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I Know He Flirts, But Is My Boyfriend Cheating On Me?

I have an a bit of an issue and i need your views on it.

My boyfriend got transferred to scotland in december.

My cousin told me this weekend that her boyfriend (who is close friends with mine) told her about 21months ago that i should leave him.

She (my cousin) reckons he has a double life and is cheating on me. Infact that there are times when he has come to london behind my back. And she knows this, by picking up on conversations her guy and mine have.

According to her she's heard him say he can't deal with the LDR thing, and he would have had other girlfriends if not because he knows she has a large mouth and would tell me.

Now, knowing me, i called him and asked him, and typically he denied everything. I know for a fact that he came down 2 weeks ago and i didn't know about it. but i found out from his sister. (he doesnt know that i know this).

I know he is a flirt, and i am too. However, i've always thought he knew where to drew the line. I have given him that trust, after all we've been together for over a year and a half.

I have busy life, and so has he. I do not pry too much into his life and neither does he pry into mine.We plan on moving in together in about 7months. Either i go up, or he comes back down to london. My cousin thinks i should leave things for now until we move in together, tehn i can know for sure if he is cheating on me, because then i can have 'evidence'.

When i asked him about the things she said he gave me answers. Then i text him yesterday telling him i know for a fact that 2 weeks ago he came down without telling me, and i don't know why. He said we would talk about it, and he still hasn't called. I haven't called him either since sunday, and a huge part of me does not intend to.

My best friend thinks i should give him another chance, seeing as i completely trusted him before this and wait until he gives me reason to chuck him out. However, my cousin has no reason to lie. Granted he was a womaniser in the past, but i don't think all the while he was in london and we were together that he ever cheated on me. and i know he 'changed'.

I have major exams coming on in 2weeks as i am doing my masters and this is the last sort of confusion i need now.

DO NOT TELL ME TO FORGET ABOUT TIT AND CONCENTRATE ON MY EXAMS JUST NOW, because i know that!, and i am trying but it's hard, if u need more info, ask, but WHAT DO U ALL THINK?

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41 answers

Two of u flirt,which means u cheat on each other.Has he made ur own an issue?Why should his own become an issue?

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i would just advise you take things slowly.listen to him,and have aclear mind when you are havin this conversations so that you can pick loophholes s as to be extra sure.But my advice is 'do not linger long when u end up losing all'goodluck

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am a good flirt but i cant cheat onmy man , how about that ?

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small things u do that really wind her up, but then u refuse to acknowledge them,, and i bet u the day i will dump my guy for real, he too will be surprised thinking he hasnt done anything wrong, the big things don't bother me, its the little ones, SO MAYBE U SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE SENSITIVE TOWARDS HER NEEDS

its either that, OR SHE HAS FOUND SOMEONE ELSE WHO SHE THINKS IS BETTER/TREATS HER BETTER THAN U DID. and she just wants out of her relationhsip.what can i say?, talk to her?, u might be able to convince her to coming back, but know u have to straighten things out or she'll go again. If not, then move on dude!

my dear y u come dey complain now? no be u talk say u wan break up with the boy? abi na ur twin sis?

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This case is a very sensitive one as i can see the quality and quantity of information u have offered. My advise is do what make su happy. All manner of hypocrites have put there mouth into the issue and u r not even sure if the guy sef dey chat with u unknowingly. Desist from all these insensitive and irrational thinkers whose level of trust and confidence u dont even know and talk to someone who would understand better.

In my relatioship i have built trust so much so that the worst of things that my girlfriend did was told to me . It was hurting but my dear she said it. We both cried over it but u know what we are still together. U know y cos we LOVE each other. Come to think of it u agreed to it too that u flirt so why the pain and hurt,it takes 2 babe it sure does.

My question to you is simple " Is the relationship based on a solid friendship"?

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@mellow, abi ohh, thats the most important thing to consider when someone is cheating, AIDS no get cure

@ijog, my dear, exams are comming up well, thanks for asking idey just dey read

@nynlicious, infact, i no get power sef to continue replying to u. because u seem like one of those ppl that always have to wish/say the negative. why couldnt u just end ur advice on the good note, that i should concentrate on my exams?, sha i no wahala.

@david, hahah, u sef, does it have to get to that?

@big bumper, yes i had did have doubts. however, before that, i had no doubts it hadn't even crossed my mind. then again, i'm the kind of person with a very active imagination, all i need sometimes is a little seed of doubts and i could build to up to a tree in no time in my mind, lol, its my weakness

and when u go from living 10min away from each other to an hour away on a plane, to me it is long distance oh, cos i could go to italy,germany etc, and back in same amount of time, sha i guess perception is defferent

@Imani, thank u for the objective response, i shall bear that in mind

@all the others, who had nothing better to say than criticise negative/insult, carry on, plz dont stop, make una no tire

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I honestly don't know how someone can advice another

to flirt  in order to get even with their spouses beats.

Do not forget Aids is real and again remember short cuts

are dangerous cuts.

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call it what you like, it is what it is.

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I ain't the one doing the nit-picking, mr admin wannabe.

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@Luxoire, didn't you say you were soft spoken? From your reply i could picture a vindictive, angry chic that never stops whining.

No wonder he's cheating and will continue to do so. if i were you, i'll concentrate on my exams (most important) stop wasting quality time!

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@ topic

no he's not, wait until you catch another woman in his bead. That would be a more ironclad proof that he is cheating on you.

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anti ma fi lo mi'n dasi, sunkun sabo, obo.

fyi, it's "typo" --- not "typho"

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Guys don't grass on each other. (they would lie though if there was nothing

to grass about and they wanted a piece of the action).

You stated that your cousin had no reason to lie, so your next assignment

after your exam would be to find out whether her man is looking out for you

or for himself.

As for London/Scotland being classed as LDR (under an hour by air for a budget of around £50) hmmn.

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So many "buts", but none was a typho error. Your command of the English Language is very good, listen to the doubt/reservation/suspicion in your mind.  

N:B

I know everyone's got a past and everyone deserves a second chance, but was he a flirt or is he a flirt?

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I choose to rotflmfao @ this your yeye post dumai.

what does "age-12" and "joke thread being spelled jokes" have to do with my post,

i did not post in defense of the prior girl btw.

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@poster,

Please take your time before you move in together with him. I know at some stage, if the relationship is still serious someone has to compromise on location. But you guys really to redefine your relationship and then you can make further plans.

Please, dont just accept what people tell you, wheather it a relative or not. Things are not always what they seem at first.

Goodluck with your decision.

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d point is that,is d guy d will of God 4 u?

Check out! ;

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@Fekuti

Age- 12?

*&^&%&%&*( !!!!!

I Think you got the wrong thread here, the joke thread is spelt JOKES, dah.

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madame masters, "practice what your preaching"

you have been taught very well daughter.

I've come to realize that "am" is the new "i'm" and "your" is the new "you're"

olodo.

and seun a big f, uck you for reactivating this account, kindly ban me again, you big b, itch.

instincts tell me, you'll either delete this post, or modify it, you asinine.

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This is just some attention seeking post!

@Luxoire, which planet are you really on? waste of expensive time even commenting on this post, Grow up girl!

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@ppl, hahahahaha, infact @cutey/, thanks hun

ok, i am sorry i made an error my original pots. my cousin and i had this converstion on sunday, but she told he he said those things about 1/2months ago.

i think some ppl need a history here, my cousin has never really liked him, ( i dont suppose he likes her much either)and has always thought i could do better (i don't think that is reason for her to sabotage the r/ship as i genuinely feel she is looking out for me, but i do suppose she is sometimes inclined to make things look a bit worse than they are, when it comes to him.

and YES he did call last night and apologised and what not. Its a long way from perfect, but he was only in town for about 5 hours and had lunch with his in-law. (which is how the sister knew he was intown that week) but the company had flown him in and out for a meeting. Its no excuse for his having not told me, and he admitted that, and but he also said, if i had known he was down, i would have caused him grief for not making time to see me (which has some truth to it)

Why did he wait that long to call?, actually he didnt. he had left a few msgs for me to call him, which i didnt get, because of network problems (im not making xcuses, because a few other friends have complained about me not replying msgs i never recieved in the first place)

Things are hard, and i suppose time will tell whether we last or not, but just now, i know where i am heading with my life, and i think he realises that he has a lot of work to do if he wants to stay with me (which is what he says) eitherway, i made it clear my life would go on regardless. he needed to choose whether to make an effort and move forward with me, or get behind.

I am studying as much as i can, AND I THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR RESPONSES. Everyone deserves a second chance, and i suppose in this instance, i am wrong to a certain extent, for having readily believed my cousin, without hearing him out, i passed judgement too quickly. So i guess i've learnt now too. I need to trust him more if its to last, otherwise it doesnt matter whether we are in same house or at different end s of teh world, i can't let ppl play on my insercurities. i need to be able to trsut that he is being faithful and if i cant do that, then i might as well let go.

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if my arithmetic is right - u mentioned 21 months ago, someone tld you something about him, but you also said you have been together for only 18 months - so if u knew that about him before u got together, why did u still get together with him?

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In as much as it's never good to pay evil with evil, I think you should try and flirt sometime soon. Cheat on your boyfriend for a change. You'll feel better thereafter.

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I always call a spade a spade. For those of you advising her to get concrete evidence first before she acts, am sorry for you all. Have you heard of circumstantial evidence? Its not in every case that you must have concrete evidence before you proceed for trial. The evidence she has is enough and she knows it herself. Did not want to join issues here anymore but when i read through, i had a good laugh i had to point this out. You can only forgive those who have come to you for forgiveness. this dude is not repentant and would never be.

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I know fire is hot, But can it burn me?

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@luxoire i get this feeling that what ever is happening right now between you 2 is a sign of more bad things to come but its starting in bits from what you have said this b/f of yours doesnt even feel ur pain he knows you have exams to take and he choses to ignore you no words of encouragement from him even when you confronted him about lying his not even making an attempt to make things write. My advice if you will take it is to forget him you know we girls we always make one mistake and thats living in a fools paradise thinking oh let me give him another chance, oh his going to change, oh i need more evidence, oh this and that. theres no trust from his end and yours so let it go ok and move on with your life ur better for it.

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@Luxoire

I was only joking, You can't take a joke? Quit messing with them white boys !

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@ijog

if we were on good talking terms, i could do all those things and get him to do it. Now that i havent even spoken to him since sunday, and i am wondering whether that is the end, i suppose im in no mood/position to use any power of persuasion

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@ijogbon

ok, i go try am, but i know he wont do it if i send it to him, hes not into that sort of thing, infact i can already hear him saying

'baby why u dey like to worry me with all dis rubbish, u no go siddon watch BBC News24 say one tin, one tin psychology, na so dem dey do una 419'

hahahaha

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@hotchic

Try it, for real. Just try it you will see the potential.

Try it yourself then imagine your man taking the exact same test.

And yeah,,,,I am a guy just in case noone noticed,,,lol

@Luxoire

Good luck in your exams mi'darl.

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Sounds like he is cheating but you need to be double sure before you opt of the relationship,i think you need to try n have a face to face discussion after your exams,long distance relationship can be difficult but i think you need to travel to Scotland and see your guy.Then you can draw reasonable conclusions from that discussion,guyz are not alwez very reliable but after you still need exercise patience n try to understand your guy.All the best and good luck in your exam.

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@luxoire

Maybe you should spy on him, and collect more concrete evidence so that he gets no chance to deny your findings.

Otherwise, play along till something comes up. In either case, 'your' future should be your priority and hence concentrate on your exams for the time being. All the best !!!

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My dear luxoire,

The best things in life are free and you don't hussle to get them.

Let things be for now till he comes back to London. Then you guys can

talk things over. If after the talk he comes back your baby then he's yours

but if not, he was never meant to be, you guys were just stealing passion.

Concentrate on your forth coming exam as that is your meal ticket. What happens

if you failed and he never came back to you? My people say, use your tongue to count

your teeth.

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well from your posts (past, present n future) you seem to be my type of girl!!!

wel it aches my heart to see that a guy is messing around wit u

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@Sweet T

and what makes u think i wanna get with a divorcee?, and why exactly is she granting u a divorce?, i didnt mean it to make u hurt (so im glad ur not) though i wonder whether anything gets to u

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@Luxoire

Haa i'm hurt ! Anyways, I will be getting divorce from Omo-Eko very soon. So you can drop that chicken head and get with a real MAN !

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@BEBE, eyahh thanks baby-gurl. i know. and i plan on doing that. If he calls i will give him another chance, simply because i have no concrete evidence and i need to build trust again in him. But he has to make an effort and put in some work towards making it work, i refuse to chase him up and call him only to put up with his sh*t

@Sweet T

Thanks ur a real poo-poo head u know that??, if ur trying to stcik the knife in deeper, then i'm sorry u wont succeed cos its already as deep as it can go. Better luck next time, u unfeeling human being

@iyken,

i dey feel u, and i have considered it. which is why i will be willing to let him persuade me back to him. but if he isnt bothered to do even that, then i guess i will read meaning into his silence!!

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Darling, what u must know is that, if it's not meant to be, it will never be.  no matter how hard we try to make it work.

Just pretend as if nothing is going on and nothing has happened.  Concentrate on your exams like u said earlier.

He will come running if u guys are meant to be, and that is where u will choke him questions.

if he feels genuily sorry, give him another chance.

But if he tries to aportion blames, faults and a lot excuses, kick his Bottom off and never look back.

he doesn't deserve you dear! move on.

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the signs are there u guys are not made 4 each other. so stop the deception.

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@priscare, thank u

actually i know to concentrate on my exams just now. and i am actually willing to put up with some of his crap, but only if he too makes some sort of compromise.

i havent called him since sunday and he too hasnt called. should i call him?, or wait 4 him to make the 1st move, given that i've often made the first move in the past.

i mean, if i am willing to put up with some crap, then surely atleast i should get my due respect, right?, or should i call?

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you ve already make ur stand before ur post.

anyway i will advise u hear him out first b4 u make ur decision.

he will surely have his reasons why not call him and discuss all at once.

i will also counsel that u concentrate on ur exam for now since

the case will still remain while exam is just once.

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