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I Cheated On My Husband, I Feel Guilty; Can I Confess To Him?

I had a problem with my husband about 2 months before our wedding, he suspected and accused me of having an affairs he later found was not true and this was after we have dated for 5 years. That broke my heart because i was a very decent girl and infact he disvirgined me after 4 years into our courtship after i had graduated from UI. He did apologise though and even though i tried to stop the wedding he begged me and made the whole world beg me i was no longer interested but it was too late. When we got married i realised i never enjoyed sex it is always pain and i tried to see if something was wrong with me, i tried to forgive him and free my mind and yet i still never enjoyed it. One day i listened to a voice mail a girl left for him of how much she enjoyed him and how he should not because of marriage forget her as he was too sweet on the bed, this broke my heart because i trusted him and now i realised its not as if he doesnt know how to make love it was my problem. Though i regret it now and feel quilty, i slept with an ex who never slept with me as a single girl and i must confess i enjoyed it, now i can't say what my problem is, i never did it after then and i still don't enjoy sex with my husband. I feel so guilty and i wish i could confess to him and ask for his forgiveness. Is it wise to do this and please if you have ever had like problem what can i do to enjoy sex with my husband. Please, this is a marital and serious and real issue will appreciate genuine and helpful advise.

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121 answers

Hopefully the sex is better now. Op did not return to tell us if she confessed. Hopfully not!

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Bleep him. You don't have to tell him anything. Just keep doing what you want to do and hope he doesn't find out.

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Would as an husband want to know how men or how times another man slept with your wife. hmmmm

So think before u tell her to confess

My sister go and sin no more

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Don't ask don't tell. African culture allows a man to sleep with more dan one woman even in marriage not the woman. If she tells that's the end of the marriage.

Man: I slept with three different women and am sorry

Wife: islept with two different man and am sorry

If they have kids. The man starts to look at those kids fun and ?

Man wants to hear that no matter how honest u think u are

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[quote author=Queenisha]na wa o

all these cheating people on nairaland and their advisers.

Well my advise will be to confront him about that voice mail from his mistress and gather all evidence needed to prove your point and after he admits it, you release your own bomb shell so you can both start the healing process.

I believe in honesty,without that,the marriage is just a sham.

Gbamm, my brother u've spoken well. Madam u commited this sin against him and God, so you need forgiveness from both.

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av u nt heard of pre-intimacy, kisin. Hugin, talkin switly, touching of bosom n femalecore? Do dat b4 sex, n u wunt av pains. Tel ur huby d trut, bt nt nw!

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my own piece sequel 2 this is dat there are some cultural myths or believe predominat in various groups, ethnic grps,languages,villages etc.some have it dat : if a woman cheats on d husband.wen d woman eventual becomes pregnant, she will die with d baby. Some also have it dat : if a husband eats food cookd by his cheatn wife..d man dies after having such food. The essence of this is jst 2 let u discover d type predominat in yours or ur husbands cos dat might jst be d reason of ur pains in bed. This is nt gibberish, it does happen in my own ethnic grp. Again neva carry dis 2 ur grave as some pple say, Seek d advice of a man of God on this. Jst my point Gudluck

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my dear,if ur husband were a white man

i think u could take the risk by tellin him what really happened

but 4 the fact is my african brother,pls never u try to tell him,

cos this has broken so many marriages, civilization has nothin to

do with this,cos it is a critical issue

pls be wise, dont put urself in a mess

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Please don't say it,

or else u want him to start suspecting u on every step u take,

Believe me if u go to the market and probably there's traffic on the way or something and for your own gud i wish your phone should have a flt battery by then

, please make sure you go from that market to your family house or else,

this man go kill u

U cant trust a man with such, just think about this,

am a man but even is a sleep with thousands of woman, and my wife gets to find out

that doesn't give her the impression of hugging a man too much,

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@poster,the act u did was delibrate n not a mistake so u should keep it 2 urself.i wont ever forgive my wife if she confess about something she did delibratly,how on earth would he ever trust u if u told him.if u love ur husband and ur marriage my advise is that,pray to God for forgiveness and make sure u never repeat it.about ur sex life,try n read sexual books,watch Indecency films together,

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There's nothing hidden under sun so those advising u 2 take it d grave are ignorant of this fact n d guilt will drive u nuts.there's no justification of ur deed,2 wrongs dnt make a right n u were angry cuz of a voicemail,i think u were looking for an excuse 2cheat,wat stopped u from confronting him then?a woman makes a relationship/marriage work n ur husband didn't know u weren't enjoying it cuz u kept quite.my advise do d telling n u would remove d burden n discuss with him y u did it that will make him feel guilt too n that will be d healing process.open up ur heart n luv him n u will enjoy sex n ur marriage.God will do it 4 u.remain chaste 2 ur husband.wishing u best of luck.

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How old is ur husband

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If you are a Christian, go see a counselor at a good church. Or you should go talk to an elderly person, They gat more wisdom on issues like this. Ask your parents for advice too.

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how i wish i could advice u not to tell ur husband,but i will not b helping u at that point.madam pls try and talk it over with ur husband and ask God to open ur heart to love ur husband cos not loving ur husband cos close ur heavens

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the problem is you married him for the wrong reason-because of PITY. well so what do you expect?

i realized a man who constantly accuses you of infidelity is himself an infidel so what are we talking about?

sweetie, confront him about the voice mail, then keep your lips sealed about the other man,then make up your mind to be better and never do it again

or just keep shagging the other man, cos you can't be sure he just might be doing the same thing to you.

but if you wanna really save your marriage go see a marriage counsellor but keep your secret secret there no use it coming out.

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an average man will NEVER trust his wife again if she tells him she cheated on him NO MATTER if she saw him shagging another woman talkless of listening to a voicemail which i believe u cannot proof if he really shagged or is shagging the girl. discuss the voicemail message with him & ask him how he'll feel if u did the same to him if u think i'm joking.

i believe sex like other things makes up 60% of marraige. if u want to save u marriagee, i advice you sit ur husband down and discuss how u feel when he makes love to u. ask him how he enjoys it and tell him how u want it done to u. GOODLUCK.

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Confront him about the voice mail.

Get him to admit to it first

Then tell him about what you did too.

Then you both start on a fresh note.

I can almost guess your hubby still cheats on you now.

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I understand how you feel but don't give up your marriage, because God have joined but of you together on your wedding day.

Take your time to watch blue film with him or alone.

Tell him were to touch when romancing you and watch it with all your heart.

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@poster

I feel you, but i still dont get you, but i need to help you.

The only way for you to get out of this guilt and feeling of guilt is only one, and that is to fok as many men as you can see around your neighbourhood in one week. Lets say you look around your neighbourhood and you can notice around ten men, able bodied and you can visualise the size of their dik, all you have to do is to plan how you will fok these men in one week of 8 days without your husband knowing. Woman, this is a serious matter, because it has been proven to work, if not, the guilt stays with you forever.

After the one week, all you then need to do is to cap it up with foking your husband, note that in the 8 days of foking the ten men, you are not allowed to fok your husband. This way, your feeling of guilt would have dis appeared after the sixth man, but make sure you complete the prescription.

Do you know why it works, because, one cheating, you will remember, but ten cheating, you will no more remember, pls if this fails, my dik is lurking round the corner to make the 11th, all for grabs. Thanks.

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DONT!!! Except ur conscience is pushing you to sucide. Guys dont forgive such things like women do belive me. If you are 100% sure he will undertand and really forgive you, fine but if not, do not confess except you know he's going to later fing out!

Please think about this very well, men cant sand the thought of theri wife with other men but they thing they are free to do as they will.

SO help you God!

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madam, u have commited an adultry in the prensence of God.ask God 4 forgiviness then confess to ur husband is

not good for a married woman to sleep with another man is an abormination .

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@ poster,

calabash don break,palm-wine don pour comot.

how we go come take do am?

i hope say u never get blood pressure becos the way wey u dey do,u go soon enter fastlane to stroke.

u get am no be small.

u cheat on ur husband,ur partner in crime come sweet pass ur husband wey taste like bitterleaf for bed.

u don discover say peppersoup sweet pass bitterleaf.

that one don scatter you.

i get some advise for you,

1) no confess to ur husband unless u wan end the marraige.he go take am personally.

2)go confess to reverend father for church make he beg God to forgive you.maybe d guilty concience go go or reduce.

3)if ur husband d*ck small 4 u,then i sorry.i nofit advice on how you go patch patch things.if na ur size,i fit give you some techniques wey he fit use on you and u go dey happier.otherwise,you go sneak go back to ur partner in crime go taste correct "peppersoup".

@ all una single ladies wey dey read this ,

make una test una boyfriend sure say he dey send u to space from bed b4 una marry o,or else this thing fit happen to una o.

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u took dat right out of my mind,i was coming on dat later

@poster

wen there is no communication in marriage ,its most definitely heading for d rocks

u ought to have told him dat u were not enjoying it,it might have been better by now

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Madam, im sorry for your case

but no sugarcoating will turn what you did into a reasonable reason.

This is the thing that happens when couples dont communicate.

Why didnt you tell your husband you didnt enjoy it.

Now you have tasted enjoyment and your here crying on NL.

One day, he will know, either from you or someone else

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how do u know they shagged only once?

@poster

come sef,u will just post and then run away

did u guys do it once or more than once?

lets know why u aint enjoying it again

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so r u still married to him?

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It's so unfurtunate that this actually happened to me, a lot of people who knows me will argue if i tell them i did this, thank you all anyway, i hope one day i will be able to forgive myself. For those who think i am a cheat well, that's your opinion but i can tell you categorically that what happened is a very shameful act i regret i hope i will wake up one day to see its a dream but alas it happended and NO i have not slept with that ex since then, we met at the airport on my way on holiday in december we exchanged greetings but the kind of shame i had could only be imagined. He knew it and felt for me he actually apologised to me even though he need not to afterall he did not force me.

Well that is by the way, i want you to know that the shameful thing i did was not to revenge no, read the initial post again, i dont enjoy sex with my husband and overtime i felt i needed to be sure that its not just my system and that was after asking my mum if i was circumcised and she said no, so to be sure my body can not ever enjoy sex i fell into that shameful sin. I achieved my aim, at least now i know its not that i can not enjoy sex but only with my husband. I just have to live with it bkos up till now i still dont feel anything when he makes love to me i just pretend and how on earth can i tell him someone slept with me and i enjoyed it. I hope one day this will pass over me.

Betadas i was not cheating on him while we were courting or after marriage he was not my first boyfriend but i never slept with any of my boyfried i had be4 him which this guy happened to be one of them. I had a couple of boyfriends b4 we met even after we met and we broke for about a year i had some but it never lasted bkos i was doing 'do not tourch'.

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They shagged once!!!

She couldn't have known her dysfunction(with her husband) on her debut.

Afterall, the 1st time hasn't been known to be pleasant for any woman.

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I've really followed this thread from page 1 and now I have something to add. The Lady married without assessing compatibility, not out of love but only to justify past commitment, hence their marriage lack effective communication of feelings. Her husband disvirgined her 4 years after their relationship and married her afterwards. When then in her life did she meet the man now qualified as ex, who slept/sleeps with her after marriage? Does it imply she was dating other men outside her husband before their marriage? If what I am thinking was the case, then the initial allegation of been unfaithful may not be baseless, though she was clever enough to cover up. It will be better she comes out of the woods by telling us she has been unfaithful to her husband and wants to repent. Only then can we advise on how to confess and how to live her new life without a reflection of her past. She only packaged her posting to justify her infidelity ,

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rubi ds story is somehow,cos d area of where her hsuband cheated on her,is not really clear

its somehow,cos ,did d guy sleep wt d ex after marriage or did d guy abandon d ex,was dat why she left a voice mail begging him not to leave her cos hes married?dis thing get as e be

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@post

first of all you shouldn't have brought your ex into your problems. having sex with him could have turned out you getting pregnant. Second of all i know you got caught up in emotions but getting back at your husband by cheating was pretty dumb decision. You and your husband are now victims of infidelity. so now you gonna have answer to a higher power on that one. Lastly i say you should just confess. might as well. your marriage is going down the drain already do you might as well just get it off your chest. because im curious why you are even still in the marriage. what are you hanging?

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I know but I think they say forsake all others when you are married no be so? My dear more tori dee inside this story the husband slept with his ex the wife slept with her ex. You are right I think for her to grieve that is psychological trauma

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naaaaa though d psoter did not lay emphasis on where she listened to the voice msg

but at d same time rubi dont forget that this man might have also been dating d other girl before he got married,so the girl in question might still have his number and other personal contacts of his

so dat one is not a case

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Why won't he give her his cellphone number? It happens and has happened numerous times - its such carelessness acts that expose cheaters many a time.

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I am even begining to doubt the poster because I don't think a man in his right mind will cheat on the wife and give the girl his house number not even cell phone. I think the story is not yet complete. As a married woman I can put one and two together.

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my sister ,use eye read dis poster thread well well,d poster is already dying inside,infact shes almost gone,and they r still telling her to keep it a secret`how can she,d woman is tearing apart and d only way she can free herself is by talking,keeping it wont solve d matter,it will only worsen d situation

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It is like we sat down and discuss I was arguing with a guy on this earlier I don't klnow if you read my post. It is not possible to hide it there are things to hind but cheating on your husband my dear personally I can't hide it some how along the line if the even if the ex do not com with proof it will sneak out from her mouth or somebody she confided in will threaten her with that. Pregnancy cannot be covered after nine months

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abi ooo

and d most annoying part is,some of them women telling her to keep it a secret r married,people just get married to change their single status to married,they don't know what that word marriage is all about,and they r here telling us crabs

like i said before just imagine if she and her hubby r living peacefully now,and then d guy she did it wt then ,just appears?appearing i mean is wt solid and concrete proof,what will happen?

is it not better she tells d man and clears her heart ,then if he doesnt want her again she leaves d house for him wt a clear conscience and good mind,than trying to save it just to maintain d married status

yes i know that they r some secrets that should be taken to d grave,but my dear at d same time we should not also forget that there is nothing hidden under d sun

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People do not understand that there is big difference blw boyfriend and girl friend it is not easy to walk away many woman swallow more than the poster postered and coming here to open their mouth and talk nonsense

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my dear body dey inside cloth jare,how u dey ?and ur hubby?hope all is well

some people just see this marriage thing like a boyfriend and girlfriend issue,don't tell him ,don't tell him ,don't tell him,they r some secrets that can make one loose what he/she loves most in life

what if she has reconsiled wt her husband,and they r now living happily ,and then d her ex justknocks at their door one day and exposes her wt proofs?what will happen

im very sure this same people telling her to keep it a secret will blame her for not telling her husband right from d onset

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How body? you have been making nice input on this thread

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if he likes let him go sleep wt a thousand women out there,idats his business,we r talking about individual conscience here,her conscience is already pricking her ,so there is no bleeping way she can live wt it tied to her heart alone,not even if she prays to God and asks him for forgiveness

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Why cant she live without telling him? Do you know what he does  at your back?

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Tell him, IF You WANT 2 LOSE HIM FAST;   i will advice u not 2 tell him, pray 2 God 4 4giveness and don't cheat on him again,

iwo na, olo ju ko ko ro ni e

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tell ur husband ,if he cant handle it maturedly by forgiving u,then he can as well go rot in d deepest part of hell

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Sis u have two options either follow okbobo's advise i.e

I am a guy and i can tell u that it is only a wimp or an exceptional man who can forgive his wife for cheating on him, no matter how many times he has done so. This might not be fair, but that is the way it is.

I think you need to ask God for forgiveness for this act and also forgive yourself.

I also think that your sexual problems with you husband could be as a result of one or both of the following:

1. You never really forgave him for the false accusations he made when you were dating. Thefore, you are unable to be vulnerable with him (which is needed to enjoy sex) - 'they were Unclad but not ashamed'.

2. He does not spend enough time on pre-intimacy or is not gentle in pre-intimacy or is not attentive enough to identify YOUR erogenous zones during pre-intimacy.

Sista! you also need to forgive him for the false accusations and also for the affairs.

Then you need to let him know that you are not getting 'enough' - not because is inadequate or inexperienced or because you are rigid but because you are both getting your wires crossed.

Please don't 'grin and bear it'. from what I have come to realise, for us men sex is fun but for women if done right is not only fun but enhances there psychological well being. I am not saying this to patronise you.

Finally, there are may predators out there who can detect a woman whose is in this state and prey on her.

don't be a victim again, at another man's choosing.

or option number two confess and free yourself from guilt and be prepared to leave coz he might not accept you coz thats african man for u.

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