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How To Deal With Father Of My Child?

My child's father is impossible to deal with. Depending on the day, he is either lamenting that I've moved on with my life or putting on a front for his wife and pretending to hate me in her presence because apparently she thinks we're still f_cking (that's his own wahala, I told him). Whatever the case, I can't talk to him about our daughter without him catching attitudes, yelling, cursing, or hanging up the phone on me-or me hanging up on him because I refuse to be yelled at. Yes, he financially provides for her, but not without a fight or argument before he does so.

It really frustrates me and I refuse to go through this problem for the next 11 years until my child turns 18. All my friends say go to child support so I don't have to deal with him but I truly loathe the courts getting in my business. Why should the courts have to tell 2 grownass people how to raise their child? Why should I be forced to perpetuate the myth that all American women "just want to get all Naija men for child support"? LOL.

Honestly, I just want for us to raise our child without constantly fighting, but it seems an impossibility because that's all he wants to do. It gets to the point where he's arguing with himself, because I'm not saying anything and he's doing all the yelling.

What's you guys take on this?

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10 answers

Abbegy, don't add me to the long list of riddle and drama on Nairaland, Feel free to have the mods compare my IP addy with that of "BIG EYE (whoever he is)". That should clear the air. My intent was to warn u of the crazy things on NL. Pls feel free to come to an educated and mature conclusion.

Thanks.

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@Okanran-that was a big step I just took there, I hope you saw it.

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Why do I feel like a child being scolded? Okay-I get the point, I'm done. I hereby renounce my Nairaland troubles into oblivion. I now realize in order to maintain what I have I'll have to shut my big mouth or else the ANONYMOUS cyber entity will make my life miserable in the real world.

I just hope the cyber entity won't laugh when said partner starts telling the cyber entity about IyaKadijat that "she complains too much". Now that you've taken my therapy away, I'll have to resort to speaking to people in real life, lol.

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Because Seun that is not fair.

I can rasie my children alone w/o my ex-husbands die die support, but as the judge told me it is not my rights that I am denying but those of the children and I have no right to deny them what is thiers.

We both laid down and had them so we are BOTH financially responsible for them.

I have no intention on seeking more money from, althou I am entitled to every 3 years.

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Depending on the day, sometimes. It seems he only has interest in her when his wife isn't in earshot of the conversation. Which kinda makes me uncomfortable because it makes me feel as if she may have some sort of disdain for my child if he's acting that way. I'm not saying that's the case, but he sure makes it seem that way.

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Don't force him to face his responsibilities. Life WILL do that on its own

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If it was just about money then there would be no problem there-but I actually want him to be a part of his daughter's life. Unfortunately, this means I have to have some sort of contact with him. And although I can financially raise my daughter alone, why should I have to? I didn't make her by myself, you know.

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Why not raise the child with your own money and leave let the broke bozo continue with his life?

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you might have something, here. I have recently resorted to texting him.

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Negotiate with him a set amount that he should pay each month, when the payments are due and how they will be delivered.

Ask that any communcation that he needs to have with you regarding your child be done thru email or other form of written communication since you two cant do verbal communication.  

Arrange for a third party to do the child exchange at a location other than each others homes.

And if he fails to keep his agreement for CS then take him to court.

Put it all in writing so he is clear that you mean business and hopefully with some distance you both can learn to get along.

also look up mediation services in your area or call your EAP and you should be able to find one that can help you mediate with him before taking legal action.

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