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Do Men Decieve Women Or Do Women Decieve Themselves?

i was watching a foreign series on TV the other day titled "SEX AND THE CITY" when a woman in her 30's who was just dumped by a guy who she had been advised against dating was oportuned to over hear the discussion of two young women in their teens who where going tru a similar experience as she just past through. she gave them some useful advise telling them that they should forget the guy and that he was not worth it (she same advise she had earlier recieved from a friend but had rebuffed) and all the thank you she got for her trouble was insults from the two young teenagers.

Oprah said on her show that millions of women date and marry liers. its like they don't like the truth.

At the end of the day women often complain that men lie to them and decieve them but i think the truth of the matter is that women make up their minds to be decieved from the begining. They know someone is not good for them but they stay  on in a bad relationship all in the name of love or because they have been together for long. At the end of the day, they end up staying longer in  a going nowhere relationship and eventually get their hearts broken or thier hopes shattered.

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53 answers

It has always amazed me.I think it has to do with women projecting the desire to settle down for marriage or something meaningful before any meaning relationship is clearly established. Some have this " It Must Lead to Marriage" mentality which exposes them to be gullible and emotionally unrestrained. Most guys would tell me that if they talk to 10 women, 7 would like to be in a serious relationship; looking forward to marriage, while men on the other hand see themselves as not being ready for marriage. As a matter of fact, only 2 out of 10 men would most likely be committed to a relationship leading to marriage. So my question is why is it that those 7 women do not see that their chances of getting married to that guy is less than 30%? 1 man finds 2 out of 10 women to be wifey materials, while 7 out of 10 women find the same man to a husband material. So where is the balance?

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women choose to believe what they want to believe and that sometimes includes deceiving or lying to themselves although the problem is that they often end up finding someone to blame for their mistakes rather than take responsibility for their actions.

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It is unfortunate that some women today are more gullible than before because of the "fight" to remove their "single" status under no circumstances. They will accept a lie knowing it is not the truth just to be with a man. As you can see many of these women who are duped come online not just Nairaland but other social networks shared by friends that they are being used, lied, and mistreated.

My take on this is if you CHOSE to close an eye on the obvious then you should accept anything that comes with desperation and not being cautious. We take risks but do not be a fool doing so.

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Men have their sweet words and are all nice, honest, kind, blah blah blah for a little while. They get you sucked in til you realise the real person behind the lies and acting then your in so deep its hard to get out. So, YES, men decieve women to get what they want. Its not our fault we see good in people til they screw us over!!

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Women are nice but they can be so crazy sometimes , I brought my girl a gift could u belieave after i left she called me a MUGU , LOL GOD

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but in must cases women fuc.k up and is the man that we be blam

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@poster!! they decieve theselves by not asking the right question before enbarking in any relationship thereby blaming men for their troubles.

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maybe but women are the originators of deception if you ask me.

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at the end of the day women just believe what they chose to believe.

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women are a lost cause so forget them

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i think i generally agree with you

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seriously u would think that some women would learn from their mistakes but the truth is that it is not so. many women are so blinded by love that they do not read or see between the line believe me it is silly. who in love could u be with e man that u cant read the red lights. in my own opinion i would say that women deceive them selves i would welcome a contrary view.

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@ question

Both. + women deceive men too

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We always give men the chance to deceive us anyways, so why the argument?

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Men who deceive women are plenty, but most ladies end up deceiving themselves more because they are in denial and think " well, this guy may come back to me or he may change to a new leaf"

they wait and wait and nothing changes, till you see them with another lady!

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Concerning the OP;

Often it's a mixture of giving the guy too much benefit of doubt.

Nobody wants to be betrayed and lied to, though I understand that some women are aware that they shouldn't be in the relationship, but yet they continue, those women will hopefully learn their lessons, because sometimes you just have to let logic take control.

It is the idea from movies and hollywood, that love only comes once in a lifetime, or that there is ONE person made for you, so these women when they end up with 'bad guys' they hack it through, keep at it, though it's not good for them. These type of personality traits are what 'good men' look for in a wife, a woman who will try her best to make the relationship work, no matter what, even if it is falling apart. But often these women find themselves attracting these type of guys.

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think you may have a point there. just that the blame laying should stop. we should learn to take responsibility for our mistakes as adults and not be laying blame.

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I don't believe someone is deceiving someone,All i believe is that if you are deceiving someone you are indirect deceiving yourself.Nobody is fooling anybody.

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and they are always the ones to cause the problem in the first place

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women are always looking for someone to take responsibility for thier failures. they never want to accept responsibility.

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The truth is, women assist men deceive them and their fellow women. They're sometimes too dumb to notice that the deceit game is no longer running in their favour.

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As long as they're not broke/ugly, they need not be scared.

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@albridge

I ll let you tell it

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That dosent mean it right for you gusy to deceive women. Think of how u'd feel if someone does it to your sister/daughter.

A guy approached me one day and said " I might not be bale to give you what you need, marriage , attention, money and all, but I want to date you, and I'll try my best to be faithful to you and give you what little time I can manage". I felt insulted untill I realized that the diffrence with this guy is that he told me what he intended to do, which is what they all end up doing. HE dint try sweet talking and I had a choice - to take him for who he was or get!! I knew wat I was gettin into so u cant catch me complaining.

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Good student.

after all, guys are not to be totally blamed, right?

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We ladies often know the truth despite what the guy tell us. But most of the time, we decide to believe what we know is not true, just to make ourselves happy. In the end, we are hurt. Its part of the disadvantages of being a woman!!

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they guys only tell the babes what they want to hear since they have tried telling them the truth in the past but it didnt work. so now the play to the tune of the babes and tell them what them want to hear and even if she knows its not true she doesnt care (thats is of course until he tells her its over or she catches him with another girl) cos she just wants to hear what she wants to hear.

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@topic

I think it's both ways, albeit women deceive themselves based on what the guy made them believe. It's very complicated, but at some pointed time the truth exposes itself.

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works both ways though. . .

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Now i understand,

God made girls beautiful and attractive, so guys can fall for them.

And made girls silly, so they can fall for us.

Life oh Life!

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I dont understand generalization of men or women.

Each person is different. Each person loves differently, each person communicates differently, each person is different.

For instance:

My neighbor and i are both married to Nigerian men, both Yoruba men but both totally different.

My husband is romantic

Hers is not

Mine pays the bills on time

Hers she gets cut-off notices

Mine travels but takes care of home first

Hers travels and she is left to fend for herself

Mine is faithful

Hers cheats

Mine comes home every night

Hers 3 x's a week

I cant look at her man and say that he is bad because he is Nigerian, or I can just look and say he is a bad husband and not a good man but all Nigerian men are not like that.

If we just stopped lumping all men and women into these groups then i think we could communicate better. The ability to have free will makes all of us different and thus we have to be treated differently. If the person you chose to date does not met your standards then just move on.

Because your new woman does not respond the way your old woman did, does not mean all women are confussed just that they are different. Their expectations, needs, wants, desires are different. And each person (man or woman) should be approached from that stand point. Thus the need to date, to try that person on for size, to take if for a test drive, and to figure out if it is a good fit.

Not all women are confused just the ones you have dealt with or maybe they are confussing to you because you did not take the time to find out what their expections, needs, wants and desires are. Spend a little more time getting clarity on what she needs before you start assuming what she wants. Cuz you know what they say "assuming makes and Bottom out of you"

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in addition try to tell them when you ladies have your meetings to please make a change for the better.

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well, i think most women don't actually know what they want.

when you call them three to five times a day, they complain they that the guy is not giving them a breathing space. Don't call them for one or two days, they tell say you are not caring.

You try to show them love by showering them with gifts, they say you are trying to buy their love. Don't buy them anything and they say, you're stingy.

Give them respect, they say you don't have self esteem. Don't respect them, they say you don't know how to treat a woman.

Give them attention, they say you're easily available, weak and pestering. Don't give them attention, they say you don't love them or you're probably seeing someone else.

When they have opportunity of choosing between a good guy and a bad guy, they go for the bad guy because they say that the good guy is too weak, dull and boring. when the bad guy breaks their heart and dumps them after sucking the juicy part of them out like an orange and throws it into a waste bin like a piece of junk, they cry out their life, saying that men are bad.

The truth is that MOST women don't really know what they want and they end up deceiving themselves.

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There are only two things sure in this world.

Death and Very Rich topics

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Some men would even carry 3 girls at a time to feel like a player/loved.

What they don't know is, who wins at the end. The women might be with him because of his money, as a revenge for the other girl/ for the fun of it. I say, men are plain silly sometimes.

Btw, who has to pay child support?

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Of course it goes both ways, duh.

It just depends on who falls for it more often.

Men think they're smart, but they don't know they're actually walking into the lioness's den.

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If you know it goes oth ways why continue the strawmans?

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Men let themselves be deceived, don't they?

Well,it goes both ways sha.

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Aren't these women instead?

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Men deceive women big time

Women barely deceive men, men just want to believe what they want to believe.

Let's just say, humans deceive humans.

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Men deceive but women also help in the deceit!

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Yes very gullible. When their emotions are betrayed they become deceitful - most of them.

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i really dont agree that its innocense. are you trying to tell me that all women or even most women are innocent? you know thats not true. its not really innocence. i think its more like guilibility.

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People see and believe only what they want to. . . its an individual trait and has nothin to do with being male or female

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ahh sisi that is one of my favorite songs. and it surely speaks the truth. When you finally find a man you feel fits that total package of "Homie, Lover, Friend" then you dismiss everything your friends and family say. You feel that they don't know what they are talking about and just trying to become an obstacle in your relationship. In your eyes, you see this incredible man that in a sense completes you. Even when things start getting dark, you still can't leave. He has a hold on you. Not a physically hold but emotional. The memories of the times you spent together, how you held hands in the park, and fell asleep on the phone. You know things aren't how they use to be but, you love him. He is your other half and what would you been with out him. But are you when you are with him?

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You shouldn't waste time on that fatiguable theory.   It can be abolished from too plenty a direction.

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@poster

Yes there are some ladies that rather hold on to memories of when times were good and romantic. So they stay thinking that some how things will go back how they use to be. Men do the same thing too. But you can't say that deceit is instilled in a woman's brain as if we have no common sense.

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iice don't mind him. Though I kind of agree. Your probability of meeting a deceitful woman over a honest one is 3/4

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