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I Dont Understand This Guy! Was He Just Too Jealous Or Possessive?

I met this 37 year old guy three years ago when i was 18 (i didnt look 18 at all ). I had just finished my 1st year in University and was so lonely during the summer - my long distance boyfriend was in Nigeria and i, in London.

Well, to cut the story short: the 37 yr old was my family friend. He comes from a very popular and wealthy family in my state and the girls all throw themselves at him when he's in public. His mother and sisters are all trying to force him into getting married but according to him, 'he is not lucky with women'. Well he was, at first, worried about the age difference between us and the all the family connection, but i guess he forgot about that. The guy was all over me and kept calling me up all the time but i didn't fancy him at all, however, i grew to like him. We became close over a very short period and i had the best mind-blowing sex with him (like 3- 5 rounds every time), he introduced me to his friends (who all kept on giving me the eye) and took me out a times. But i found out that he had a problem. Up till today i do not know if he was just so insecure or too possessive. He gets upset when i get calls from other guys. These 'other guys' are close friends who i've known so long before i met him. He kept referring to them as 'my boyfriends'. The first time i cooked for he and his friends he was so excited and even tried to cook for me once to say thanks but it all changes anytime that i mention my other male friends to him. He say he's sure that i cook for them as well.

After a few months he asked me to marry him on telephone from Nigeria. I was so shocked because it has never really been my intention to get married at such a young age, apart from this, i thought he was joking because we had not even known each other long enough. I refused. Since then, its been one accusation or another from him. He thinks that i don't take him seriously and when i spend my hard money on telephone to call him from the UK he only tells me thta i don't call him often because of my 'other boyfriends'. Can you imagine this kind old man self. Anyway, he invited me to his house in Naija to stay with him for 1 week in the summer but i could not travel because i was so bloody broke. We waited for about a month and did not hear from me until i was sure that i had saved enough to travel, so i called him up and made plans to travel down to Naija. We agreed that he's pick me at the airport. I wanted to surprise him and arrived a few days than the planned time and made my way to his house myself. As usual, he was happy to see me but started saying that i someone else had picked me up at the airport instead. I also noticed that he was a little distant from me when i was there at his place and so i kept to myself and started making plans to leave. He tried to get me to cook for him again but i pretended that i was too tired to do it. After all, he had a live-in cook in his house. The very next day, this guy brought in one ugly girl and started flirting with her in front of me so i packed my bags and left his house immediately.

The annoying thing is that i was faithful to this guy and took so many silly risks just to make him happy with me, but he did not trust me at all. It took me about 2 years to get over him. I have a loving boyfriend now but i still remember him most times. i wish there was something i could do to hurt him back for what he did to me.

So tell me, whats your opinion

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13 answers

u still love that guy thats the only reason why u wanna payback.

just either move ahead, or go back and beg.

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Tit for Tat, what goes around comes around. You said you had a long distance relationship with some dude in Nigeria, from what I gather from your post, you didn't break up officially with him before you started having mind-blowing sex with another dude, you are just getting what you deserve. I do not mean to judge you but that's just how I see it.

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When an imagination run riot, every conceivable acts flashes to mind. And when it garner enough energy, it leads to suspicious of high intensity. Only TRUST back by ACTION can douse the flame. You made feeble attempt at assuring him of your faithfulness.

4, that his friends and third party contributed to your problem is a possibility expecially as you keep flocking with your old male friends with unsatisfactory explanation regarding your relation with them. You said it your self it was later that you started noticing the insecurity in him. He was a complete gentleman before then, I supposed. Think about it, a good man can't turn bad overnight. Something must have trigger it. Did you bother to find out?

With the above observations, I disagree with you that he was insecure or jealous. That he went to pick an UGLY lady after you further show the he care less about your beauty. What then will make him insecured? From your story, it is obvious you treated him with disdain. The way turned down his marriage proposal, the way you acted when you are "bloody broke" all further made him suspect you are either cheating him or not taking him "seriously".

Any man in such circumstance would "react". He made attempt at making it up, but you didn't recognize what the problem is. In short, he tried his best but you misinterpreted it.

That guy loved you. But both of you are two generations apart. It is good you didn't marry.

Stop hating him; plotting revenge. He might turn out to be innocent. Don't forget to blame your immaturity whenever you look back review what happened.

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Jenny2007

After reading your story, I made few observations which make me see the guy as opposite of what you have in mind. I am sorry to say that if what you wrote is exactly the case, you share a large portion of the blame. In fact, I don't want to blame him until you provide a clearer picture.

To every crisis, there is a foundational cause. To any problem; to unravel any mystery, we must get to the root.

Your guy may not be insecured. This is manifested from what you wrote.

1, his history with women and his age. At that age, you are probably not expecting someone who had never courted a woman. Insecured people don't like to lose the object of their obsession. They won't give up without a fight or emotional outburst. If your guy didn't show any sign of lost after you left him then he was not insecured. Rather, he didn't trust you as deeply as you thought. The problem is LACK OF TRUST AND NOT INSECURITY.

2, you said women fell all over him courting his attention but he didn't choose them. Such a man had, at that age acquired adequate experience to know that most women that run after him want his money. That he didn't pick any of those girls revealed that he was choosy as far as women are concerned. He wanted someone he can TRUST. He found that someone in you. Unfortunately, you are young. He didn't pounce on you. The relationship didn't start as love but as family friend.

3, what the two of you have was technically a long distance relationship. There is no doubt that your age and immaturity contributed to the problem. Long distance relationship that is intended for marriage demands a high degree of TRUST.That you are faithful to one another cannot be shown by telephone conversation. Those little things like missing his calls, staying away from him, calling or receiving from male friends may not be a problem if overlooked. They are however signs that you need to answer questions. You need to asure him that you are faithful. These acts fire up imagination. And

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Jenny2007

After reading your story, I made few observations which make me see the guy as opposite of what you have in mind. I am sorry to say that if what you wrote is exactly the case, you share a large portion of the blame. In fact, I don't want to blame him until you provide a clearer picture.

To every crisis, there is a foundational cause. To any problem; to unravel any mystery, we must get to the root.

Your guy may not be insecured. This is manifested from what you wrote.

1, his history with women and his age. At that age, you are probably not expecting someone who had never courted a woman. Insecured people don't like to lose the object of their obsession. They won't give up without a fight or emotional outburst. If your guy didn't show any sign of lost after you left him then he was not insecured. Rather, he didn't trust you as deeply as you thought. The problem is LACK OF TRUST AND NOT INSECURITY.

2, you said women fell all over him courting his attention but he didn't choose them. Such a man had, at that age acquired adequate experience to know that most women that run after him want his money. That he didn't pick any of those girls revealed that he was choosy as far as women are concerned. He wanted someone he can TRUST. He found that someone in you. Unfortunately, you are young. He didn't pounce on you. The relationship didn't start as love but as family friend.

3, what the two of you have was technically a long distance relationship. There is no doubt that your age and immaturity contributed to the problem. Long distance relationship that is intended for marriage demands a high degree of TRUST.That you are faithful to one another cannot be shown by telephone conversation. Those little things like missing his calls, staying away from him, calling or receiving from male friends may not be a problem if overlooked. They are however signs that you need to answer questions. You need to asure him that you are faithful. These acts fire up imagination. And

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from the start he doesnot even love you. how can u (a student) be struggling to gather ur air fare to see him, when u can afford to give u that money. how can u be the one calling as its not convenient for you finacially, when hes wealthy enough to handle that.

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@dyke2007; he sure had a silly way of showing it!

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his jealous and form my own suggestion he is in love

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Move on girl!

We all have our hurts, but we learn by the day with it!

The only way you can hurt him is totally forget him!

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@mcdoe; thankk for the encouragement. maybe the two of us were really not meant to be 2gether.

@mohawkchic, thanks 2.

@j-girl; girl you r soooooooooooo right. some of them are too proud to admit it though.

@ThoniaSlim; someone told me the same thing.

@Aproko; do u really believe that he's regretting what he did ( i hope so)?

@cute-Bottom; i thought it was it too early to rush into the issue of marriage. he did not think so though! and yes i agree with you - i would not have gone to his house under the circunstance but i thought i was making it work. Thanks for your final words too!

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jenny2007, i'm happy you're over him now.

He was too jealous for your liking anyway but some Naija guys in general like referring to a girl's guy friends as "their boyfriends". I don't know why but I think it's a way of controlling their jealousy.

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jenny2007, Leave vegeance for God. The past is gone. Move ahead. Rejoice because you have found another guy. Might be, two of you were not meant to be together.

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