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How Do You Get A Person To Trust You Again?

Hi Guyz,

I don't know where to start but let me just get straight to the point. I met this guy last year when I was in separation with the guy I dating for 2years then, talk about bad timing. So I told him that I'm in a long distance relationship(which I was), I never mention the break up because i still loved the guy(long dist bf) I was with then. So after 2months we together he became so jealous and start checking my every move including checking my fone. I got back with the guy(long dist bf) I was dating before I met him and if he sees a call or an sms from him(long dist bf), he would go crazy as if he didn't know about this other guy(long dist bf). I even had to lie to him and say I broke-up with the other guy(long distance bf). So this other night the guy(long dist bf) I was dating before him called me around 3am and kept calling about 4times. He went mad and left me after that. I told him how sorry I was for picking the call at that time. He was angry in a way that it was like I was cheating on him or something which I wasn't cause I told him that I had a boyfriend 1st time and he said he doesn't mind. Even though the reason why I dated him was because I was angry at the boyfriend(long dist bf) I was with at the time  but I developed strong feelings for him and fell deeply in-love with him.

So now its been more than 3months since this happened and I even broke-up(4 real dis time) with the guy he left me for(its strange cause the reason he left was that he believed that I will never break up with this other guy(long dist bf) cause 1. I was with him for long time, 2. I loved him(long dist bf) more than i love him). And to be honest I wasn't gonna break my 2year r/s bcz of a 4months r/s but things worked out on their own, I found out the bf(long dist bf) i didn't want to dump was busy cheating on me wit a bunch of ladies. So me and the guy in question, we were still in-contact as friends. 3weeks back we met and he told me that he still loves me and all this time has not been easy for him so we decided to try again but take things slowly. But now its like things are too slow and its driving me crazy. I hardly see him or sometimes he will not call for the whole 2 days. He told me that he is still trying to find a way to trust me again cause I lied to him, and he don't wanna get hurt again and I understand that. But now how do I make him trust me again?  I really want things to work this time.

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20 answers

@Poster,

Simple,just earn it!

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I didn't go after him, he came back on his own.

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I think you should go with EYES SHADOW'S advice, allow this guy to go; start a new life,if he really need you he will come back sincerely but with the look of things coupled with Ur explanation i think he comes back to revenge for the pain you once cause him so you need to go first before he ask you to stop coming to him.

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It's unfortunate but I think this guy is going to always have difficulties trusting you. Just because you appeared to have cheated doesn't make you a cheat but with him you may be made to feel like one most of the time. Also, trying to prove yourself all the time can be exhausting. My opinion? Let him go; give yourself time to get over this terrible experience and with time you should meet someone with whom you can start on a clean slate.

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Mind you, i am not two timing anyone here. If you read my post well i said i met him when i just broke up with my ex , so its not like i was cheating on anyone and when i got back together with my ex. He left me before i even got the chance to explain things to him. And now he is back and this time again i broke up with my ex(the 1 he left me for). Its just now he wants to take things slowly and i want an advise in how to make him trust me again  and not think i will go back to that ex bf again.

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Trust is earned. You have to work for it.

Be contented that there is effort of both your sides to work towards it.

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With your two timing Bottom. You will end up becoming a fork buddy. They know you aren't wife material.

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@poster,

I guess by the time both of you stay closer,he will get to trust you.

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I didn't cheat on him, i just got back with the guy i was having problems with before i met him(which he didn't even know about the problems in the 1st place), coz i told him that i was in a r/s. And the guy i got back with was miles away for him to even get mad.

Can you explain what you mean?

We kinda working on the trust thing and he is being back to his old self around me but slowly.

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Well; I’ve heard this kind of story many times.

Truth of the whole matter is that long distance relationships don’t work. Believe me, I’ve tried it before it doesn’t work; telling someone I love you through a phone doesn’t make a sense; your presence is highly required in order to move the relationship forward.

About your new guy trusting you; trust isn’t just a word, you have to put it into practice it. Let him know that you’ve changed for real this time; and you’re willing to learn from your previous mistakes.

Good luck.

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True word Sweet T has spoke, some guys are so unforgiving, they bring up past issues during the wrongest times and this makes one feel so BAD even if what happened wasnt your fault. I kinda feel you though, talking about "take it slow" thang. To be honest, it'll be hard o, for him to wanna get back with you. I've been in a situation where the dude was like, "gimme time" and we didnt even have any problems o, unlike yours where the issue of him accusing you of cheating. Yet, this dude and i dont talk often, shebi yours is 2 days, my own eh, we can go 4 days, and i'm not the kissin a$$ kinda person. I just took da steppin' when he started acting that way, so did he. I'm not syaing your case is the same, or will be the same,  but males think the same way one way or another. Better you dont attach yourself too much so you dont end up getting hurt. das my own piece i gat for ya.

Gluck girl. There are plenty of fishes in the ocean.

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in as much as this was kinda confusing,

ill simply answer the question posed as the topic . . .

u can only get a person to trust u again after u prove urself to such a person and if the person is willing to trust u or even give u a second chance

one that can never belive u can be trusted irrespective of whatever u do, will never trust u

its the sad truth dearie

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@Poster

Now that i read your post i got a clear picture. Quit playing games and get real. You will lose at the end of the day. make a stand and stick to it. This is one of the reasons why some men treat girls like rags. Hide and seek game.

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@poster.

Did you cheat on him?? If so you can forget about the trust thing. Most men cant handle being betrayed, he will throw it in your face soon or later. He may be able to forgive but i gurantee you he won't forget.

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Thanx guyz, but the question is how do i work on it. I don't want to make him feel pressured and at the same time I would like to spent more time with him.

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You have to work for it. There is no short cut to it.

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@van der jo

That's not why im getting back with him, as i said at first it was bcz i was angry at my ex but i developed strong feelings for him. So i do luv this guy.

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@poster,

its hard but it takes time,you ran back to him cuz the one u really luv is no more,it isn't fair girlie

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Unfortunately, it is much easier to destroy trust than to earn it! However, trust can only be earned, so you have to earn it by being trustworthy and faithful. Might take some time, but I doubt that there would be a more effective way to earn the trust.

So, just be yourself (your trustworthy self, that is) and let things work themselves out while you do your own little part to ensure that you don't screw things up.

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