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Is This An Affair?

I work in the same organisation with this guy but we're not in the same office. We got to know each other at a church function and started emailing, very casual stuff in the beginning. I know his wife and kid. The thing now is no day passes without either seeing or calling or emailing or YIMing. It used to be only Monday to Friday but now, even weekends, we exchange quite a lot of emails, usually general stuff, jokes, current issues etc etc. I enjoy talking to him and his friendship means a lot to me. He advises me a lot about relationships and is quite protective of me, more like a big brother.

In this day of technology, when do you know when you have crossed the line from casual friendship into a full blown affair even though you've not been intimate with the other person. (I mean, there's never been any kissing, inappropriate touching apart from the ocassional hug, no overt 'I love yous' etc etc).

Please help me out here. Have we crossed the line already?

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65 answers

Negative!!!!

Y'all gurls said the poster was in LOVE and that was why she came here.

Feelings can be negative or postive.

Of course, feelings musta been generated but it could be anything. . . .

No one is certain so letz be patient and see what pans out!!!

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u r d one missing d point,im not saying it will lead to any relationship,all im trying to say here is there is no doubt dat d poster does not have feelings for dis guy?she might not date him,but mennnnnnnn sometimes emotions have a way of controlling pple's lives,its already controlling d posters own,and dis same poster knows dat it is wrong and dats y she came here for advise

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U are missing the point!!!!

All i am saying is none of us is 100% sure this can lead to any serious relationship.

As this is the case, give the poster a benefit of doubt.

Innocent until proven guilty. . . . .huh?

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oh my gawd,honestly i think i now agree wt eldee,all dis ur points cant carry water,wats emotions gat to do wt USA AND JESUS?

politics,love and religion(bible)are three different things so dont mix them up,or go off point

the issue here is a single girl who communicates wt a married man every single day,not USA or JESUS

and as for ur word prediction,yes emotions cant be predicted,cos we all can fall at anytime,just d way dis poster has already fallen

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nice one tpia,but in dis case its not gearing into,its already an emotional affair

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@ topic:

it may be harder on you than on him at the end of the day.

Women are the ones who tend to get burned the most by these kinds of things.

A man will find it easier to dust himself off and walk away. He can easily do the same thing with countless other women and still have no intention of letting it interfere with his married life.

its not yet a physical affair but its gearing towards an emotional affair.

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who told u d feelings are harmless?when d man hardly mentions his family in their conversation?d same feelings that might leave d poster emotionally Unclad and frustrated because of like of control,c'mon this babe has feelings my dear,and if she doesnt control it now,it will wreck her emotions

if she doesnt keep this relationship platonic and slow d pace a little,don't be surprised if she starts stealing kisses ,even though she wont tell nairalanders

DONT compare emotional feelings wt ps3 or ipods,dis feeling is more matured dan ps3 or ipods,or even pets

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Of course the feelings are there but they are harmless. . . .

Blimey. . . .If u have a pet(dog, cat or a black mamba), after a while u must develop feelings for it. . . . If the pet dies, u may cry.

Men have feelings for gadgets(PS3, iPod, Smart fones). . . . does it mean men fall in love with objects?

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then y is she scared,did u not read her post?did u not see d force at which dat post was typed,dat post was filled wt so much emotions,and even if d poster has refused to comeout and tell d truth no problem,nobody is forcing her,they are not dating,and im still repeating it,they aint dating,but d feelings are there for sure

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Ma point is. . . . .she is not in LOVE yet and there are no feelings.

A man and a woman can have harmless conversations for weeks without any prickish moves!!!!!

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ofcourse they are both friends no doubt,im not saying they r dating,but i still insist some kinda emotional feelings has started creeping in and dats y she had to open a thread

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At the moment it seems like friendship but fact you are worried means there is something giving you the red light signal.

I would be cautious as dating a man who has a girlfriend or worse is married can only led to problems.

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dose his wife know about it.

ithat is one thing you should ask yourself.

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Annamaria,

You said his wife never comes up in conversations. That is indeed a red flag. If this (whether it's an affair) is really bugging you and you want to continue this friendship with the guy I suggest you ask him off handedly to "meet the woman behind the man" so to speak. It will give you a chance to meet his wife and let her know about you and her husband's friendship and so it becomes a couple and a family friend rather than 1/2 a couple and a family friend. If she knows you and hangs out with you solo (doing girl stuff) or all three of you together that (at least most of the time) reduces the opportunity for the relationship to go up to kentro level. If the wife know you it's harder for the man to start considering backyard runs unless his just a callous dog and if that's the case then you don't need to be his friend.

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all these girls, una no go leave married men alone.

go and find your own husband and leave person property

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i saw clearly honey,so aside from d mails u people still see eachother

please before u go,i will advise u to run faster dan your legs can carry u away from that man,if u like i can borrow u my own leg to add to urs,nothing like brother's protection,let your boyfriend or another single male be protective towards u and not a married man,biko,ejimu afa chukwu ariogi

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Seun migh tnot have your posts. . , lucky you.

Abegi, leave the "boy" to his own mentality. I'll rather have a naija mentality than the one he's owning up to

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meet xero himself! hi hon, how u doin? u know what, don't answer.

rampant- like a dog returns to its vommit? remember? (can't believe i didnt get banned that night)

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Women get wahala sha! Na wa! Jen, did you miss the either and or?

I have to ge to bed, work in the morning.

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let me quote u anna

was dat not ur statement annamaria

jackal is xerxes

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Am not trying to say this is similar to your situation.

But if I can't bare to stand one day without texting, calling, or yim this dude, then I more than like him. I may not love him, but its def more than friendship

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thats u xerxes ,clap for urself,but we r talking about someone else here,

mind u d married women r in ur office u all work together,good for u,but dis ones work in diff offices but still find time to see each other everyday(apart from mails)and as if its not enough they still mail each other even weekends,wat r we not talking here,abeg leave matter

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Ehh, Jenny, I didn't say we see each other everyday. I said we do either mail or YIM or call or text. Not necessarily see o. We are both very busy people and most times we see it's even in the course of work. No ideas there, please.

And who is this Jackal?

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my point exactly,God bless u 4him

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Xerxes, Jenny, Rampant, guys, let's calm down, ok. Doesn't have to decend to a fight, seriously. I appreciate everything y'all have said. I take it all in. No need to get worked up on my account. Biko, let's stop oo.

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you know your problem jackal?u argue blindly,and u can't stand it when someone tells d truth or challenges u,we r talking about a married man here not single friends,even me as a woman y will i have a male friend that will be emailing everyday,ok u email them everyday,do u see them everyday?can u have a marrried woman as a friend and keep seeing her everyday?we r not talking about chics here we r talking about marriage

emailing is not d problem but must they see each other everyday,is emailing not enough for them,that they have to still see each other again

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And I hope you also know why ppl see Nigerian men as bushmen

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This is the hypocrisy i can't stand with y'all women.

I have guys/chics i email/YIM/txt/call everyday to diss and brag about our different clubs in the Premiership.

Does it mean an affair has to develop in that? Why are girls so screwed to the fact that once a man calls twice, then LOVE has to be in it!!!!!

It's a very wrong perception and this is why most people see Nigerian chics as bush girls.

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but he didn't so you'll never know

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weneva i read stories here,i read d inside and d outside,and i will always tell d truth,y didnt d poster slow d pace when d guy started emailing her every weekends?she had d right to do that?y would she be emailing a married man everyday monday to friday?even if its just on a friendship level like she said,u people should leave this friendship of a thing abeg,we r all human beings wt blood flowing through our veins,for them to be mailing each other even on weekends,na na na na,how can she not be in love when no day goes by wtout her seeing him [b]even though [/b]she said they don't work in d same office

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U are hurling buffoonery. . . . .

Why should i be bovvered with ur life? I don't give a toss if u are happy or sad o. Don't mix me up with the Kitty-Cat-lickers of NL.

I am a rare breed.

U are not far from the truth. . . . .The main aggressor is actually 15.

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@Xerxes, many babies running around on nairaland; should at best be left with their childish pranks.

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"really" in love and confusing love with friendship are two different things.

If I really love someone, it wnt be within 3 days

I might have confused friendship with love, meaning, there really was no love.

clear? Did your buddy asked you to ask? lmao!!

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They way some people judge things is off-the cuff.

Had it been that the guy in question was the one who came here to write all that up and then asks for advise

I am 100% sure these very same people would be the first to say. . . .

NO!!! They girl is just your friend. . .Get ur mind Outta the gutter. . .she's not in love with you. . .

I wonder why you Naija men believes that when a girl winks at you. . .that means she's in love with you. .

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. . . . . .

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The 1st 2 sentences are kinda contradictory.

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And trust me, if I was really in love within three days of my chatting with anyone, I'll be inlove with more than 5 people.

yes, I've made the mistake of confusing friendship with love, but 3 days of love? it wnt work hon.

Me, if our friendship last for more than 3 months and it gets stronger. . ok, it might work, but until then no.

So dnt put words in my mouth, or is it hand?

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@poster

don't get me wrong,sorry if im rude but im just saying d truth here,even though we can't be truthful to eachother here,but there's no doubt that u have some kind of feelings for him,and that is y u opened this thread

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Yes!!!! There's nuthing to suggest the poster is in LOVE!!!!

Is that how u pick ur guys? Chat for 3 days and u fall in LOVE?

No wonder Vivaladiva spews mud on Nigerian ladies.

I am beginning to read a pattern here.

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hmmmmmmmm!

But what if she really does like this guy more than as a friend?

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innocent?innocent that she felt so guilty dat she had to create a thread for it?

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ooooo,tell him ojare,y should i be emailing sly everyday ,wat for,abeg d poster is inlove wt dis married man,its as simple as dat

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Thanks, omoovie, and all my brothers who have replied to this thread dispassionately. To my sisters, I think the day should come when we do not try to give a dog a bad name just to hang it. Maybe I'm actually thinking about the other woman that's why I'm putting it out here because I don't want to be seen to be getting into another woman's home. It was never my intention to be this close to the guy. It started off innocently enough, like these things normally do. Besides, he should be the one taking the necessary precautions, not me, because he's the one that has responsibilities. I'm asking the question here because the guy in question has no qualms about it. I've had friendships with guys in the past which have been close and platonic. The only reason this concerns me is that the guy is married. I'm open to advise, so please ladies, let's not reduce it to the market women bitching, name calling level.

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Welcome back jare. . .

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"The thing now is no day passes without either seeing or "calling or emailing or YIMing."

SLy and Jenny, is this going on between you too?

And when I meant intimate, I meant real "close" friends. . . dnt get it twisted.

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