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Do I Tell?

My boyfriends cousin who is extremely wealthy is asking me to sleep with him and he'll buy me a car for my next birthday. I'm not considering the offer, it's just that i don't know if to tell my boyfriend?. He practically worships his wealthy cousin as his cousin made him what he is today. I'm confused.

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51 answers

What is going on here?

I thought the OP was named El Gator?

So, why was her username changed?

In the sports section we have a certain nateev who cloned our own nateevs.

Debosky should know this.

Why are NL moderators selective?

What is the biggie about FL Gators that she can't have a similar username on NL?

Some things the mods do makes one wonder.

I think this is an act of injustice.

YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE CHANGING USERNAMES

Except on request.

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You should have got banned.

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She's confused because she doesn't know what to do? Why? If it was someone else from outside the family, will she keep it to herself? You might not find anything derogatory about it but that tone seems like if it was someone else from outside the family fold, this thread will never have existed. Maybe I need to state this again, why can't she tell her boyfriend? Does she have any premonition that he'll disbelieve her? Has she lied to him before that makes her think he will never believe her? This is a serious issue that any guy would take up and can never be laughed away. Does he love her? If he does, do they communicate at all? If they do, why can't she tell him? If they don't, why not? I believe her boyfriend should know the next minute his cousin tried this no matter how much he worships him; he can't possibly think she's lying against him unless she has done something of similar magnitude in the past. She has nothing to hide and may I tell you something else? If she doesn't tell him now, his cousin will keep more pressure on her and that will outburst to the knowledge of the boyfriend and do you know what happens next? The cousin will deny as will the girl and he(boyfriend) will admit they have been doing it behind his back and some sort of disagreement just blew it all out in the open. He'll leave her claiming she slept with his cousin and as the worship sting still exists between him and his cousin, they'll make up again but before he knows any further that she didn't do anything with him, the relationship is void. I'll be waiting on any guy in the house who will go against me on this one.Many women don't and some with very strong opinion do. I appreciate women who will go to any length to tell. Of course some people will take it the other way round and put it all on the woman but I believe it's the best thing for her because only then will she know she's been dealing with a jerk. When your man doesn't trust you, then the relationship isn't worth the headache -- I'm not saying he should jump into conclusions but he can at least, try to find out and know more, not even by asking the guy but by setting more traps for him and finding the truth. The women whom I have seen to keep this sort of situation away from their men, have had trouble with their men's trust level and broke the relationships while some were lucky to be believed by their men but were really blamed for not telling on the family relative. I do believe communication is important in a relationship and if such serious matters can't be discussed with your boyfriend then I wonder what else will be. What if she was Molested, won't she tell him? Will she keep that to herself? If she keeps it to herself, will she be justified when he finds out he had sex with her?

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[glow=teal,2,300] That quote was my question. [/glow]

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I believe that was a statement in response to one of your earlier comments 'This girl is another gold digger. She's confused because she wants to take the offer and wants a tip on how to keep it on the down low from her boyfriend.'

Fair enough this could be the case, I'm not saying it is neither am I saying it isn't, but we don't know that, maybe it's just me, but you put these statements across as though you knew for a fact that this is definitely the case, everybody has their conclusions, it's just the way we put them across that matters.

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I do not have the right to call them names anyways, they are adults and are entitled to choose their way of lives but when it comes to making other women look bad, then I start to have a problem with it. Do you know in Nigeria, women's actions are generalized? Anyways, what was the question again? Can you ask it a bit clearer?

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I'm so sorry sweetheart if it came across to you that way but can you honestly and conspicuously point two posts to me where I treated my assumptions as facts and show me why I treat them as facts? When you have done that, tell me you've never seen such. I'm not slamming anyone here, anything I say here is based on things I have seen happen at least twice. I have seen this situation happen many times -- a girl slept with his boyfriend's dad because he showed her the key to a brand new Toyota Corolla 2008; do you know what happened? She slept with him and took it, they both planned it out later to tell the guy his dad loves her as his son's girlfriend and bought her the car for being a good girl. How did I get to know? She supposedly asked her friend for advice(after she has slept with her boyfriend's dad) but she didn't own up he bought the car for her at that time, now what makes that any different from this? I still say it's bullshit that she doesn't know what to do. It's a choice she has to make, not a demand she has to meet up with.

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Platinumnk, yeah that's what she's looking for. If you understand where she's coming from, she's being a little defensive. Tell me what sane guy will turn around to accuse his girlfriend of trying to seduce his family member when she tells him his own family tries to get her in bed by some other means? Do you realize she said her boyfriend knows he's arrogant as well and is full of himself? What makes you think the cousin hasn't done that to any of his previous girlfriends? We have to be realistic and understand where she is coming from? OK, let me break it down. She knows definitely it's wrong to sleep with her boyfriend's cousin, then she's scared to tell her boyfriend? Why? How long have they been together? Has she exhibited any form of habit that will make his boyfriend doubt her? What's her past like? No matter how a guy idolizes his family, if he gets to know his idol made a sexual advancement to his girlfriend, the most and worst he'd do is doubt what her girlfriend says and delve to know what's up with his girlfriend's assertion --- he won't be so foolish to ask his idol if it's true unless he's a total jerk. He'll watch and if he does he'll find out; that's a little thing for anyone with common sense to know. If a girl has a his boyfriend/husband's family member abuse her and she doesn't tell, she's a fool and a Dam!

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Noticed something about you 'TheSeeker', you treat your assumptions as facts.

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This lady is just looking for support from peeps on here to let her have a ride on the boyfriend's cousin. She's matured enough to know what to do, so why come to NL in the first place to discuss this? What's she definitely expecting from people on her? She's expecting that we tell her it's nothing bad so she should go ahead and have fun with the guy and take the car as her birthday gift. Why the hell is she keeping track of his expenses if she wasn't interested in her? Why is she listening to all the details while he was saying them if she wasn't interested? You know what sweetie, go on and catch your groove, your boyfriend won't know. I'm being sarcastic though. On the other hand, don't you think it'll be honorable enough for you to tell your boyfriend instead of hiding under a flimsy excuse that he "worships" his cousin? No matter how a guy worships his family when it comes to showing off sexual advances, most men won't bother to find out the truth, they will swing into action: an action filled with venom and hate against the culprit even if it's their father. So what makes you think you'll be on the losing end when you tell him? What do you think he's going to say? What do you think his cousin is going to tell him? Do you have anything to hide? No guy, as long as he loves his girl, allows any man to flirt with his woman, not now and never! Be real to yourself and do what you gotta do, you already know what you want

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Thanks everybody for your advice.

@Moderator

Why did you people change my username? I'm not happy about this. Seems you are driving me out of Nairaland. Too bad.

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You people will end up confusing the girl.

Why not assume it's a true story and give advice.

I hate pessimism.

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I've heard you both - back to topic!

@ topic

Frankly people need to be less cynical, she could be really confused about what to do and not be a gold digger, y'all should lay off.

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@ EI GATORS

I believe you are not a golddigger, but that you are just genuinely scared of your boyfriend choosing not to believe his precious Cousin would do such, if you told him.

Tell him, if he flips out and accuses you of lying, then he is not meant to be your man then, because that just simply proves he does not love you.

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warning to Gaggi and na2day? - continue this exchange and you will both be banned.

Stay on topic from now on.

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Chei! Wetin i miss 4 here? See fight, dis fight suppose show 4 judgement day in wwe.

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And why would I bring any problem to NL? Jesus is Lord!

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u've got to love NL, someone asks for advice and it degenerates into a free for all!

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see me see trouble.

I think say na Fl Gators be the OP.

I don dey wonder since.

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Ok, you guyz need to chill. It is not that serious

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Y would u accept such offer. Many chicks will accept such but if u ever do such then u are the bigger fool

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C'mon theseeker no beef d chick naw, havnt u heard of opportunity cums bt 1ce.

@EL Gators

baby girl cum 2 tink of it, wat if it waz ur sista dat ur b/f wantd 2 f**k would she tell u? Girl c'mon 2 can definitely play d game cos ur nt even tinkin of a car in d nxt 5yrs or more. Aft d whole drama make sure u start anoda topic lyk

'help! Ma b/f is askn hw i got a car'

i promise 2 still give u advice on hw 2 get out of d poo

@fl gators

why dnt u give dat guy sum tutorials, guez it will improve his english skills

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This girl is another gold digger. She's confused because she wants to take the offer and wants a tip on how to keep it on the down low from her boyfriend. Newsflash! If you do it, you'll end up being an object of ridicule and you'll be discussed over some bottles of beer and peppered barbecue. The best thing for you to do is tell your boyfriend, or he will be the first to tell your boyfriend he had you when he actually hasn't and you'll end up being the loser. I see you telling someone he lost 80K over a bet on MAN U, what's that supposed to mean? Are you fronting for him that he has enough money to buy you the car? The problem with these types of girls is that they are easily bought over. I believe, that if he wasn't your boyfriend's cousin, this thread wouldn't have existed. Go figure!

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Ma dear, I don't have time to play with children.

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are u saying El and FL are thesame person?

i hope this post is not a bloody joke?

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I take it EL impersonated FL.

Since FL has more posts.

It could be fun though,

Like our nateevs and nateev.

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Dnt act surprised, my dear. Impersonation is not a new thing on NL

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So we're not likely to see a plane anytime soon?

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but that is precisly the point, her bf worships the man, what would very well happen is that she got booted to the curb.

Like how how women are afraid to tell on everybody favorite "uncle" that he sexually abuses them.

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and u know this because?

abeg stop decieving ur age at post,

we all know if nothing was at stake this issue wud be highly irrelevant and annoying in the first place.

sleepwith him or tell u bf.

thats just the two options u have.

i think u are moved by the benefits involved. ]

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no she doesnt.

She doesnt want to embarass her bfs cousin, nor doe she want to be inbetween her bf and her cousin who her apparently worships.

I feel ya girl, dont tell him but ask him hypothectically but dont make it seem like it is you. Once u find out his answer, then u go on from there. If he says he would be angry at his cousin, then tell him, if he says he wouldnt believe it, then make it like a setup and have him find out on his own. Arrange a meeting or something and have ur guy walk on it or something.

Good luck.

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If he has no money this topic, won't be up for discussion. You know what to do, lil girl, stop frontin'

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haa!!! greed!!!

it kills!!!

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Really tough choice.

Find a good time to tell your boyfriend.

Maybe when in bed.

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Tell him to buy the car first and see what happens.

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am sorry to say, but u find this chap appelaing, u just want to be in denial.

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from ur statements, it seems u sound like a straight girl and u aint gonna do it. Cool!!

i see no reason why u shouldn't tell ur b/f. that it might backfire? i dont think so. I blv it will make him love, trust and nlv u more. did i hear u say if he doesnt blv u? Fine, u move on cos i'm sure not believing u doesnt mean he will break-up with u. Moreover, it will put the randy cousin in check and will also make him understand the kind of person u are. (that is, he dare not try it again).

But if u decide to keep quiet, he will only blv u are contemplating the offer and that sooner or later he will have his way. (silence means consent.) remember?

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Please people, i'm not saying i want to sleep with my b/f cousin. The cousin is a crazy guy who gambles a lot (He actually lost N80,000 to my cousin during the last champions league game, betting MU will win the cup).

My point is that he has the money to spend and thinks he can tempt me with it, telling me my cousin won't know. I know he just wants to massage his ego. The thing is i would really like my b/f to know what kind of person his cousin is. I'm only afraid that iy might backfire and i'll be the loser at the end. My b/f never sees anything bad in his cousin, even though he is arrogant and extravegant.

About the cousin not buying the car is out of the question, because he can afford it, he has an oil servicing company. The guy is really rich and i think that gets into his head, making him think he owns the world.

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@ Poster,

Whether to inform ur b/f or not depend on some factors such as the ffw:

Is ur b/f mature enough to handle such ridicule act?

Hw close is ur b/f and his cousin?

Does ur b/f belief so much in his cousin?

Are u sure u've not met him (the cousin) sometime in the past?

Av u collected any gift from him without ur b/f knowing about it?

If u can answer these question with sincereity, u will definitely  know what to do.

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Is this like supposed to be a reincarnation of my ID?

Na lack of creativity dey do una

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well i think you shud tell cos this might be some trap to see how sincere u are.

your not tellingcud mean u are weighting the chances and ur b.f def wud not like it.

call him and tell him the situation, either he belives u or not, u have done whats right.

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Don't be carried away with material thing. Becareful! Ignor him.

A good name is better than material thing, he might give that care for the fact he want to slep wit you, but my dear resist the devil and he will flee away from you.

please tell.

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and there is no car, u r abt 2 lose twice as in double tragedy!

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Don't tell, it could backfire against you as it will be your word against his. BTW, guys always value who paved the way for them and hold such people in high esteem. If you can record the conversation on your fone, then you can decide to tell. If no evidence, don't dare.

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i see nothing to get confused about in this issue except u have a moral problem. Morally speaking, the best thing to do is to tell ur b/f immediately (cousin or no cousin)

on the otherway, if u are not so serious abt the relationship, u could as well consider the offer and get wateva u could get but it still boils down to the fact that u will be stabbing ur b/f in the back. If u hav conscience at all, i believe u wont do that.

My opinion: Tell him fast and put the randy cousin where he belongs.

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Don't tell!

It's of no use, girlfriends come and go but family stays forever.

Even if he Molests you, i'm sure his cousin would last longer than you in his life.

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@Poster

The offer tempted you hence your confusion.

Dwell more on the moral side of the offer and less on the reward,you'll get the answer you seek.

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If u can play d game dont tel but if u cant play d game pls do tel.

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