«Home

Is It Degrading To 'toast' A Girl?

I'm in my twenties and I've not 'toasted' a girl before, or even given it a thought. The girls I've had things with are always the ones who come to me with luv on their lips(not blowing any trumpet, the attraction is natural, they tell me). Now I met this girl in school who is slowly getting into me, we call each other now and then (and she kept in touch with me during the holiday to make sure we resumed the same day), but act a bit formal in class(though she'd be sure to stay around me all day). I believe she is waiting for me to take the bold step as the guy, but given my past experience, I think it's degrading to tell her how I feel. Is it?

Avatar
Newbie
55 answers

It is not so much about “toasting” a girl, but about the respect. Do you view her similar and equal to you? What in the world could be shameful and degrading about talking and sharing your feelings with another equal to you human being? In essence your question touches on some very deep issues.

This “degrading” part indicates that you are a supreme being and the girl is lesser human being. And you somehow humiliate yourself by making yourself more vulnerable to her or by giving her a way to make a decision in the situation. So, toasting can be degrading for a “superman” or super human, but if you are not that you might be just infected with the sexism mentality. And that is it. Revise your standards and approach to life and gain more respect for other people around you.

0
Avatar
Expert

Take the bold step and be reay 4 its consequence

0
Avatar
Newbie

Nothing wrong with toasting, it how you do it that matters.

0
Avatar
Newbie

JUST EXPRESS YOUR FEELING, OTHER METHOD IS DISREGARDING

0
Avatar
Newbie

Make una no blame the poster.

After I gave his post some thought, I understood his angle.

Some girls act like retards. I mean, they are beautiful, dressed really fly, and a guy walks up to them and starts flirting with them, then they start behavin like idiots. They give you this look like you just insulted them. Yeah!! I think this is the angle the poster is coming from.

Mr. Poster, No it isnt o!! Its just that some of these girls just dont know how to behave when they are being flirted with. When you see a girl react rudely to your advances, she just has acute inferiority complex. Maybe she feels intimidated by you.

Think about it.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Poster, na rejected one dey come for you. act like a man mehn!

0
Avatar
Newbie

@Poster

It's degrading if she does not want you to begin with. Besides, can't you just be friends with her and if there is a compatability, then you can take the friendship to the next level? All this boyfriend/girlfriend from the satrt is the reason why people loose interest in the other person quickly. Learn to get to know someone first and then take it from there.

0
Avatar
Newbie

^^^ Oga~madam, how ur own no be na? which 1 u no dey? u be man abi u be woman?

if u be man correct ur mistake for ur profile. thanx!

0
Avatar
Newbie

I concur with this poster.

I wan once in same shoe with him some years ago before i learnt the rules behind successful relationship with women. There're two classes of ladies, those in search of new adventures, and the other class belongs to those in search of their knights in shining armour. So, first you have to be able to find a class the lady belongs to, before you take a decision.

Girls in the former class will prefer guys not to let their feelings known to them, once that is done the guy will become a wussie to them. They prefer the guy not to run after them, cos they are used to several guys running after them. If a guy decides to call less often, they think maybe they aint pretty enough for the guy, or the guy doesnt seem attracted to them, so they will keep looking to getting his attention.

So guys, if you aint looking for any serious relationship, never open yur feelings out to a lady. I have never opened my feelings to woman before, and before i do that, i usually make sure i've gotten to the promise land where milk and honey overflows.

I have not seen the lady i wanna marry, and i aint even looking for one at the moment.

0
Avatar
Newbie

If u luv sb walk up to her and tell her u luv her, havent u heard the song? If u dont act fast, u could lose ur woman to a faster broda.

0
Avatar
Newbie

well as long as you do not have more than 5 babes at a time, 5 is the limit

0
Avatar
Newbie

I vehemently agree with your take on this issue.

0
Avatar
Newbie

@Slap1, it won't be as more degrading as failing all your courses just because you have failed to do the right thing at the right time. if that is your priority , the go for it. when you come leave that skull with 3rd class, you go no say "Kaki no be Leather" better go read your books.

I tell you my experience about them; when you have money, Nigerian women look for you and can do anything to have you ,so you don't need "toasting" . But if you do not have money for this Naija, I bet you na only deaf and dumb go gree follow you cos they no fit say yes or no.

So why not work harder now and make money so as to rule ya world then? shey you dey feel me?

0
Avatar
Newbie

it's not degrading only when you present your speach with courtesy

0
Avatar
Newbie

it's not degrading only when you present your speach with courtesy

0
Avatar
Newbie

action speaks louder than words, kiss her, u either get kissed back or get slapped, life goes on.

0
Avatar
Newbie

In my small experience, if you like a woman, tell her. If she likes you, it won't bother her and she'd be delighted, touched etc and things will kick off. If she goes 'eewwww' you're strike three, out forever. Diamond rings won't win her over. Either way, you know where you stand and you'll sleep better at night.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Am not sure its degrading. Its only natural for a guy to ask a girl out and not the other way round. Be bold and pray,

MUGU what king of advice is this?

0
Avatar
Newbie

This same scenario happens to me couple of years back before my friend take over from me.

0
Avatar
Newbie

I have also experience it, one thing you should know is you are the man, you should make the move, cos mine made me become proud, which i did not like. Making the move first makes you value the Girl,

0
Avatar
Newbie

The fact that you've never even given it a thought worries me more.

0
Avatar
Newbie

I believe dat if she likes u,no matter how bad or how gud ur grammatical expressions are,she will surely say yes to you.Take the bold step by telling her and be ready for the consequences,I'm very sure that u'll know if she's Miss Right or not.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Simply kiss her!!! if she kisses u back , well. if she slaps u, u kno what that means.

0
Avatar
Newbie

instead wey this guy go talk say im no get the liver to toast the girl, e dey here dey put us for high jump

guy try gather liver, na yes or no nothing more

0
Avatar
Newbie

is it that u are not man enough? Just dey there, another guy go soon collect the babe.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Ok evribodi, thank u for ur hospitality and ignorance,lol.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Follow your heart guy,you are a man and you have to follow your heart, i mean if you love the girl you go straight to her and tell her your mind, aint degrading guy,

0
Avatar
Newbie

@onlysose. this is practical no 1, end of practicals will result to triplets. slap 1 should have a nice day boy!!

0
Avatar
Newbie

Try this one

You dont need to toast a lady these days because its a game theory thing. Request for a date, when granted try to cross personal boundaries. Silence means "go ahead we are together" report to us what happen.

0
Avatar
Newbie

MY brother, abeg ask am jor. dem dey pray to god, to help them commit sin.

0
Avatar
Newbie

poster then i guess you will never respect any woman who comes to you with love on their lips as you say because you think they are degrading themselves.

Truth is you are afriad of rejection and it happens. So stop making excuses and waiting for a woman to toast you because another guy with his eyes on the prize will swoop down and claim her while you sit around waiting for a respectable way of toasting a chick

0
Avatar
Newbie

My candid advice to u, is to face Ur studies and stop eyeing girls on campus. read Ur books boy!!

0
Avatar
Newbie

My boy, do you want to date her? If yes, just tell her. It is normal, at least in our country. Remember- we are not indians!!!!

0
Avatar
Newbie

no its painful to realise ur no more the fine boy girls used to toast, now u don wowo, work hard for ur girl

0
Avatar
Newbie

Am not sure its degrading. Its only natural for a guy to ask a girl out and not the other way round. Be bold and pray,

0
Avatar
Newbie

@Poster:

If you must own up and drop the toasting bomb shell, you must do it in such a way as not to decrease "her attraction-index for you" which for now I think is very high. Sometimes, the fact that you have not owned up on how you feel may be the life-blood of her attraction for you in the first place.

If you own up wrongly, it may simply mean something else to her, something like - "He is not such a big catch after all".

I guess what I want to say is "Toast her while not making her feel that you cant do without her"

And if she tries to pull away from you. Then use the reverse psychology skill of "pulling away even faster". Next thing you know, she is all over you again.

This is experience speaking (several)

0
Avatar
Newbie

^^Sanko no dey fear me, lol. Are u in d skul? I'm in Hostel B,(300L, u get?).Cheers. @Odia, how about dat chic in Milano. . . . . ?

0
Avatar
Newbie

Every-every no be desame thing, just like @insanity said. . ."i told her my feelings n we don't talk anymore.i don't call.she doesn't call.soõ much tension and 'something i don't know' btw us nw. But your's(poster) might be different.think really hard,she might start to see you as Weak.make a decision and be ready for d consequences."  

To me it depends on how u and the gurl dey flow. if u know say she dey always dey by u all the time, then make u know say she herself don make up her mind say she want date u but she dey wait make u make first make move. but as i take dey do my own be say. . .such situation like this, i no go make move at all. the way wey both of us dey parol, we don toast each other be that, and b4 u know it, we don start to dey sweet dey go! but every-every no be desame O! mine fit click make ur's be fluke. but i think @Insanity has said it all by saying. . ."make a decision and be ready for d consequence!

0
Avatar
Newbie

Ma guy u don straff am? If not wetin u dey wait 4? Straff am then tell am all the BS afterwards if she want snub U, then fine n good @ least u don mark register.

0
Avatar
Newbie

guy, u r not d only one in that boat. i see no reason why a guy should toast a lady. we can be mutual friend and live our lives that way.

and when it comes to d relationship aspect, i believe things can be done based on understanding. you guy know u like/love each other take it from there and let it grow

0
Avatar
Newbie

but, how come Ur name is slap1, abi na first one u tried to toast slap u. oh! bad experience. u better go read Ur book before u go fail for school, that's my advice.

0
Avatar
Newbie

It depends on what you would want to say to her.

I think all you need do is let her know you appreciate and admire her person and company.

No sex talk just yet, or you risk having a negative twist in the relationship, depending on her values.

Just keep things simple for now, and allow things fall into place naturally.

Good luck!

0
Avatar
Newbie

u shuld av checkd his profile

0
Avatar
Newbie

@violent thank you mr i too sabi

0
Avatar
Newbie

the dumbest posters of the day!

0
Avatar
Newbie

Guy first how old are you?

You still dey secondary school?

if you know you are small then wait till when you will be capable.

silly post

0
Avatar
Newbie

Not degrading ma "Guy in ur twenties". I once told a girl my mind and she "Change am for me". Telling me how she's dating another guy and all that crap. Since then, i dey change am for them. The attraction has to come all so naturally so we can both make moves on ourselves. I'm married now so make una no spoil me

0
Avatar
Newbie

No toasting, no spooning, no smooching and no dating.

Asking a girl out starts with toasting, except she is a hawker, so you do not need to waste your time talking too much. Just show her the money.

0
Avatar
Newbie
Your answer
Add image

By posting your answer, you agree to the privacy policy and terms of service.