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Husband Left Me. What Can I Do To Get Him Back? Or Should I?

Hi!

My husband left me and my heart is broken. He said he does not love me, but I just can’t believe it. He left about month ago, and I’m trying to accept what happened and get over but it is just not helping. We are still seeing each other often because we have children, and that is making the whole case more difficult. His mother and siblings were very angry with him in the first place, but then he told them lies, that everything is my fault, and that he is still going to go back to us. But he told me he does not love me anymore. Now I don’t know what to believe.

He has been having depression for a long time, because of financial problems. He is trying to start up a business but is not working out and that’s why we have been struggling with money for a long time. But I just don’t care about staff like that. I’m not greedy. Now he has lost all his happiness. He is very sad man and says he can’t offer me a relationship. He asks me to move on and find another man who would love me properly.

At the time we were living together we were mostly arguing. Arguing because money seems to be the most important thing for him, more important than his family or health. Now he is about to loose both of them. And we were arguing because he is so stressed that everything makes him angry and to shout at me.

I have been trying to take care of him, because I’m the only one he has (He lives very far from his family). And I love him, and I don’t want another man. But he tries his best to hurt me. He tries to push me away as much as he can. I still keep on calling him every day, asking him how he’s doing and etc.

What would you do in my position? Would you forget him and move on? Or would you try to take care of him while he doesn’t want it, but obviously needs it, hoping that one day he will be happy again and you could try to get back together?

And what can I do to make him think good about me? At the moment he seems to hate me, but I think he has no reason. He thinks I hate him too and is not true, but what can I do to make him realize that?

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39 answers

I am Lydia Fred i lives in united states and i was in a serious relationship with my Ex Guy for 3 good years.. One day we were in a dinner party, we had a little misunderstanding which lead to a Quarrel and he stood up and left me at the dinner party. i try to call him but he was not picking my calls so after than i contacted my brother and told him about it,my brother so much love me that he had to see him on my behalf,he told my brother that it is over between us. I cry all day, Then i contacted a friend of mine that had this similar experience and she directed me to Dr.Azuka, and i contacted him and tell him my problems how i lost my relationship with my lover. at first i thought it was not going to be possible.i was ask to come up with a little requirement information of me and my Ex Guy,so i did what i was ask to do, after 24Hours the spell was cast i was in my office when my Ex Guy called me and was asking me to forgive him and come back to him. i was very surprise it was like a dream to me. my ex is now back and he treat me very good. and our relationship is now stronger ask ever before. if you are act there looking for help is time for you to still put your hope on dr. azuka love spell, i promise you that you will be happy with your ex again email him. Greatazukalovespell@gmail.com tell +2348071398555 his web site http://greatazukalovespell

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Almondjoy has said it all.

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Mehn! Let go of what doesn't belong 2 u cos if d man is rightly urs,he's definitely gonna come back nd do live in sympathy in a man's house hence u wud b battered 4 life,if u truly luv him n u believe within u datz he's ur man,pray as u can but left me I wud ask u move on with ur life n stay focused

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After going through Mark testimony, i was amazed and was thinking if it was true, i contacted DR LOVE urgently for help on getting back by EX, Paul was the love of my life and i really loved him.So when i shared everything with Dr LOVE he said my lover will be back to me within 24hours i was like 24hours he said yes.Really the most amazing thing was that the time was not up to 24hours a man who left me for almost 4years i got a call from him...Sharing tears that he wants to see me..i said he should come over which he did.He cried and said i should forgive him.i said i have and he said he wants to prove himself that he will never leave me for another lady.so he gave me access to his account and me is beneficiary.Am so happy and grateful to DR LOVE for what he has done for me bringing back joy to my life. He just told me to tell friends and more people to contact him for any kind of solutions, Friends i can swear by anything DR LOVE is a man you can contact for help and he is trustworthy.Here his is private mail drlovespellcaster@yahoo.com or cell number +2348038096203

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My issue is with his co workers he always is texting them even after I told him how I feel about it. He will stop for while and then start all over. He always tells me how fat and old these woman are but I did know that. Today I have now found out he is setting up lunch dates with one of them. I no longer can take it. Why did he just leave? I do not understand why he keeps doing this to me. He even comes home late after work now and he finally went away and broke up with me, well i been at psychic but all the same. what should I do? until my friend introduced me to a sorcerer that assisted to reunite her husband. get the him with orinokosolutiontemple1@gmail.com you can contact him.

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pAPERS papers once again he got what he wanted to leave him be to find one of his own.

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go on sister, you are a strong woman God bless you and your children.

AJ your posts did make lots of sense, gets you thinking.

Poster, good luck, watch him come running back when you and your children are a success.

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No, he disgraced only himself.

Maybe I made mistake by trusting him, but everything ended up quite well. I have two really beautiful children and I am still studying, without his help and support.

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almond, u sure made a whole lotta sense.

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sad really.

i do agree with reloaded but that mistake has been made.

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@almondjoy

thank you for your supportive words, I really appreciate it!

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Nigerian men just dey disgrace us around the globe sha

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@d-reloaded

We have 2 children, husband is nigerian, i am european.

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That's the spirit. How many children? Is your husband Nigerian or is it you?

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@d-reloaded

I wish my mom would have taught me something like that, about men and life. But she did not, so did not my father. I really did not have anybody to look after me and to advice me. That is why I ended up like this, I guess. But believe me, I will be there when my children need me.

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y does it hurt so bad?

y does it leave some of us sad?

Love!!! Love!!! Love!!!

@ Fredrika, life is 2 short 2 dwell on what might have been.

pls move on and draw ur strength 4rm God.

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Yes, 6 freaking years. I have insisted to see her, I really have. And she wanted to see me too. I worked very hard to save money so that we could have made journey to see her. But he said the money was never enough. All these years he has been promising to take me to her soon, but he always delayed. And travelled alone instead, many, many times.

He has betrayed me, and did not feel sorry. I did love him very much, but I can’t live my life without being loved back. He was my biggest love ever, and I loved him so much, it just feels like waste to give up. But now, I have changed my attitude towards him, and decided not to love him anymore. I wish one day he will realize what he did and regret. I really hope so.

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Just updating the situation… I have decided to move on with my life. I told him that I can’t be waiting for his decision forever. I can’t give him more time, because I have given him enough. He is doing the kind of business that takes him out of the country most of the time. Let’s say like 6 months in a year. And when he is at home, he works like from 8am to 10pm. So he has had lot of time without me. He is working a lot, but he does not give me money. That’s why I stopped asking him. If I tell him I need to buy food or something for the children, he will tell me to beg my mom to give me money. And I will never do that. We have not spent much time together for a long time. He also visits his mom very often, but he never takes me or the kids with him. We have been together for 6 years and I have never even met his mom.

In my opinion, we are like a strangers now, we have nothing to talk to each other. This marriage could have been saved, if he just showed me, that he wants to spend time with me. But he just kept on avoiding me for a long time. So I think now is the time to believe his words that he does not love me anymore. Still, he is wondering why our marriage couldn’t work. And he feels bad about it too. I tried to explain him that wife needs attention and caring, but he did not understand. I wanted us to be a team, I wanted him to support me and appreciate me, but he didn’t understand.

But eventually I am feeling better. I told myself to stop loving him and it is actually helping. I am concentrating on me and children. I have realized that I can’t change him to be a family-man. But I feel betrayed tough. When we got married and had children, I told him that I am worried because I don’t have education yet. He said it doesn’t matter, because I could still study after the marriage and babies and he will give me all his support. But when I started studying he did not support me at all. He just warned me, that it is going to be difficult to take care of the children and study at the same time, because he is not going to help me.

But right now, I am ok. I feel strong, as I see how well I am doing without him, both financially and mentally. I am happy to see my children happy and healthy, and I want to work hard to provide them good life. And he does not even appreciate it. I am not seeing him anymore, I am not calling him, I am not asking his help. I just want to forget him and move on. I did not talk to his family about the situation, let them blame me, let them think I am a bad wife. Let them think their son is a good man. I do not care anymore. I think I was never a serious wife to him.

Thanks you all of your support and advice. I really appreciate the effort you have made trying to help a stranger. God bless you!

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Intelligence is good. But you dont want somebody that will lock you up in the cupboard after marriage and hide away the key. I guess we just have to look outside nairaland then.

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I bet you are looking for an intelligent girl.

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my heart does bleed 4 u. i agree with the poster that says this is the "for worse" period in ur married life.

my dear, u love him n i really empathise with u.

yeah, u r schoolin and it cannot be easy but like easybaby said, "listen 2 ur heart".

Go on ur knees and talk to God who brought u 2gether. Pray 4 him n urself, he needs it now more than ever to find his way back 2 u.

he's goin thru a difficult phase. make him understand that he has u and God and that it can't get any worse than this.

If u can't reach him, pray about it n try 2 get that part-time job u mentioned or do u have it already?

With God all things are possible.

i know it ain't easy on u either but apparently, u're the stronger half @ this particular time.

Pray 4 him and don't let the kids have any negative attitude towards their dad.

May God c u thru while i'll pray 4 u too.

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totally out of place."f**king with the wrong nigga" is just a saying,so dont interprete it literally.

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Will it be out of place for me to tell you to stop f**king then?

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its not a virtue.but marriage certainly isnt a neccessity.must I jump into marriage for marriage sake.moreso when Ive not found mrs right.abeg I don't want 2 f**k with the wrong nigga just because I want to get married at all cost.

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Here is someone who knows just how far. Men of certain tribes are by far most likely to play a Mr Fredericka and vote with their feet during low moments while those of other tribes will bring in a young village belle to ride it out. In either case self empowerment remains the best option not 'have you seen my husband'?

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The man is depressed,people.

Depression is becoming as common as the common cold

@ poster,encourage him to see a shrink.

He 'll most likely be placed on some antidepressants that'll help stabilize him.

and perhaps you may get the man you married back.

There's no shame in being treated for a known illness.

I hope things improve for you guys.

Most men can't handle failure especially financial failure .

is he Igbo?

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@Fredrika

Don't worry about your husband walked out you. Give him time. Set your highly priority on the following things you should do:

1) forgeting about going full-time school you currently study. Either changing part-time student or place them on hold as academic leave temporarily.

2) taking care of your children and yourself to get start full-time housewife until you find someone help you out.

3) if your husband come back, don't talk back or nagging, just listen what your husband say to make things work out with him for your marriage and children's sake.

4) if he is not come back, you have prepare the worse to think about how can you take care of children and yourself financially and responsibly?

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I agree with AJ definitely. But the thing is how is she gonna take care of the kids and also do full time work, hopefully she'll find someone who can help out

*sighs* This is why people should be educated before running to get married and have children.

You are right as this is highl;y possible. Let's just hope he doesnt end up being ungrateful but actually ASHAMED of his actions instead.

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DOnt go. Marraige's for better for worse. He's passing tru a difficult time now. Just keep on praying. Things'll work out.

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Feeling inadequate and trying to do something about it is one thing. But feeling inadequate and running away from obligations has one name. It is called irresponsibility. Secondly, If you can't conceptualize the kind of childhood a prospective spouse had but you can do same for most of the important public figures you know, then there is a real problem.

Now if this poster is able to turn her life and circumstance around and Mr Low-self esteem comes, things might be ok for a while. Then he is going to become envious and abusive. This guy should remain locked out. I will give the same advise to my sister or my daughter as the case may be.

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Am sorry about that cause am sure its not the easiest thing in the world to deal with.

I think what he is trying to do is push u away so that u will probably leave him and go with someone else.

All u can do now is just be there for him - make him know that u are there for him and just pray for him too. He also needs to realise that u didnt make those kids on ur own, and he just needs to suck up what he is going through now for them.

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SO NOT TRUE. A man feeling inadequate has nothing to do with his upbringing. and besides, how would she have seen any of dat?? they most probrobably didnt grow up together.

I think you should be strong for him now. . . . .he will come around. Just be strong.

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@fredericka

What a situation you got yourself in to girl. That is for a husband to say you can go on and let some other guy look after you and his own children.

You should have seen the signs before marriage. They are always there if you had cared to look. These guys are usually pampered and spoilt growing up. They whine and whine and they sulk (unnecessarily). Everybody owe them something but they have no duty to anyone. Dont get me wrong. These same guys don't mind selling the family's most prized asset or borrow money to give you a treat so they can get in between your legs. They just want to get laid. Sooner than later this is the end result. It is for this reason it just might help to listen to a senior (not more than 20% in-put because they sometimes have undisclosed, irrelevant reasons which don't help matters) when choosing a partner in a marriage.

Well all that is passed. What you must do now is rehabilitate yourself. Almondjoy suggests self empowerment through education to which I agree.You have to face the world. Once you get the certificate with a bit of luck and a little make-up, provided you chose your parents well you will see how rapidly doors will open for you while husband becomes somebody else's burden.

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Fredrika, as earlier said, most men measure their maleneness in their ability to take care of their family and achieve "big" things for themselves. Probably sees some of his friends, mates and even his juniors reaching greater heights than he has reached, It is a phase and a process in his life he will have to deal with himself, Not many women can handle this and no one will blame you if you cant but if you want to keep your marriage its time to let him be and sort himself out. You need patience, lots of it and dont try to mother him or show so much care and concern, he already feels like a weakling and doing that will make him feel worse.

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I may appear old fashioned, but i still beleive marraige is for better for worst and its for the strong. You seem to love your husband so much, This is the "For Worst " period. You have to be strong and fight for your marraige, fight doe not mean physical attack, it means you have to be emotionally strong. Your husband is going through a rough patch, he feels Unclad and vulnerable not being able to be a man and cater for his family, its going to be a difficult period, no doubt but tough people survive tough times weaK people chicken out . What your husband is going through now can be likened to a woman who has lost both her bosom to bosom cancer, she has a feeling of loss of feminty and will feel unattractive and un wanted by her spouse even if he tris to make her feel its ok. You man feels as if he has lost his maleneness and even if you are nice to him, its something he will need to sort out himself.

If you want to keep your marriage be patient, and strong, soon things will sort themselves out.

Good Luck

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Easybaby, thats the most meaningful comment i have seen in this commonplace,

Fredrika, have you ever heard the saying like: ', if its yours then its yours. Even if it went around the world, its gonna come back to you, ' Why worry about him that can easily find his way around? You should concentrate on your kids and train them to be great kids. You worry like his a baby. Yes i know you love him so much and i feel your pain on loosing what you really love. Thing is, you most priortize at this point. I pray you both get back together and live happily ever after. Peace

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Time to get on with your life. You will never be able to trust him again and the relationship is bound to fail.

It is not a nice thing to hear, but it is the reality of the situation.

Good Luck

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pity, the solution is prayer,

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