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Is It Healthy Marrying Him?

I am just confused at this point in time.

here is a guy i met six(6) months ago. he did not specifically asked me out, we started as friends and then the romance started. he told me immediately that he wants to marry me, a month after, i needed to travel home to see my parents and he promised to drop me. i then used the opportunity to introduce to my mum and my siblings. he had also introduced me to his parents.

my problem with him now is that he doesn't tell me he loves me, he seldom put emotions into anything we share. he acts sometime like he doesn't care. when i asked him what he feels for me he tells me he loves me and  wants me. when i asked him why he doesn't show what he has for me he tell me "it not the loudest that matters but the purest. he'll rather tell me about the cheap clothes and perfumes i wear than him complementing me, infact i can't remember ever getting complements from him. all he gave me the first time i cooked for him are complaints and no gratitude.

he loves hanging out with his friends a lot, enjoys staying late outside, when i asked him, he said he can't stay home alone, that when he get married, he'll reduce the way he stays out late.

he seldom say sorry, and when he does, he will argue and give excuses before he will say sorry. he doesn't believe in us seeing so often (i really do not mind cos i hate been chocked), he doesn't really ask me for advise/contributions, he'll rather take his mum's and Friend's

I'm just scared if it's healthy going into real commitment with this kind of guy with all these attitudes of his. m not sure if it will be a big deal later in future cos i honestly don't feel loved or respected.

i think he really wants me, he presents me well amongst his friend, he doesn't womanize, he's not a drunk (a 33cl beer bottle at a seat/day), he's not really a strong person spiritually but he's struggling to be better (i am not a very strong person too but we are both struggling to be better).

i am someone that believes in talking issues out, but it has never solved any of the issues. i really hate being a nag and now I'm already tired of complaining, so i keep most thing he does to myself now.

i try my best to be good looking, hardworking (with a fairly good  job) and a good girl. don't know if he's testing me or that's just his real attitude.

most people that knew him before we met, told me m lucky to have him, that he's such a good, caring man. i really don't know what to do. most nights i weep before sleeping cos m such an emotional person.

i wonder how 6yrs of my marriage with him will be if 6months of our relationship is already like this.

i need your urgent assistance, please.

brgs,

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16 answers

@Ujujoan: like u advised, i spoke with him yesterday calmly regarding his attitude and he apologized and promised to be a better person. he said he doesnt mean most of the things he says to me, he was just being sarcastic and now that he knows that i don't like it he will stop.

and then he told me more about his past relationships, the ways ladies treat him bad after showing them so much love and care, that probably that was one of the things that affected his psychology as par showing affection.

I have decided to give him some time to watch him change. like you also said I've definitely got my own flaws too which he mentioned to me.

I guess we are just getting to know each other ad need more time before dabbling into marriage.

thanks y'all for your contributions, I Love you!

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It will not get better in marriage. Please be courageous and walk out of this relationship!

When you meet 'the one', you will know it. Just put your faith in God!

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May God help our women/ladies from these nasty men/guys.

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i will advise you to waka fast before you regret o

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marry him, Nigerian men are not very good @ being emotional prayer will help

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@ Poster

Some people are not good at saying all those 'sweet nonsense' . . but that doesn't make them bad people. Sometimes, the toughest looking guys are usually the kindest.

But what worries me about your fiancee is that he's sounding a bit wicked. He know how to condemn, but not to praise! There's something wrong with him.

That being said, I belive that every doodle out there still deserve to be loved. He's a human being and despite his faults (which aren't the worst of it), he deserves true love. Maybe that's all he needs to become a better person.

The decision lies solely on you. If you can cope, then stick around. I bet you have faults too that his battling to cope with. But you need to be strong. When he tells you something you that like, point it out to him a firm but polite way. Don't go crying and making him even more angry.

Men are very easy to control, and the thougher they appear, the easier it is.

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It depends on you. What i know for sure is that if he does not love you know, then there is no how he will love you better when you both are married. So think well baby?

For relationship tips fell free to visit: WWW.PERFECTSDATE.BLOGSPOT.COM

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hello ,

please go and pray , above all go and think very well because you alone know all that is there.

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You know what? I don not see signs of a good husband in him.

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here we can clearly see that the reason he wants to marry you has nothing to do with WHO you are because he didnt really know you that well in this short period of time but rather WHAT you are (good, god fearing, clean, with head on your shoulder, presentable to the world).

it takes time for some men to open up especially 9ja ones,yoiu just have to read some few NL threads to understand that (some 9ja women will testify that they only hear "i love you" during bedroom acrobatics). he is right about the "purest" but you have to make him understand that as a woman you need to FEEL this love he is so much talking about. if he has never complimented you and rather Naughty Lady.i.n.g. about your perfume/clothing then you can pretty much see what kind of man you got and what kind of woman he is EXPECTING you to be.

do you live with him or expects him to stay home by himself?! having friends is not a problem i hope and doing what he has always done should not be just because he proposed.

that tells you what kind of husband he will turn out to be, why do you think that later you wont feel "choked"?!

if he argues now,he will argue later,if he doesnt respect you now,he wont respect you later. if your words means nothing now,they wont means much more later.

the ring on your finger is not going to change the attitude you see in this man.

compatibility is very important and so far it looks like you care for each other but aint compatible.

is that the kind of union you want for yourself? a union where things have to be swept under the rugs and where your beliefs dont matter and have no weight in the goings of this relationship? you better think again.

knowing someone from the outside and LIVING with someone is completely different. forget what people say about him and judge him from what YOU feel/discover he is. also people should accept you for who YOU are not what they expect you to be. if it aint working then let it go,changing to be the kind of person he desires will have you fail miserably.

it will be ten times worst than what it is now!!!!!!! marriages tend to make people stay the same or most fades down, very few get better with time, VERY FEW. if he doesnt like the way you look now then wait till you get a few pikin and see how he likes you then. if he doesnt listen to you now then wait till the ring is on your finger and see how he will make you keep quiet.

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wake up lady.

Please don't be desperate.

Its just ur side of the story, but i really don't believe u don't know wat to do,

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@Daduke2k: how much time am i suppose to give him? the more time i give, the more i get committed (or don't you think so?). i love him so much and leaving him could be so hard, but i don't mind if that's the only way out. other wise, i will appreciate alternative way out.

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Aiight , giv him sum more time, and c if he is testin u.

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thanks y'all. just want to be sure if I'm over reacting or i need to take to my heals.

i really appreciate your responses.

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My dear the signs are there, if he has this apartheidish behavior before marriage, best believe it will be 10x worse after marriage. Follow your mind on this one.

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Enough already, marry him if you want to. . .

It changes nothing in my life

pssf!

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