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Ladies Advice This Guy: To Hold or Not to Hold?

Am in a 6 months old relationship with a girl who had a guy that has travelled to the US like 5 years ago he comes back once in a while he actually just travelled back Last sunday or so. She tells me that it has ended between them but i have my doubts, I love this girl  and would sacrifice anything for her....

The problem are these,

1)     This guy calls quite frequently from abroad and sends text messages, she obviously sends him text messages and returns his calls as well. When he was in Nigeria, he called everytime and sends text messages. She had to off her phone (The friend let spill that she wanted somebody to buy her a new phone, she later got one and told me that it was her brothers; I did not tell her what her friend said). I discovered that most of his calls is in response to her flashing, she did this once after a brief misunderstanding I had to bring it up she cried and assured me that she did it innocently..I believed her.. She told me that when the previous guy stopped communicating with her after he travelled and refused to answer her mails she took herself out off the relationship, he came back after two years and tried to "buy" her back by sending huge amount of money and gifts (she accepted them) but told him off. (He still bought her a gift now and she accepted!?)

2)    She had an affair  before me which she ended she gave me clear reasons , and there is another guy a friend who hangs around she visits him sometimes according to her the guy confindes in her but because this guy knows we are going out and that she stays at my place most of the time, I am not jealous or bothered. She still keeps that guy handy, exchanging texts with him. I read one text from her "foreign" guy hen he was still in the country, I was cooking breakfast and she was sleeping when the text came. The guy was professing love, I had to then read her outbox and saw forwards these "copy copy romance" text to the two guys. I discussed it extensively with her, trying to show her that she makes all these guyz think she is still in with them which makes them to hang on. It seems she saw my point but it did not end exactly.

3) now I have Left Town and travelled to Lagos and intends to stay here for about 8 months without going back, She just graduated and is entering for a second degree in medicine.... My point is that am in the LONG DISTANCE TRAP now and do not know how to react to it....

Sincerely, I do not know if i should let her go or if i should hold on..... I love her and has even done things I never did for all my previous girls combined for her ... I could hold on but I do not want to be hurt. I have been here in Lagos for a month now I have called her everyday and sent texts and we still communicate well. She has done nothing now to make me doubt her but i still worry.

She is a good girl, a queen, a gem her only downside is these above and the fact that she is a bit materialistic focusing on her comfort a lot. (I have no problem with the materialistic part)

                    LADIES DO ADVICE THIS GUY .... TO HOLD ON OR NOT TO HOLD ON

(Am tempted to use real names her to know if i can link with anybody that knows this "foreign "guy ... I want to understand exactly what is happening) DONT MIND THE LENGHT

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30 answers

She's playing with your head an manipulating you so much that you're starting to like it.

If it hurts you let it go.

Would you leave your hand in hot water for this long?

Let it go.

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she aint worth it, jst ''drop her'' da relationship aint leading anywhere[color=#550000][/color]

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It's a simple logic. Leave this girl fast and search for ur true love.

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Bros!, I feel for you, Just as if I am watching a love movie acted by ramsey nouah or one those guys.

The truth is I felt like crying, anyway I go dey sing westlife (what makes a man)

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Shadiat, thanks a bunch.... its really hard moving on but I know I can do.

I.B.

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my guy i guess the best thing here is to put ur eyes down try trash it out with her if it means u stoping her from doing all the text and calls thing at least she will reduce it.its not about leaving the relationshi, i guess u work and she would have told u she needs the phone what did u do bout it? u think bout it its not just luv she needs things also do u provide them?d thing is that she is like mi for mi telling u i need something more than once is like begging my ex does the same i need this u dont say anything then when i get it u get mad and u work i know u can get the phone or whatever so what r we talking bout .and sending text may not mean a thing it really depends on ur relationship with her she may be the type that just feels comfortable with this people just relax and watch things ok goodluck in ur ......................................

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You gotta break the relationship very fast and quick.  Take my advice.  I am very heart broken today and I have gone into isolation bcuz I'm pissed ~ no beef toward the girls he cheated on me with both here and in nigeria ~ am angry at myself for staying in the relationship for 6 years.  Separate before it's too late and you will never forgive yourself.   Just like she is telling you crap; he told me crap.  She is so lying to you dude.  In my case, the girl was even calling our home from nigeria.  His dad told us to change our phone # and each time we change it the girl finds a way to get the new # and call.  Now tell me who the heck was giving her our #s?  Huh? We both decided to move in together in 2000 never engaged never married because I don't believe in it ~ american lifestyle y'all know...

Not only did I had to put up with his cheating here w/other girls {which he says it's all in my head but I got voicemails to prove it....  I also saw him with another female in his car}......  I had to put up with the girl in nigeria.  Make no mistake about it's been long since I visited nigeria.  So the girl in nigeria thinks I'm "BLACK AMERICAN."  Because I loved him so much, I thought we could make it work.  He gave me excuses upon excuses, saying he doesn't know her, he had party in his parents house when he visited in 1996 and met alot of people and she might be one of them but nothing serious, she was his high school girlfriend...... blah blah blah

It took me this long to realize that I deserve better.   I never had the courage to break.  And I must confess breakups hurts so bad especially first relationship and first breakup.  I can't even cry anymore. 

Once again, my advice to you is split from her.  It ain't worth the heart break.  I wished I had the courage to do so and now am hurting. 

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Its been so long u guys have been on, right?.... u are so much in love, right?...oh..love do sucks. But I gat this to ask you: She have been more longer with the guy in the state, right? Believe me she secret wait for the americana guy to come claim her... she's just insecure and need something to hang on to... note the word..." SOMETHING to hang on" U are just a play thing. Man u deserve more... u are given money in a desert... while all needed is food &WATER!

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Well Ralex I think you know the answer to being with her or dumping her! you just want us to be your back born! there's nothing wrong with that! we''ll help. This is the kind of situation that some people find themself and conclude that love is blind! LOVE IS NOT BLIND it can only make YOU blind but I'm glad in your case you're not! Like one of my people here yearn, once my American guy trown that question, she'll answer I do if not I did cux she might have already agreed to that without you knowing! all the same, she's not for you! her heart is diversified! Listen man, man to man, sometimes its hard to say goodbye but in this situation here, you should be shouting ADIOS, peace-out!, Odabo, buy garri, sayanjima, kaomesia, orovua, na only God know watin I dey spell here but all the same my guy, no look back when you take off! Good luck!

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well, when i did put up this post, i had my doubts about her overall sincerity, my mind kept pointing all this out to me my heart kept trying to suppress it. A battle between reason and emotion; making me very unhappy... I discussed it with her but still was not satisfied.

After reading the post, what i have is no longer a doubt but a conviction

After reading all you posts,

My mind tells me .... "Bros u see, everybody says the same thing, u should have quitted 3 months ago, but now is still not a bad time as it would come out of the blues and you will still get the upper hand. Quit while you are ahead and winning"

My mind tells me ... "Bros, to love, you do not have to put everything said and done under reasons, give her the benefit of doubt; Love her and give her no reason to quit on you, if she does then It would not hurt so bad because you are expecting it as it would not be a surprise to you and knowing it is difficult to have another "Fool" like you, She would miss you "the fool" forever. "

But men .... I would simple put myself beyond being hurt and follow reason. (Thanks guyz for helping me decide), I would play an emotional blackmail game on her now. From now on she is HOLDING SMOKE that tells her it loves her.

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In other words, the female specie is not reliable... ehn?

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Honestly, u r in love with this chick and i hope it won't be at ur lose. U sound confident and very sure of urself. lol ....u seem to forget u r dealing with the female specie. Just cos she's moved into ur crib don't mean nothing cos the babe can leave u at anytime......... Believe me

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i think u should relax o,watch things unveil,make investigations,keep talking to her,she might just be like me,see i ave male friends more than female friend,i think i just ave one female friend,while the rest are guys,i feel very comfdortable around them,they know my boyfriend and i know their girls too,we hang out together,we are all very good pals,call and exchange funny and also luv txt.its hard to convince people dat we are just friends.even my boyfriend is still not comfortable with my friends,even if am so true to him,and he knows all of dem.bt dats me i can change for him,she might just be dat,she is truthfull to u,just take ur time,and be carefull,do not just leave her,u must help get over dat other guy.and make a stand,mayb telling her not to ever call dat guy again,things like dat sha

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Ralex,

peeps have given you good advise and I honestly believe that even you yourself know the truth.

In your mind of minds you know the right thing to do but you are letting your heart rule your mind.

It is hard to face this choice when you are in love but that is what being a man is all about: Facing up to the hard painful truth.

You will never trust this girl, do you want to go through all that?

Take care my brother and stay strong.

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I'll suggest you get a second babe and bench her(relegate to 2nd position).. Once there's competition, she'll either sit up or show her true colour..

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Hunnie you need to face REALITY! Leave that girl alone i beg you. She's no good for you. I mean like hello??

But come to think of it, If you wanna cry at the end, you can just go for her. Keep making yourself think you'll be with her forever. Im sure you don't want that tho. SO why not just find some other girl that loves you just as much as u do her?

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Please lets not bastardise this thing called love, Ireally hate to use this cliche, but LOVE IS NOT BLIND, it definitely isnt slow too, neither does it allow other pple trample on it, please wake up my dear young man

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hey Ralex, wake up and smell the coffee... This girl is going 2 dump ur Bottom so fast and so cruelly you wont know wat hit you. U bettewr move on, and fast too

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Nne .... I quit while am ahead ooo if i notice movements, but this one baffle me well well .... na dat maddness called love ?

But frankly it seems that there is a possibility that she is not being unfaithful, is there not ?

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Bros, at first this was my first consideration,

Then i realiased she is quite truthful to a fair % about things i would never have found out if she did not tell me. Things I can easily verify, contains only few very few discrepancies. definately not the act of someone not being faithful.

Definiately this could only be the case with the guy abroad because she spent all her time with me practically moved into my house. I had this guy's number did not even have to steal it because she actually moved her phone book into my phone. Both Nigerian number and foreign number the temptation to call it was too much when i travelled so i had to delete it. I still have is mum's number

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If u really wanna love, then go for someone that will love you

not someone playing you around

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Infact IAH, u know it too well. For a guy sef , u r slow. Sebi u'll chop ur own and move on abi. Cos the girl is getting her groove on.

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I had to laugh when i read this, but it's true.

Please DO NOT hold on. This girl is obviously not being faithful to you. Look at what happens when you are near her, talk less of when u are not. Pls don't fool yourself. Move on. The thing is, you know the answer yourself as you described the relationship as a "relationship trap"

Start afresh.

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Hi,

my advise: leave this girl! She is just using you. I think if you stay with her, she will break your heart soon. What if Mr. USA is asking her for marriage? She will dump you and go to USA, believe me...

fumi

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This is what we call Assistant Boyfriend.

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Dude! I mean Ralex! U are making me pull off the hair on my neck . I am literally thowing up on your behalf. The writing on the wall is clear " U ARE WASHING A CAR FOR ANOTHER MAN TO DRIVE" Save yourself and Bounce........

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The problem is that am not likely to see her within 6 months .... Ive been maintaining communications for one month if i slack she might misinterpret it just like the other's case.... Would have been easy to discuss if i could at least look at her face as i talk.. Over the phone or email??

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3) now I have Left Town and travelled to Lagos and intends to stay here for about 8 months without going back, She just graduated and is entering for a second degree in medicine.... My point is that am in the LONG DISTANCE TRAP now and do not know how to react to it....

Sincerely, I do not know if i should let her go or if i should hold on..... I love her and has even done things I never did for all my previous girls combined for her ... I could hold on but I do not want to be hurt. I have been here in Lagos for a month now I have called her everyday and sent texts and we still communicate well. She has done nothing now to make me doubt her but i still worry.

She is a good girl, a queen, a gem her only downside is these above and the fact that she is a bit materialistic focusing on her comfort a lot. (I have no problem with the materialistic part)

My brother, based on this your confession i want to assume that you love her and you wouldn't want to lose her and at the same time you don't want to be hurt.

Hum hum! you'll either choose one and leave the other.

Is either you leave her save your heart of being broken or better still call her, sit her down, tell her that you love her and your heart beats because she's in your life. Let her know that each time you discover she's playing this "hanky pank" game that your hearts bleeds.

Ask her what the problem could be and let her tell you the truth and choose between you and the other.

Watch her closely through her attitudes if she improves then lucky you, go for her.

But if she won't then nothing spoil, ladies are so rampant it's only the wife material that is scarce, apology to females in the house. But there are still good ones that I know.

My guy such is life, but life goes on.

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Dump her fast lol. She is saying bullshit. How can you hold on with that crap. But if he wants to Bleep his life, I'm not going to stop him.

Grow up man.

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