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Cohabitation: Will You Do It?

In one forum, someone said u should make the weight to the alter short (probably 1 year) and that got me thinking, that means u know someone, date them and within one year, u are waling down the alter making them your partner for life

i know for sure, I WILL NOT do it oh, i don't buy the idea, one year seems 'short', WILL YOU DO IT?

that begs question, WHAT IS YOU VIEW ON CO-HABITATION?[/b]RIGHT OR WRONG?, AND WHY

[b]please, i don't want to hear all those bible studiers/hypocrites, come in here and tell me it is wrong by GOD, i'm sure most in here will agree it is religiously wrong to co-habitate, (now that we have established that), what i want to know is YOUR PERCEPTION/OPINION on the subject!, would u consider it?

if u don't have an opinion, waka je-je

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59 answers

Yeah, staying alone before marriage is good.  Eventually, both of you will live together till death do you part (hopefully); so, why "dabble in a puddle" when there is a pool/ocean that you will soon jump into.

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For now i'll happily continue to enjoy my space ALONE, if the blessed day comes and I have to get hitched, sure i'll happily live with him.

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as for me, i won't buy the idea of staying together, though short term could still do, as in weekends, n short stays. But on long term basis, CAPITAL NO. i feel such will make the whole relationship casual, u might start loosing interest in each other aside the temptations ,

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if a man is ready to settle down

he does not need to cohabit with you first

he would want to nick you as soon as possible

let us just say if within a year he does not propose

then forget it

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@ Luxoire

Ur conscience seems already degenerated and subverted. How can u solicit peoples opinion on what you already know is bad, and don't want to be opposed?

@ All

U don't need to co-habitate with anybody all in the useless name of 'getting to know better'

You don't need 2 sleep 2gether b/f you know him/her. That's an immoral perspective of reasoning of nowadays.

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@ luxorie

militia, about those people, they sha annoy me, its almost like they have been brainwahsed, and what anoys me most, is i am all [/i]but certain that all of those preaching with the banner of GOD have acted in exactly the opposite manner to what they are preaching

@ luxorie

hahahahaha, people people,

To the religious fanatics, i thought i had already said we have established that it is wrong religiously to cohabitate, so WHY bring it up again?

whats with the anti-religion campaign? i understand that a lot of religions have been abused by its supposedly staunchest members but not everyone is false (check the italicized [i]all in the sentence above), besides seems like some peeps have a grudge with Christianity in particular (someone had to focus on the bible out of all the religious texts in the world). well now that i've gotten that off my chest, here's what i think,

co-habitation like any other activity that could arise in relationships is really dependent on choice and circumstance. your choice is based on your beliefs which can be an overriding factor no matter the circumstance. however there are circumstances where it would necessary for people to cohabitate. my belief is that everyone should do exactly what they totally believe is right for them - devoid of guilt. whatever the results are we would deal with and learn from them as they come - for all things are lawful (within our power to do) but not all things are expedient (necessary/beneficial)

about wanting your "space", the whole idea of marriage is to create a bond between two people that is so strong they are virtually one person. this takes time, patience and understanding. so in the meantime please do go out with friends and let your boundaries be clearly defined. overtime i believe that we would find that our most fulfilling times are those spent with our spouses, come to appreciate these times and laugh at the "space" we once held dear as the boundaries fade away.

with luv

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@ preacher Amen.

May God hear the prayer of the saints

Amen.

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davidylan,

Thanks for joining me to query denex. Anyway, the Bible has spoken about such people in these last days , They will come up with false/erroneous teachings. And they are doing that to their own destruction. We that are still sensitive to the injunctions of the Scriptures just have to beware, lest we are led away with their damnable heresies.

Of course, one could see that nowadays, people no longer fear God. They find ways of using their shortcomings to justify their evil perpetrations.

Our prayer should be that God will rescue them from the hand of the devil who has endued them to be instruments of error peddlers. Shall we pray for them?

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where did you read up your own from? Go read up first before telling others to do what u have repeatedly shown urself incapable of doing.

Maybe u have invented ur own bible where Joseph and Mary co-habited.

@ all co-habiters, its the women i really feel for. Keep providing free milk for unscrupulous boys.

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i suppose some ppl are used to seeing things in a particular way, granted one needs their space, but one might actually co habitate and realise later in the process that though they may love their partner, theyjust can not live with them.

True people change, so whilst some ppl might not want to do it, until they are married, for those who have tried it, many who went into it for the right level headed reasons actually like it

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I did it as an undergraduate although I did not marry the lady in

question do to some circumstance or other. But it was an experience

I could never have forgiven myself if I had missed.

Bottom line: You never will never find an osculatory experience to be

most favourable sensation until you have tried it, in other words, the

taste of the pudding is in te eating.

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Why do y'all always see the cup as half empty and hope it gets empty? I see the cup as half full and I'm going to make it overflowingly full.

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JennyMann

abeg leave me alone. Mus' I teash una everything for this nairaland? Go and read up.

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Its not always d best. While dating u both need ur space & think of wat happens if u end up not marrying

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I'll co-habit well. I did it before in school and now, when all the necessary resources have been put in the necessary places, I'll do it again.

If Mary and Joseph fit Co-habit, I no see who Holy pass.

It's fun and it makes you get to know your partner inside-out.

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I dont entirely support d idea of cohabitation;but when u r both close to marriage(i mean an engagement of less than 6 mths O!), then staying together on weekends will be okay!

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@luxoire,

geez. . . Dunno where u get d verve 2 pen all dis down. Put all posts 2geda & u'll have urslf a 1000 page book! Lol

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@topic

No i will not cohabit

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Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled; whoremongers and adulterers/fornicators God will judge.

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@ Militia and Others

We aint religion fanatics. U establised it that its wrong, so be it.

Nothing bad can be good again. But, to be truthful, my babe once stayed with me for a while when in the UNI. we really had issues then cos the more u stay live together, the more revealing it becomes. She's gone(Not what ur thinking) Irreconciliable diffrences, Nothing more.

If i meet another person, i'll still try it 'cos i want my babe around me all the time. Yeah, i know im a sinner. I will repent.LOL (, My bad)

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@topic: cohabitation iznt a guarante2 mariage,its just4 convinience. But 4me?Hell no. Smetimez im moody, iffy or just down assd bitchy. So i mark my territory lika polar bear. When its time,il do it rite.Therez no rite or wrong just 'shades of grey' @d holy people: d dead sea scrols n a host of oda buks have dis 2say to u: shut d ef up,ur ruinin my high

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My answer is based on the results of socio-scientific research.

"Recent evidence linking premarital cohabitation to high rates of divorce poses a complex theoretical and empirical puzzle. We develop hypotheses predicting that premarital cohabitation is selective of those who are prone to divorce as well as hypotheses predicting that the experience of premarital cohabitation produces attitudes and values which increase the probability of divorce. Using multiwave panel data from a recent cohort of young men and women in the United States, we specify and test models of these predictions. The results are consistent with hypotheses suggesting that cohabitation is selective of men and women who are less committed to marriage and more approving of divorce. The results also are consistent with the conclusion that cohabiting experiences significantly increase young people's acceptance of divorce." The Relationship between Cohabitation and Divorce: Selectivity or Causal Influence?

William G. Axinn, Arland Thornton

Demography, Vol. 29, No. 3 (Aug., 1992), pp. 357-374

doi:10.2307/2061823

This article consists of 18 page(s). http://www.popassoc.org/

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haha, my good friend came to visit me last week with her bf. she was gisting me that her bf was living with her at some point in their relationship. she got fed up and asked him to get his place. the guy didn't want to leave (he is an oyinbo). so she went to court lol. she said she became tired haha. as she was telling me, the guy was just laughing at what she had to do to get him out. the cop came to evict him. they still together.

personally, i won't because am not ready to play that big role like doing things for 2.

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Co- habit before marriage? For me, no way umless there are truly mitigating circumstances. I believe it leads to 'see finish.' Cohabitation will come after marriage. Otherwise, as my mom wisely says,' Who would want to buy a cow when he can get the milk for free?'

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Every relationship must start with some foundation.

If you are not religious and just go with the flow, fine you can cohabite today and tommorrow 'move on' as they say in the west. But if your foundation is based on a christian home, then cohabitation before marriage is non starter

The more you think about why the bible said it is not right is that with marriage you will have a 'life contract' and if you were to be christian or a roman catholic or jew, it may be extremely diffcult to break that contract.

To be quite frank, you should avoid cohabiting before you are married at any costs (very exceptionally) for people that live in the West, financial pressure but what happens if one the other person is not there, you will still manage either to rent your own place or stay with friends.

If you live by yourselves before you get married,, you are able to reflect on the person while he/she not there and be sure he/she is the right person. You don't want to cohabitte as many men/women on and off before you are sure.

The bottom line is do pray to God and find out if the person is the right person for you. If yes it will be hard but wait until you get married and you both belong to each other, the idea of space is a selfish feminist thing and any man advocating it has some games he wants to play

if you will have to go out and the samething for the man with your friends from time to time okay but 'space' or too much of it, may encourage things that will destroy the relationship.

A word is enough for the wise.

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my brother the thing u ask from us os very hard but to be true with i must confesss that i cant i dont think that i can becos with the wave of girls trying to get girls to believe that there is no way that a guy cann go out with them and not sleep withn them so thats why so many guys are really sleping witha chick before they actually get married but as for me i wud not wait man must get at least one shot or two to register ur name in the book of the girls life

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@ menike

GBAM! I suport u o

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Cohabitation

uhmn well i av done it b4, tho d whole world was on my neck,i personali saw nutin wrong wit it.tho i cant say 4sure if it payd me.but i know the "HE" in mentn apreciatd it.sumtyms tho it reduces d level of respect.if u knw wat i mean

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@militia,

that there not here. here, brothers got the cribs and the ladies are the ones that get kicked out.

@poster,

hell yeah, but after about a year of going steady

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I love cohabitation. I started it while still in the University and when I get my place in proper order, the cohabitation continues.

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@ long last sm sense in d place ! Lol

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We might all have diffrent ideas bout this

but real talk - Cohabitation is a wonderful idea

I did it n' I think y'all should too

it definitely got some merits  & demerits

Cusz it makes u knw what u dealin' with n' goin' to deal with

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Ha Ha.

Girls na wa. U know that most of these girls that say they wont do it are actually staying with a man thats not their husband? and some have actually been thrown out of their boyfriends houses?

The stomach will never tell what it has eaten.

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@TOPIC

We don't really know how the future would turn out no matter how we plan it.

I will cohabitate with a man , if we both choose to. I'm not a Preacher's Daughter

It will give me the chance to learn my man's habit and body's Map.

if he farts alot in my presence that means he doesn't respect me and might not help in housework duties.

I will give him sex if he needs it but its not a condition I know men will always be Men.

I can always find sex with or without my man. he does not have the sole right to it.

I will always be myself regardless of how life turns out.

How will I know if his car will fit in my Garage. if we don't cohabitate

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Lets get something straight here, The fact that u date someone within a year doesnt mean that it as to end in a marriage, Its the "testing water" stage, thats what folks esp ladies dont get, u start to play all ur cards.

its differs, some for one year, others need more years

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@Silly

i appreciate your honesty, dream on hun, dont let anybody take away your dreams, theres a famous quote A MAN WITHOUT DREAMS, HAS NO ASPIRATIONS AND NOTHING TO LIVE FOR so dream on brother!!

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Lux. I think am better than JayZ only that the guy is richer. And you guys keep saying love goes beyond money(though I don't believe that o). I beg, let me keep dreaming of those two gorgeous babes. That could be the nearest I can get to'em.

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@Silly boy

hahahah ur reasons are silly but true ( i am sure for a lot of guys), only u gat guts to say it. Some men view co habitation as already impinging on their 'freedom' BEFORE marriage, and so, they wouldnt want to do it for that reason.

as for for ur fantasy, hahahahaha, keep dreaming, who dyu think u are?, JAY Z?

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@ luxoire,

my point is that when cohabitation goes sour, the woman is always at the receiving end. so why bother? most of the time if the man gets o sit at home doing the cleaning, then you can be rest assured the woman is paying the rent.

my point is that the woman has more to loose if things go sour, whether the man helps around the house or not.

and my dear, marriages do break up, talk less of relationships. so if you think after 2 yrs you are sure you guys would get married and then you dont (whichever party calls it off), you are back to square one. and then another and another, until you find the one you truly want to be with.

besides, cohabitation can reduce your toasters you know. so why go through the hassle? just stay in your place and i'll stay at mine.

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@ Luxoire,

if you like me enuff to live with me, you're not sharing your space with me; i've have, metaphorically speaking, become a part of your space - think of it along the lines of marriage !

and i'll repeat albeit in a re-phrase; if you really valued "your space" more than anything else in this world - you wouldn't be eager, willing or downright care about living with anybody else !

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Dont think there is a right or wrong to this but personally i will not do it. I would want to feel the excitement of something new( living with my man) and if we were cohabiting before it leaves nothing to look forward to for we will have done it all already.

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hahahahaha, people people,

To the religious fanatics, i thought i had already said we have established that it is wrong religiously to cohabitate, so WHY bring it up again?

any way going back, i say it DEPENDS on the guy u meet. sometimes u meet a guy who is willing to pull his own weight, he will cook, and clean for u, other times u meet a guy who is willing to use u for free. Married or not, if a guy wants to leave u, he will, these days THERE IS VERY LITTLE SANCTITY IN MARRIAGE, PPL (MALE/FEMALE) do not respect it, they will out just as easily walk out on u when they marry u as they will when they are dating you.

and GUYS also get used and abused in courship NOT just ladies, i have friend who are guys who have been in this situation, only thing we hear more about it from the ladies, cos from teh guys it seems somewhat embarassing

@Aproko, u ask if i would live with everyman i date?, i say NO, i am not saying u should move in with a guy after just having started to date him, or if deep down in u, u have doubts. I am saying, if e.g u've been dating a guy for 2 yrs and u feel u 2 are going to end up together and for whatever reason (financial, emotional etc) the need to live together arises, then why should u?, same way he can change his mind about marryinng u, u too can change ur mind about marrying him, u SHOULD BE ASSERTIVE, in what u both bring to the household.

women tend to get hurt most times because, DEEP DOWN IN THEIR HEARTS THEY HAVE DOUBTS ABOUT THINGS WORKING DOWN IN THEIR R/SHIP, YET THEY CONTINUE TO TAKE STEPS FORWARD IN THAT RELATIONSHIP, WHEN IT ALL BREAKS DOWN IN FRONT OF THEM, THEY SAY HAD I KNOWN, WELL IF THEY HAD LISTENED TO INSTINCT FROM THE START IT NEVER WOULD HAVE GONE THAT FAR

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Its a matter of chioce i think. Personally i will not Completely co-habitat but i will prefer weekend visits if i feel we need to learn each others habits.

Most Nigerian Men will turn you into a free cook, laundry maid, and house cleaner without giving one kobo to your father. Any way it depends on the type of man but some Nigerian men will disrespect you if you live with them.

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Personally, i wouldnt do it.

I feel that you need to have something to look forwsrd to when you do get married. I feel that why pay for something u are already getting for free. Why marry someone when u have them at ur beck and call unmarried.

Even though u havent said we shouldnt be too holy holy on this matter, i really do think when God tells us to avoid something its cause He knows they will hurt us.

Like i said, its just not something that i would do,i have seen cases of men that refuse to marry their live in partners. - it was horrible.

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@ luxoire,

what happens when the relationship ends? how many would you really cohabit with in a life time considering how unpredictable human beings are?

a man that loves you and wants to marry you would do just that, whether you live with him or not. so why give any man the pleasure of enjoying your wifey abilities for free? and sometimes at your own expense?

to me, cohabitation is still a HELL NO!

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no. i personally will not live with anyone until we are married

we will visit each other , spend quality time together

but defienetly not live together.

@ VOR,

u can never truly say that you know someone

human beings are as unpredictable as the weather

situations and environment always affect our behaviour

@Aproko,

i agree with u absolutely.

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Personaly i wnt cos it leaves room for *see finish *which in my opinion is not healthy in courtship.

No matter how tight,i'd rather squat with friends until the deal is sealed.When u co-habit and break up it brings about lots of bad belle.

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@RuuDie

hahahaha, just cos ue married to someone does not mean they have to impinge on ur space

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if you really, really, really need "your space", you'd be divorced by now !

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