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How Great Is It To Remain Friends With Your Ex?

Guys, I'm a little lost here and I would appreciate your responses a lot. I broke up with my boyfriend over four months ago. Actually, we were supposed to have parted ways long before that as my ex gave me all the signs that he'd lost interest in the realtionship.I guess I was so blinded by love that I didnt "see" the signs.

On several occassions, he asked me to get involved with another guy. The first time he suggested this was a year to our break-up. And I cried buckets full that day. Anyway, it happened a lot and I started ignoring him whenever he asked me to do that. On other occassions , he would ask me if I thot we were meant to be together and I would reply in the affirmative. He would then suggest we break up for a little while and ask how long we would stay apart.

With all these signs, he still assured me everyday that he loved me desperately and I was his first love (story). He took me to see all members of his family, even the ones outside Lagos.

Few months back, he started seeing faults in EVERYTHING I did; even the sleeveless dress I had been wearing for over 2 years he had known me suddenly became "unwife" material-like. He complained about some other little things and I promised to change them , but he told me it was too late, that, if I had promised to change some months back, things might have worked out.

I met his elder sister to plead on my behalf. He told her to giv him a week to think tins through. At the end of that week, he sent me a txt telling me to forget him and move on with my life.

All these happened at a period when I lost my dad and my job. Twas a horrible period for me. I later got to find out he was dating a colleague from his office , but I put that behind me and moved on.

Two mnths ago he called for the fiirst time and was shocked wen I didnt drop the phone on him. He calls and sends txt messages. Recently, he called and said he still loves me but is confused. Personally, I hav no feelings for him anymore and I dnt mind being friends with him, but the tone and message of his calls sometimes irritate me and I'm thinking of cutting him off completely.

I have never been friends with any of my exes and I dnt just know exactly what to do. Do I cut him off completely or just sit back and listen to his rambling anytime he calls.

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13 answers

Na u born d pikin?Tell her to piss off!

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cut him off not always worth it.

an ex sent a text to say she delivered and i sent her a congratulatory reply. now it is

what do you do when a person you didnt know was pregnant tells you she delivered?

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@Godmother,

Being friends with ur ex is like having a scoop of molten magma poured on ur skin,fi u understand what i mean.Just let it go for ur own good.

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He is on cheap drugs!

I understand you trying to hold on with him when he had emphatically made it clear to you that he wanted you no more. You obviously loved him no doubt, but it was evident that he never did love you; yes, he may have treated you good and all of that, but why did his feelings for you decline sharply? Infatuation, mega-likeness was all it ever was. You said he was seeing someone in his office, it's very conspicuous that he's regretted from there and thought of the "weakest" person to handle and hold water for his shameless and characterless excuses, guess what, you were chosen.

His feelings suddenly sprouting out of his empty heart are all sham. He still doesn't mean them -- and need I remind you that he never meant them more than 2 years you dated? He never appreciated you. You did your best to make the relationship work, but he's made you look like a fool even when all you wanted was work things out with him.

Right now, what I think you need is smartening from your hurt, make the most of every available happy moment you have and hope for the best to come. Going back to being friends with him means nothing to me --- it means you're letting your guard down for him to drown you in another emotional swamp. Believe me, you may think he doesn't know your weakness but after dating you for such a long time, he sure does and will make use of that tool against you. My advice is you should refrain from any kind of contact with him, delete his messages the instant they appear on your phone; if you can, have his number barred from calling yours.

Don't agree to see him anywhere; you have to stand your ground and retain your pride. Your heart, mind and soul should be your utmost concern now. After all, you have other friends, don't you? So what's it matter if he's not your friend? Send him to hell, he's finished.

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thanks for understanding Godmother your really a mother to me so its annoying for you to go through that stress, just let go of him with his wahala

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Thanks guys, I really appreciate your responses. I'll take your advices and cut him off completely.

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I'm not gonna criticise friendship wit an ex but i would like u to learn from my experience.

For almost 2yrs my ex broke up wit me on the basis of testing other waters but i was not told about that thou. Apart from the pains of breakup, she continued to land me in pains.

For example, she could do almost anything and got away wit it. Maybe that poo happens cuz i'm still single ever since then. We might decide not to date any other on the basis of ex - poo. Thats another pain entirely. Belive me, love bond is very strong. I know u still feel something for him, and thats why he is still yo friend within the time frame. Don't get it twisted here, you are talking about months and i talked bout years. Yours was 4-2months. Mine was 2yrs and friendship of pain continued since then. Once u loved, its hard to let go but we differ as humans thou. Pls kick him away finally boo. Don't let him do any poo and get away wit it. You will not see him as your ex but a guy u once loved. So he will do shits and walk away clean and nice leavin u downcast. Let me tell u one more funny poo that happened. While our friendship continued, i remained a good pal to her elder brother. When my big brother arrived from uk, he gave me a very expensive mp3 player. Its a tech, anyone would die for. Guess wat, my ex borrowed it and misplaced it. Till date, she adds insult to injuries wit her insults today, sorry 2morrow. But the relationship Btw me and my big bro crashed rapidly on the basis of carelessness.

He's gone back to uk but hardly calls me. I know it will pass but i'm only giving an example here boo.

An ex feel they could always eat their cake and have it. Let yo ex know that he drank his juice and there's none left in the cup.

Not just for u honey, u re also doing it for all ladies out there.

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However a serious guy could genuinely want to make a mend.

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My advice is that you continue to be really distant with him, give him the impression that you are always busy so you can't talk, or if he manages to start a conversation, end it pretty quickly, because you don't have time for someone who's confused.

He can't even defend himself now, as he's still confused. I believe that he will forever be confused until he grows up.

What you've been doing so far is great, it's been working right?

You've managed to get over him quicker and now you definitely don't want him back. He hurt you time and time again, over a period longer than a year, that's enough reasons to want to keep a person like him further than an arms length away from you.

Seriously, some people don't care at all, and will call and disrupt things whenever they feel bored.

He shoud have called ages ago, yes there's a chance that only now did he realise his mistake, but you have to realise that pretending to want a friendship with him will not only lead him on, but it could cloud your judgment in future, he might end up convincing you that he's worth a shot again which could be very dangerous since he doesn't seem to have changed.

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In your future I see friends with benefits. I hope to be a guy friend of yours for some late night booty call. Sorry it is hard to hear, but that is how guys think. So cut it off and save your love for your future soul mate.

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Cut him off joh. It's not healthy. I think you should give yourself enough time to get over him before even trying to salvage any kind of friendship with him.

If you continue with the friendship, the cloud of confusing emotions will continue looming over your head, it would be harder for you to have strong feelings for someone else, it would be easy to have sex with him, etc

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