother came so I wouldn't be alone. I saw him I couldn't take my eyes off him. He couldn't take his eyes off me. He told me that he too was in love with me, from first sight. We made out later that night. And, I couldn't be happier. Then, we have hung out and some of the best times of my life are just being in his arms. I feel safe with him. He told me one day that if he could hold me all day and somehow get paid, he would never get out of bed. Another day he told me if he died after holding me and cuddling, he would die a happy man. He loves my kiddos like they are his. But, we can't be together-together, because he is scared that he will lose his family. And, my ex tells me that he loves me. I can't love him back, because I'm in love with the brother. My kiddos love him too, and my daughter (my ex's baby) always asks me to be with her uncle. The kids have no idea. I'm in love with this wonderful man. I would love to marry him, and since my ex hubby,I never wanted to marry again. I was made for this man. We get each others jokes, we play with each other in all the stores, we love art, music, history, books. etc. I've never gotten along with anyone this well before. So, am I a bad person, for trying to be happy. For not being with an ex hubby that beat me? For being with someone I can trust with my kids, and myself. Is it so bad to be happy? To be in love? To feel special and beautiful? Someone that tells me I'm his everything?

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If you love someone, anyone why should you not follow your heart? I mean if, you fall for the brother and didn't mean to. And, maybe he fell for the girl... then how is that bad?

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EXCEPT if it's JUST 4 fun, otherwise i won't do such cos is an ABORMINATION,

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why would i do that? there will be no respect there

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The first time I ever felt truly beautiful and valued was when I received a rose at age 14. I did not know it at the time, but it from my soulmate. He did not know it at the time either. He saw me one day in the halls. I was a complete stranger to him. He said he saw something special in me, so for Valentine's day he bought me a rose and encouraged his younger brother to send it to me under his younger brother's name.

I also noticed a guy much older than me that I was so intensely curious about. I was in 7th grade and he was in 10th grade. I had recently gotten a rose from younger brother who was in 8th grade. His older brother was too old. And, after all, I "thought" that his younger brother was the one who truly sent the rose, but he was not.

So here's the story.

I dated this younger brother idealizing that he would be like his older brother. He turned out to be completely opposite than what I idealized. My older sister really liked him and one night she spent the night at his house with him. They made out and probably had sex. She did not tell me until days later. I eventually dumped him. I was upset but I did not let it get to me.

Over the years, I got to know his older brother through letters. I claimed we were just friends, but there was an electrifying intensity between us through all the letter writing. They were not love letters, they were letters on life. I discovered I had deep connection with him that I had never had with any other guy. He said he had never met anyone who had understood him as deeply as I did. I was young. He was a little older. I dated his younger brother. No one knew we wrote letters to each other.

My sister used to be in his class in highschool. One day she invites her "highschool crush" to come visit her while she was at college. Unsure of himself, he dates her. I quit all communication to him, assuming he will marry my older sister and we will never be friends again. Months later, I begin writing him again, not telling my sister in fear that she will try to "control" me and not let me talk to him (because she is very controlling). Very objective writing. Very unassuming and no expectation and no ideceitful-intentional writing. Just writing to connect again. We talked about philosophy and history and politics and spirituality. Nothing about our personal lives though.

I was completely blind to him and my sister's relationship, at least the positive side to it. I saw her crying alot and drinking alot and telling her whole family that he is evil and that she never listened to him and I knew deep down they did not know each other emotionally or intellectually or spiritually, JUST physically. When they were together, he looked miserable and she looked oblivious and content. When they were apart, she drank and was extremely emotional and very upset. She slept around with her ex-boyfriend. A few months later, he breaks up with my older sister. I did not assume he broke up with her because of me, nor did I assume he even liked me at that time. But secretly, I was deeply attached to him, and I knew that if he asked me to share his life with me, in a heart beat I would drop everything and say yes. I was unsure at that time- of the possibilities, and how others might perceive them to be entirely wrong- dating my ex-boyfriend's older brother/older sister's ex-boyfriend. So, I began dating a super handsome 'ideal' guy that I met in my philosophy class. That lasted 3 months. One day, it all hit me. I just knew. I dropped everything, including that 'ideal' guy, and began to secretly go and hang out "in person" with the man of my dreams. I had never hung out with him in my entire life. Before, we just wrote letters. So we hung out all the time and we still do. We have been together for 7 months and it has been a beautiful and perfect and blissful relationship. Indeed, we have disagreements and arguments, but our relationship grows stronger because of it. We trust and respect each other and build each other up. We are soulmates.

But an outsider looking in would say, WHO IS THIS GIRL THAT DATES HER EX BOYFRIEND'S OLDER BROTHER/OLDER SISTER'S EX BOYFRIEND?

Hmmm, perhaps, I am evil.

What do you think?

My older sister and I have never had a strong relationship. It was always superficial. She bugged the heck out of me, and I irritated her. I always thought she was the ultimate phony and controlling/manipulative and though she phonily says that she "loves" me and that I will always be her "sweet" sister, I truly do not think she thinks that of me. Our relationship IS very dysfunctional. Maybe this plays a HUGE part in it all. But I have 4 others sisters. And they are taking sides. I am not for sides. I would love to move on and learn from all of this, but I know she will never stop being bittter towards me until I break up with him and cut him off from my life. That will not happen though. If he goes, I go. We are One.

She said she loved him and he loved her. He told me the relationship was very dysfunctional. He never felt that she understood him nor that he understood her. She is a self-righteous Christian and he is an agnostic rebel. They disagreed on everything, everything but the physical body. From my point of view and his point of view and many of her friend's point of view, it was a very superficial relationship that was doomed to die,

So, what side is the world and my sisters and my parents going to take - the sweet convincing phony- who has slept with tons of guys even when she was dating my soulmate and claims that she is a self-righteous Christian who would never even have sex before marriage?!?! Or are they are to transcend taking a side and understand it from a Third perspective. I am the perceiver. I am in this situation. I do feel guilty and I know I was wrong for not telling her I was writing him. I was lying to myself at that time. But am I wrong in being with my soulmate who was the first to ever notice me, and value me, and truly understand me? Or should I drop him JUST so that my dysfunctional relationship with my sister can be mended and that my sister can be happy? or are both possible? I hope so.

perhaps I am evil and I will burn in hell. at least two of my sisters think so anyways.

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if it feels like the right thing to do, do it. thats my view. just be sure you get to know the sister/brother b4 hand. u don't want a repeat of the last relationship with the sister!

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haahaha, na wah o!!

Abi d guy na ur current or ur ex?, make una leave ppl drink water drop cup

It is not RECCOMMENDED, yes, but have y'all ever found urself in a relationship (e.g at the start) and u know u r sooo dating the wrong brother?, hahaha, just dont allow things to go far. Be sure u and d sibling have genuine feelings and its not lust, and u both come clean to the one ur about to dump.

ECAH RELATIONSHIP IS UNIQUE, SO AS LONG AS UR NOT ON A REBOUND, OR TRYING TO RE-CREATE SPECIAL TIMES U HAD WITH THE OTHER SIBLING, its all good

if the brother chooses u, over his brother heart?. and u love d guy, omo wettin be ur own? (BEWARE THE FAMILY MIGHT NOT BE VERY FOND OF YOU FOR BREAKING ONE BROTHER'S HEART, BUT THEY MIGHT LOVE YOU FOR MAKING THE OTHER ONE HAPPY)

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definitely no i can't date by ex lover,brother for what reasons will i do that no matter how cute he is no way!!!!! there are other guys out there,so y him?and moreover ve dated his brother before.so y him again?no way.

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if i got love for her and my ex is aiight with it, why wont i? i will jo.

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why r u guys talkin lke dis? is attraction predictable? if u knw u and ur ex r ova wats d big deal who u date afterward? if u fall 4 ur ex's sibling and its mutual, thn go 4 it. AND DNT HIDE IT. there is nothing to b ashamed of. life no suppose dey tough like dis.

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i wouldnt do that even though my exes brother is sooo fine

it woud mess up our friendship

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why will I want to date inside the family I already dated, if I do that that mean I don't have respect for my self and for him, that is just wrong leave that family alone.

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Exactly, but some girls do it.

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its kinda not right cos your ex can tell bad stuff bout u to his/her brother that is not right and might not let the relationship work

plus its not cool

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@kazey what is your answer yes or no cos i don't get your post.

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that is out my thinks and it is not normal to do please

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Damn!!!!!!!!!!! what a question ? where lies my dignity if i do such a thing .

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It's bee done, but how long would it last?

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I, like the Debugger(one of the forumists) Would only support Seun's view if the case of the rejection of a lover by the other is considered strictly though I will not do it no matter the case.

However, a friend did it sometime ago but just as a way to avenge himself on his ex for what she did; it succeed at first but turned diastrous later cos the ex is a senior to her sister(the new lover).

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which is why I have been trying to tell people that Princess Diana must have been sick in her head!!

I cannot imagine my brother going out with my ex-girlfriend!

eyama!

so I will not do it to someone else, and if worse comes to worse and I have fallen in love with the sister of my ex and she feels the same way then i must date in secret becuase I know there is no way my ex will be happy about it!

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I can’t do such thing but for whoever is interested…..there is nothing bad.

I support Seun's view.

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No. nobody can do that, any person who does is sick in the head.

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I think the issue at hand cannot be answered outrightly, coz alot of constraint shld be taken into consideration, first, wht happed between u and the girl/bou b4 u left her or him, this hv to be cleared first.

but if ur ex-gurl\boy's brotha is much intelligent and hansome/beautiful and two of u hv a mutual understd, then no then happun. ---i mean go head.

the platform matters alot

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Well...I wouldn't wanna have anything to do with my ex-brother. That is just not right.

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God bless you! You said it all!

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No, I can't date my ex-lover's sister. what sister in her right mind will do such a thing? At some point, my ex and I have had feelings for each other, shared special moments together and all....all of a sudden I'm trying to experience the same thing with my ex's sister? In the event that it does happen, I know the relationship with my ex's sister won't lead to anything serious.

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That's totally absurd.

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Seun,

The very reason why your ex dropped you, is the same reason you will be chucked by his/her sibling. I seriously doubt if such a relationship will last.

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Inasmuch as it makes some people uncomfortable, I don't think there's anything wrong with it. Once you've dumped your boyfriend/girldriend/fiance/fiancee it's none of your business who chooses to fall in love with him or her.

If you choose to reject a plate of food you shouldn't complain when you see someone else enjoying it. If you don't want your sibling to take over your lover, then stick to him/her.

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