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Is Once A Cheater Really Always A Cheater? Or Does Situation Matter?

I am engaged to a man and we live 3000 miles apart. Somewhere along the relationship I got pregnant and we then decided to seriously commit ourselves to each other in an introduction/engagement ceremony with 30 or so friends. We are now blessed with a beautiful, energetic, at times troublesome little boy and we have been making preparations to begin our lives with each other, physically and permanently.

Although the distance has always been there and has always been the cause of our difficulties in other ways such as communication, intimacy, patience, sexuality, fidelity, all of which can be lacking at times, recently I was made aware of a certain bout of his indiscretion. While he and I have both had issues with infidelity in the past (although mine was not of the sexual intercourse nature), we have dealt with and moved on from those past situations. Or so I thought.

As of late, my intuition had led me to do a little investigating and lo and behold, I discovered my beloved had betrayed me. He had been seeing another woman behind my back for six weeks and had no intentions of an emotional relationship with her, only a sexual one, so they ended it. When he confirmed the details, it had happened a year ago I and it was at a time after I had just spent a month with him and everything was going well for him as well as for us.

Now, like I said, this isn't the first time I am having to deal with his lame a** behavior. Right now, I don't know what to think, or feel or do. I love him but I am not a doormat. Leaving him would be easy if he weren't a good man or a good father. He is in EVERY other way amazing with me. He cares for me emotionally, physically(when we're together) and financially. On the other hand, at the persuasion of any piece of a** that flashes herself and is willing to be a sex object - because I know him and I am sure he tells them he is not interested in another relationship - he jeopardizes our family and our future and lies to me thinking he's protecting me from hurt. I know he is genuinely sorry, but that's not even my main concern.

I am able and willing to forgive, but is this what I will have to deal with the rest of my life or do you think he will be genuine when we start living together as a family?

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10 answers

@Poster,

Don't waste your precious time trying to do what ONLY Jesus can. Let the goat go, He wont change for you. He has to change for himself and since they don't see it as something being wrong, then 99.9% of the times they wont change. Just do what makes you happy.If you want to stay with him and suffer, then by all means. If you want to tag him along just for obvious reasons, then do so.Just don't store alll your eggs in one basket,

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exactly. Matters of the heart aren't that easy to give up especially when it will mean breaking up a family. Granted we aren't physicall together, but my son speaks to his dad on the phone everyday, and trust me, Two year olds know when something's wrong.

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Easier said than done!

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forgive him and move on!!

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You guys are absolutely right. Distance does kill a relationship in the long run. While the reuniting part is thrilling for the first six months, it gets really old and tired by the fourth year,

@sisikill

I appreciate your response, and I don't think anyone will shoot you for agreeing with the men on this one. Men think differently to women, especially when it comes to sex and while I am not excusing his actions, I could partially understand how,  just not why.

it's just so hard. I feel like I'm waiting to see when/how/if he will Bleep up again!

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Once a cheater is always a cheater jare.

A leapard can't change it's spot, so why do ppl think they can change or change people?

Sure, for some time they might pretend, but the're not changed.

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I think I am in the throes of a heart attack or a stroke or something because I actually agree with [I]*gulp*[/I] Hannibal & Lucabrasi!! Aaaah!

Lol, I kid, I kid. . . not about the agreeing with you part, you guys are right. Distance does kill a relationship and in my opinion it's quite naive of anyone to expect their partner. . . especially a man (don't shoot me please) to remain faithful when they are miles apart.

@ Iyaade

Personally, I don't subscribe to the once a cheater always a cheater school of thought because it kind of poopoos on one of the fundamental reasons we're human beings and not. . . I don't know a shoe or something - Our ability to experience Physiological, Psychological, Emotional, Cognitive Changes. So I'm going with the other option - Situation Matters.

Before you do anything rash, trying living together and go from there. Remember, it's not about you alone, you have a son to put into consideration.

Good Luck.

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Nope!!!

U won't have to deal with this with the rest of your life . . . .

Scheme out ways to start living with him.

Distance can kill relationships especially for young couples.

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I have spoken to him, but listening to his words is one thing and finding out his actions is another. I can never tell when he's cheating on me, he dosn't change his attitude towards me. not extra nice, not extra mean, just normal. He dosn't go liiking for these girls, they just happen to come by either through his friends or his frends' friends, He can't tell them no!

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im not condoning cheating or being unfaithful but i have done it before and it was cause she was not around for like months and the chick who was a friend of mine was coming on to me and body no be wood, i think you should have addressed the issue with him and if he can withstand it or how he s feeling e.t.c seeing as no man will tell his girlfriend that he feels like stepping to anuiva gurl unless she asks

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