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Long Distance Relationship: Is She Losing Interest?

This girl claims to love me but she is changing. I dont really blame her because i am far from her but she is still 19. I met her in 2006 while on holidays in Lagos, she was very young then so we had nothing much going on between us.I realised the implications of dating a 17 year old girl, so i abstained from everything that define love affair.I denied myself fun because of my love for her and because of how we met. A lot of things happened that brought me closer to her. Forr example, the day she was born was the day my grand mum died. The first time i met her was my own birthday and the first time i visited Nigeria from abroad was her own birthday. I am not a super fan of superstition but when it concerns you, you pay a little attention. Her parents found out about US and beat her. SHE ran out to the church parish. Her mother threatened to deal with me. I summoned enough courage, with the help of little whiskey and confronted the parents the same day. I told them everything i have told the girl and made them understand that they didnt have to beat her like that. I also told them that we all have to go to the parish house and bring her back. The father agreed and i went to the parish house with him and get the girl back home. I left town after some weeks without touching her and went back to my base. She is in school now. I call her every day from where i am. I pay money into her account without the knowledge of her parents. I call her parents atleast once in two weeks because i later became good friend of the family. Now the girl is changing. I know how this sounds but i must know what to do before its late for me. I called her roommate last night at about 12 :30 am and she grudginly told me that the girl went out. I called again this morning and the girl reluctantly told me that she went to see her friend. Which friend i enquired and the answer i got was that its non of my business. I was tempted to hang the phone but i dont like to get angry easily. I excused my self and cut the line. I want some advice from people who knows where this girl is heading. I also want some boys to put themselves in my shoes and tell me what they will do, Thank you.

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47 answers

well, i tink u av to take tins easy, mayb she is kinda busy now or she isnt feelin d whole tin no more , its not easy lovin from a distance but thats a battle u've got to fight if u r sure of wat u really feel. so u guys shud find time to talk about d whole tin.

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I didnt even see this before,

I can imagine what took place in school.

In my school, its to easy to want to ""go out" with a dude.

Its nice to be able to brag about a boyfriend "Abroad" sending money and making calls.

i guess by now Sam, you should know what to do.

she has told you what happened.

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So are you all still going out?

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Guess she did. Now confusion kicks in.

Its amazing how someone will think he is wise enough to handle things, Only to discover that certain decissions will be regrtted later.

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Sam darling, please be careful o. Don't want some youngin hurting you like this eh.

When I was 19, not even a lion coulda made me sit my a$$ with one man. But that was me, commitment had always been (and somehow still is) an issue with me.

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Dont leave her, give her a chance to explain herself, long distance relationships can be challenging, which is why people really need to know what they want before getting into them. She is probably fed up with the relationship and dosent know how to tell you. But dont let her play you for a fool, shes 19, i doubt shes ready for anything serious. Just give her time, stop sending her money, but be there for her and dont call everyday, that can get really annoying.

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mayb you are right but i just want to know the right thing to do

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@sam

i can see u truly love dis girl,but one thing i know in life is wat is yours is yours,u see, if dis girl is truly yours she will remain if not i pray God brings d rightful person ur way

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@ poster,

Sam, Ive been a huge fan of yours from the joke section and your predicament touches me like it would if my brother was in the same situation. But one of the things we have to accept is sometimes to be a wise man, you have to learn to jump before you are pushed. This girl is evidently running you ragged. I know you love her very much but i believe you have to look at it from the long term point of view. I am very sure from what you have made us understand, you have plans to marry this girl sometime. And to be honest with you, a girl showing off this attitude will only compound your problems when you marry her. You both need to keep each other happy and she is not doing that at the moment. Thus, the best thing for you to do is to give her a break now hoping she will realise her mistakes and correct them. But if she doesn't, then i strongly advise you, as a brother, to go for another ultimate search. hope my advise will be of good use to you. take care.

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@POSTER

AND MIND U ;PERSONALLY I DONT BELIEVE IN THAT STORY ABOUT MISSING MONEY;GUESS SHE WANTS MONEY ;GIVE HER SOME COS ITS OBVIOUS U ARE HER MONEY WELL

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its either she's cheating on u or u dont give her a breathing space and she's kinda pissed off,it looks as if u are the type dat calls her very day ,and mind u not every woman like such cares ,they call it SUFFOCATING LOVE

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It amazes me that you still have time for this girl. So you still have doubts about what you should do? It looks like you have more of a relationship with this "room mate" than with this invisible babe of yours!

We all get cheated for sure. . . .but your case is a cheap shot! A 19 year old girl?

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All this "from one end to another end of the universe" love sef. . . . anyways they say love is a risk, but i bow out of these types.

@Poster

hope for the best

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FROM THE ORIGINAL POSTER

   OK, good people of nairaland, this whole story is going to take a new turn now. For the fact that my interest is taking your times, I will say a big thank you to all of you.

Something else happened after that. After i got over my disappointments and shocks, i called her again because i wanted to take instant decission about the whole relaationship thing. I am not good at hurting people even if it means revenging over something bad done to me. I try everyday to make people laugh and people who know me will testify to this.  So i called again and asked her to repeat what she said about NON OF YOUR BUSINESS. she started her explanations by saying that she was crying at the time i made the first call. That her money was stolen the previous night in her room and there was only one suspect. I want all of you to make a guess on who that would be. So after some possible arguments and ill looks, she couldnt sleep there for the night. Remember we are talking about ladies hostel here. So she went two rooms down to her friend to stay there for the night and that was when i called the room mate. Like i said earlier, she grudginly answered and even before i said anything, she knew i was the caller. I called from a hotel room in Italy because i was on a business trip to Milan and that means that i called with a private number. I didnt call with my mobile phone due to the cost will be so high so i used a calling card connected to the phone in my hotel room. So, i wondered how the room mate knew i was the one calling even before i asked of the girl. In her own words , she said, ''SHE IS NOT HERE, JUST CALL BACK''''where did she go?''I SAID SHE IS NOT HERE , OK, SHE IS NOT SLEEPING HERE TODAY BYE'' I dont remember who hung up first. So my question now is, i am trying to trust her but as we all know , you cant trust a 19 year old girl who lives 6000km away from you especially the one in the UNI. But i am now compelled to believe her. The mistake was that she said that its non of my business and i am still trying to know why she said that.  Leaving her is easy, getting her back will not be the same thing if eventually she is saying the truth. No one wants to be cheated including Milla but we all get cheated atimes,

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sam,

i know how u feel. i mean after investing so much money and goodwill, what u get is a cold answer.

i guess for her not to use a phone, she must be in covenant university. anyway, my advice for u is (1) to remain focused.

(2) give the chick a little break to realise her self (she is undergoing a transformation).

(3) at the right time, inform her of ur intention ( cos i believe u have not discussed ur intentions with her intimately)

gooodluck bro.

1 love

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lol,im female not male, and dats y im insisting on d room mate blowing false alarm,and also not disputing d fact dat d 19 year old is having an affair wt someone else, im a woman so i know some of d scopes women exhibit wen they are jealous,dat room mate ,u guys should check that girl,she might be up to something

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if u read well,u will find out that d poster said d babes school,no dey allow handset,though the room mate has got one,but no be everybody get liver to break school rules my dear

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AJ,

e b like sey u hot wen u dey campus ooooooooo! Well, can't explain myself y majority of my friends are female. I spend for them not minding anything, majority of them are mere platonic friends anyway, while some do try to lure guys into doing the act!

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Bro Chinda

U are right anyways, but how many female friends do u have? If u live among them, U'll know better

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not all teenagers are like dat my dear

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i think almond is right.

well my guy i think u ve to give the girl a break. stop chasing her and let her come chasing after you. one thing is that love is like a bird u just let it go if belongs to you it will come back but if not then u lost takia

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exactly wat i said from the onset,the 19 yr old girl might have a boyfriend in school,nobody is exempting dat,but women can be very jealous ,d room mate i guess is having something else in mind,even if d 19 year old was not in d room dat night(maybe d girl was in d room oooo,but fast asleep) ,as a friend she is supposed to cover her up,not making it sound as if d girl is wt another guy,or even if she truly was not in d room that night,the room mate should have atleast explained better the reason y she wasnt there ,sam be careful d room mate im very sure has a hidden agenda

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Hellooo People, this girl is still 19 and the last thing on her mind is marriage. She's probably still enjoying her jambite days. And this Alagba sounds like he's ready for marriage. I think he needs to chill out to see where her priorities lies.

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Thanks AJ for modifying your first post! sounds better! you made the first one sound like he's taking advantage of the 19yrs old girl even though he clearly said he didn't involve in any romantic affair.

All the same, long distance relationship don't work or do it for me.

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@SAM MILLA:

This whole thing seems or look like you two didn't define your relationship or what you guys are from day one. You also admit to not being involve in anything that defines love or affair with her! inother words she might think you're father X-mas or some money miss road. For a girl to tell you that what she do/does is not your business says it all.

Use your tongue to count your teeth.

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I think you're wrong AJ. The posters profile says he's 23yrs (don't know if that's his real age) but if it is, I don't see nothing wrong or sugardaddy about a 23yrs old guy dating a 19yrs old girl.

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first off let me apologize for being so abusive to you i was just trying to help in my own was because it seems like the tactful advice the rest of the folks on here are giving you is no making enough of an impact

I know someone here in the Bronx who went home and hooked up with a young girl who he thought wanted him long story short when she finally got to the states he found out that not only has that girl slept with his brother but she also had a boyfriend here this is just an example of the horror stories that i have come across.

True talk that no one is perfect but i know you can see the writing on the wall that you may or may not be waisting your time and effort while you could be giving your love to someone else who needs and deserves it.

if you notice there aren't too many women who are responding to your post because they know whats going on (at least some of the usual suspects would have given you an input by now)

anyway I'm sorry that i called you a sucker though i believe that and i know love is hard but you shouldn't have to wait for someone to send you a registered letter tellling they don't want you before you figure it out most especially that she is young and in uni with all the parties and boys all around her.

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Thanks for that piece of infomation but dont blame me if i say that it was another persons idea for me to make her feel that i am not too far from home by calling her regularly. I will practice your idea and see if it will work.

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guy,

men u dey try o! and they are very few men like u . i really do apprecite guys like u, my advice is dat u give her space and see weda she ll call u, if she does fine,, but let her know u were not happy about wat happened. but if she does not in say a whole month, ! do wat u wish but the truth is dat there is no point sending (caring) a babe that does not send U.

kapish

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@omega25red

I can see you have already concluded she is cheating on me. And that makes me a sucker. I guess you have never found your self in a situation where you have to decide against your own wishes. She is my girlfriend and i love her. So if you just conclude that i am a devil by giving her my money or that she is a devil because of what she said, or that i am a sucker because i call her family, then find me a lady who is perfect. I needed to hear from people who passed through this kind of experience and i am happy that i saw their replies. Stop trying to paint me with a coward brush because i could forget about her in a minute but that is not a guarantee that the next girl will be an angel. Thanks for opening my eyes anyway but i prefer to close them back.

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Dude stop acting like a sucker. first off why are you putting money in her account and she's not even calling? and why are you calling her family if you marry her are you marrying them?

That girl is in school with all the other boys running around her, you think she is thinking of you? i bet she only thinks of you when she goes to her bank account and her and her friends are all laughing at you because you are a sucker.

What ever happened to the women around where you currently live? i'm sure where ever you are there are Niaja women there if your excuse is that you don't want someone of a different race.

you know in you heart of heart that as soon as a woman's attitude change ( i know you know what i mean) the relationship is about over. Besides why are you so attached to someone who is just a friend and you never did anything with her or to her? i can go on and on it would all just point to you being a sucker.

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I will get through it. thank you. i am sure there is always a solution to every given problem.

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I think this is clear enough for u to see,but,bad thought are not always advisable.

It's better u find out wht exactly is wrong with ur relationship with.As relationship

involves sacrifice,i'll advce u to leave whtever u're doing where u are n attend to

this issue on ground.wish u luck, safe.

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I'll have to go with steroid101 on this . . . funny name tho

we girls really love to be chased.

give her some space . . .see if she'll be worried bout u or try to contact u. If she does, then she's got feelings for u.

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has these been going on for some time now,

if yes, guy ur problems u have not discovered yet and the better for you to find and know why

and if ur answer is no, then u need to calm down, get to talk with her and i will say prepare ur mind for the worst since u are emotionally attached, and

u didn't say how she feels about you, is it the same way you feel about her. i want to know

for now a talk with her will do

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Why are you calling her everyday? It can become stifling at some point . . . try and space it out, u're giving her the impression that u're too clingy and women generally dont like that. Besides u can survive without her.

Why pay money into her account? u're not yet her husband . . . allow her father to take care of his responsibilities.

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You are very far from each other and maybe someone she is seeing regularly is warming her. You know the nearer the warmer

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@poster

Ur girl is beginning to sound pathetic

Sometimes we dont kwn what we have until we lose it

I guess she doesn't know and might not get to kwn until,

The distance can also be a contributing factor

Dont give up on what u feel for her yet, a heart-heart talk might make things right again

If not, then take a walk, she doesnt worth ur love and sacrifice. goodluck

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Thanks to all, all advices are appreciated.

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my advice is that you try and pay her some visit in school. There you can settle every scores you have with her.

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my view on long-distance relationships?

I don't like them at all.

In my experience, distance almost ALWAYS kills

attraction, and most long distance relationships DO fail in

the long run. (Probably around 90 percent.) So unless you've

already been going out with a girl for a LONG time, do NOT

start a long-distance relationship with her. It will NOT be

worth it.

At the end of the day, the outcome of your long-

distance relationship will depend on your MUTUAL attraction.

It means the attraction on BOTH ends has to stay HIGH. If your

attraction for her falls, then you won't want to have a

relationship with her anymore. The same goes for her. If her

attraction for you falls too low, she won't want to commit

to the relationship either. She'll probably start screwing

around with other guys behind your back. How well she behaves

while you're away will mostly depend on how much she is attracted

to you.

Loyalty is also important. Some girls are more loyal

than others. HOWEVER, I wouldn't count on this one because

it's out of your control. When your girlfriend is alone across

the sea and her very friendly (and well-hung) roommate opens

up a bottle of nice wine and invites her to taste it with him,

it won't take too long until the are cuddling in front of the

fireplace. It's just very hard for women to say "no" in this

kind of situation, when there's nobody around to rat on her.

Lesson of the day: If you're going to enter a long-

distance relationship, know what you're going into. You've

been warned!

And oh, here's a reminder, in addition to my free

email newsletter, I also have a killer downloadable course

called the "Smart Dating Course". It's literraly JAM PACKED

with dozens and dozens of SPECIFIC TECHNIQUES that you can

use RIGHT NOW to increase your success with women.

I've spent a lot of time, effort, and energy in

creating this system. I believe that ANY guy can use the

"Smart Dating Course" to IMMEDIATELY start meeting and

dating women, without having to "hyponize" them,

"manipulate them", or any of that junk

Poster is hard to do, but it is better you hult urself than another person to hurt you

Try read this blog www.datingkeys.blogspot.com/ or email me at geoffery2@gmail.com

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Poster, u said u finally got her on phone and she said is non of ur business, My advice for u is to give ur self a break. Don't call her for atleast two weeks, it will be very hard to do since u are highly emotionally attached to her, but that is the only way out. The more u call her the less her attraction for u. After two weeks if you decide to call her, and she ask, tell her u have decided not to mind her business again, tell her u just want to know how she is fairing, discuss general things like "how is ur mum and friends" and hang up. Make sure u don't talk about luv until she blames her self. There are many things u need to know about women, if you can read this blog, www.datingkeys.blogspot.com/ . bet me, she will be the one calling u.

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if d room mate uses a phone,then y is she not having one?i must say my brother it is really suspicious u know,my advise to u is dat u take things easy ok?just be very careful wt ur heart,because its a battle u might win or loose,like i said she might be innocent ,and she might have also found someone else,so its a 50-50 thing.

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nice question chinda, she doesnt use phones at the moment. she gave me that number to reach her. she said the school prohibits phones and i also wonder why her roommate has a phone.

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@poster

im not disputing d fact dat she might have someone else,but i ask u,why did u call her room mate?y not d girl,some of room mates can be very jealous,since u provide ur girl wt everything and maybe nobody is providing for d room mate,so jealousy comes in,i think u should settle scores wt d girl and not d room mate

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