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Do I Really Owe Him An Apology?

Even after we graduated from the higher institution and working, my best friend still holds enormous grudges against me. He was my classmate and bosom friend. We did almost everything together, including reading, writing and reporting assignments, eating, clubbing, politics, the list is endless. Even in the exams, we sat close to each other for mutual benefits, until this girl came in between us. My friend first met her and they were going out together. Then came one faithful day, my friend visited me with her. He introduced her to me and we both exchanged pleasantries. She confirmed to my friend that I was a gentle guy, though in my absence.

When my friend asked me about her, I also confirmed she’s cute and above all, matured. And the three of us by virtue of that introduction became close friends. However, my friend I must state clear here, is the acting boy friend, while as his bosom friend, I encouraged them and ensured their love for each other grows. Not quite long after, they stated having serious incompatibility problems. They quarrel themselves at every slightest opportunity. They would argue over trivial issues that should not matter at all. Even in the public, causing themselves embarrassments in some cases.

I became very worried and tried my best to settle their differences. In many occasions my idea of settling cases between them had worked perfectly, only for yet another trouble to ensue little time after. This lingered until I could notice a show of lack of interest in the relationship from either side. As a concerned dude, I called my friend in private and asked him what exactly the problem was, but he didn’t seem to know. I demanded to know if he has done his job as a man, because refusal of indulgence could throw some contemporary ladies into dismay. My friend yielded NO. I blamed him for that and at the same time advised him to go sleep with the girl to clear every emotional doubt. But he refused, telling me he wouldn’t want to portray a picture of sexual urge before the girl at that time which he considered too early. I said to him, four months after you‘ve been into this and you still consider it too early to make her feel like a woman.

Ok, since you are the point man, you know the best for yourself. While the problem between them lasted, the girl was wishing within her to switch over to me. But I did not know until one day, while she and I were coming back after we escorted her boy friend to his off-camp residence and coming back to our hostel rooms. On our way she kissed me. I objected and frowned against it, but she said since my best friend is her boy friend, she sees nothing bad in giving me such unconditional kiss. After all, I was a better man than him, she added. I became frightened and tried to protect my friend’s interest like every true friend should do. From that day she began to hide from my friend, but only wanting to see me.

Still I refused. Instead I planned to reconcile them but they both expressed explicitly they are no longer interested. After like six months, I pleaded with my friend to accept my reconciliation moves, but he objected. By then, the girl was disturbing me terribly, paying for my lunch, drinks, etc even when I was not there. When the temptation became too much, I asked my friend if he was going to be against any man he sees going out with the girl, but he denied, saying he would even thank the man for saving him the trouble. I called the girl and asked her why she was following me around, but she said, my friend in question never had any canal knowledge of her. What was her sin falling in love with me?

She even said she had brought up the topic before the room mates and they all encourage her to follow her heart. It was at that point I fell for her. And we started dating. Since then, we have been together even as by the grace of God, we are both engineers now (though she is still serving). It’s been like five years now and I don’t regret ever being with her. So does she never regret the decision she made. But my friend hated me with the believe that I betrayed him. And as adults now, I want reconciliation but do not know how to start. In your mind, do I really owe him an apology?

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35 answers

@POSTER

USING SHARIA LAW TO JUDGE YOU

YOU ARE LAIBLE TO 2000 STROKES OF CAIN

THEN THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS THAT, HOW ARE WE SURE YOU ARE TELLING THE TRUTH, YOU PAINTED THE PICTURE HERE AND YOU PAINTED YOURSELF VERY WELL, YOU EVEN PAINTED THE GIRL VERY GOOD

BUT I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT YOU HAVE HAND IN THEIR BREAKUP AND YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR THAT.

SELFISH MAN.

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What is friendship in this wicked world we live in right now?

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Seems like people don't understand the word "friendship". That so sad!!!!

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guy you tried, people like u dont understand friendship. 

is she the only woman in the world.

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OP is asking if an apology is necessary coz his dog in a manger friend is acting like someone went behind his back and stole his girlfriend. This is the same guy who told OP he'll be saving him. So now the relationship is going on strong even after five yrs, his acting like a victim.

I dare say. . . OP is a better person than i am coz if i were in his shoes, i'd so ignore that friend's immature Bottom and even provide the rope to go hang himself coz that's about the only way he's gonna not see me and the other person together. Asta la buh bye old friend. . . Better luck in your next love life. Pffftttttt!

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Rolling my eyes.

backstabbing ko, frontpiercing ni.

Long hissssssssss!

Heaven save us from emotionally stunted people who see the world as either black or white

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I don't know why you guys are talking like this, you just jump into your computer and allow jargon to be coming out of your mind and you start typing it, wao, try to have a little rethink on any matter before you respond.

What the guy do is not wrong, after all he seeks for his friend's advice, though he didn't speculate who, but the word anybody as already encompassed him, so his friend has nothing to be angry of, in his speech he said several times he has tried to settle there crosses but all to no avail in which the cause is from the guy, so what else do you want him to do, the guy in question does not know or not mature to handle ladies or crosses, which made him to lose the lady besides that lady also confirmed that she love this dude more than his dates,

guy go along with you babe, i wish you all the best.

cheers

posters, always digest before reply, and may i inform you, Seun please take note also, we dont want nuisance reply or watchdog words here, if you are not mature or you only want to make jest, kindly get out of the room, as you are not the type.

great NLLLLLLLLLLL

I am disappointed with the above statement." He seeks his friends advice"!!!!!!!!. Dude he is not suppose to even think of it in the first place.So if you argue with your girlfriend its a good reason for your friend to want your girl.

I think his friend is a gentleman by ignoring the back stabber.I know some dude that will tell you is okay just to keep you close and deal with you.What i know correct guys and gals do is try to make their friends relationship work by protecting their interest not painting them as evil as i will swear the back stabber did.What about CREDIBILITY among you homies.If its in my circle of friends you will be an outcast (marked man)[any thing you touch causes you loads of problems deliberately set for you}

If i were the poster i will hide my face in shame and pray never to meet my friend again.Most people have had problems in their life because of cases like this.

Its easy to forget an offense by a 'stranger' than a 'friend'.

Remember Julius Cesar "even you Brutus". He didn't mind others killing him but his friend.

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@poster,

Just answer this question,if you were in your friend's shoe,will you be happy?be sincere to yourself,its called back stabbing cuz he didn't sleep with the girl,is that enough reason?people are full of black hart, the friendship has ended,even with the apology,trust me on this one,and watch your back too.

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I don't know why you guys are talking like this, you just jump into your computer and allow jargon to be coming out of your mind and you start typing it, wao, try to have a little rethink on any matter before you respond.

What the guy do is not wrong, after all he seeks for his friend's advice, though he didn't speculate who, but the word anybody as already encompassed him, so his friend has nothing to be angry of, in his speech he said several times he has tried to settle there crosses but all to no avail in which the cause is from the guy, so what else do you want him to do, the guy in question does not know or not mature to handle ladies or crosses, which made him to lose the lady besides that lady also confirmed that she love this dude more than his dates,

guy go along with you babe, i wish you all the best.

cheers

posters, always digest before reply, and may i inform you, Seun please take note also, we dont want nuisance reply or watchdog words here, if you are not mature or you only want to make jest, kindly get out of the room, as you are not the type.

great NLLLLLLLLLLL

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good guy, so you latter helped your friend in poking his -ex.

very gOOOOOod job,  your relationship is also hearding for the rocks DEFINITELY.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU END UP LOOSING BOTH THEIR FRIEND  AND THE GIRL IN COMMON.

you should have poked this g, l in secret and discharged her.

NO  common sense!!!

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I've dated plenty people's ex's, but never my best friends. Its just not acceptable. Usually when a relationship I really wanted dosent work out, I try to put as much space b/w me and him as possible. Then to have my best friend fronting hime very time I turn around? I just cant have that!

I wont quarell with her, but I'll definitely give her some distance along with him!

Beleive it or not, there are many men and women out there, I dont have to date my best friend's ex and vice versa!

Well, not necessarily. Such a decision is very hard to make - choosing b/w the girl u love and your best friend. I'm sure he must have made that choice with the best of intentions, but you know what they say . . . 'the road to hell is paved with good intentions'.

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uju, u have spoken well. . . .  

but if he's beating himself up, thats becuz he knows deep down inside him that he aided and abetted the hijack of that r/l'ship else he'd have long forgotten about reconciliation or forgiveness and moved on with his broad - i mean the dame seemingly doesn't give a Bleep right, so why does he!? GUILTY CONSCIENCE!

lets face it, if he doesn't have any skeletons in his cupboard; by now he should have damned the whole s**t outta anger or utter frustration. . .  but after 5yrs, he's still pleading for audience - nigga plz!

& by the way; 5yrs together don't justify jack. . . .  it means zeeep. . . . . for all we knw, it could be d 5yrs of his life he rues d most!

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uju,

do u know how many peoples exe's u must have dated!

if there wasa rule that says u dont date anyone who has entered the ex zone, be it ur friend or not, we all wud be single.

there is just some craze over nothing, lets let things be.

i dont see the fuss over nothing .

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You did what you could, because of  our selfishness,  it just natural for the guy to behave that way.

A thing like this happened to most of us if we want to tell the truth. So my brother you can't really help him as far as you are still moving with the lady.

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Guy u really meesed up hw can u even think of dating ur friends ex talkless of doing it?i do tell people that ur guy babe suppose to be stinking to u she shud be a no go area for you now u ar askin if u owe him an apology,somebody shud slap u for even asking if na me b ur friend,kai walahi i no go pogibe u lailai.OLE, ASHEWO,BETRAYAL you don dey eye d girl tail tail na u even do juju make dem separate.

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True, but not with my best friend!

It's just not bearable and I wont take that!

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Mine are off limits to my gal friends. He can go out with any one he chooses to but not my friends especially not my best friend. I'm talking about me & my friends if other people don't have a problem with that its okay for them, thats a rule between me & my gals & i'm glad that we never crossed that line.

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please people be serious!

how do we say exe's are off limits!

if tins dint work out btw u guys, dont mean it wont work btw others.

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Well if my best friend decides to start dating my ex, I'll really feel bad. And I'll think they at least owe me an explianation why out of all the numerous guys and girls they decided to settle for each other.

But if I realize they really love themselves, I'll let them be. But will we still be best of friends? dont think so!

So poster I guess you had a choice to make and choose her. You choose to lose your friend over her and from what you are saying, I think she was worth it!

My advice, don't beat yourself over it. Let you friend be. Let him deal with you dating his ex and you have to deal with losing him as a friend. I guess you cant eat your cake and have it!

Do you owe him apology? Technically no! But if you put yourself in his shoes, you'll be able to at least understand how he feels!

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I don't know about guy's rules but for me my exes are off limits and me & my gals we have an understanding over that.

So i'd say u owe him more than an apology.

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I think u owe him one cos of the rules of friendship and from ur story, it seems u have planned the "snatching" all along!

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i cant say u have done right, but bro i cant fault you either.

what i will advise is that you call up your friend and make some kinda date to meet.

if he truely is a guy( i know dudes dont holdout for long), then he might forget the incidence.

not i refused to say forgive, since u did no wrong.

and make him know u still with her and still love the girl.

but my grand advise, never expect him to act so warm to her, cos the tension will forever be there,

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guy u broke te guy-code, na date u bestfriend's ex, cos now it looks like its cos of u, she was being difficult towards ur friend, cant blame ur friend U MESSED UP

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lets talk about it, call me on 08065249981

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@ poster

****** mimicking the boondocks kid********

Now. . . . thats a Dam Bottom move man!

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@whitelexi

thanks for that writeup. he knew wht he did was very wrong. u betrayed ur friend dude

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what the hell are u guys on about?

how did he betray the friend?

do u even know the meaning of that word betray?

mtchewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

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Your friend is a gentleman but you are not.You betrayed him and you know it but just looking to find justification for your crime.You never cared about your friends feeling except for your own selfish agenda.This was your plan from the first day you saw her.You put discord in their relationship.

Remember that a girl that left her boyfriend to date his best friend will might do so again. So be ready to loose her to your friendly neighbor after marriage.KARMA

I thought that there is a standard code for correct dudes about women and dating.

(1) Always protect your guys interest even if he bleeped up.

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Dudes, u all have done well with your analyses. I am getting relieved, though still waiting for more responses. I will like to apologise here for my continous lenghty posts. The reason is that i try always to create the complete picture of the situation. What good is it to post a rather incomplete story that would eventually results in writing pages to answer the questions that would emanate from NLs and which must be provided in order for good suggestions to be made.

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@Poster you did nothing wrong and there is no point crying over split milk when the milk is a blessing for that matter.

You did your best in clearing your mind before you started dating her but as a friend you owe him an apology just for the sake of it. Plead with him to accept reality and the importance of the everlasting friendship between you too.

Try as much as possible to make him and your GF good friends again and always ask her to give him his deserved respect as your very close pal.

You know how we do the man to man talking so i will not go there. Wish you the best.

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This is pure madness~

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Too long! . . .summarize plz.

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Even after we graduated from the higher institution and working, my best friend still holds enormous grudges against me. He was my classmate and bosom friend. We did almost everything together, including reading, writing and reporting assignments, eating, clubbing, politics, the list is endless. Even in the exams, we sat close to each other for mutual benefits, until this girl came in between us. My friend first met her and they were going out together. Then came one faithful day, my friend visited me with her. He introduced her to me and we both exchanged pleasantries. She confirmed to my friend that I was a gentle guy, though in my absence.

When my friend asked me about her, I also confirmed she’s cute and above all, matured. And the three of us by virtue of that introduction became close friends. However, my friend I must state clear here, is the acting boy friend, while as his bosom friend, I encouraged them and ensured their love for each other grows. Not quite long after, they stated having serious incompatibility problems. They quarrel themselves at every slightest opportunity. They would argue over trivial issues that should not matter at all. Even in the public, causing themselves embarrassments in some cases.

I became very worried and tried my best to settle their differences. In many occasions my idea of settling cases between them had worked perfectly, only for yet another trouble to ensue little time after.  This lingered until I could notice a show of lack of interest in the relationship from either side. As a concerned dude, I called my friend in private and asked him what exactly the problem was, but he didn’t seem to know. I demanded to know if he has done his job as a man, because refusal of indulgence could throw some contemporary ladies into dismay. My friend yielded NO. I blamed him for that and at the same time advised him to go sleep with the girl to clear every emotional doubt. But he refused, telling me he wouldn’t want to portray a picture of sexual urge before the girl at that time which he considered too early. I said to him, four months after you‘ve been into this and you still consider it too early to make her feel like a woman.

Ok, since you are the point man, you know the best for yourself. While the problem between them lasted, the girl was wishing within her to switch over to me. But I did not know until one day, while she and I were coming back after we escorted her boy friend to his off-camp residence and coming back to our hostel rooms. On our way she kissed me. I objected and frowned against it, but she said since my best friend is her boy friend, she sees nothing bad in giving me such unconditional kiss. After all, I was a better man than him, she added. I became frightened and tried to protect my friend’s interest like every true friend should do. From that day she began to hide from my friend, but only wanting to see me.

Still I refused. Instead I planned to reconcile them but they both expressed explicitly they are no longer interested. After like six months, I pleaded with my friend to accept my reconciliation moves, but he objected. By then, the girl was disturbing me terribly, paying for my lunch, drinks, etc even when I was not there. When the temptation became too much, I asked my friend if he was going to be against any man he sees going out with the girl, but he denied, saying he would even thank the man for saving him the trouble. I called the girl and asked her why she was following me around, but she said, my friend in question never had any canal knowledge of her. What was her sin falling in love with me?

She even said she had brought up the topic before the room mates and they all encourage her to follow her heart. It was at that point I fell for her. And we started dating. Since then, we have been together even as by the grace of God, we are both engineers now (though she is still serving). It’s been like five years now and I don’t regret ever being with her. So does she never regret the decision she made. But my friend hated me with the believe that I betrayed him. And as adults now, I want reconciliation but do not know how to start. In your mind, do I really owe him an apology?

P.S. OP paragraph is your best friend.

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Can someone pls summarise the post. I couldnt go beyound the third line/

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