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I Love Her But Can I Survive Her Illiteracy?

I have this nagging concern and I truly need some second, third or a million opinions on this. Trust me. I am a single gentleman and am in my 40s. I met and fell in love with this pretty lady during one of my trips to Nigeria. Then she was an undergraduate student. She has long graduated. For many years we would call and have short chatting and email thing going on. Recently I have become more and more serious with her as I came to know her more. With this knowledge comes a great concern especially if she is to relocate and live with me in the Western English speaking country. She can hardly complete five grammatically correct English sentences on a role.

I started observing this when our level of chatting both on-line and on the phone increased. My first step to help was to ask her not to use the abbreviated texting formulas in our communication. This was to help me see her level of understanding and ability to correctly express herself.  Was I not surprised? May I say here that when I started noticing her lack of understanding of the arrangement of tenses,  grammar, word meanings and sentence constructions, the kind of things we learn in primary school and build up on in high school/secondary school and all that, it rang a big bell. To say the least, I could not believe what I was reading.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am really in a big bind. I love this lady but it is becoming very difficult to see how I would bring a wife who is unable to complete a simple application into an English speaking country. How about advancing education to add to the family support? To show that I mean it when I say I love her, I started asking her to write me stories on how her day went (she is working in Nigeria). The first write up, barely 10 lines long, had grammatical errors in each line. I am talking about mistakes you will not expect from a high school graduate not to mention a university graduate (trust me I am measuring her with Nigerian standard). I really love her and I see she is making every effort to learn but I am really scared about our future. It would be a different thing if I was dealing with challenging college assignments or difficult topics but we are spending hours on elementary English topics (using capital letters, tenses, possessive pronounces, and the use of articles) . Remember she is a Nigerian University graduate. It would have been a different thing if I was dating a high school graduate. It really disturbs me. I need your advice.

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18 answers

wetin dey do una??him papa na english teacher, so she no fit go embarrass am in front of his ppl

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What do you expect poster? She is still FRESH OFF THE PLANE, give it time, TEACH HER SINCE YOU ARE WORRYIGN ABOUT HER ABILITY TO COMPREHEND, ENUNCIATE, AND INTERNALIZE. There are great books that can teach her to formulate grammatically sound sentences verbally and written.

IF you love you, you will love her flaws as well as her perfections, YOU LUST HER, BIG DIFFERENCE,

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So far, I want to congratulate you for the job well done. You are really doing everything within your power to help her because of the love you have for her. However, she needs to have the willingness to help herself too if any remarkable change is to take place. You cannot be forcing her and for the fact that she is sacred you might leave, should be her driving force instead.

Yes, reading novel and newspaper is very good and glad you have taken that step already and also to stop writing in abbrv.

B/w, I am really surprised though with her difficulties despite the fact that she was taught in english throughout her education. So, I want you to make sure she is telling you the truth about her educational background. If I may ask, where goes she work and what is her position there?

God will see you through, Good Luck

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MissyB, Violent and all, Thank you for your posts,

Yea I recommended for her to be reading novels and even newspaper. I told her this since last year. It was not until a few months ago that I noticed that she did not buy any novel. During the earthquake in Haiti I invited her to read about that incident but she would not. She would promise but wouldn't. It was not until recently I understood the depth of her challenges. That was when I invited her to write a daily then weekly reflection (essay) on her activities at work and send it to me by email. This was when the real work started. We also have other practical exercises we do. I invite her to share with me every new word or expressions she has learnt from her readings. She has a dictionary where she checks out meanings of new words and learns more spellings. I invite her to write every new word and expressions she learns from her readings and exercises in her work book. It is a challenge but we are getting at it and all I want is to remain calm and patient despite all frustrations. Your words of encouragement and support are very helpful.

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That's The Effect Of Pidgin English.

Anyway, it is your duty to give her the basics in the english language & to correct her mistakes.No one is perfect and you might also need her tutorials someday.

You are too old to be single. So I'll suggest you marry her!

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Nope! . . .you're wrong!

il·lit·er·ate

adj

a Unable to read and write.

b. Having little or no formal education.

If she's able to read and write in any other language, be it Arabic, Yoruba, Hausa, Ibo, french, spanish. . .etc etc, then she isn't an illiterate.

There are top Investment Bank executives who find speaking or writing English an uphill task!. . .

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Love is blind but marriage open eyes so shine am well before you enter

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All human beings have there positive side,i guess dt is her's,i am thinking dt u are her messiah,little jesus u can do it so far she is ready to be corrected. If u leave her because she is an illiterate(after graduation) u might possibly leave your missing rib for something else dt may damage your life.[color=#000099][/color]

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That is not far fetched! I see a lot of people even with PHD that have a problem with tenses.

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Wow I find it hard to believe that a Nigerian university GRADUATE would not be able to write simple sentences as you say. This lady might be she is dyslexic or not being completely honest you about her educational history!!

Please take your time before you marry this lady and make sure you learn more about her especially her family background.

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Thanks y’all for all your kind words with love. It is very meaningful and helpful. I have been on this personal tutoring for the past three months and I want to continue because I love her. It is frustrating to see her struggle with what is a second nature to everyone. Truly she is struggling and I see her deal with the frustration with herself too. I have been patient and sometimes I get frustrated too. I am committed to work and walk with her through this. I accept the challenge. I am here to seek help and I appreciate the kind words you have all shared. After our exercise this afternoon she was really moody and looked sad.  Her concern was the fear of losing me. It is not a comfortable thought for me either.

Ladies I particularly appreciate your insights as they help me know the best and gentle way to support her. Guys, keep those insightful flowing as I need this to engineer a complete approach to better take care of this.   I have seen that repetition remains a big tool for retention.

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The sad truth is that the majority of Nigerians have problems with English Language and the use of tenses. We see them daily on this website. Send her to school where she will learn how to write and speak.

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Wow. Another tricky one. It's easy to advise you to marry her and live with her limitations, being that love is (supposedly) blind. But we know life is more complex than that. With the inevitable exasperation you will endure with her (forget love), along the line you may inadvertently make her feel inferior and inadequate, and there is no telling how she would react to this. She may become vulnerable to other men who make her feel more comfortable and better appreciated (and you know the next item on the menu).

It is a delicate situation. But since you are in 'love', and determined to marry her willy-nilly, I guess it is best to quickly whisk her abroad and ensure she gets to see, hear and breathe only Oyinbo people and communication. No 'jenifa' or 'Baba Suwe' type naija home videos, no Nigerian friends to speak Yoruba or whatever local language with her, and no Nigerian men to feast on her vulnerability! Just all things Oyinbo, Oyinbo, Oyinbo and more Oyinbo. Follow this regimen, and within three months you would witness a rapid transformation in her that beggars belief. Trust me.

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Firstly, You must make her understand there's a prob. and what the prob. is.

Ask her to enroll in an adult school/ an English course while You have a little patience and continue to assist her in every possible way.

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@Poster,

You love her and you're still worried about her grammatical errors?

Nawa for some guys.

Btw, why are you still unmarried at ur age?

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its so unfortunate d kind of graduates produced by Nigerian universities nowadays. but luv dey say conquer all, luv is also blind as it is in ur case. u luv d lady despite her shortcomings. so i tnk u shd be able 2 give her ur unconditional luv if she also luv u back. u can get her a tutor 2 teach her but u need 2 correct her nd lead her patiently coz we ladies needs a caring nd luving man not a nagging 1. Education is essential but its not a must 4 a happy home. i pray u wont miss ur missing rib wen u see her. Gudluck!!!

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^^^ You both took the words right outta my mouth! In addition to what they said, you can also teach her (in love). If she truly loves u too as u said, she will take to the corrections and probably ask u to teach her some more. Good luck!

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Yes o! I second that advice. There are always ways around this, you could enrol her with a tutor who has a flair for teaching written and spoken english. But you'd gotta ask her if she'd be down with your suggestion. You know how sensitive women are about these matters.

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