«Home

How Do I Become My Wife’s Best Friend?

I have been married for over 10 years, but recently my wife told me that she does not love me. Even worse, she said she had never loved me and worst of all she said that of all the men she has been intimate with in her life (she listed them – and painfully enough I know them too because she double dated with each of them during our courtship) I am the only one who does not satisfy her or give her pleasure. That in fact I have never given her an heavenly feeling yet all these guys have.

Before you say that she is merely being spiteful, she was saying all this with flood of tears and anguish. As you can imagine, it was equally extremely painful for me to her such words. The anguish can never be expressed in words and I do not wish my worst enemy to hear such words.

Naturally, I asked the following questions:

1. But how did it come to this?

2. But we have been married for over 10 years, when exactly did you begin to feel this way?

3. Why did you proceed to the wedding

4. Why did proceed to have children with me

5. Why didn’t you end it soon enough

,  answers she gave to these questions to follow.

Avatar
Newbie
29 answers

There is notin hidden under de sun dat cannot come out especially emotions,it is not over yet sometin can b done.Both of u shld sit down & discus,with Godss help it shall b well Goodluck.

0
Avatar
Newbie

It's going to be interesting how this one turns out, as the poster stated in his first post, the woman does not love him and has never loved him in the 10 years they have been married, I am assuming the man will EVENTUALLY grow on the wife but clearly it hasn't happened until now, all the best poster, this whole love thing is tricky if you ask me!

0
Avatar
Newbie

People sef!

Even before the poster came back with his answers, una don crucify the woman!

We don't even know her side of the story!

We're shouting for this man to leave his wife after 10yrs! 10yrs!

@Poster:

My broda, if you love your wife, pls I beg you oh! Stay with her and make it work

If she says you don't satisfy her in bed, go out of your way and learn how to.

Ask her what works for her, use the internet as a research tool, buy creams, lubes, whateva!

Just make it work!!

Ask God for wisdom, ask Him to direct ur path, ask Him for strength to go thru this. . .

You can't do it on ur own. . . .U need His strength. . .

0
Avatar
Newbie

Hmmmm! wonders shall never end. I know its very hard for u to move on but its just the truth. I don't av a solution to ur problem but the decision is now urs whether u still want her to stay with u or u want to forget her and take care of ur children. Whatever decision u take God will help u. It hurt but kpele.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Then dont leave her, if you love her, you can as well forgive her and move on, painful poo i must say, but if God forgives the most terrible sinners, who then are we not to forgive? (although bear in mind that you dnt satisfy her in bed like she wants! Big issue)

If you also want to leave, you are justified to do that , if she also wants to leave, let her go

The fact of the matter is that the Ball is in your court

0
Avatar
Newbie

Being the person in the frontline, I can tell you it is not that easy to simply walk away. There are so many factors holding you back, the pressure form family, the children, the love you have, the financial investments.

Believe me, if it was that easy, I would have been gone.

0
Avatar
Newbie

@ poster, do you still love your wife wholeheartedly ?

0
Avatar
Newbie

Dilemma, it also doesn't seem like FredyP is able or willing to let go of her YET, sounds like he is hoping for a miracle, goodluck man, your situation is tricky to say the least!

0
Avatar
Newbie

Ok, stop. I'm really trying not to be judgmental; I really am. But the above? Don't even let her try that with you. She doesn't seem to get what she's done to her family if she's asking you to carry the brunt of the situation. To put things plainly: your wife comes off as selfish.

0
Avatar
Newbie

she never loves u in d first place, maybe she is jus desperate to add MRS to her name simple.

0
Avatar
Newbie

I do not cheat or beat my wife.

I am a very responsible man and I have a great deal of care for my family, physically, emotionally and financially.

0
Avatar
Newbie

@Tink_sh

She takes some responsibility and says I have to tak the most responsibility.

[quote][/quote]

I'm sorry but she is totally responsible for her own actions. She chose to use those cruel words on the father of her children. The lack of respect astounds me. You at least deserve respect as the father.

Did you cheat on her or beat her? If not she has no reason to complain she is just blaming you to justify her behaviour. I am truly sorry, i have no advice on how to move forward. I only know that you have to protect and love your children. They deserve much better than a mother who puts herself first. I apoligise if i sound harsh but women like this give the rest of us a bad name!!

0
Avatar
Newbie

I do not really know what to do. I think about the kids growing up in a loveless home, I think about the shattered confidence and how to get it back, i think about how i can ever love any woman again, I am seriously confused.

@Tink_sh

She takes some responsibility and says I have to tak the most responsibility.

0
Avatar
Newbie

My heart breaks for you, truly. There is no reason any person would say those things, even if its the truth, unless to break your heart. She had no right to lay all that on you. I have no words to describe a woman like that. You dont do that to someone you love or even to the father of your babies!!! Discusting and vile words!!! I dont understand though why you married her when you knew she was cheating. Sometimes we need to open our eyes, marriage doesnt change people for the better it only highlights their weaknesses.

I pray for your heart to heal and pray for your babies in this mess.

Is she taking any responsibility?? For the decision to marry, for the cheating, for bringing innocent children into the marriage if she knew all this?

0
Avatar
Newbie

So Fredy, what are your plans?

0
Avatar
Newbie

Dont go that way young man, you'll end making your life miserable. True, women can be cruel, but that is not to say that you can never be happy with one. Your choice goes a long way in making you happy. Dont base the most important decision in your life on irrelevant thing!

am sorry, I do not understand the quote above - particularly the text in bold.

0
Avatar
Newbie

It's because of threads like these i am not longer keen on getting married anytime soon.Women are totally impossible to please and living your life just to please them is a total/complete waste of time.Check out this website to see what their fellow woman has to say about them and you'll have a clearer view of how messed up women are in the head :

http://womensinfidelity.com

@Poster

Don't bother trying to be her friend.She wants to end the marriage and i can bet N1,000,000 that she's sleeping around already.She probably met a guy that out performs you in bed, she might not call that person's name but that of people in the past (who you know).Check out the website i listed above, read through it carefully and digest it.

I don't need to type much.By the time you are done reading, you will know that stressing yourself over that LovePeddler you call a wife is not worth it.Matter of fact, NO WOMAN is worth the headache.Our forefathers of old knew this that was why they married several women.That time they will spend making your life miserable will be spent squabbling over themselves.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Classic! *Shakes Head*

0
Avatar
Newbie

Dear NLers, thks for ur reps. the ans below:

1.   But how did it come to this? - she did not have the courage to say it all this while, but it has been the case since the begining, because i did not allow frindship to flourish before entering to courtship

2.   But we have been married for over 10 years, when exactly did you begin to feel this way? - from the very begining because of the above

3.   Why did you proceed to the wedding - she thought it would improve

4.   Why did proceed to have children with me - same as above

5.   Why didn’t you end it soon enough - same as above

On the double dating, this info only came to light after the union.

0
Avatar
Newbie

FREDYP, I am still waiting for the answers she gave to the questions before making comments. anything I say now will be mere assumptions since the full picture is not clear

0
Avatar
Newbie

Sad, really sad. Her answer before my question.

The way the cookie crumbles,

0
Avatar
Newbie

Som pple can b heartless, why d hell did she marry u in d first. @poster i wil like to hear her reason abeg

0
Avatar
Newbie

Kick her f**kin' Bottom out.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Hey guyz, Naughty Lady. Is a very mean word. Puhleeese, wait out d ans be4 calin names. Poster bera hury up.

0
Avatar
Newbie

. . . I'm waiting for the answers she gave, please.

0
Avatar
Newbie

I don't know how to answer your question but your post breaks my heart. I can't imagine my spouse being so cruel (honest or not, her actions were cruel, especially considering how she's felt these past 10 years). What exactly brought about her confession? Have you asked if there is someone or something else? I wish you both the best.

0
Avatar
Newbie

while i'm waiting for your answer, let me be quick to say your wife is a b.i.t.ch solely for the reason that she proceeded to tell u all dis after 10yrs, 10 years which u might have been happier with some one else, well dis is a one sided view as i don't know your wife's version of events

0
Avatar
Newbie
Your answer
Add image

By posting your answer, you agree to the privacy policy and terms of service.