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Is He A Cheater?

I love my boyfriend very much. I have meet his family and spend the weekends at his home. I have also meet his daughter. Everything has been perfect until this weekend. In the middle of the night his phone kept ringing. I tried to turn it off and saw a message from some other girl. I looked at all of his messages (he is very angry I did this). I found that he is still involved with a woman from Nigeria. She lives in his home there, and he says they have a business dealings. He says he has tried to break it off with her but she will not go easily. The messages I read were all innocent, like call me etc, When we first started dating he a picture of her on his facebook. When I asked about it he took it off. He also has pictures of another woman on his facebook but states she is a friend on his comments. I do know his sister in law is trying to hook him up with her.

The next day when I put up pictures of he and I that said my love he removed them. He says the girl in Nigeria will take his money if she hears about it. I messaged another woman on his page who posted "I miss U". She says she has been seeing him on and off for a couple of years. He was so angry I did that he blocked me from his page! I feel justified in what I did as I was trying to decide if he was a cheater & whether I should continue the relationship.

He would barely speak to me the next two days, he acts like this is all my fault. I called him (while drinking) and told him he was silly to do that to me & called him an a**. He says he is not sure if he wants to continue the relationship and will not tell me "I love you". Finally last night he said he does want to be with me still and we will come back together like we used to be. I am a very attractive woman, and could easily move on. But, I love this man. I feel like he is my soul mate. Am I being silly by wanting to continue the relationship? Is he a cheater? Was I wrong for what I did? Any advice is greatly appreciated. I do not know how things work in Nigeria, but we occasionally have misunderstandings due to our cultural differences.

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62 answers

Girls amaze me sometimes! All these signs and she still asking all dem questions.U Better leave that dude alone and move on. The longer u stay with him the more difficult it will be for u to trust the next dude u meet. Like they say...don't be around the wrong person when the right person comes along!

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so pls take heart,that guy was a badoo,they always play nice at the begining,once you fall for them,they will fuccck the hell out of your pusy them dump you for another prey...they are everywhere,sadly most ladies will fall for them then cry later,just like you...assuming someone warned you...you wouldnt have listened...take heart and move,I hope your pusy is still intact?

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sorry,just go back to your ex husband and beg,afterall a cheat you know is better than an angel you dont know...or you can move on...to another cheat,with that your sharp mouth,I know you will not appreciate a good man.

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you ended your marriage because of a mere cheating?only men has the right to do that not the other way round...you thought that your next man will be a saint?sadly most men cheats...also check yourself cos you are what you attract!

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@ Texasgirl: Why the  quick transition from one relationship to another? Do you have a problem with being on your own for a lil while? Reflection isn't a crime, afterall, you did mention that you were married for most of your adult life.  Your looks and confidence are great tools for you, but are you trying to rush back into couple-hood 8months after your separation?

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worried ? poo on it like a dog and walk away-life is like pages,read new things

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Simple as that. Dust yourself off and try again. When you do try again make sure it's not with him. Don't keep him around you either. Goodluck finding someone who will treat you better. Take some time off to improve yourself as a person. Have fun.

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Thank you! Who know's his motivation, he may not even know. I am beyond that. I am still a bit hurt because the love was there, but it was all an illusion. Picked myself up, dusted myself off, now on to the greener pastures. We reap what we so, and God will take care of it.

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Dude's actions don't match his words. By the way he has acted thus far it doesn't seem like he is ready to be with you. Maybe he likes having you around as a Bleep buddy?

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Yes, very white, lol. Is that ok? I posted here because I felt some of our problems were cultural differences. Waned the insight and knowledge of people who understood his culture.

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I'm not saying there's a problem with you being white. Far too many girls who had issues similar to yours have posted on this site, and your situation doesn't surprise me at all.

Goodluck fighting through it.

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Why shouldn't I put up pics of the person I am dating if we are exclusive? He said when we were taking them they were going on FB, No pressure, I like being single. Don't plan on marrying anytime soon.

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@poster

That FB pic post was a really nasty thing thing to do.His subsequent reaction his enough proof that he doesnt like you enough for a real relationship.perharps he's just using you as his sex gratificator ,money liaison ,his papers or whatever

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From a pretty girl to a pretty girl, I think you are really pretty. Pls be careful this time. Dont think you did anything wrong as whitelex said or anyone else. Your instincts helped you get out of the mess sooner than later. Make sure you dont jump into anything without enough research, i know you're not that young anymore and might feel pressured. But be careful and make sure you are sure of whomever you are going out with next. In my opinion i might have suggested not a nigerian, but oh well. Goodluck to you.

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Posted a pic just for you, but can't get it to flip??

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True, maybe not. But, you would be the exception. And, if this doesn't work there are plenty more out there. Of course, being single is so much fun too.

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texas gurl how far na , come block me in 5 days time now, bt to me u mite nt be attractive

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Beef between you? I don't think na2day, if that's who you mean, meant what he said as an insult. I see it more as a joke. Never had a quarrel with him anyways

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C'mon, watz ar u guyz beefing 4? Or haz d advice turn 2 quarrelz as usual?

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Good thing I'm not a leopard. I told you I normally don't curse. I have nothing to hide anyway, thank you.

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Wow! Texasgirl anoda guy in some couple of ours aft breakup?

Guez ur now ex waz a cheater & u were d tiger!

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Lol, I told you I was attractive. See men are replacable just as women. I'll make sure never to curse in front of this one, just for ya'll.

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honestly, if i were u, i will slow down the relationship until i get a better commitment from him than what he has offered so far. it might be nothing it might be a whole lot but having a girl he once was involved with sending continuous text to him calls for a pause my dear.

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You are so right and i'm gonna hold on to this.

@poster

Plz move on with your life.

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Well it's done. haven't spoke to him in 2 days. I've meet someone else already too. Maybe this one will be a good man. Nigerian again, I must like ya'll. Lol. Honestly I really appreciate how kind and happy the Nigerians I have meet are. Also, how God fearing and smart. I guess that is the positive I gained from this experience. The ability to see another culture and way of life. Thank everyone for the advice & support. Very appreciated. Much love & all God's blessings!

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You would be surprised to know how seriously some people take Facebook

To me Facebook has done more harm than good

I can't begin to count how many relationships have crashed because of Facebook

@poster

Only you can advice yourself

cos no matter what anyone says here

you would still have to listen to your heart

wish you the best!!!

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why old men and women are playing around on facebook makes me wonder. At 40 your life shld not be on facebook!

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Toysne; Bless you!

Whitelexi; There are many details and words spoken that are not posted here. This is only the internet, I can't tell you everything- we would be here for the months it took. When i begin a new relatioship it does not take me months to sort out the other men, lol. Re the pics. When we took them he said "I know those our going on Facebook" I responded that they were all my friends wanted a face for the name. He was upset that I put "My Love" as the title & "My Baby & Me" as the caption. Also, I am a very respectful & loving person. I treat who I am with as I would want to be treated---As long as they are treating me with the respect I deserve. i would post the picture so you can see but you would all know him & that's wrong.

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You do not need to "fight for your man." The man should be fighting to prove himself to you. Any man you have to fight another lady for is not worth having.

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i'm really getting confused here. I dont understand why some are blaming the poster. Wat she did is not out of this world considering wat she's gone thru in the hands of men (according to her mails) All she did was to check out on her guy and she found out he's been messing around behind her back and her explosion and anger is definately expected of a rational human being. Let's turn the table around and see how it feels. One way or the other, guys do thesame thing i mean checking up on our girls from time to time except when there is no love lost.

Woman, i still believe and insist that u move on. That man doesn't deserve u and no matter the text messages or sweet words he tells u, he aint gonna change and u will end up being hurt. I understand why some pople are putting up defense for a fellow naija guy but c'mon, let's call a spade a spade. Wat he did was bad. He shouldn't have reacted the way he did just because u went thru his messages if he really loved u as he claimed. He should hav pacified u and rebuild the love and the trust u hav in him. Moreover, from ur mails, i wnat to blv u guys hav had a similar issue in the past and u went back begging. That's exactly wat he's trying to do (i mean working and toying wit ur emotions) but i pray u wont be fooled again.

Be strong and blv u can always get a better person irrespective of ur age.

all the best.

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Well, go ahead then and keep checking everyone out, but u need to know that some of we naija men absolutely hate it when a woman sticks her nose into what does not concern her.

When you have just started seeing someone, there will always be loose ends to tie up, there will always be girls on the side whose relationship have to be tidied out. . .  

u dont just come into someone's life and start placing tabs on them or start posting pictures of the 2 of u everywhere to scare off other women, leave him to tidy things out first - the time for all that will come when you will be free to post anything and have his support. . .  

u have no right to call up his friends to ask or gossip about him - without his permission, that is just unacceptable - u have no right to do that. . .

u have no right to curse him to his face, once is good enough to let u go - no matter what he feels for u at that stage, he can decide not to put up with that part of u. It doesnt make him thin-skinned or less of a man, no, it is a way of avoiding stress which will be caused by u when the relationship matures.

Finally, it may be worth your while to know that u dont force things when u've only just started a relationship, u need to turn a blind eye for a period of time and then slowly start asserting your control otherwise u create a wrong impression at an early stage. Keeping tabs on your husband is different from keeping tabs on a bf u only just started seeing.

In all u do though, i still wish u the best, however if he's a naija man, it may not go far until u learn to accord a good level of respect.

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Another thing I learned about this is to always trust my "women's intuition". I should have checked him out earlier.

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Whitelexi,

Are you serious? I cursed in front of him one time! I called him one name! Are you men that thin skinned? I think not. The bottom line is he was seeing/ talking with other women when we had agreed not to see anyone else. Of course I'm going to be upset when I find out! I am not going to be calm and rational, I'm going to be hurt and angry. Looking back I should have said a lot worse to him. But, I wasn't brought up that way. If he had truly loved me as he said he would have forgiven that. Of course he never loved me, it was all a game to him. When you really love someone you will not walk away from them over something like that. He walked away because I was messing up his game, and because he realized I was not that easily controlled.

And men are replaceable just as women are. There is no difference. This morning at 5am he sent me a text message, it said " I can't live without you. I'm dying to feel you at nite. Sweat is drippin down my body, I want you, I need you. Come on air conditioner." I have received that message before and it's always funny. Just not so much in this situation. See, he is playing games. He is being hurtful. And why? because I cared enough to try to fight for my man. He just couldn't have that mess up his game with other women which is what I did by posting pics on Facebook & messaging another women he was cheating with. But I digress. I am a beautiful women, I have a lot going for me, and I am an excellent wife & mother. I promise you he will be replaced by the weekend if I choose.

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I dont think you "drove" him to another lady. That was already in the works. Learn from this and move on. By the way, I am American and never read my Nigerian fiance's phone, texts, emails, etc. I think it is inappropriate. I hate for a guy to do it to me. Either you trust me or u dont. By the time you start having doubt and distrust, you already know the real truth. No one has to tell you.

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Me thinks u drove him to another woman with your cursing and name-calling. . .  I told u earlier that it was a silly thing to place all those tabs in the first place, i think when a man discovers that his partner does not as much as trust him in a relationship - the result is usually simple and straight-forward.

Beyonce sang a very silly song and called it irreplaceable, truth of the matter is that no woman is irreplaceable - no matter how good she is. . .  If one woman cannot replace u, 2, 3, or 4 will make up for all your abilities - it is not that easy for a woman to do the same. Some men will tolerate your mess for longer than other men, but some will not tolerate it at all.  If i were him, i'd have walked a long time ago.

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well, sorry to hear that too. But i told u in my previous mail, this guy is a pro playa and a gold digger as well. Like someone said, no naija guy will allow a lady to keep his money (business or no business) and if at all he wants to do that, definately not wit a naija babe (my apologies to the naija babes in the house). I aint trying to paint naija babes bad but it's the reality.

I will advise u pick up ur life and move on. keep ur fingers crossed and u will find someone that will truly love u. Dont u try or blv the making up stuff with him cos he will only end up hurting u one way ot the other.

take kia.

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And a liar he is. Yesterday we meet and made up. He was coming to my house for the night (we live an hour apart). He stood me up! No show no call, Then I go on facebook this morning to find a message from a friend that he posted that some other girl is his "main boo". So yes I got played & hard. No more tears over this one. My heart is hurt but I have to remember it was all an illusion. People can be so heartless and mean, and it doesn't matter where you are from/ what color you are. He should realize that God will take his revenge for hurting women (surely I'm not the first)like that. You always reap what you sow.

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He is 40. I opened his phone beacuse it kept going off in the middle of the night. When i tried to shut it off, i accidentaly opened the message. It was from another woman. He is here legally. No we don't live together

She is not his business partner, she is his ex girlfriend (according to him), who still lives in his home and collects the money from his business. He goes home twice a year to collect the money from her. I was supposed to be going with him in September.

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Please i dont think this sounds nice. how old is this man? Are you guys living together already you spoke of a child of his. where is the mother? what did he say about her? i hate to bring this up but is he in the states legally? what sort of business partner is this woman? A business woman who gets jealous over her business partner's lover . sounds strange very strange.

i would say exercise caution.

By the way i'd say ur excessive checking up on him phone and all is simply unnecessary. if it were to be a healthy relationship and a good man u'd drive him off for nothing.

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iyakadit man also had a man with papers so it is not papers. a liar is a liar and a liar.

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^^^^^^^Something is definitely fishy somewhere.

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Thank you all for the advice. We are working things out, but I will be very cautious from now on. By the way. He meet the other lady after our first date! He was with her two days after. Again, I normally don't cuss. Also, most American women will go thru their husbands/ lovers phone. No one I know sees anything wrong with that. They shouldn't be doing anything they don't want their partner to see, so they shouldn't have anything to hide. As far as the business goes, he owns it but she collects the money and holds it for him. Still confused about why he has to go get it? Is there not Western Union?

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@ poster.

U want him cos u know he'd other choices right?

mayb the lady he slept with he has been arranginging her for along time and just cant giv up a golden opportunity.

Now jst relax and giv him time and urself aswell. y would you wanna rush in2 another serious r/ship when u jst got out of 1 recently?

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