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Is It Ok To Meet The Father Of A Girl You Impregnated And Not Willing To Marry?

Hello my people! I need your help with this one.

Its a bit complicated. There's a girl thats pregnant for me! It was an away match as I have my girlfriend that I hold dear. The pregnancy will not be aborted as she has vehemently refused. I'm not leaving my sweetheart and that has been established to all parties involved. So I'm going to be the father without entering into marriage. At least in the first instance.

Baby-mother has moved from being demanding that I marry her at all cost, to a more compromising stand that she will accept being wife 2 (This was a proposal I put forward because the baby came from a relationship that included the awareness that there was someone important in the picture!)

Dont misunderstand me. I didn't do this purposely. We got into the relationship and liked each other. We made several failed attempts to stop this relationship because it was hurting each of us. But with the introduction of the baby, I think she is deliberately trying to keep the baby to make me stay with her.

Anyway, I have had to meet with her parents at the early times of the knowledge of this baby. And they were not particularly harsh because maybe they thought I would change my mind. Infact, they have been nice. But I wont be disillusioned. I want to make another visit to see her dad. To show respect and to let him know that I'll do my best for his daughter and grandchild. Now that its obvious I'm not marrying her now, do you think this is advisable?

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55 answers

lmaooo, The baby momma pikin sef for don nack 1yr or even more

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I believe that every human being is prone to mistakes. You're in a very tight corner my dear, and believe me, polygamy isn't the way out of this mess you've gotten yourself into. I would want you to make a choice from one of the girls. You must think properly and ask God for guidance and direction so you won't have any regrets in the near future.

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No, I am not mad but real. Someone did that to my sister and his name is in the shrine right now and bobo no dey find am easy.

And ur family ex[ect to get to heaven?

Well,

The wrong has been done, So why raise so much dust?

@poster

I learnt my lessons on this thru my elder bro who was in ur shoes some years back

But tank God he is now married to his Wife who accepts the kid as hers and we his family treasure her for that, becos dats wat it means to be a woman. with so much virtures. why blame the child for the parents guilt.

My advise dont marry out of frustration. TK

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No, I am not mad but real. Someone did that to my sister and his name is in the shrine right now and bobo no dey find am easy.

And ur family ex[ect to get to heaven?

Well,

The wrong has been done, So why raise so much dust?

@poster

I learnt my lessons on this thru my elder bro who was in ur shoes some years back

But tank God he is now married to his Wife who accepts the kid as hers and we his family treasure her for that, becos dats wat it means to be a woman. with so much virtures. why blame the child for the parents guilt.

My advise dont marry out of frustation. TK

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@ Gamer

What's the update regarding the situation.

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@ poster,

i said it b4 and i'll say it again,anything the man talk,take it with a pinch of salt

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No, I am not mad but real. Someone did that to my sister and his name is in the shrine right now and bobo no dey find am easy.

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Well, if I were to be the father of the girl in question, I will take your name to Okija shrine and make sure you become impotent or mad. It makes no sense to me that you slept with her and yet you did not have any love for her. Let such not befall my kids (God forbids) hmmm hmmm hmmm

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Guy, Be happy, just pray the baby is a girl then you will be the happiest man on earth,

I would have loved to be in your shoes"a lady pregnant for me" then the lady must be beautiful enough to give me a pretty daughter.

Anyway, dont get twisted beleive all will be well

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If u had kept ur long pipe to urself and quenched that randiness in you by wanking or something, this wouldn't have happened.

On the issue of u going to meet her old man, if u truely love urself and value ur life, then i'll advise u not to go. it's like walking into the den of hungry lions. just ask those who threw Daniel into those lion's midst to tell u the story.

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My opinion/counsel is strongly in line with Salsera's.

Here are the facts:

She is over 18 &,

She was aware you were in a relationship &,

She had unprotected sex with you &,

You don't love her &,

You have a GF who still loves you &,

Whom you love.

Where in this equation do you fit Baby Mama?

Too many people have rushed in to correct (?), minor(?), mistakes and turned a hole fire into a full forest fire. I've seen too many friends in really sad states due to these types of pressurecooker situations.  The real, true pressure is just for a little while whilst you stand your ground, all others are noise and steam.  However if you knuckle under now, you'll be knuckled under for the rest of your handsome life.

Put your chest out,

Gird your loins, (Figuratively and literally),

Be a father to your child, whilst in-utero and later,

But under no circumstances promise to be an emotional support for Baby Mama. 

As for Papa Baby Mama, steer clear until he fully comprehends you'll be standing your ground.  Being aware, of course, that your name will always be preceded and followed by a curse word or two until his daughter finds someone to marry her.

Remember Friend, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.  Good though your intentions may be today, they will turn to be a slippery  primrose path to a living nightmare.  Unless Aliens change Human's genetic psychological makeup tonight.

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There's a good saying that

There's no point crying over spilt milk

Bros its done okay, you cant rewind the past but you can plan for the future

You are not alone( and i am in no way justifying your actions) many others have been in the same situation, we just played differnt characters

It is so easy to judge till you find yourself with strong feelings for some1 else's man( feelings that are mutual)

Its just that some of us looked away

Fine this is some @#$% ^&*(

but there is no well too deep not to crawl out from

Take care of your child - you owe him/her

I can understand how u cud 'love' the mother but you are not responsible for her ; she was fully aware of what she was doing too.

Just dont ever marry under pressure neither the baby mum or your GF deserves that nor do you

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Are YOU crazy

Dont agree for traditional marriage

How do you want to then marry your GF,

will you then i have 2 trad marriages

Abeg

Will you pull yourself together

a girl got pregnant that's all

you want to ruin 3 lives by marrying under pressure

do you think by buckling to their pressures makes you responsible

The deed has been done

at least let your decisions now should be born from wisdom

You made a mistake

we know and we agree

but we have no right to crucify you for it

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when you are faced with temptation, your life flashes before you. All those you hold dear, all those you might hurt and all the serious complications that come with 'away matches'. I really have no advice for you. Sort yourself out of the mess you created bro. Goodluck!

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@cutekittie

I've already said in my earlier post that I have gone to see him and he insists that I marry her.

@teslim & all

I understand you and take precautions. I'll take your comments very seriously. I dont want all to crumble thats why I try to be friends with babymomma. If she insists that I marry her, what should I do? If her family insists, what should I say? If my parents beckon, should I continue to refuse?

Hence my resolve to arrange a traditional marriage to calm nerves. But thats as far as I go! My parents could turn nasty if I dont heed this and not respond when I wanna tie the knot with my GF. I dont want to hurt my GF but if she takes too much meaning to this gesture, its a problem!

I've been nice to baby-momma , helping with plans per baby and all others. She knows if I got more, I'll give!

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@ poster

abi you wan die??no try am oooooooooo,well u could,thats if u have dug your grave, especially when its the daughter of a soldier.then ur cup is full

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I dnt knw wat to tell this teslim or wat is his name. poo

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Well since you've already impregnated the woman her and her family will be a part of your life forever. You might as well meet your child's grandfather, you will be seeing a lot of him for the next few decades. Good luck.

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i won't blame macro for what was said. there are much than meet the eyes. the way the guy is talking about his girlfriend leaves much to be desired. he should have known he has a girlfriend before going to lay another lady only to keep talking about his heart been with the girlfriend. there many sexual diseases out there and many fatherless children!! the world don't need more.

it's not a matter of standing by a guy but a matter of doing the right thing. stick with your real lady and don't go around pregnanting girls. children are better in a relationship. i don't support what he did and won't. as a lady, it is good for guys to stick with one. a gun wasn't held to his head when he was enjoying those rounds with the poor girl.

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U jst gat 2 do it even if they kill u b rest assure u hv an issue.

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@topic

Come on dude this isn't the end of the world, you made a terrible mistake which resulted to you bring a loving and innocent baby into this world.

Why don't you be the best father you could be, by loving and taking proper care of the baby. Don't let him or her(since we don't know the gender of the baby yet)go through pain because of your own mistakes.

As for your current girlfriend, if she loves like she claims, the girl will stand by you and love that baby like it her own.

Don't make another mistake by marrying your babymama oh, its obvious you don't love her, but plz take good care of her by providing the things she and the baby needs. Lol somethings u will wanna dislike her as time goes on, becos u will feel she's taking advantage of you by asking for to much, don't complain oh but go with the flow instead.

Well at one point sha u got to meet the parents, soon or later your babymama mother will be calling you demaning you to take care of her grandchild.

I know someone that happens to be in your shoes, if you see what he has to go through just to see his baby (I isn't easy oh) and his allowed to see the baby on sundays lol(the baby grandmother made the rule). so get ready to first oh becos the real battel begins when the baby is born

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@havanah

Thanks for your advice. Understand the implications of my actions and the responsibilities that lie upon me. And I'll do the best that I can. I promise. But I can't do as you have suggested. I can't leave my GF. My heart is too weak to do that!

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That s**t is deep!!!!If can't believe U let your 'Johnny' put U 4 trouble.What can I say?Do the right thing.

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Thanks all.

I've heard all your comments and I have just got to a conclusion.

According to our arrangements, i was supposed to be there for her always. As a friend that cared for her. To be a good daddy. For the child. If she'll let me, I will. If we can't come to an agreement on that and she insists I must marry her, then that will be arranged. And I move on with my life!

I bother about the issues no more!

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@salsera & netkamoze

I must have been temporarily insane to consider that option! Its obvious! I'll revert immediately!

I'll tell you guys this though- I'm tired.

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If you visit the man and you come out with your head still sitting on your neck, that means you are lucky. If it is mandatory that you have to visit him then go to Niger Delta and hire some militants for protection.

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I am quite happy that people have pointed it out that what you did was wrong and you are quite aware of that now,kudos to your girl,because i can't see myself forgiving a guy for this,its quite a common mistake and i wouldn't expect him to repeat thesame mistake,this topic has once again left me curious with the question that why do guys cheat on a girl they claimed to love,

Amyway,@ Gamers

Its not always advisable to marry a girl because you impregnated her but iits complicated and sincerely,i don't know how to go about that.

But another thing i'd like you to consider is that do you really think your girlfriend has actually forgiven you and you think this won't pop up later in your marriage,won't she bring it up every time you have an argument or she makes mistakes,please consider all these and other necessary things before you make your decisions.

A lady's heart is very flexible and one more thing,you can never forget such a thing,think about it yourself,

All the best though,

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@theopops

Thanks for your support. And I know what you mean. I know that I hold the most blame and I accept. i'm not denying it. But faced with this, I wont sink deeper into it. vexes my soul to leave my girlfriend. And I pray that I dont hurt baby-momma if I marry her.

@ezinwannem

I laugh at your comment 'Good luck sha but you're lucky it is not me '. If a guy really decides to leave the pergnancy and not accept it, what would you do? Hired assassins maybe? Or visit a herbalist?

I promised to stay by her side irrespective of whatever happens. And I'm doing just that. Crucify me if you want to, but my heart is clear!

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YES! its OK but I'll advice you to make sure all your funeral arrangement is completely planned! Don't forget to will everything to the unborn child too! that's if you have anything!

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Laudate, no one is trying to say that Gamers is a saint. At least, that's not what I meant. I could easily turn around and type the same things you typed, only changing the direction. e.g. did Gamer put a gun on the girl's head when they were having sex? Did he force himself on her? How come she did not think about using a condom or protecting herself from this? Abi, she is too young to know what happens when a man sleep with a woman without protection? Oh, she did not think she could get pregnant? See, we can look at this from different direction. At the end, we all need to choose the path to follow in life.

Now the deed is done and all he wants, is a cordial r'ship with her. I'll even give him some props for that. How many men get girls pregnant and just run away, never looking back?

At the end, let everyone think about what might happen, before they do anything, because we'll all be the one to face the consequences, whether right or wrong, bad or good.

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@Siena

I dont know. Just used that there.

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@theopops

You're right. And i took that stand too. But I get very considerate and lay back and stay quiet for the child's sake. He must never suffer. To achieve this, we have to foster a good relationship together. Even though I feel like getting on the next plane outta here!!!

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@ Gamers: Is your unborn child a boy?

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@jayvin01

Are you here with me? Bros, thats what I do on a daily basis! Thinking. Wishing. Praying.

I know I'm in trouble. Can't wait for the day that I'll be able to look back at these days and smile. And maybe be able to rap to a beat too! But for now, back to the drawing board, devising new ways to be rich! 9-5 doesn't cut it anymore!!!

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It is as much your fault as it's the baby mama. If she was dumb enough to sleep without protection, she should be ready to face life. If she made a decision to not abort. She should be ready to face life as a single mother. See, what I am trying to point out here is this, we all choose the way we want to live. She chose to have a baby out of wedlock and she will have to live with that decision.

Yes, people sleep with others. Heck, the sex is sweet and you know deep down, you feel nothing for her. That if push turn to shove, you'll go with your GF. Believe me, girls know this, but some are silly enough to think the guy is going to leave the GF for them. Yeah, wishful thinking.

Abegi, carry go jo. If her family wants you to marry her, tell them you will, when their daughter starts to tell the truth. I so hate liars!

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@omoge

Believe me, I was goody-two-shoes before this happened. While I appreciate your responses, however factual or otherwise, I wont leave my GF. And she wont leave me too. And I certainly hope all those that have shot at me now have not, at any time in their lives, made some irreversible mistakes. I have made mine and intend to make the most out of it.

I was reading through the romance section and I found this topic http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-8322.0.html. Of particular note to me was lashawna's post saying that she left her guy to go into a worse situation. And that is one of concerns for my GF. The only reason that will make me leave her and marry the baby-momma, is if anyone can guarantee that she'll find someone that can even love and treat her haif as much as I have (before my error and even afterwards!!!)

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Exactly!!! Don't bang when you know you aren't ready. why can't you guys hold your pricks eh? sex is for married people!! sex is not Food that you can't live without.

after you don enjoy finish you come dey ask question for here. common run along and go see her father!!! it's very OK, go see the father.

wasn't it easy when you were laying her?

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@Ezinwannem

Its easy for you to say. Open and shut case, right?

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Then marry her, this should be a lesson to people, dont get intimate with someone that you know if the worst comes, u wont marry her, whether she was seducing u or not, every human being gat da ability to resist so it should not even be an excuse for@poster cuz that's just pure naive.

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If the father of your future baby mama wants to meet u then u have to meet him.

Am sure he isnt expecting u to marry his daughter, maybe he just wants to know how u are gonna be taking care of ur daughter.

He wants to know the arrangements u have in place for his grandchild.

Am sure thats all there is to it.

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@salsera

Thanks for your advise. I have come to accept my fate.

@laudate

I have had to define why I am going for my GF amidst all that I'm going through. Dumping her would be the option of least resistance to an onlooker. I deeply love her so that path will be the one of most resistance to me. And its not guilt! And I dont want to ruin all our lives. I was human and I erred. She has forgiven me and hopefully, will forget soon enough and she'll be able to accept my child.

I intend to be a major part of this child's life. Dont want this mayhem to be a reason why something will happen to him. I wanna make sure he'll turn out right. To be someone in future. Reason for my words 'accomodate'. All with God's help. Besides, the baby-mama and I had a friendship before tis turned into this.

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And if his girl-friend marries him, she will be a really dumb broad. The guy was supposed to be in a 'serious' relationship with her, and he kept fooling around with another chic, until he left a calling card in the other babe's belly. Why didn't he keep his trousers zipped, if he loved his girl-friend so much? Now he wants to marry his GF out of guilt! What a pity.

What is the proof that he won't repeat the same thing with another chic, after she marries him?

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@adeboo

Thanks for being hopeful but like I said, I have seen and spoken with her dad and he has categorically emphasized that I must marry her. And make arrangements for this soon.

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@Siena

read his last post he has already met the father

@Gamers

Hello

Noone can force you to marry anyone

marrying a girl simply becasue she got pregnant for you is not wise

you will resent her and her family will just put her in bondage for nothing

If you are sure you wont marry her then be A MAN and stand your ground, cater for the child like a responsible man and let them know that okay.

You are not under obligation to cater for the mother, she is not your responsibility. She was very aware she could get pregnant

Maybe this time you'll appreciate ur GF and with time and a lot of work from ur side she will forgive you.

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yes o - to tell him why u cant marry his daughter - and to tell him how sweet his daughter obo be for bed - so make sure u no shy to meet him o -,

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@all

I have met her dad and the conclusion is that I should marry her at all costs. He has given me one week to reconsider and get back to him. Told me that I am not serious for considering that I wont marry her. Told him about my present girlfriend and he literally said that was not his concern. The best way is to dump her. And quick too!

But his daughter has told hima another story about our relationship. She didn't tell him about the several occassions she lured me into her bed after I had called it off. How she kept on seducing me and pressuring me to make love to her after I tell her that we should end this.

They are in for a shocker! If I can defy my parents, what makes them think I would listen to them?!

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Sure, just make ur will be4 going there, will your computer to the NGO in ya local govt.

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@saucekid

I understand the false smiles! I want to be guaranteed that they can't be happy with the way things have turned. This is very understandable. No one is, really! I've thought about leaving my GF but I can't bring myself to do it. I won't allow her to suffer for my mistakes and it'll be the last thing that I'll do to her.

Care for Baby mother too and I wont allow her to do this all alone. Can't abandon her. I've thought of a million and one reasons like she planned this, trying to trap me and all. But I just can't act like a typical guy faced with this situation.

The question remains - based on my resolve to take care of both women, how do I face her dad with these intentions? I'll marry my GF but hope to compromise and accommodate Baby mother if she doesn't get married in future! Nasty move but coming from guilt!!!!!!

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