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He Does Not Give Me Gifts?

My friend asked me to post this for her because she does not have a computer. Here are her words below.

Please help me figure him out. i am dating him he is nigerian. He is very good to me, with one exception. He does not buy me gifts. No Birthday, No Valentines day, Nothing. I am reading here that Nigerian men are good providers and that doesnt seem to be the case with mine.

He is very good to me. He always calls and we spend alot of time together indoors.He speaks to me respectfully and compliments me all the time on my beauty and intelligence. Whenever i call him he answers right away, but he never offers to pay for anything that i need, even if he knows that i am stuggling. Instead he jusgt provides supportive words, and makes sure that I take care of it the best way I can. We both work, and I can take care of myself, but shouldnt he offer when times are a little tight for me?

He always sends large sums of money to his people back home each month, and i figure that is why he can't offer me anything. I tried to complain once, but all he says was that he will buy me something soon.

I have loaned him money before and he has repaid me. Christmas is coming. I usually buy him something. Should I buy him a gift this year?

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106 answers

@ Poster

I can relate to what your friend is saying, i love gifts not because am materialistic but  because it makes me feel loved. I got my boyfriend a gift for xmas but got nothing in return (He earns much more than i do). It still hurts but i made up my mind not to allow it bother me altho i feel its stinginess. Nobody has a right to judge your friend because our fantasies differ. Next valentine will be the first i wiil be having with my man and his attitude will determine if i will go on with him because I am a very romantic person .  On the other hand maybe he dosent see any big deal in it. She should just handle it carefully and let him know how much such gestures mean to her. Wish her the best in her relationship.

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@poster

its not a must that he would offer u gifts

wat if he doesnt have?

u got to throw him out?

men, time for man no de pass o

at 50 yrs self

man fit harmmer

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i hope this helps. how can animals know things you cant work out? http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/7797776.stm

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/6610447.stm

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like i said mention the change and how it bothers you. simple

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just talk to him about the change and how you feel that you are not being appreciated.

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no i am using her laptop.

i am with him because the drama with my ex ended. he wanted to be all in my business trying to find out who i was dating and i did not want any problems.

i went to my current bf and told him that i made a mistake and that i wanted to try again. i truly do love him. he accepted me back and said he was praying for my return. everything went back to normal onlygifts or going out.

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yes karmamod he took me out all the time during the first year. but i dropped him like a hot potatoe.

i did not want to drag him into the mess of my relaitonship with my ex, so instead of telling him the truth i jusgt abrupyly told him i was not ready for a relationship yet.

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So why are you with him again?

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icecold, once when i asked for help he said he was broke but he tried to help me research to solve the problem at a less costly rate. i was so offended that i dont ask anymore. because i felt like he should have offered.

i know that he sends money to the mother of his child. but shouldnt he? it is his child afterall. I have a child myself and my ex gives me money for my daughter.

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In other words the no gift policy is his revenge for breaking up with him before, ?

Sure got yourself a keeper. Not.

Really he's probably bothered by something that happened then. Did he used to take you out in the first year? You two should talk it out and you should mentioned how he has changed and see what he has to say. simple.

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i have dated him for 4 years.

we do not live together but i spend each weekend with him

he has a child in nigeria but he says that he is no longer with the woman

we broke up during our first year because i wasnt ready for the relationship. and that is when he had his child. he said i hurt him so bad during that time. but since we've been back together no gifts even though he did give me gifts during that first year before he break up.

But he does treat me special and is very caring and loving towards me

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In all honesty i think the bobo is jst using u to maintain.His real family is in Nigeria.Ur there for the lonely nights and the general lonesomeness we all suffer from once in a wyl.He buys gifts all the time for other ppl but not you.The guy wont spend on u lest u become a liability.

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some men are just like that. just let him know that give is ur love language and it is one of the best ways he came proof his love for u. and don't stop given him gifts.

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more like a place for you really.

I hear they have space for sarcastic people who actually think they are funny. You'd fit right in too.

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I really would like to know how long you have been dating him?

Have you been to his house?

Are you sure there is no other wife?

Is he supporting another household, other than the money he sends home on a monthly basis?

I can understand your desire not to want to have ask him for anything and that you feel that by leading by example he will "get it" but maybe answering some of the other questions listed above might shead some light.

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maybe you should find an adult forum?

Try Naija Village Square. I hear they are all humorless and uptight. You'd fit right in.

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*sigh*

This place is becoming a kiddies play ground.

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ok, so I'm not a genius at this whole relationship thing. But I got a couple of questions for the OP's 'friend':

How long have you been dating him?

Do you guys live in the same house?

Really, I understand your 'friend's' plight. Refusal to give him gifts also will not solve the problem in any way. It will just make you even more frustrated, trust me. Some guys, you'll stop buying the gifts and they still won't notice any difference and will still continue their no-gift-giving habit. That will only make you even angrier than getting back at him which was your initial aim.

If you've been dating for a while say 2 years and he hasn't bought you a single gift even after you bought him gifts severally and even confronted him about it and yet nothing, best thing is to dump his Bottom!

If you live in the same house with him, then that's another problem. I'll reserve my comments on this one until I get your replies.

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Gifts is not everything

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Talk to him,listen to what he has to say about it!

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ladies we dont appreciate wat we hav until we lose it. u've said dis guy is sweet and always there but not for gifts or money. He might not be seeing it as a bad thing, it si ur duty to make him understand how desperate u ar for a gift.

if u keep telling him even if he gets angry or doesnt want to hear it just keep sayin it, but mind u, am not sayin lock his shirt ao shout on top of ur voice, tell him in a calm way and giv him dat look,

tell him wen u ar both in a good mood, maybe after sex!

Am sure men ar not dat hard, u just need to know how to do ur thing.

believe me, if he really cares for u and deosnt wanna loose u, he will get u something BIG

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the fok wey him dey fok you no be enough gift? abi you go fok yourself?

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I agree with Ify . . C'mon why bother youresfl over unnecessary things. If the guy dosent buy you gifts, then stop buying him too. If he dosent spend on the r/ship, stop spending on the r/ship as well.

If he cant buy you an xmas or b/day gift, dosent mean he dosent love you, it just means he's stingy.

So you become stingy yourself . . spend your money on yourself. Trust me, if you let it continue, even if he's very rich, he'll still not buy you gifts.

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@op

have u ever asked him 4 stuffs,

and did he refuse uu?

if yes did he give reasons?

even the bible says ask and it shall be given unto you!

but i really do not know why some guys would have to wait for their babes to ask for stuffs first

personally i wldnt even stay for that long in a relationship where i am d only one giving out.

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poster, stop being silly. . . .the fact that he's buying gift for others/rubbing it in your face/then bleeping you till your eyes pop out is enough to suggest that you're just a "5 min" intimacy gadget.

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agree to what? thats if you were talking to me

Simple!

na wa, hia!

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And when you start giving him sex because he is buying you gifts, you become a prostitute!

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googgggggggg. NP just stop the sex, i know men na. it will become worse even

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thanks eveyone.

karmamod do you really think if i stop having sex with him he will begin giving gifts?

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haba, baby na so oh. I dey bloody alright

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And before i leave, merry Xmas in adv to everyone plus a great new yr we all looking forward to.

if y'all feel like responding to these sad, untrue, boring and epileptic threads, may God let y'all respond to more in 2009. Amen

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I buy you a digital camera on your birthday and you give me a kiss on my birthday.

My name nor be mugu. Show me that biatch who has been having your gifts.

@ poster

Someone else is eating your grape. If I were you, I'd kill the worm.

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@ all

What is wrong in wanting gifts since she also buys them for him?

What is he giving that she is not giving?

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thank God for some maturity on this thread.

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yes yes i agree, its juz that i'm getting started. i need to wipe this thread off totally

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@OP

Seriously, seriously. WOW How How. . . . . . . I mean I'm totally speechless. Do you really need our advice?? I mean come on. You know what your situation reminds me of,

Never mind. . . .  I can see who is on this particular thread I don't feel like arguing tonight.

So anyways, on the real, what the hell you buying him gifts girl?? Shizzzzzz use that money to treat yourself. That is what I would do. I notice a guy aint buying me squat. . . . take my Bottom to the Body Shop or Victoria Secret and treat myself to all the lotions and body sprays I can lay my hands on. But thats just me.

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i really dunno how to bring pestilence to this thread and errone wit it. any bright ideas pls?

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abi o dem turn us to magaa

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then i won't say we all silly for replying to this thread oh, God help us. i need real stories pls

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@MSMAMASITA

It is either you are his bootycall or he just isn't used to buying gifts even though from the evidence you are giving here  tends to point to the former i think you should use your head here

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This Mamsita is just taking us on a long ride. No one can be this silly!!!

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stop buying gifts? why?

How has that solved her problem?

He's bad so i'll be petty back? At the end of the day . . . the girl is worse off than she started.

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TALK TO HIM! Ah ahn!

LOL - Winch friend? LOL!

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lol. i love self-centred folks

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Original poster: the creator of the thread.

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Mamasita incase you wanna fabricate another story.make it credible.you have two options 1. Dump him and get a richer guy 2.stay there and manage. Cuz your thread is pretty dumb.it's just that we're compelled to post cuz we're bored

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That's called Booty call with special needs

next steps . . .  AWAY FROM HIM!!! walk in a different direction, use the money to buy yourself some handkerchiefs and perfume.

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Go ahead and buy him the gift . . . all these petty "he didnt get me one so me too i wont get him one" isnt doing anyone any good.

If he doesnt get you one then quietly ask him if he forgot or just didnt think it was necessary. Its important that he understands the reason you want the gift is because it symbolises how much you mean to him and not just because you are greedy for something. Tell him your gift is because you care so much about him and want your gifts to be a way he can always remember you by.

If he doesnt get you anything after this . . . only the rock of gibraltar can change him.

Heart to heart talk woman . . . if you're dating a guy it shldnt be difficult getting to express your innermost feelings to him. I mean you already talk long hrs . . . dont let it be current events alone. Talk about you too.

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