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How Do You Heal A Broken Heart?

I've been in a relationship for 6 years. I thought we were destined to be together forever i.e. marriage. I guess I was wrong, he broke up with me about 3 weeks ago, and he's already dating someone else. I put my all in this relationship and have invested so many years only to be left at HELLO?! I'm confused. I'm not eating, I can barely sleep. I honestly feel like the world has come to a stand still. He said he just didn't see himself marrying me. It took him 6years to figure that out? Huh? So he says he wants to be friends. It's so hard. How can I act like I'm not in pain and be friendly? If anyone can advice I will greatly appreciate it. What have you done to heal? Did you stay friends with your ex? Please be kind with your words. I am overly sensitive to negative remarks at this time, so I kindly request warm responses. Thank you.

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I'm so so sorry sweetie. I can honestly say i know how you feel. I've been there before. I've felt so bad,low,and some. It hurts just to think abt it,even now. I lost faith in love,trust,and men in general,and i dont want you to fall into that trap. He doesnt deserve that kind of control over your life. You need to find some outlet for what you feel now. With me it was a cross btw throwing myself into work and journalling,writing things i felt,but could never say,and they helped. It could be crying,hanging out with friends,talking it out,whatever works for you. Another thing,he left you for another woman. That could make you doubt your self-worth,could make you wonder why,whether you did anything wrong,and i want to tell you,DON'T! You deserve so much more than him. He's a rotten,lowdown,no-good bastard. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT,and believing anything otherwise is demeaning to the wonderful person you are,so dont wallow in self-pity. What you need now is time,self-love and hope. This is why i hate long-term relationships.

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Lisa,

Why don't you look at it from my perspective: The guy did not deserve to have someone like you.That is what I tell myself when I get hurt.

Time will heal our hearts and faith will heal the rest.

Cheer up - It can only get better.[color=#990000][/color]

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Sweetheart, i truly feel you because i've been in the position just last month and its so terrible, though not that long, my was 6month. But I think that the best way to Heal a Broken Heart, Is for you to cry it all out. after that you will not want to be near the person that has hurt you so much, well it real work for me, just try it and see. but over all GOD will surely see you through.

Please dont try to be firend with him now. it will only add to you Pains.

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Leave the guy and face ur life.You have more things to contibute to this life b/4 u die.So try and do sumtin for fun and forget man.We are wicked, but its vice versa.So brighten up and face reality.There are other things to doother than thinkin about the dude.Sum day he will come back and if he doesn't we have millions of guys out there who will court u for only 3 months and marry u , since you have a good character sha.

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Are you really gay? Not that it's an issue but it'll be cool if you confess on Nairaland. Wasted Fluid, Just ike your dad normally calls you.

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Look at a goat talking - bla bla bla - you need your mother foking butt hole drilled with an industrial drilling tool to widen your red butt hole so that those yellow poo of yours can get out freely and free your life from all encumberances - you are a toad, a frog and a silly one leggen arabian nin compoop - give me your mum's email - i need to warn him your Dad is cheating on her - you will cry, your head wey bent go one side like say molue don match yah head - silly fool.

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dear, we've all been there i tell you, u see, there comesa point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, and who wont anymore, and who always will, so forget abt pple from your past, there is a reason y they didnt make it to your future. so dont worry, God will definetely give u someone that will appreciate you and know your worth.

take care of urself and move on, let him see you again and regret his actions.

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slowpoke , Your parents must be regretting ig time of having someone like you right now. What a waste of your dad's Fluid you are!

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@Poster

even married people still break up after 10 years or so- what do u then want them to do, kill themselve? hell no- like i am sure of, there are many diks waiting for you to have them, rather than brood over one funny nigger who probably is hob nobbing with one cute little chic somewhere in the Bahamas while you stay here asking us how to get over the damage - get a guy - move on- life goes on - it happens to everyone - I know a lady who left his partner of six years - with four kids - what do you want the man to do? hey - common - just give me a call 08078989808.

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People dey take bronx_dog aka tumfulu aka his_grace 's post serious? oma se

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@ bronx please chill na. where is your compassion? na your brother cause this wahala here.

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@bronx dog

I don't think you fully understand what being in a long term relationship truly means, so I'll forgive you for your harsh response. I was nothing short of great to this man, but sometimes that's not enough and sometimes it's too much. There are faults in every relationship, but we've worked it out for so long (6 years), so why run away now? He's all I've known. I think you would be more sensitive if you've been in my position, but good luck to you I hope you never have to feel this kind of pain (It feels like somebody died, but they didn't, they just up and left).

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By beliving that every disappointment is a blessing

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Bronx dog

wats the deal, ur posts are a lil harsh

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Well, the heartbreak sky is getting clearer and clearer, less painful clouds each day. I think I'm getting tired of being tired. I think I'll go back to work next week. If it was meant to be then he would be here with me. It's obvious that he isn't, so I guess it's not meant to be. I'm kicking myself for staying with him for so long. It should have hit me by the third year we were together that he wasn't ready to eternally commit to me. I've lost the meaning of love, it feels like nothing but pain and heartache. I'll keep you posted on my recovery. Thank you.

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Liers

guy never diss a lady without a reason - and truely, a woman never diss a guy without a reason, y;all know why yah Kitty-cats were dumped for a better one. i no fit laugh o.

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ROTFLMAO!!

I’m sorry . . LOL . . I’m sorry. I’m not supposed to be making fun of this but you sound soooo funny. Kindda like how I sounded early last year when a similar thing happened to me. And you know what, looking back now, I can’t help but laugh!! I laugh at myself and the way I fooled myself. I neglected my job and made myself a pest around my friends and family. Now it’s all soooo. Funny!! And kind of embarrassing.

So my advise to you girl, don’t give yourself unnecessary headache. Trust me, you’ll get over him. A part of you will always love him, but not as much as you’ll hate him for what he did to you. So take my advice and let it go.

Trust in yourself; create a kind of you that you’ll be happy to live with and say ‘go to hell’ to any SOB who thinks he’s too good for you.

He’s just not worth it . . Nobody is.

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Sweetheart, i truly feel you cos i've been in the position before and its terrible. It was heartbreak of 8yrs relationship that pushed me to join Nairaland in 2006 and I cant forget the wonderful people of Nairaland that were with me through that time. take heart cos only time will heal a broken heart. You have to be strong and think of the positive side thou you wont see that now but you can only try.

Please try and surround yourself with friends and family and take good care of youself. You can cry cos that is healthy but dont sit around sulking cos he has moved on, the cow!

God will surely see you through

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MY SISTER TAKE HEART OK, LET GOD BE YOUR STRENGHT, I HAVE SUCH EXPEREINCE LITTLE THOUGH I`M STILL NOT OUT OF IT, BUT MY OWN IS JUST A YEAR AND THERE IS NO BROKEN OF HEART THERE ONLY THAT I LOVE THE BOY, BUT HE IS ABOUT TO MARRY NOW INFACT HE HAVE DONE THE INTRODUCTION, BUT I STILL LOVE HIM AND IT IS ONLY HIM THAT I EVER LOVE SINCE MY LIFE YOU SEE,BUT YOUR OWN IS TOO MUCH 6YRS IS NOT 6MONTHS.

BUT BELIEVE ME YOU WILL OVERCOME IT ONLY IF YOU DON`T THINK OTHERWISE

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@LisaM

I think you are lieing to us here.

He doesnt want to marry, you, maybe you had not been good to him? It is so bad that people can hear one side of a story and think they can offer good advice. Were you good to him, was he good to you? You only seem to be bitter because he is not marrying you - sis years with him means he was or is a good person, else, you would have been out the door if he wasnt. so, dont come in here crying without realy stating the full side of the story - there are a good number of genuine reasons why a man may not want to end up in marriage with you, same for a lady, ladies often say, they can be your lover but can never see themselves in marriage with you - they often say that to a man, and when the man asks her to marry her, she tells him no, even after donkey years together.

so common, get your self together and act like an adult which i suppose you are.

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My dear ur story is just the same as mine, You would love again but don't force yourself to love, let it come on its own, it's only a matter of time, it's because of the way you are feeling, that's why thoughts like these form, Please take heart, if you are a student, put all your energy to your books, if you are working, try to put your best, just take each day, of cause you would cry once in a while but it would be over.

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It's part of the grieving process, the daily, sobbing, crying n so on, infact if u don't do those, u won't be able to heal properly. At the time I wrote here, Im never believed I would heal @ least before I knew he would come back, You would heal.

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Thank you all for your caring responses. My heart is still aching. My daily emotions include crying, sobbing, wailing, then realizing it's all the same, but doing it all over again. How can someone hurt you so much? 6years of my life with him. I put in my all in a relationship that I thought was alive, only to find out it's been dead for quite some time. He called to see how my day was going? Is he kidding? What does he expect? Why is he playing with my emotions? I didn't speak to him. He left me a message on my answering machine. I wish this pain could go away. He was my first everything, first boyfriend, first love, and now I feel like he'll be my last love. How can I love again? Who can I trust myself to love again? Is the rest of mankind this heartless? I've never been so confused in my life. I'm smart, I have a great career, I'm cute, but I'm heartbroken. Why does being heartbreak make you feel so lifeless? Gosh, this is painful. You build a future in your mind with someone, and they take that picture and shoot it, and just like that, it disappears. I don't know what else to say folks, but for those that feel my pain, I'm sorry, nobody should go through this kind of pain, Thanks for posting.

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I'm really to read your thread and i can imagine the pain you might be going through right now,all i can advice is that should cut every contact you have with your ex,sometimes we women use that 'maybe we can be friends' as an excuse to be close to him so we can make him see what he was missing by dumping us and hope we can win him back somehow. You might end up wasting another 3yrs trying to unsuccesfuly win him back.

Hang out with friends,try to look good (to bring back some of the confidence you lost when he dumped you),try to be alone as little as possible so that you don't think too much about him and lastly pray as much as possible,because God is the only One that can mend a broken heart.

And less i forget,please delete his number so you are not tempted to call him.

I have been there done and done that.

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Honey you will love again,trust me.

Time will definately heal your pain.Just thank God you didnt marry him,he's the kind of guy that could walk of marriage without any warning.

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After reading your story, it really touched me cos I've been there n that's how I came across Nairaland though mine wasn't up to 6yrs. My dear as top up n Aktunde said, no matter the amount of advice u get, different opinions, it all sums down to you n how u will heal urself. God helps a lot n time. Some would say meet other guys n so, that's a lie @ least not immediately cos ur heart would still not be open n hurting. I still didn't believe I would heal myself. I turned to God, u know but I was still crying, talked to every1 that cud listen until one day, i couldn't cry no more, wasn't thinking 'bout him, even when i tried to force myself to cry to know if something was wrong with me, i just couldn't, i then knew I had healed myself.

N then he shows up from nowhere lol, to make it work n apologised. I just look back but can't cry again, so my ear, you would scale through.

Sistawoman also made a good write up.

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After reading your post, I wondered how could anyone be so callous? But I thought again and realise that you might actually be a very little boy with access to the internet. I hope that one day you'll grow up or maybe again you never will. The choice is yours.

@Poster, it's tough to deal with a broken relationship. Time will heal your wounds. With every passing day, you'll get stronger. Sistawoman and Topup have summed up what I might have suggested so there's no point being redundant.

I'll leave you with this final thought: "A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage". Think about it and never act impulsively during the next few weeks.

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Poster

You are crying over one lost dik? when there are thousand of diks out there for the taking? why will a woman in her right senses stick to one dik for six whole years? did you think he stuck to your womanliness for the whole 6 years? You are now crying to us for a solution, look, there is no solution any other place but inside of you - you have to explore the whole wide world, you have to see that there are so many wonderful diks out there better than his own, how can i make you understand this thing? ok - look to your right, and to your left, how many diks can you see? out of all those diks, one is definitely winking at your pussi and begging to have a taste - why not wise up and oblige as many as possible? remember - the sweet womanliness is a terrible thing to waste, if you need any help in oiling the womanliness before you meet all the diks suggested, pls dont hesitate to call on us - 08056789876 - we will be able to fok you to your satisfaction and you will never remain the same again.

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Beautiful response from Sisterwoman on pg1. Along with journalling, get a blog it will help women who are to go through the same thing.

I'm sorry about your pain, you don't deserve to go through something like that no one does, and Lord help that man, and his conscience. I mean I was frustrated about gaining closure over a 3/4 month relationship, I wonder how you must feel.

I won't lie I cannot compare my pain to yours or say I have been in a similar situations, my best friendships aren't even that long to date.

I am going to put you in my prayers tonight becaue I believe that you will have a testimony. A beautiful one, like sisterwoman's, how she moved on and the man is just a distant memory. I am currently shy of giving advice because this sounds like such a crucial case, so part of me wants to leave it to the professionals and people who have been there, I would not want to patronize you nor set you on a tangent with any mistakes I might make in my statements.

My heart was suddenly heavy when read what happened, and it was only backed up by the crying and lack of eating.

I am not even sure whether to tell you not to let this man make you starve yourself, as right now it probably doesn't feel like he's even in the picture, it is probably just the inevitable crushing of your soul and the world you built for the past half a decade or so.

I just know you'll come out better.

I don't know what makes a guy do such a thing, I am not mad at him because he broke up with you, I am mad that he did not tell you earlier, consider your feelings above his, there are decent men out there, he is just not one of them, and no excuses as he is already dating again.

Don't let actions cloud your judgement though, so what if he is dating, I have this little spiteful part of me that always seems to scream for justice, in the end you will find a real man, and you can thank God that this man revealed this now and not at the alter or after the wedding.

I am so sad right now as I don't think any human being should have to go through what you're going through, male or female.

Books can surely help, they allow you to form your own opinions, as a lot of people will be telling you a lot of different things (some will tell you to fight for him, other to seek revenge, others that wasn't there something you could have done to see it coming and others will tell you nothing and offer no comfort).

One of my friends who broke up with her boyfriend last year said it brought he closer to God, allowing her to reshuffle her priorities, she no longer thinks anybody can manipulate her life to evolve around them that if they were to leave or pass that she would fall into pieces again.

Another friend just found it to pretend everything was okay, and eventually she believed it (this wasn't too good though because in her own company, she cried and had thoughts of suicide).

Another friend chose to date a guy who had always made it clear to her whilst she was with her ex that he would be there for her no matter what, and though they had a rocky relationship, it ended and she got a different point of view of what men were like, so found it easier to accept that 'things happen sometimes that we can't explain'.

What I'm trying to say is there are a million and one ways to do this, you will find yours, it will come naturally to you, if you want to cry, cry, I love to cry, because despite how it is seen as a form of weakness, I would let it out and then wipe my eyes and the relief would be tremendous.

I believe God and time are the only healers, from reading some beautiful chapters in the Bible I slowly am re-shuffling my focus and it's helping me with relationships on a whole, my mother, father, siblings, with God, and my friends and relatives.

Take care of yourself, please.

God Bless.

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Yes O!!

Everything is HERE!!

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Yomi, Yomi, my mouth are watery!

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#SeanT21 - My girl u said what?

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How U been sammy?

did you vacation out of Lagos?

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@poster. . so sowie. . 6 years ain't easily.

you just need someone. .  maybe a close friend or parents to be around you so that you can think less of it, its painful though but you have the strength inside of you.

cheers.

SENT21. .  IM BACK

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@ Poster

Sorry o. Hearts get brken everyday. Six years is a long time but nothing do you. You just have to be strong and move on. spend more time with friends, go to parties,cheer up and spend more times outdoors than indoors. Spending time with people you love and meeting new people helps. It worked for my sister anyway. Keep your head up.

RISE ABOVE and i wish you all the best

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Make him Jelous.Go on a date with a sexy man at his favorite spot.Wear your favorite attention grabber outfit.Pretend to be into the Guy and even give him a kiss on the cheek a couple of times.Make sure Your ex sees it.IT will burn his heart!!

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I'm so sorry. I can't say I know how it feels but as sistawoman said, find other things to do. Immerse yourself into anything that would make you forget. it's better and very therapeutic. Also, look forward to moving on with your life. There's always someone better than your ex. Trust me on that one. I know that for a fact.

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Make him Jelous.Go on a date with a sexy man at his favorite spot.Wear your favorite attention grabber outfit.Pretend to be into the Guy and even give him a kiss on the cheek a couple of times.Make sure Your ex sees it.IT will burn his heart!!

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Sorry for ur hurt.I am presently in the same situations,after 4years of dating she decides to call it off and tells me i am a nice guy but it aint working.Well i am some days old in this process and i guess with all i have been reading we wud definitely get over it.cheers.Try to keep urself occupied.

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I have been right were you are now.

I dated him for 5 years before we broke and I thought my heart was going to stop beating. The hurt and the pain was almost too much to bear.

I can only tell you what I did to get over the pain. And yes we did remain friends but I think that was only so he could keep an eye on me, because when I got married he stop returning my calls and emails went unanswered.

But I took it one day at a time. I cried and cried and cried alot. I started to work out more at the gym. I worked longer hours at work. I hung out more with my friends and when i was alone and feeling sorry for myself I journaled and I read. Here is what I read that truly helped me:

In the Meantime: Finding Yourself and the Love You Want

by Iyanla Vanzant

Faith in the Valley: Lessons for Women on the Journey Toward Peace

by Iyanla Vanzant,

Yesterday, I Cried: Celebrating the Lessons of Living and Loving

by Iyanla Vanzant

Acts of Faith: Meditations for People of Color

by Iyanla Vanzant

I still use this book for my daily meditation.

You have to allow time to grieve, to get it all out. Write it out, cry it out, talk it out. I talked to my best friend until i could not tell the story anymore, until i was disgusted that I was allowing him state my self worth.

I know/knew back then that I am a GREAT woman that any man would love to have as a spouse. And I knew/know that he was/is a fool for letting me go and that he would regret it even if he never told me so.

I meditated daily and just spent time with myself. He did it at the most appropriate time for me and for that I can never thank him enough. The kids were gone for summer vacation so I was free to grieve and did not have to pretend to be OK in front of them.

You have to take it one day at a time. You have to know that in time you will stop thinking about him (I kept telling myself that over and over again). And sure enough one day about 3 months later i realized that I did not think of him all day, in fact I had not thought of him all week. I knew then that my heart was healed.

Journaling was really a savior to me. Looking back on that hurt makes me hold on to what I have now.

I cant tell you how grateful, after all was said and done, I was to have loved him. He was the first man I was ever in love with and for that I cant thank him enough. If not for him showing me what real love is I would not have recognized it when I met my husband. If not for having loss it I would not value it to this day.

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LisaM31

ver@y sorry about d heartbreak, words can only do little. haven't been heartbroken but i know this much

you need time to heal. obviously its going to be hard doing things without the guy you spent such a significant part of your life with. try not to rush anything. you can't be friendly with him just yet. you need to cry all the hurt out before you can truly move on. don't subject yourself to indoor stay throughout. from time to time, be among close friends and family.you know, the people whom you trust the most, when you see your ex,try not to focus on the hurt he caused, but look on the bright side- YOU WOULD RATHER NOT WANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T WANT TO BE WITH YOU!. at least he wasnt leading you on

might seem like a long time but soon enough this phase would be in the past.something you would have learnt a lot of lessons from.and you'd get your very own prince charming someday

hope you believe in God. as a solid christian, i think the medicine you need and should seek is God.pray fervently for him to see you through this. He sees your hurt and definitely hasn't forgotten you. cast all your cares at his feet.

wish you alla the luck dear

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Believe me, there is no point being friends with your ex, it doesn't work out well. Not after going out for 6yrs. You would keep thinking he would come back to you and that would not allow you to move on with your life.

To heal your broken heart:

1. Let go of him

2. Let go of things that would remind you of him

3. Have more male friends

4. Engage yourself in things you love doing.

Cheers.

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hi,hope to hear 4rm u soon.can u please send me ur c/v?[quote][/quote]

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Sorry, luv.

I will pray for you.

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