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How Many Times?

How many times should a woman forgive her cheating husband/boyfriend before divorcing/breaking up with him? once, as many as possible or no forgiveness at all?

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Amen! My favorite bible scripture: Proverbs 3:5-6 says at below:

5 Trust the Lord completely! Don't depend on your own knowledge.

6 Think about God in all that you do. Then he will help you.

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I was born hearing until age 18 months became deaf caused by wrong ear infection medicine that was designated for adult. I was just toddler!

At that time, my parent were poverty not able to afford sending me to special education school in the city far away from my farming rural area that was one hour driving trip. The major hospital sponsored paying fully education and transportation tuition from age 3 (preschool at city church property) until age 22 (college graduation).

ONE THING I LEFT OUT, i also was deaf bible study teacher teaching 6 deaf members learning more about bible and christianity lifestyle at deaf members' home taking turning every Wednesday until I LEFT MY CHURCH last year.

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My deafness doe not hinder me to do everything God already assigned me his God-given gifts: teaching, exhortating/administrative (tied score), and serving. I am just human being like everyone else except cannot hear at all!!! I wear a pair of behind-the-ear hearing aids picking up alert sounds like dog barks, car horn blow, emergency sirens, phone high-volumed ring, door knocked.

I have special devices around my house that alert me when doorbell or phone ring, the lamp flashing.

I can talk well, but not perfect. I had been speech therapy since age 3. I am talented and gifted child with avid reader early at age 4 which school librarian and kindergarten teacher hardly believed me. I never forgot that experienced I grew up enriched educational in the city my parent took me gratefully.

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I can see the difference among adulterated church that I LEFT MY CHURCH FOR GOOD last year 2007! I lost interested in celebrity pastors (T D Jakes, Eddie Long, and other who came to my major city conference I went THREE TIMES a year under FREE VIP deaf reserved seats in the front of its pulipt) too long before Evangelist Juanita Brynum and Paula White filed for divorce.

I was also invloved in deaf choir ministry and deaf outreach ministry at that church that had been travelled to the MOVIE STAR/SINGER'S hometown in NEW JERSEY to perform our deaf gospel songs in SIGN LANGUGAGE as well as Kennedy Center in Washington DC, we did met several celebrities by wearing VIP backstages.

THE REASON I LEFT CHURCH is because hearing pastor SHUT US DOWN not allowing what we deaf members want running our deaf ministry to establish our own deaf ministry leadership workshop outside our church in the quality of educating all other hearing churche congregations that does not have deaf ministry service for deaf congregations. We have our own deaf licensed pastor who is female. Our pastor worried about THUNDER STRIKE AMONG US deaf members outside our church. . extremely overprotective us!!!

All of us 8 deaf members are certified Evangelists that was taught by our hearing church's Church Bible institute! But 6 of them are low-English level just like Nigerian illiterates. Only two of us are me and deaf licensed female pastor.

You all should make aware the fact that there are 95% unsaved deaf populuation in the USA. Sad!!! Many deaf people DO NOT KNOW ABOUT JESUS!!!

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good contribution ladies. i throway salute give una.

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I am not the type of desperation. . . i WAS TOLD BY most men find me attractive, humility, open-minded, no drama, no materistic, nice characteristics and entrepreneurship that is NUMBER ONE KEYS to them, but ONE FLAW is my DEAFNESS!!!

Only one thing they took advantage of me is MY INTELLIGENCE, i helped them so generous spiritually without giving them FINANCIAL. (free resources out there by google!!!)

Finally, i agree with you that we do need companion sometime.

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these hip hop churches and pastors don tire me. i was prolly the only nigerian that did not attend the festival of life in london. not that i have anything against the organizers but i just can't stand hypocrisy especially in the house of God.

i love my orthodox church. Methodist!

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I asked you about the sex because you said you'll have to wait till your ex husband dies before remarrying and it kind of contradicts the latter statement because if you can't stay off sex outside marriage but keep the law of not remarrying, it doesnt make any difference. I left college without dating courtesy of my parents an since then, I've been dating only one man. I admit that we sometimes need a companion but no companion in this world is comparable to Jesus.

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Silly, Needlelady, I do had dated the last 3 hearing guys in a committed monogamous relationship - - -all dissed me (except last one) no reason even i have nothing wrong with me as all guys told me.

The first two guys whom I date lasted 3 years, and the last one lasted 5 years, kept asking me to postpone our wedding date THREE TIMES during 5 yr relationship, suspected COLD FEET and COWARD i broke him up! All of them are across state border from my homestate 3 hours apart!

10 years ago, I had registered on many FREE TRIAL 2-weeks online dating services with only local mileage radius around my homestate---77 guys TURNED ME DOWN on that 2 weeks trial. Their answer: CANNOT HANDLE DATING DEAF WOMAN LIKE ME. That was lame excuse! I terminated online dating service NO MORE!!!

Now i am tired of dating rejections and i don't have a decent guy lately. I believe that most guys cannot HANDLE  deaf independent divorced single mother of 2 children! (one grown adult does not live with me, the other still teenager 3 more years left for graduation). THERE IS NO BABY DADDY DRAMA to infere my life because of distance away from my homestate!!!

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Yeah, it was really bad . . .disappointed in them!

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On Juanita Bynum, she used to be my heroine but after her faceoff with ex husband Bishop weeks, i lost interest because it seems all of them are the same.  The couple not only disgraced themselves on TV but they also disgraced their religion. Pastor  Paula White is among them too.

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ive never really been interested in any pastor whatsoever except a family pastor everyone in my family knew. christianity in these western countries is adulterated. ive never been interested in church or pastor. i study the bible myself. pastors such the ones uve mentioned and some others make christianity look and seem a joke.

if i want real unadulterated preaching or teaching then i listen to some unknown pastor and not the hip-hop or funky pastors

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I myself raised in the Christianity family surrounding but me, i am not HOLY-ART-THOU fanatics to practice everything in the bible.

I am not perfect like everyone else! COMMON SENSE when it comes to relationship, marriage, and family! I believe in what i believe, not from what people tell me what to do, or think of me!

I am just exactly like Evangelist Juanita Byrnum- - -who preaches BLACK AMERICAN MARRIED WOMEN who feel ashamed of not shown their bodies to their own husbands, hidden their bodies to keep light off while husbands want see wife's body! Preach Juanita! I support her!

Do you know that ROUGHLY 80% OF BLACK AMERICAN MARRIED WOMEN woe in marriage caused black American married men cheating on them? You just missed Evangelist Juanita's powerful sermon on cable TV show!!!

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dont we all need Jesus?

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I assume you, @Needlelady, do not know the difference whether American pastors are TRUE MAN OF GOD or FALSE TEACHERS. If American pastor follows the bible passages, then HE IS TRUE MAN OF GOD who rather be happy to stay single forever or filed for divorce, will not marry again until his wife dies.

I thought your church sunday school taught you about FALSE TEACHING refer to the bible. THERE ARE TOO MANY FALSE TEACHERS OUT THERE in the USA and everywhere other countries. BE CAREFUL YOURSELF!

My pastor at my church in the USA STILL FORBIDS me to get married other man, because I am divorced myself! So I stay single until my ex-husband dies. Ex-husband has lengthy illness, no problem!

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let me, stress that im no born again. i grew up in a christian home hence my 2 pence knowledge of the bible that is not say i practice everything in the bible. im just like anyone else out there.

just thought i'd clear the air b4 some people think im one of them them holy art thout people

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the decision would be mine. but if i choose to go through with a divorce then i deffo wont be re-marrying.

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Assuming you come back home one day and saw your wife butt Unclad in bed with your friend, what will you do? divorce her and stay single forever or stay with her amidst her cheating?

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anyways, no skin pain.

back to the topic.

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Uspry, thank u for the bible passages.

needlelady, in as much as it would hurt to see my sisters' partners mess them about, they are bound by the bible passages posted by uspry. this is subject to the fact that they choose to be christians or born again. dont get me wrong, everyone is entitled to act however or whatever. but if u choose to bring the bible or christianity in to the matter then usprys research carries the day

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Whatever that means I don't know, all I know is that you are cursing Almondjoy and I wanna tell you that it's ungentlemanly for a man to talk to a woman like that. Home training 101 should have taken care of that.

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This quote above I recalled my argument with my other Christian married friend about the same thing refer to divorced woman cannot get married while first husband is still alive.

Only on the ground of adultery committed in order to file divorce under the bible said so. Look at bible scripture [English Contemporary version] my Christian married friend pointed at below:

1 Corinthians 7:10-16 About divorce

10 God instructs married couples to stay together, and this is exactly what the Lord himself taught. A wife who leaves her husband.

11 should either stay single or go back to her husband. And a husband should not leave his wife.

12 God does not know of anything else the Lord said about marriage. All God can do is to give you his own advice. If your wife is *NOT a FOLLOWER of the Lord, but is willing to stay with you, DON'T DIVORCE HER.

13 If your husband is  *NOT a FOLLOWER of the Lord, but is willing to stay with you, DON'T DIVORCE HIM.

14 Your husband or wife who is *NOT a FOLLOWER is made holy by having you as a mate. This also makes your children holy and keeps them from being unclean in God's sight.

15 If your husband or wife is *NOT a FOLLOWER of the Lord and decides to divorce you, then you should agree to it. You are NO LONGER BOUND TO THAT PERSON. After all, God chose you and wants you to live at peace.

16 And besides, how do you know if you will be able to save your husband or wife who is *NOT a FOLLOWER?

1 Corinthians 7:39-40: About female widower

39 A wife should stay married to her husband until he dies. Then she is free to marry again, but only to a man who is a **FOLLOWER of the Lord.

40 However, I obey God's Spirit when she would be happier to stay single.

*NOT a FOLLOWER of the Lord means (not Christian/unbeliever).

**FOLLOWER of the Lord means as   (Christian/believer).

@TOPIC

In my opinion, the wife has her right to file divorce on the ground of adultery/sexual infidelity for GOD'S SAKE OF PEACE, a woman IS NO LONGER BOUND TO THAT PERSON. Unless her husband is willing to stay with wife, DON'T DIVORCE HIM for God's SAKE!

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Shall we start theology class here? The bible abhorred marriage for only divorced people that are outside the two conditions. Are you saying that if your wife deserts you for another man, ,you'll remain unmarried? Are you saying that you'll let your sisters husband be bashing and abusing her because divorce is uncalled for? Think outside the box please.

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tolerance seem to be an over-rated word atimes. why all the unecessary vemon?

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why u dey go? come argue with me. fool. i think say u no get better thing to do with your time.

onye iberibe!

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just a point of correction, the bible supports divorce but not marrying someone else while ur first husband is still alive.

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lol,abeg make una no make me laf o jare

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Anu mpam, onu rebikwegi. eririfurafu!

i really do not give a toss what goes on in ur home. its non of my business. waste pipe telling me i grew up in a polygamous home. onye anwuruma ka iwu. look in the mirror and ask urself that question. fuccin fruity.

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So, everything in life should be described from the religious point of view? If that is the case, then Nigerians are still at par with their religion because I am yet to read in any bible where sexual promiscuity is applauded. I just don't know why Nigerian men get uncormfortable whenever you tell them the truth.

To the left to the left(yes, she's my inspiration; who's yours? kollington?)

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@Needlelady and Busta

I agreed with you both about lost interesting on both Evangelist Juanita and Pastor Paula White disgraced their religion. But remember the bible passages they both taught us well!

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Almond is not my inspiration; I just agreeed with what she said and that is final.  Withh all the STD's flying everywhere, women need to protect themselves and say no to a promiscous husband.  I hope you know the bible supports divorce on the ground of infidelity and desertion. You can marry as many men as you want as long as you look good. Liz Taylor did it, JLO did it, why should it be me that'll take that rubbish?

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@almond joy,

You come here everyday to decieve and abuse Nigerians,

Who do you think you are?.What makes you think your promiscous lifestyle is what people want to hear from your dirty stinking mouth.

Dont you know you are a lady, Dont you have respect for people you dont know.

I am sure your husband must be under some influence of juju from you if you are married.

How many times have you filed for divorce if your husband came back late from work because thats what you preach here. .How many times have you broken his head for not washing the dishes because i know you will probably make it his responsibilities, There is a sub-section called sexuality here ,

Thats where you practically belong.Stop posting poo here, we are not interested in your Advice miss know all,

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Like everyone is so desperate to keep a dirty manliness in the house like your grand ma. . . . .you agadi nwoke. . .amu onye iberibe!!!!

Which marriage?  Too bad topics of ma family are off limits to vermin like you who grew up in a polygamous pot of stinking manlinesses diving from one unwashed stinking pusssseeeee to another given the fact that water never ran in your compound even in your wells!  No be piss una dey take baff and brush mouth for your village?

Anu Ewu!

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just wondering if needlelady has a partner in her life. im sure she's not married.

needlelady, the person u supported 100% is married with kids. im sure she has issues in her home she wouldnt share with u and/or most pple in here. pple like IYA (the agadi nwanyi u gave 100%) would do anything to keep their marriages. forget everything shes saying here

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I knew it, Its amazing how most of you ladies go to all kinds of churches to beg God for visas,fast and pray,hope and humble,listening to all kinds of Don Meon, Ron Kenoly and all others even considering wearing trousers a sin, As soon as you get your visa and get to JFK airport In New York, you turn the music in your walkman to Beyonce and Madonna,  I am not saying you don't have to play your music but how much time do you have for those gospel songs again, You are there telling me about Beyonce, Who the hell is Beyonce. Look at where you derive your inspirations and this is the way you will like your children to follow, All i am saying is that we Nigerians in Nigeria have our own views of everything. So many people will be wondering what beyonce means because its not in their religious doctrine, Stick with your american perspectives there and stop decieving our people.

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am not saying its okay to have an unfaithful hubby,

but its also insane that u give up the security of your children for your own selfish reasons.

being faithful no matter how we see it is something that goes beyond being responsible,

its also not something about the state of the mind,

its Gods grace. so when u say u want a God fearing husband,

then go about seeking for him in the right place.

if u meet your hubby in a club, then be ready to face stiff challenges because

him going to the club alone is already unfaithful in itself.

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Anyone ever watch the cable TV show, HBO called "THE GREATEST SILENCE: molest IN THE CONGO"? I watched it last night in the USA.

It has already explained why African men disgraced hurting African women in molest. Sad documentary story i ever watched on cable TV show! The answer is the lack of HUMAN RIGHTS in AFRICA.

Here link to know about the female documenter of that HBO documentary movie: THE GREATEST SILENCE: molest IN THE CONGO" at below:

http://www.hbo.com/docs/programs/thegreatestsilence/interview.html

@TOPIC

TOUGH to say how many times to forgive in Nigeria where there are majority of polygamous marriage allows and lack of HUMAN RIGHTS for women.

I agreed with @izeek has said partly about you must know what kind of this person before marriage according to the following link below:

10 Insights You should take steps into serious relationship before you get marry her/him

http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-95533.0.html

NO CHEATERS/WOMANIZER/PLAYERS you should not be in marriage in the first place!!!

But I disagreed with @izeek in other part about act Nigerian passing to Yankee! @izeek, have you been to American forum discussions before? Have you been to Yankee yourself?

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@ OMO IBO, almodjoy and big father i always enjoy ur post. keep it up

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I definitely side with the ladies on this one, Almondjoy in particular (who would have thunk it). Yes marriage is a work in progress but that does not give both partners the free ride to be unfaithful (repeatedly). Why did you get married in the first place?

No, this is not being westernised. The guys that do not want to be kicked to the curb by their wives when they cheat, if the tables were turned, would you keep forgiving and working at it? I think not. As a man your ego would not allow that. As a Nigerian man, you and I both know the woman doesn't stand a chance of remaining in the relationship even if she never does it again.

@Izeek, effectively you're saying it's OK for the men to be unfaithful (even though you do not support promiscuity) and the woman should just accept it. Because you ask, how many baby Daddys? What I deduct from your post is that the other man the lady ends up with will be unfaithful to her! Because it is a given. So she just keeps forgiving and forgiving. The lady will eventually have no desire to be with the man since she is unhappy (God help her if she isn't tied to the man financially). The man justifies it by saying my lady doesn't want to get with me. Goes out again and the cycle continues.

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uquote author=Needlelady link=topic=126343.msg2139521#msg2139521 date=1207837930]

So, acting Nigerian means letting your man give you herpes in the name of love. I just can't understand why men don't get it and they are eveready to do anything just to defend a promiscous lifestyle. Women are no more mugu. Cheat once and I'll kick your behind to the thrash afterall there are so many men on queue.

[quote][/quote] u wud end up having wat? soo many baby daddy's grow up u wanabe americans.

this ia africa and naija for that matter.

am not supporting promiscuity, but am not supporting a broken home either.

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Ever heard Beyonce's song, irreplaceable? 'To the left to the left'

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well since u married him, u must have known the kind of person he is before your marriage so i guess u deal with it.

@almondjoy,

i have seen some of your replies, some have sounded mature others just sound like everyother white trash i hear on tevee.

you're nigerian, how long u been outa this country?

i suggetsu act nigerian b4 your forming pass the whiteman wey u meet for yankee.

@ashe2

thanks  jare am sure u live abroad too.

tell her say if to say her mumsy left her dad for all his cheating ways she would not have been born atall, not to talk of divorcing the mans Bottom.

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70 multiplied by 7 times in a DAY.

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I agree with you 100%. Best response ever.

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first of all do wipe d word divorce 4rm ur brain bank wit marriage dere is no divorce its 4 eva,boy oh boy u would 4give 490 times an offence in a day and d nxt day u start all over again wit another 490 and know dat every offence has 490 times of forgiveness to it. common!walk in love. love is the only way to triump goodluck

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why should divorce be the last resort? why cant she or they work on the marriage?

in my opinion, there shouldn't be a number to it. marriage is a 'work in progress' project. personally, divorce is an easy way out.

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