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Is Your Lover Your Bestfriend?

One of my girlfriends is mad with her boyfriend because a picture posted on Facebook showing him with a some girl sitting on his lap and his arms wrapped around her . . . sorta like the way a boyfriend and girlfriend would. My friend was even madder cuz people kept calling her to ask if they'd broken up.

I called him up and asked him about her and he said that girl was his best friend and there was nothing going on between them. I then asked him why he couldn't hang out with his girlfriend like that. He said that he loved her but she is not his best friend; they don't share similiar interests.

Ladies: Is your boyfriend/husband your best friend? How would you feel hearing your boyfriend tell you that you are not his best friend?

Guys: Same as above . . . just switch it to girlfriend or whatever.

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27 answers

Tope - professional thread derailer . . . na railway station you dey work?

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Yes my lover would have to be my best friend because i don't exactly have friends that i am over intimate with so my lover is almost an automatic pick for the best friend spot

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Unfortunately this is common in a lot of young couples - you date someone for the attraction, the chemistry, the increased heart rate when you're around them. But often times, you don't get to do other things except boyfriend and girlfriend stuff - dates, romantic dinners and the like.

most of the time, before meeting this 'special someone' you have friends who you've grown together and share interests with - those ones are the ones that truly know you and share your heart.

Sometimes we get lucky and find that person who is already relatively in sync, or we date people we've been friends with first, so the 'normal hanging out' part is already there. In those cases, it's not an issue.

Many times though, the person who drives you crazy is not too crazy about the things you like - after the initial passion dies down, these differences become more evident and break ups usually occur and we wonder 'why did he leave me or why did she leave me? we were so in love'.

relationships are hard work, both parties need to make sure their partners are their very good friends, even if not best friends, and that they share similar passions even if they have others that are not shared. Most importantly, you need to TRY.

One of my gfs LOVED to watch next top model, and it would make me want to break something, but I gritted my teeth and watched it with her, and she appreciated it. Make an effort and you'll reap the benefits later on.

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Stephen, we are still saying the samething here. My best friend is a man and not a girl. Best friend is someone you trust and can confide in easily be it a man or a woman. In this case, mine happens to be a man.

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@ Topic.

Presently,. . . . .hell NO!

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LMAO I don't know which one but I'd do the same to you.

Dang even after all I said?

1) N/A

2) It will be nice to hear that I am but realistically, I don't expect to be her best friend especially since she has had some friends since childhood and I met her some months ago.

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I would still leak that one picture on the net somehow lol. Aren't you gon' answer those last two questions?

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Looks like she shld take a hike. the guy doesnt sound like he is ready to be in a responsible relationship with her. Its impossible to date a woman with totally opposite interests and have another as your "best friend". Something's gotta give at some point.

Say aurevoir to a player and find a better guy.

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@ David, Granted, she let her emotions get the best of her but trust me, she's tried to be friends with his friends. Sometimes, she tells us (our mutual friends and I) about how she tries to sit and talk with him but its seems like all he cares about is the next big party or event.

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exactly what i was going to say. . .

why is d balme on d guy? if she has such a problem with his being so close to another girl, why hasnt she tried to adapt to his lifestyle?

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beyond being mad, what is the girlfriend doing to become a more intimate part of his life?

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@topic, I think we're ignoring the main thing here; your friend is pretty jealous. She's jealous of the fact that her boyfriend is close friends with another girl. It is really not a bad thing though, it's normal to feel jealous. She just needs to know how to control it. She should be the one who should try to be friends with her boyfriend's friends both male and especially female just like how he is friends with his girlfriend's friends like you (I'm assuming since you have his number).

Anyway, as per his comment, there is nothing wrong with him being best friends with the other girl. Like someone else said, he probably knew the best friend first before he fell in love with the girlfriend. Plus, he says nothing is going on and I believe him because I've got female friends who are my best friends and I haven't done poo to them. We just kick it all the time and that's that so your friend would be wrong to break up with him or anything.

Agreed but like he said they don't share similar interests so he can't be best friends with her and that is probably what he loves about her (that they don't share the same interests thus some variety in the relationship to spice it up). But then again both of them need to work it out and bring some excitement into the relationship . . . this whole jealousy thing is just a phase.

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Thanks for your comments guys but I still feel that he should make an effort to be bestfriends with her . . . I mean you can't have just one bestfriend.

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Like hotness said, the pose in the picture was very insensitive and its also sending the wrong message. Maybe he is unconsciously sending the message that he wants to be with his best friend. Just a thought.

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nuthin wrong with being best friends with d opposite sex or with ur ex. . . we were friends first and we got along great. . . we totally understand each other and hav d same interets, we can hang out with each other for days and not get bored. it is rare to find someone who u can be totally open with.

@ topic

say they were friends first befor d guy got into a relationship. . . u cant honestly expect him to end the friendship just like that. it is really rare to find someone who gets u completely and sometimes thats all it is, it doesnt always hav to get romantic and while i can understand how ur friend feels, she has to rember the best friend was there b4 she came into d picture

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"Friends with benefits"

So when all's said and done, who's the loser and who's the victor?there's no such thing as a draw

______________

@ post.

why hang on to a relationship if you cannot enjoy his / her company? except there's cash / kind rewards.

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@ spike

Tell her its called casual relationships or can also be cald FRIENDS WITH BENEFIT.

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Tell your friend to reconsider her relationship. It is a huge red flag if he doesn't consider her a friend.

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@Hotness

If u two 're still so cool as Ex. Y did did u break up with him.

I understand being friends wit u ex but BESTFRIEND hmmmmm.

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Absolutely. . . for me it is important that we r friends and can do stuff togther. . . if we cant hav fun, as in regular everyday fun and just hang out, then ther is no point in having a relationship. the sad part tho is that when such a relationship ends, the friendship and d closeness remains. . .

I am best friends with my ex and when he is a relationship we actaully make an effort to stay apart as much as possible as it makes it awkward, esp with his girlfriend. It is really hard to end or cool off on a friendship that has had ages to grow so it wld be almost unrealistic to expect him to end it. Ok d pose in d picture was a tad insensitive but d girlfriend isnt completely blameless, she shd at least make an effort to share in his interests, or these kinds of situation wld arise. she cant hoestly expect d guy to cut off his best friend without being available to taker her place?

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I agree with what you have written and could not have said it better myself. He is my best friend and the only way I would have it. We enjoy most of the same things and just get each other. I know I would be deeply hurt if I ever saw a picture like that or he told me that i was not is best friend. I know that I can tell him anything and it stays between us. I know that he can see me at my worse and still not look away.

Like you said the girlfriend needs to check this and check it quick she might loose her man to his best friend. Who would want to spend thier life with someone that they dont share any interests or common things. You dont have to like everything i do like iice said but we should share something in common otherwise what connects us? And what is the point in dating someone if not to lead to marriage?

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Not necessarily. I mean it could just be his best friend. But I am just saying I would be kind of worried, that this man wouldn't consider me a friend at all, and not even making an effort to become my friend, and I am his girlfriend!

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Thats bullsh?t

D guys a f*uking player

Bestfriend my a§§ doesnt d bestfriend av a guy dat wud complain bout d pics too?

Either d guy is a player or he's naive while d bestfriend's playing a fast move on him.

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That statement right there got me thinking. Why can't he just hang out with his girlfriend like he does his best friend. When he said that, it almost means hes not even giving his girlfriend a chance to become compatible with him because hes too busy hanging out with his best friend. And sometimes that can lead to them being lovers. I believe to have a strong relationship, you need to be friends first, everything else is secondary. So your friends might want to check that. I would be kind of worried about his statement. Easy to drift when there is no friendship and no compatibility.

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