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I Love Her But Should I Break Up With Her?

im a 30 year old man from the eastern part of nigeria.i have been dating this lady for 4 years now.recently i started thinking about marriage so i told her my mind by proposin to her which she accepted.i work with 1st generation bank with mangable income for about 5 years . i currently live with my parents and i use my mother's car.this implies i need to get my acommodation a car and wedding expenses.

based on my savings i showed her my budget for the above as follow:

1.2bed room aparment

2.2001 corolla

3.1.5million for the wedding ceremonies

4.250k for honeymoon

all the above would cost me about 4million

but to my chagrin,this lady who is an unemployed graduate of 2years me blatantly that i am not ready to marry. reason to be given later.

****pls read my subsequent replies

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109 answers

@konjour

You advise here is the bomb, yes it shouldn't be all about the bling brother.

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@poster,

i'm not even going to bother reading the replies so pardon me if someone has said what I'm about to say.

But if you haven't ended it with that girl by now, then you are a big fool! Muthafuk3r where is your senses? You are going to have one freaking miserable marriage! I give a fuq if she gets on her knees and apologizes and begs, end it right now! WOW!

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its obvious she doesn't luv, an unemployed graduate for 2yr sayin a 4m budget for weddin is inadequate? she needs floggin. deluv her sharppally abeg, she isn't worth luvin.

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@poster, where u at? Wat is ur tak on al dat hav been postd. D koko of d talk is: HAVE A "SERIOUS" HEART 2 HEART TALK WIT HER. If she aint seeing reasons 4rm ur view point, den END D RELATNSHIP chikena. As far as am concernd, she is nt UR WIFE 2 b. Mov forward 2 locate urs. Takia.

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Guy, she is a Dam, run 4ur lyf.

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This is exactly what I passed through in my last relationship. I lost the source of my finances sometime ago. She immediately said I can't take care of her needs, she forgot all I did for her and dumped me, only to turn back when I got a better job to beg 4 my forgiveness. Just be cautious of females.

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I do not have the time to read through all posts,but from what I have @poster it is not a good sign,am married woth two kids,3 years into that instaitution and am ibo,my wedding/trad cost around 500k.after weeding come marriage,feeding,provision,health,kids.school fees,relations and personal comfort etc.Start big and it is big problem,start small you may be able to contain it.

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[color=#990000][/color] LEAVE THE GIRL AND MARRY PEOPLE LIKE CHICHI234, THERE ARE MANY OF THEM, EVEN EXTREMELY GOOD ONES THAN A JOBLESS silly,GREEDY,INCONSIDERATE BRAINLESS(cos if she had brians she shoulda had a job my now, any sort)IGBO GIRL, TRUST ME!! LEAVE HER TODAY AND START A NEW LIFE, ITS A SIGN OF THINGS TO COME AND YOU BETTER TAKE IT NOW THAT GOD HAS REVEALED THE REAL HER TO YOU, LIKE I SAID, THERE ARE MANY OUT THERE LIKE CHICHI234, BETA PEOPLE JOO!! CHICHI UR THE GIRL, IF I WASNT MARRIED I COULDA JUST STARTED DATING YOU IMMEDIATE, (not cos of ur comfy status, which is a plus but for your persona), i for just come naija come carry u.

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Guy, is this lady the only beauty in the world? Please, find a woman of your own calibre.  When I say calibre I don't mean - education, careers, who you know/don't know, I mean in terms of shared beliefs and values. In my view, this lady is not ready for marriage she has other ambitions tucked away some where to be resurrected later and buying time.  So, if you think you are ready for the next stage in your life then, move on.  Don't think this is the one.  It seems this relationship centres on material wealth/gain - if that's what you want, good luck!

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Mr Bigass PRAISE DA LORD, ALLELU ALLELUYAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God has delivered you from a lifetime of misery with a greedy unappreciative cow. You need to use part of that money to do thanksgiving at church then use the rest to sort out urself, not to worry let her go and marry the person who will put her in mansion ,then beat the living daylight out of her if she as much as speaks in that hse.

its a good thing that she has revealed what she is abt now than later in life when its too late.

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@chichi geez gal take it easy

@poster, if u gal friend works 4 3months only.she'll know money isnt easy to come buy,

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@op some are just fortunate in life.none of my boyfriends have proposed to me now one jobless girl  is making yanga.my problem is that you are more like a woman in behaviour.how can a jobless girl demand worry you.when many of us would just get pregnant to keep a guy.tell her it is over.

i am 26 years working class earn good money.i perform well.i call fill her vacuum.we can do it 50-50 even 60-40.me sixty you 40 ialso drive a 2007 elantra.

i am available for you!

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===If you just wedded like you mentioned, how much did youu spend?===

Just say you will wed. Favor will follow you. Its not about the money. Its the peace, the love, the favor. I married my friend (Doctor in the making)after 11 years of stainless, clean, Godly friendship. See us on facebook.

http://www.facebook.com/reqs.php?fcode=bc546de46&f=100001094778871#!/photo.php?pid=30661911&id=1399125654

That guy (the poster) is trying to get us talking. Believe me, every girl, in year 3 wants to settle down not to talk of the one who has graduated and searched for a job 2 years.

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@ROODEST- I DEY FELL U DIE

Na wa oh. Too much advice is dangerous to your health o!

@POSTER-- jus leave the girl hanging with promises, u try to improve  ur life: go 4 ur masters degree, get a 2bedroom flat and get ur self an affordable car. please for Christ's sake dont bother abt wedding o. Try and get a life, live like a man, re-access your relationship with this girl and sit down and think what kind of wife she''ll be when u marry her. The hard truth is that- You are not ready for marriage! We live in a materialistic world. Even we guys are like that. If  not y wud u go for a corolla and not a golf, a 2bedroom and not room and parlour, so ,u see there will always be better women. I know u love her but love is not enough.

Women av a way of putting themselves into our agenda. But in your case , she is setting the agenda 4 u. Jus do ur own thing, if she like make she stay or go.

end of discussion

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If you just wedded like you mentioned, how much did youu spend?

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Hey guys, believe me, there is no truth in this story. This poster is just wasting all of your time. I know because I just wedded

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I have heard this same theory that women are the same everywhere but still refuse to believe it.

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@ poster

I had something a little similar to yours. As soon as I made up my mind to marry my girl, i proposed then without telling her got a 2 bedroom flat. on the wedding plan, her taste was high into the sky but i stood my ground and told her what my budget was broken down to timetable. when she did agree, I told her she does not have that choice, i only informed her for her to coperate.

marriage is more inportant to me than wedding, maybe she is planning for the wedding and not for the marriage. you are the man here. the money comes from you, let her make input but take what is in line with your budget or rather mandate her to think and work within a certain budget.

Women are the same everywhere, with a few of them considerate to an extent. imagine uju's line of thought, thats how they are cut to be, just understand them and you can handle them. the line of thought for a few of them, is wack.

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You shouldn't break up with her if you still love her.

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Basically the girl in question here isn't being considerate. PURGE her like a CATHARSIS!

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You can say what you like, it only highlights your narrow mindedness!

If a man @ 30 is still whinning over the fact that his life is not well coordinated then I don't want to be a party to finding someone to pass the blame on. He dated the gilr for 4 years and you are here telling him how matereialistic she is. Isn't that just another indication of how daft he is? After four years he doesn't know who his GF really is!

And please whenever you feel like making a baseless conclusion about my personal life, try and exercise some restrain b/cos what you know about me couldn't even form a tear drop!

I  don’t know you, but I have made deductions  from your post. The context of this discussion is premised on your attack on a guy who saved N4 million in relation to a GF who is penniless. Your argument is baseless because you sided with a girl who dated a man for 2 years only to find out that the man got a wife at home, while you are attacking someone who who's got no wife, wants to settle and really means business- your benchmark is that he's not independent. Your argument is also sheepish, because someone who has not had a car, now wants a 2008 model, so if  she were making these demands from the onset, this relationship would not have lasted for 4yrs or she would have been rolling with ballers and yahoo boys.

You are the one making an irrational argument here, because the guy in question is ready as hell, but same thing cannot be said of GF. Or if the penniless GF had insisted on N100 million wedding  4yrs ago that the boy would have stuck around?

I dont need more about your personal life cos this is faceless and nameless forum, but you have given us an insight on your values.  Folks like you should be up front about it " I need a sugar daddy husband"

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I will not condemn the girl. If she's a top class beauty or has other options then maybe u were deceiving yourself. All I can advise is try and convince her if u really love her. If not runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

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i don't know your situation. but i'll like you to know this.

a man is not a man if he ain't got not independence.

do whatever you feel is right. you don't need to leave your mum and neglect her. but get your own ride dude.

as for your Dam of a wife(-to-be)?

it would have been a different thing if she was bringing part of the bread.

sign ur marriage in a court.

get urself a ride

a place (maybe)

travel or honeymoon someplace nice.

keep the change and carry on with life.

i dont see a point in a freaking ceremony if you are flat broke the morning after.

live your life dude.

be yourself

and good things will come to you

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@post

Excuse me but ur gf is completely bonkers. I hate beetches like her. Gosh

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lol i wonder why Uju is still posting. A girl who has no job and no savings of her own is complaining that N4m is too small for a wedding and a start at life? I'm glad God keeps women like you and the gf here away from my path.

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Uju sorry to say this but your posts are off points. A guy of 30 with about 4mil saved in this present naija is a success. Go figure!!!

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If you guys weren't so hypocritical you'd look beyond your sentiments and see the reasoning behind my post! I certainly do not subscribe to the girl's manner of approach and she definitely doesn't have the right to judge because she's as good as useless herself!

But how can a grown up man who has been working and earning a reasonable pay for 5 whole years not be able to plan his life properly? So all the while he never knew that a day would come when he would need to get married, leave his mother's house, buy his own car and take care of his family? What was he thinking? That he would marry Obasanjo's daughter?

Clearly he needs to cut his coat according to his size and he might as well dump this idea of doing everything at once because he's not that rich! He also needs to set his priorities right! Maybe he's not ready to get married afterall . .  

I thought you would have your head checked before making another post, instead you elevated your post to another level of  materialism and stupidity. What's is the correlation between living with his parents and being rich. Are you saying that had he lived independently that he would have saved huge money in order to throw a big wedding for his penniless girlfriend? Did he complain to us that by doing everything at the same time that it would be much to handle? Is the girlfriend saying that he should have bought a car before talking about marriage or that he should be looking for 2008 model instead of 2005? This is Naija where siblings live with their parents until they are ready for a new life. A man who has got this amount saved and still decided to live with his parents is humble and well raised, but Naija girls are not looking at your humility, but your big pockets even if they eat  0 1 0. Marriage is to them is like a Casino to a compulsive gambler

What do you mean that he's not that rich? How many eligible guys in Naija have saved up this amount  for a new life? I bet you that most  young couples in the west do not even have this amount saved.

Why crucify the guy? Anyways, it's Naija where Ibori and Yerima get  the youngest and  hottest chics. Wait for them cos they have pot bellies, dollars, pounds and  you will be made the 5th wife - still counting.Good luck

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my dear its a pity dat a girl u wants to marry is exhibiting such a behavior but on the other hand u ought to thank God for revealing it to u early enof. i agree with some of the post abt u not being blinded with infatuation thinking its love. wat does she mean by u disgracing her wit 1.5million wedding? beta think well now that u hav d opportunity to do so.

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Wazobia sure knows a thing or two.

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you guys are not in love. yes ke! kana money cannot come between two people if they really love each other. bros i know correct chics wey just go get belle for man just because the man talk say money for wedding no dey. court marriage nko. dat one na shap shap.

she must be one of those 18 - 24 year old wey weather never beat well well. i do not blame her o! there's a lot of pressure on people of that age bracket. their gaga gast 2 be the best or else. ngwa nu make you cut yourself because u wan measure up. make ur mama no hear this jist o. if not e go collect her car from you and sack you from the house.

my advice. i neva said u shouldn't marry her, cos am sure she dey service you well well. else why u go dey confused by now, na she we for dey confused when u don hala zulu slap for her facial frontal elevation. bros abeg, the truth be say coming from where i come from, no woman big pass any man, after all we go all die one day even if she send u to an early grave. a man is supposed to be able to handle any woman. but it is weeping and gnashing of teeth if you attempt marriage with this girl without first of all getting all battle stations ready and having them all ready 'till death do you both part'. it is neva very clear bros. i don marry. u fit handle this girl well she go become a better woman than the other married women wey 'no dey give problem'. but the bible made it clear that it will be better for you to live in the wilderness or the corner of YOUR ROOF (for God's sake) than to have such a wife as that. but u know kini, we are all already living on the battle field as far as naija is concerned.

but i remember what my friend told me, 'it is better that the wife he will marry love him more than he loves her'. easier said than done because you cannot measure love. but in your case, you love this girl more than she loves u. even though i think she is still not yet weather beaten.

if you cannot have her to be submissive, then you do not have a wife. when i said battle stations must be ready, i didn't mean just ready. live ammo should be fired in salvos every now and then. yes ke, na so we dey do for village when we land so that niggas go know say other neegers dey around.

if you loved her, you for mend am well when she said u were not serious. so that she will either leave or stay. that way if she stays, maybe even after leaving for 6 months and back, she will be staying for good. ha! ha! thats the way our fathers did it. shoot at sight!

if you break up with her, you might regret it in the future trust me. when u now have a lady that cannot be measured up to her. if you did have such a lady, you wouldn't be confused, you would have quietly shown her the door.

By the way why don't you tell her the same thing you are telling us here. that you are considering breaking up because you think she is dumb. some of these girls are just that, dumb. but they grow up later. she may just want you on the terms that you be a bigger man without knowing what money is all about.

Bros, if you love her, control her. period!

PS: please remember that with such girls u need to do HIV and ZIV tests for 6 months before any bare skin thing. am sure that doesn't count for you since u love her so much and invariably trust her so much.

bros, na out of experience and watching the fathers in our lives when we were kids.

thank you for sharing

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Those who fail to drink water from the well of experience will one day die of thirst in the desert of IGNORANCE , Read between the LINES !!!

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Cut your coat according to your size !

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wao, i wonder why guys care for today and forget about the future, how can u plan to spend all your 5years savings in a day just to satisfy her and forget about ur future even in this economic recession. who knows tomorrow?who knows who is next? i am sure you are aware of  what is going on in your bank. Think less about loving her and follow your senses. i wonder how u could be dating a lady for 4years without knwin her what. i advice you pray to God and filter all our comments for your next move.

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marriage they say is a do or die affair  it is only god who can tell wit whom your future will be alright. take heart if she really is the one God will bring hearth together.

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Its this kind of thing that makes man unstable and frustrated.Its better that she is manifesting now before u tie the knots.It quakes my heart when I hear that the female folks whom are supposed to be supportive are behaving like this.These are the kind of ladies that ends up marrying a pauper.I had a similar experience but I did not bother to ask if she was the one cos' I could see the handwriting on the wall clearly.I totally disengaged my self from her.To crown it all,if i could be as rich and comfortable as I am now and someone out there is not showing appreciative gestures,damn!what would happen to me if the table happens to turn around?would she be there to even assist with words of encouragement?

GOD please take away these kind of ladies away from my route!

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You have the answers written all over u, u had better flee frm her like Joseph fleeing from Portiphars wife.

To me this is a disaster looking for a place to happen. Oju to ba ma bani kale ko ti aro se ipin( The eye that will last through a life time does not emitt mote in the morning) Look around you there are lots of good girls that will share ur dreams, tis one na Ajegunle what the assurance she wont bail when the chips are down remember nuffin is constant. Best of luck

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forget this girl, use your 4 million to invest in some thing meaningful, buy a land and start building your own house since you are still in your mother's house.

start another relationship that will be due for marriage in a years time and you see this girl come crawling and begging you for marriage even at a registrar without reception party. Am a lady but i hate people wasting money they are suppose to invest on wedding ceremony, 1.5 milla is a huge expenses for wedding, remember the ceremony does not make the marriage to last what matters is love

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@ Poster'

I had same experience. Just quit mine.

That is the only solution.

I sat down and weigh the whole Issue.

I discovered i love her sooo much. She is aware of that.

But i also discovered she did not love me anyway.

I know you must have been given her all the monies she needed.

But, she has nothing to lose. But you have all to lose.

So, the choice is yours.

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Any marriage that starts out like this is doomed from day one. We all know that money is essential in marriage but when it becomes the very "essence" of the marriage, then you might probably die of heart attack before you hit 45. You are my age mate and she is not comfortable with 2-bedroom flat.What will happen when you are 40 and don't have a house in VGC?She will nag at you consistently until your life becomes so miserable and the only place of comfort will be the bar where you drink yourself to stupor each nite so that you are immune to her constant rantings.This kind of woman will not only use the children against you, she will also turn them against you.Everything will be about money, money, money.She will deny you seXXx if you don't give in to her money money money demands.By the time you are between 35-38, you will ask yourself why you "rushed" into marriage.

You are still young and if you get married in your mid or late thirties, nobody will say you married late coz life and time as we know it as changed.20 years ago, an unmarried man of your age would be seen as irresponsible but today, some will actually ask you what the mad hurry is. Marriage is not all that my friend.Take a chill pill, work some more, enjoy your youth and money to the fullest before you consider tying yourself down to an ingrate that will bring nothing but unhappiness to your life.

I don talk finish.

End of!

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- I find it very hard to believe this tale by the moonlight.

In this age n time and men still fall for silly girls like this? In ancient times, a man can marry a liability and people would even applause him. But the liability most likely wont look you in the face and dictate what you must do in the house cos u are like the Lord in the house. But this is the 21st century where women are now liberated and freed from the former prejudice. So, its either you marry a woman who has a source of income or one who is ambitious enough with hope of either getting a job or being enterprising. And she must be understanding too. Any woman you want to marry who has this trait you have described is going to leave u later for a wealthier man when you get broke which is a matter of time.

If your tale is true, then you must be a Mumu and thank God you have come to a place where blunt advices are given. Best of luck to you.

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then let her go get a job for Christ sake!! in 2 years she has contributed absolutely nothing to the guys growth and development! what am i saying, she hasnt even contributed to her own growth and development!

@ OP,

what role has this girl played in your life other than to milk you dry? let her earn some money and see if its easy spending it all to feed people sitting in an air conditioned hall. has she ever tried taking care of your mother? afterall, she has time on her hands. i bet she doesnt even visit to know how your mother is doing; and here you are asking us what to do?

you think when you empty your savings on the wedding and car and go home to drink garri, you think she will not finish you with insults? you better smell the coffe brew and get out of this torture you call love. and if you dont, i can bet your small Bottom will open another thread here asking how to leave his marriage.

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Everybody likes comfort, especially women. thier most basic need is housing. I mean a flat, then a car is secondary. One wouldnt blame them. Who wan suffer- even u like beta tin. Where i disagree is going above ur means to please her. She is supposed to plan with u. THis kind of woman , u can neva satisfy her, even u get a mansion in lekki and buy her a hummer jeep. She still will believe u avnt done enough. I can tell u she is seriously considering other men that are quite more comfortable than u. i can bet a million naira on that.

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We guys are really to blame for putting up with a lot of nonsense all in the name of she will change when we know its an impossibility. The girl in question did the right thing as she has shown the mentality she is made off. There are other guys who can share the same mental construct she has so let her be. Guy but you fall my hand o, there is no question to be asked here. The sooner you get rid of her the better for you; some girls of nowadays i refuse to believe its all perhaps most are really a huge disappointment.

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@poster--- It seems ur fiancee has many suitors who r quite more comfortable than u ar. thats obvious. Women shouldnt always dictate to us what to do and not what to av. if u r really considering marriage, u need the 2 bedroom and a small toks car to start with. Guy. jus take ur time, if this girl is truly meant to be ur wife , she'll stay. but jus try to do ur own thing and dont try to "steal" 4 her, na wa oh- her taste is too high. let her too go get a job.

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You had better call of the relationship before it destroys you. What rubbish! Someone who does not work wants to call the shots. If you love your future you had better look for a more fulfilling relationship. There are better ladies out there who are industrous and less extravagant. I do not care how long the relationship has being on if she has the audacity to make such a comment then she is not considerate which are qualities of a good wife. Leave her before you destroy your future.

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Don't worry, try talking sense into her! It may work.

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Think twice and hard too.

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