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Is It Advisable To Keep Your Ex-lover As Friend?

Is it quite advisable to Kip your ex-lover as friend?

Cos I ve a load of them as friend after break-up and

nw my partner doesnt feel comfortable wiv it . As

for me i dnt c anytin wrong in it but i guess i have to

toll the line of my partner cos i want er happiness

and mind you,am about walkin dwn the aisle wiv er.

What is your opinion?

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72 answers

Men, am also in ds kinda poo. i gat a new apartment i jst packed in2 n dia's ds beautiful big Bottom dame who obviously takes delight in popping up her Bottom around ma way. sometimes i cant help but peep her tru ma window. i'v bn yearning 2 hv a bite but i'v restrained mysef 4rm such knowin it'll all result in bitterness n hatred sooner dn later; what wt d diff chicks she keeps seeing in ma house.

Yeah... i wouldnt go 4 a dame next door, 2u risky n does a blow 2ur level sha.

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No it is not right to keep as friend especially if it was a sexual based one.

Keep as acquaintance , think about it - do you want your partner to keep his/her ex-lovers as friends?

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Just because a relationship with someone didn't work out doesn't mean he/she becomes an enemy automatically. . .I've come to realize some exs make really good friends. . .you just have to work out which one is worth keeping as a friend and which one needs to be discarded. . .

some exs though didn't work out. . .but contributed something meaningful to your life. . .and when I mean meaningful. . .they helped you grow as an individual. . .Yes you can keep these ones as friends. . .

some exs did nothing but contribute trouble and take from it. . . . .you discard these ones. . .because they just bad news with a capital B.

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Well it depends on what leed to the break up.

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Move on without that side distraction.

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are you a male or female? your profile says female but your post makes you sound like a man. i think you should fix this error. makes it easier to know what to say.

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U if u both are happy with ur new partners and happier bein JUST friends, y not?

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@ Halle B & Octopus

"Your ex is d only one dat understands you", "I share DEEP secrets with my ex"

Your present relationships (and marriage) will never reach its fullness because a part of your mind still reaches out to your ex's. It's like trying to drive a car to two destinations at once. You cant. If I were to ever find out that my (future) wife shares deep secrets with her ex and not with me, then the relationship is not worth it.

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once de be is always de be

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You have a good point.Indeed most saying its ok are women and also mostly women do this .Maybe its a way to prove their current boyfriend how desirable they are.

The men I know who do it call it "back up"and I will be frank with you I don't know a single guy who in his mind wants to be just "friends"

So really how would women feel if a girl keeps calling their manw ith a hidden agenda of having sex or stealing him?

So many people in the world why on earth will you want to cause friction with your current man.If he says its ok can you not at least read his feelings and see it is not?

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This is quite a nice topic, because Im glad to see am not the only one who thinks having exes around you is a bad idea.

Most of the pple saying yes, its ok seem to be ladies. Look, stop deceiving urselves. If u guys used to be intimate,and the other party knws all your vulnerabilities you would simply just fall, its just abt waiting for the right moment. Me, once I leave an intimate relationship, thats it, if we meet on the road, its hello and hi, not me calling u and finding out about your issues, n getting close and all that. Im only friends with 2 exes and thats cus nuthin went down, so Its ok, for the others, no!!

And like people have rightly said, if ure in a relationship, and its realli based on love, cmon, the other party wont be comfortable with u still being friends

with ur ex. We men like to hide our feelings under "maturity", but it just festers inside till it blows up. Is it worth it? Is it worth holding on to something in the past?

Sometimes u gotta depart to arrive, u cannot run foward n look backwards at the same time.

Oh @octopus, nothing personal, but I dont think ur hubby would be happy if he found out u kept things from him,

Leave the past, "just friends" wont work, esp if u want a good relationship in ur present , forget saying "Dont u trust me", things can happen u didnt plan, so fashie that.

Cheers!

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Dnt mind her, she is just jelous

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Not for me to keep all ex-lovers include ex-husband as friends- - - no thanks!

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My first ever girlfriend is one of my best female friends today. There's nothing under the sun i cant discuss with her . . . and oh she has had a bf for more than a yr now.

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@post

it depends on the reason for the breakup. . . you guys might realized you were better as friends and broken up, and might end up as close friends afterwards

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what is that damn good reason. . .if I may ask?

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On the surface there is nothing wrong with it .but I for one might not be against it but think its a very bad idea.

Remember until some years ago the mere notion of doing this was frowned upon.

so as you can see there is probably a 50/50 split on keeping ex as friends.

Chances are you will most likely date/marry  a person who does not believe in keeping ex as friends and this can cause tension.Often they will not even say a word until one day a big arguement will happen and it will come out as ammo against you.

If you can avoid trouble why bring it ? There are so many people in Nigeria to make your friend.Why should your woman have to see or hear you with a woman who don see your rod?

Also as someone pointed out we are all human and you can easily fall into temptation in a single moment of weakness.And if caught or even suspected you cannot even defend yourself.

Also I would be weary if someone says they are comfortable with it and don't keep ex as friends.It often means they are just been silent about it.It might be a different case if both have ex as friends.

also even if your intentions are good ,what stops the girl coming to your wife and lying against you?

Imagine if your wife accuses you of cheating and she tells her family that your ex is regularly phoning or texting you.Do you think even if innocent your own family will support you?

120 million Nigerians .Find some friends who are not your ex.Why risk your lovely new relation or marriage?

I am not saying if you see her make you take cutlass chase am! That na police matter.

Just simple hello and goodbye if you see each other on the road is fine.

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HELL NO, There is a reason, and a damn good one if I may add, why he or she is your EX

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i think its ok having your ex as a friend, as long as your just friends since your now involved with someone else

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Means you have not totally liberated your mind from every heartaches, fear or whatever

I believe you guys are just scared that the other party will expose or reveal the true identity of your past lives

@Topic- You just have to find a firm way of saying NO,Its over.Except you just want to flirt ,because keeping tabs and communication open with him or her is another way of saying lets continue from where we stopped or I have regrets for moving to some one else.It is dangerous

Just say xcept,you guys havent had any sexual relationship.Then it is healthy infact I recommend

E

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Well said by all.

There is nothing wrong with staying friends with ex-, reason is dat i personaly dont like burning bridges.

To keep it clean , is to keep a distance

Once dated, anything is bound to happen as its hard to entirely keep the past away, i tot it's all by my power of i can do it! but i realised that it was hard 4 both of us to pretend anytime opportunity brought us 2geda. Today he is married and kept coming around, the best way to keep him at his own side,i asked him never to call,txt nor ever visit my house again,it was a hard and best way to deal wit it,and hence it has worked

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I had a lover.We could not marry for other reasons other than a loveless relationship.Eventually we married other people.Now we are such great family friends,even though our spouses dont know we were ever lovers.We told them we were just childhood friends.And you know what? we share deep secrets now.We help ourselves and our families in anyway possible.Yet we dont feel the sexual attraction anymore.At least,I dont feel so when I am with this ex.

The lesson I learnt from this is that we should not always insist that every relationship must end in marriage.I think the friendship maybe for life even though you dont up marrying each other.

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it depends a lot on the people involved, though

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It is advisable not to fight with anyone, but it's up to you what kind of relationship you decide to have with ur ex. There are so many possible scenarios:

-he broke ur heart, u never wanna see him again => you ignore him;

-he was a lot of fun to be with, so u stick to friends/buddies;

-what a hottie u'd say => you keep him for occasional fun.

It's not that hard, is it?

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it doesnt matter keeping ur ex as a close friend as long as u guys were compatible while still in a relationship and had to part ways because of other reasons,

my ex has been the only one who understands me till date and even tho were no longer 2gether he is and will always be my one true friend.

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I'll Keep ex girlfriends i really adored far away from me. It keeps me sane. I can't be a slave to her or my emotions. I should be able to do without her

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@ topic

it depends on how you broke up with he/she, cos there is a how you two would break up that you wouldn't want to see each other so i think it depends.

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Muki

u are rotten , rotten egg

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Dont play with fire

Old flames dont ever die

I am talking from experience

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I'll keep in telephonic contact but would not want to meet them, just in case all those old memories come streaming back.

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But i have been there, am way cool with my ex but it's a no-no for anything else other than friends coz of how i feel. . .no attraction

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I have been saying it

I am still saying it

And i will continue to hammer on it:

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS 'LETS JUST BE FRIENDS' IN A RELATIONSHIP THAT USED TO BE INTIMATE. FLAMES WILL AWAKEN AGAIN. DONT BE FOOLED.

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It depends on what went between the two of you. If you have an Ex that being alone together with them used to ultimately end up in sxe, then hanging around them is a no-no. Because those feelings will always come up again, causing tension in yiour present relationship and a lot of distrust.

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its good but it will also be good if u inform your new luver that the person is your ex lover and if he /she reject the idea of frndship with him/her, then don't,

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hnm,its not easy to maintain friendship with your EX cus it makes you remember your past times,but its a good thing to still be friends cus no friend it wasted,

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yes u can keep them as friend but with some extra cares, l hope u understand what l mean

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hnm, it depends,u can still be friends but atimes you remember your past times which makes you miss him/her,but you can still be friends,if it were to be my girl friend that broke up with me,i will call her to make her realize wot she did all the time till i get over the shock,but u can still be friendz!!!!!!!!!!!!

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I want to keep in contact with my numerouse Exes but i always advice them to

be careful with me cos my memories are always very sharp and and keep flowing

back each time i say them and i always ask for another piece of cake.

So it could be good or bad depending on the individual involved.

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Pls if u can, keep them far off. From experience, my ex n i started being close when we started casual gist, later it went on to prolonged calls, talks about past good experiences together, talks about what caused the breakup. We got close, or rather she go too attached ( I already had a new gf). She got to know i loved my gf very much n she grew violently jealous(dats the only way i can describe it). Now i know she can harm me cos i have realised my mistakes and have been strong to resist any attempt to get close to me.

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Whether U Can keep ur ex as friend is both personal and relative.

From personal experience, if you haven´t corrupted yourselves, both of you would be free, bold and confident around each other. She would even be a testimony to your chastity with your wife.

I took my wife to my ex´s introduction and wedding ceremonies and her parents´ and siblings´ comportment around me reassured my wife it had been a platonic relationship. She thus trust me more.

So, like I said, it´s a both personal and relative issue.

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Yes, cos ur ex- is human and can be a moment of respite, at times

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Well, here is my opionion,  or part of it The Breakup Ideology

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I do quite agree with chumac. Keep them as friends but at arms length, you never can tell where you could need help. But if your present girlfriend is not comfortable, if you do care for her happiness, then you do what you gat to do.

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