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In This Situation, What'd You Do?

This is for real so I thought I'd throw it in the air for opinions and suggestions. There's this guy who meets this young lady, been friends with her for some time and later finds out she's pregnant. The lady claimed she doesn't know the whereabouts of whoever was responsible for her pregnancy. She started a relationship with this new guy after he made it clear to her he didn't mind she was pregnant; he promised right there he's going to take care of her and the pregnancy even though he's not the father.

She has a friend, supposedly her best friend who lives not too distant from her; they see each other almost every other day and are very close. A year ago, she was on a business trip. While she was away, her husband went to see her best friend and somehow they had sex --- the result which was the pregnancy the new guy had admitted to take responsibility for based on what he was told that she didn't know the whereabouts of the guy responsible. All those times she was pregnant, her best friend's husband will come to the house and visit with them, the guy not knowing he was responsible for the pregnancy, took him as a friend of the family and treated him as such.

He got married eventually to her after she had the baby. A few months later, he finds out that the baby was her best friend's husband's --- She confessed to that fact. If you were in this boat, what'd you do?

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honeslty this girl messed up. I think what she should have done was to tell the truth to her new guy about her pregnancy and whose it was, the guy had agreed to take her so dont know why she did that.

she should own up and change I know it hurts but the guy should make an informed decision. Noone is perfect at all, he might fall into worse situation after her

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Yes, the kid should be the ultimate because whether little or much, I may have imparted a lot in the child's life and that has to be the first thing for me to consider. Also, I do believe worse things have happened in marriages and it was let go . . . . I will only act on the second time she does anything of such, you know why? Because that will amount to her cheating on me, as for this one, I believe that's her past and I should be able to deal with the secret that's open(I must express doubt however that he never slept with her while he was coming by the house when I wasn't home) but that's something I have to deal with and sweep under the rug? I'll be more concerned about the child, I might at some point fight to have the child after all, he was born into my hands --- in the African sense, he'd be my step child but what's step child got to do with this when I took his responsibility from when he was a fetus to when he came to live? It has no relation so he's mine and who knows, I just might win him in court if I have the right attorney; I've seen that before. The action is grievous and I must say will create some lackluster trends on my trust palate for her, but I will try very hard to trust her again without holding any back or suspecting every move she makes.

On the second subject you made, I don't think any man has the moral justification to insist he wants a "completely good" woman because there isn't any. We all have had our share of bad deeds, in fact, I should tell you that some people dare not expose what they have done in public or they are in ruins and these same hypocrites will want a "perfect" woman as if there was any. I read the thread and oh it's funny, really it is. The question is, if they were to get married, will they marry a girl that acts like they have obnoxiously but sexually described? I wouldn't think so. That's when you see different comments coming from different quarters that "she's got too much experience in bed, what was she doing?" "she's a slut" and all of that BS. My humble assessment is, when a man gets married to a woman, he'd be ready to receive a shocker and when he does, he'd be ready to let it go especially when it's in the past: It's shameful that some men won't deal with it as the past but treat it as if it had happened right before their eyes -- even though some of these women "do not" have options then, although I'm a certain believer that people have "choices" unless you choose to make out another excuse for whatever choice you make tagging it a "mistake" which I don't subscribe to. If a woman decided she wanted to be a prostitute, that's her choice not because anything led her to it and when she leaves(on her own without being forced) accept that she has decided to leave. There's too much hype about the past of women and that hurts their relationship with men really bad -- this should be somewhat understood by men and have these women treated nicely.

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she is evil and not worthy to be called a friend .kick her useless Bottom out on the street

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in my mind, knowing that this guy was the father is not the problem. my problem would be discovering how low the woman i just married could go and that i would have to be extra careful from that point on. if she has no respect for such the friendship she had with her best friend then i dont think her views about marriage are any different. it would have showed me that this women is weak and that hurting her loved ones is NOT a problem to her.

dumping her right there is not an option because she could be a totally different person with me and also i would have made a commitment to that child so i would try to stick with even if the father is around.

the fact that the father is the best friend's husband doesnt mean that i wouldnt have a relationship with that kid, if the mother is my wife then that kid will be my step child and surely enough, i might be the "father figure" for that kid since the biological father is a rat. if someone has to be punished in all this mess, it is definitely not the kid.

some men give their whole life to women and therefore when they realize that they have been duped, they can be either pretty vicious or loose their bloody mind all completely. also, when you look at how 9ja men look for excellence and "purity" in their women, you can imagine how much lie and deceit you will find in todays couple. i am sure there are many women who have done their fair share of "slutting" and then got hold of some gullible guy and change their ways but if you scratch the surface you will find hell.

the problem is that people cant/wont stand for what they are and what they believe in. if you have fire in your pants then make sure that the woman/man you marry knows full well of what kind of person they are getting down with. so that they can perform and take care of you accordingly. many guys also want to have "correct" women at their side to be their wives but what they really need are freaks (just like them). the ideology of a beautiful wife to have the children and be seen with and then some mistress to fulfill all my freaky fantasies. i say TURN YOUR WIFE INTO THE FREAK YOU DESIRE.

i mean, check this following thread about what men want sexually and ask yourself how many of these men would expect it from their wives?

http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-296517.0.html

now ask these posters the same question putting "your wife" instead of "your partner" in it and see the difference.

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Very tough. I don't know what I'd do

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This is a tight situation

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The latter is the devilish character in women, always scheming their way through anything using hurting means. If I'm asked, I'd say women rarely hurt men but when they do, it's a hurt that can wreck a man if he doesn't get a hold of himself. Men on the other hand, as you have said, can let go of a child just to keep their marriage. But do you know when these kids his wife have for him becomes somewhat wayward or are no more desirable, he'll go back there and ask for his child? That's how that situation is. I also am of the opinion that some people are stuck with the wrongful father and oh thanks to their moms.

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ure a strong man, a real strong one. I dont know if i could recover from knowing that BOTH of them knew who she really preggo for.

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a man backed up in a corner like an animal would do anything to save his marriage even abandon a child that could spell THE END to his happy life.

it was either tell your wife, get busted and probably loose your marriage OR hush up about it and live happily ever after.

these people were unscrupulous, if they had the guts to do what they did then who know what atrocity they could have done more.

you hear everyday about people paying child support for years, only to discover through DNA testing that the child was not theirs. you really believe that all women in these cases just didnt know?! some women dont care and cunts out there knows fully well who the baby daddy is but some would decide that this man would be a better daddy than that man so "thats your baby".

cheating goes both ways, we have all seen the Maury Povich show. i remember there was a woman in there who brought no less than 15/16guys and all failed the test. to this woman, anyone was good enough to be baby daddy and if any of them believed they were the father, then that would have been the end of the story.

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Yes they wanted to push it under the rug but what, a whole child? They must have been thinking using the cold from the moon diffusing through their brains. I think a woman that agrees to push such under the public's view is clearly misled because there's no way a man would abandon his child, not ever. Women always think they have this secret and deeply conceited tactics to get away with evil deeds.

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I'd just runaway. . leave the woman to her pikin's father

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you know, these hormones makes some of these women do some very insane poo.

i guess this lady thought that she could go on with the lie, and that, no one would ever know about it. i am sure that the baby daddy didnt want his wife to know about it either so they(baby momma/baby daddy) probably had some deal to keep it hush hush but something derailed their evil plan.

some people just dont think right  at times and these guys were only thinking at the short coming future not long term.

also for a woman to be so weak and  go sleep with her best friend's husband, let alone for that foolish husband to shag her is madness. it was just a matter of time before they got busted.

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I partly agree with the forgiveness part and moving on with marriage. My take is, why could she have told him who the father of the baby was even after the guy had accepted to take responsibility? It shouldn't be a secret especially when she knew the baby's daddy is very close to them and will at any day, demand for his child. These are the mistakes women make; for how long did she intend to hide this from her husband? What was she intending to tell the baby when he grows up? Sometimes they think they are acting smart while dumbness is written boldly on their face.

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although i would understand why she decided to hide the baby daddy's identity, i wouldnt be so keen on the fact that he was coming around and smiling at me knowing full well that the baby i was going to take care of was his.

there is some deceit in the air and it would take me a while to be cool with it all.

if i had been man enough to marry and take charge of the baby then i should be man enough to accept whoever the baby daddy is and live with it. i knew i wasnt the baby daddy anyway so that it is him or another guy wont change much in my attitude towards the "family".

i would demand that her best friend know the whole story in order for my "new wife" to regain some few points in my heart(if they were tough enough to tell me, then they should be tough enough to tell her too)

i will move on with married life knowing that what she did once, she could do again.

the day she makes [b]ONE [/b]mistake related to cheating or something dodgy that involves another man(or woman), i am out of there!

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Its Official . . .She's history

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she gone, and no one dare preach forgiveness,

it's just as lost as the paternity of the child.

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Wow. . .i don't think i would be able to stand seeing her.

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forbid the man from comming near her when you are not present. demand that he informs his wife of the baby if he wishes to have anyhting to do with the baby. if he choses to be in the babys life he must pay child support.

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Big Big Mess, dunno what i'll do!

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This is a messed up situation!

I dunno what I would do. She should of stayed away from her bestfriends husband continuing like nothing happened between them shows very bad character IMO I can understand the fear she must of had after shagging her BESTFRIEND husband!

It makes the guy who has married her look very silly and how will this guy know if she married him for love or for the fact he has given her a way out of the mess she has created.

But you did say she confessed what she did.

At the end of the day no one is gonna live this guys life for him. If he can forgive then do it. I think hes a pretty amazing guy to even accept a child that wasnt his in the first place.

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Kick her sorry Bottom to the curb,the fact that she went to the Altar promise an undying Love based on deciets will make me break up with her Bottom.

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