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Moving In With My Boyfriend: Advisable Or Not?

we've been goin out 4 a little over 3 yrs now and everything is really fine

for some reason he wnts 2 cum 2 d same uni as me and him being him would definitely wnt 4 us 2 stay together

wht do u guys think?

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126 answers

It has nothing to do with dumping or no dumping. My gf had an accommodation problem in school when we were in 2nd year. I, therefore, had to accommodate her and we got so used to each other that we lived together till graduation. She just finished her NYSC program in Ilorin while I still have some months to round-off here in Abuja. I tell you, we are still together and by God's grace will be getting married soon.

The break-up thing really depends on the people involved. Besides, it's generally not too good to date for too long a time as most long relationships don't end up with marriage. Many others do though.

The only disadvantage is that no matter how intelligent you are, your boyfriend will have to study for you both. Because, he'll have to do both your assignment as well as his. Not that you can't do it yourself but he'll always offer to do it and with time, you'll definitely get used to him doing it. Consequently, he may stop doing well in his own department due to a divided attention while you the girl will end up being dull.

I read Ind. Maths while my Girlfriend read Ind. Chemistry. She made a 2[1] while I made 2[2]. You know what, I know both Maths and Chemistry and still know the chemistry more than she does.

I believe you can advice yourself now. Goodluck! (not Jonathan)lol

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it is very wrong of you to live in the same house with someone that is not married to you.so think about what you family and relatives would say or do if they happen to hear that you are living with a guy in school. be wise dear.

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Know very well that ur respect and dignity will be affected. Will your parenst and R/tive be happy and still see u as a responsible girl if they realise ur staying with a man? Will you be able to concentrate very well in ur studies?

It is good in every R/ship to give each other space, see once in a while, you will enjoy it better.

REASON: yOU MAY BE TIRED OF EACH OTHER AND HATRED WILL COME IN.

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@poster,

abeg abeg which kain thing be dis.u no wan give d bobo space.haba,give urself some respect by staying away until u guys are married.haba,whats this world turning to

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I am not saying he'll dump you, neither am i saying he wont but if you want your relationship to have a future (a good one at that) dont move in with him, shikena!

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hmm dats risky, it will be better if u can stay or get your place

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My dear please dont move in with him because very soon he will get too familiar with you,

your body and everything you can think of.

PLEASE DON'T, OK?

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See this is what i dont get, yeah its a thread people are meant to disucss things, but certain things shouldnt be brought into a thread. you gonna let some no relationship, loners, cheaters etc decide what you should do after 4 or 3yrs with ur partner? if you realy need to talk, talk to ur friends or people you know in similar situations cuz people will simply chat crap they dont know about on here

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Pls know what your priorities are in life, the worst thing that can ever happen to anyone, is to have eyes, but no vision! you are in school to study, not to go and be fornicating! why give the devil such a pleasant ground to toil with your lifew? its disheartening the kind of councel we give to people. the issue is, if ur father or mum was to come visiting and see you in the room with a man, what would you have made them to look like? there is time and season fro everything under the face of the earth.

this time is for your studies, not to warm a mans bed; when you give ur most valuable to him, you are automatically bound spiritually with him. please watch it, and advice yourself.

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I didn't know this thread was still alive.

Since you're still asking move in and report back in 9 months if it's a boy or girl.

I'm really saying don't move in,sugar

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@ kboy2z

do u mind sharing ur xperience?

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Pls dont even think twice. My advise to u is this, do not move in wit him. U guys will take each other for granted and in the end u may lose respect for each other. ONCE IN A WHILE, u can spoil him a little and spend the nite over. Co-habiting is not the best

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Move in with him it's not a problem, I do live with my girlfriend also.

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Omo that one na ogun State university's tradition. But from experience its not the best.It doesnt end up well. If you decide to follow your heart, i wish you all the best.

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a word should be enough for the wise.

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no i dont think its advisable to move into the same apartment cause these make cause a lot of problems in the future.

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even if you did not marry in the church, you are still making a commitment before government and man. that is why witnesses are required not so?

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y can't u get engage to him, if u really luv him cuz

4 a lady living wit a guy hmmmmmmmmmmm , anything can happen at anytime !!!

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What about those of us that do or did not marry in the church?

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lol it appears a lot of ppl are still bible believing christians!

marriage is different from cohabitation. let me tell you. there are some things, major things for that matter that you will only find out about when you are married. tis is becasue marriage requires a greater level of sacrifice, compromise and commitment than cohabitation. u didnt not stand before God and man when u are trying to cohabit. anyway marriage is al about loving someone enough to make it work. so i dont see what purpose cohabitation serves. no body was created on this earth to be perfect housemate, roommate, flatmate or soulmate, you've got to give and take. if you dont like your roomate, you can get another one. but not so for marriage. i think when u are entering marriage ur saying im willing to accept u and all ur dirty habits and make it work. cohabitation is just lazy, u are just trying out to see if you guys work with minimal stress and commitment. something is sweeter and much more appreciated when u know how much work went into it.

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Although I haven't read all the posts, it appears that a lot of people still feel that sex before marriage is taboo and that living with the person you love is unforgiveable!

I agree with mamaput's reasoning that knowing what your kid's are upto is preferable to pretending that they are still virgins. how many 18 year old virgins are in universities in Nigeria? How many tell their parents they are going to see a cousin, instead go to see a boyfriend?

Living with someone helps you know them better, their habits (good and bad), before accepting that this is person you would like to spend the rest of you life (60+ years) with, rather than getting married first and then realising that you don't actually want to be with this person.

In my opinion, as long as they are over 21 they can move in with their partners, 18+, they can spend weekends and holidays together 'cos i'd rather know!

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Even if they are married he can still kick her out rolls eyes

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Capital NO! From the way you posted this topic it's obvious that you're already sleeping with him so the damage is half done. Sorry to be blunt but the fact is he is human and could kick you out of his place when he gets tired of you(Remember, you're not married). Be wise.

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i do not think moving in with your boy friend would provide the right atmosphere for your relationship to blossom and also be what you would cherish later in future. there is a need for 'space' when you are not married to some one. for a healthy relationship, you need a certain amount of 'space' so you can have time for yourself. if you do not intend to have a future without regrets, you can go ahead. but if you desire to have the best opportunity brings your way then don't move in with him. no matter the pressure, always think of your future.

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olodo yes i took it personal.anyway for your information i will invite you for the wedding soon enough let us see who will have d last laugh cos u expect this thing to blow up in my face.well too bad it's not gonna turn out the way yu think it will,so pls don't term my relationship as unfortunate.

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Premarital sex is a no no. Wait till both of you get married.

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just bacause someone here sabi cook eba and okoro soup does mean their advice is good as well

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you can visit and spend weekends with him but DON"T EVER MOVE IN WITH HIM.

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My motherly advise is not the standard.

I do not wish my kids to get married at that age.

I will want them to wait till the boy has finished school and has his paper in the hand.

But i will not mind her moving in with him at that age . (as long as she has a small place of her own) then if it dose not work out she can go with a hand shake and not with a bundle and a ring.

Important at that age is to have your girlfriends and untertake things with them (without the boyfriend) like 2 to 3 times a week,.

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I dont really have much thing to say bout tha fact that you need or want to move with him, other than that you should count how many people agreed and the ones that disagreed, acede to whichever one that is more of both.

hey dont forget, I am part of those that says its not good for you to move in with him, so count me too.

best of all lucks

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This is getting more complicated!!!.

The poor guy has asked for your hand in marriage,you turned him down on the excuse of being too young and at the same time you are contemplating shacking up with him?

Mamaput,this is where she needs some good motherly advice,don't you think she's better off in her own apartment? because besides the emotional issues of playing wife,you may end up with a junior on your laps O,mumsy will not like this O.

hmmm,I don talk finish

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thnx 2 y'all 4 ur wonderful opinions, it means a lot 2 me

our course lasts 3 yrs as sum of u wondered and we're in d UK

he's actually propsed n i said no on d grounds dat i'm young and not ready

we're totally commited 2 our r/ship n hv been thru a lot 2gether

wht i'm thinkin is i believe dat wht;s gonna happen is gonna happen so if things get messed up in d course of our livin 2gether den it ws neva mant 2 b,

we r responsible and cn deal wiv issues dat cum up along d way,

but keep on giving me ur views, thnx.

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NUNU

Don't worry we can only wish joimartin well in her unfortunate adventure

we all know she is enjoying her man for now

how now? how you dey hope your birthday was fun have a wonderful weekend

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joimartins

am sure you will not believe my wife has contributed to this thread and from the way you sounded you are taken it personal  you were right when you said We were not matured so likewise the person seeking for this advice,(is she not in school?,is she not a tenager? if been in school means am a tenager) she is also a tenager not working like you she can only think all you have said was right.

My wife knows i have my wicked past before she agrees to marry me. i hope you will be bold enough to come to Nairaland to tell us the out come of this great adventure. i wish you luck  hope you have a BACKUP

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of course,what do you expect him (YOUR MAN)to say,he will tell you exactly what you want to hear ,

and hope you noticed that the person who asked for our advice is just in the university and if the boy comes to that school,she herself knows that they will be live-in-lovers,at that early age.you can imagine living with him until they both graduate,that means they will be live-in-lovers till they leave that school which is basically 4-5years.Her years will be spent on this guy.She needs to have a broad outlook about life,face her studies and learn from people's mistakes instead of moving in with him at this EARLY STAGE IN LIFE.

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olodo,

first and foremost i must say you are a first class hypocrite.you claim to be happily married and yet you wish you had married your ex live in lover.my dear check yourself before you wreck yourself.if i were your wife and i saw your post i would divorce you.mind what you write cos yur a married man.(make una see who dey condemn person,meanwhile he don marry and is wishing he married his ex}.

to the main issue,let me correct your impression.first and foremost you lived with a girl when you where in the university,u were not matured enough to handle that relationship ,u were too young.secondly this is my first time of living with a guy and that's cos we both know what we want.mind you we are not teenagers,we are both out of the university and working ok.

there are different kind of guys,good,bad ,ugly.u happen to fall into the last two categories.

you claim living with a woman you got tired,which means you should be tired of your wife by now,afterall you have been living with her.shikena.

my man is different from you.guess what he just asked me to tell you this'''you never knew your priorities;;;;lol

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i didnt know you had to be a virgin to preach abstinence or give abstinence based advice oh

it seems like something is biting some people

abeg breathe

@mamaput, there are risks involved in all activities and one must learn to minimise and manage that risk. you have done that as u see fit and i have done that as i see fit. shikena because i no fit talk again. as for adjusting for anybody, i believe in compromise within reason

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move in and tell us what happens - I'm curious

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If u need someone to advice u to move in with your boyfriend,

then u are not ready at all for that of commitment.

take this advice from a 15yr old.

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@ mamaput and truthfully, you raised some very good points.

Nairaland/internet chat forums is not exactly the place for advice on personal issues like these.

@ the original poster. Only you and your boyfriend know each other and understand what kind of relationship you have and the type of person you both are. Everyone else can only speculate or speak from their personal experiences. But you have more information to make a decision.

For example, I don't think there's anything wrong with moving in with your boyfriend if you're both really serious about each other and have a fair level of maturity. My sister moved in with her boyfriend (who was actually younger than she was) and they've been married for some years. And their marriage is still going strong.

A relationship that's going to end or have problems will end and have problems regardless of whether or not you move in together, IMO. The determining factors are really the two individuals involved in the relationship.

Moving in with someone can be a really good time to get to know that person and if the relationship falls apart during that time because you get tired of each other, you're better off that way. Marriage is suppose to be a lifelong commitment, it doesn't stop people from getting tired of each other. If you or him can't handle getting tired of each other, then it's a good indication that you might not be ready for marriage, at least not to each other, IMO. There are couples who marry without moving in together and still have bad marriages.

However, I will advice against several things: Be able to differenciate between being a girlfriend and a wife. There are certain things you do as a girlfriend as opposed to what you do when you become a wife.

As a girlfriend, it isn't your job to cater to him, i.e. doing the cleaning, cooking, washing etc,  If or when you get married, you can make arrangement as to how those things will work depending on the arrangements you both agree on. But until there's a ring on your finger, everybody should be taking care of themselves, or at least equally sharing in the household duties. Also remember mamaput's advice to always have a backup plan. Not just another place to call home, but financially speaking, you should not start spending like you're married. When you get married, you share everything, but when you're a girlfriend, your money is yours. This is important because if you break up, you don't want to be left broke and without much money, not to mention the investments you've made into the relationship will be wasted. All in all, you should just try not to invest too much, especially if you're not sure that the relationship will definitely lead to marriage.

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gigitte I do not tell my kids to have sex or not to have sex .

But i have seen to it that she has a very strickt dr and she knows were theHealthcenter is in her town. (that is a place you can go and test yourself for free)

I do not believe in waiting till you are married to have sex.

You may be in for a bad suprise.

Then all the risks you are talking about can as well happen in a marrage.

A man can come home and infect his Mother to be wife and unborn baby with something deadly.

Marrage is not an oversize condom that protects you from all evil.,

I do not want to even think of it i save my self for one man and he ends up as mr death,

Sorry to say but you sound as if a woman has to adjust herself to the man.

And that is not what i hope for my kids.

I do not mean they should sleep around and have sex like a dog and i do not want them to land with a man that sleeps around too,

But it is their good right to seek for mr right. And get to know him inside out.

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no my dear,I am all woman.

The bible standard is clear for Christians modern times or no modern times.

Someone in the religious thread rained insults on me and also called me a dude and I did not correct the impression.

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@gem87

you're lucky to be asked at all.

I can't even invite any girl to my crib without being grounded by my folks nor go near a strip joint.

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PLeas don't move in with him. You guys can continue your relationship without living together in the same house. If u move in, you guys will be living like husband and wife (engaging in sex, and other things couples do) YOu'll get tired of each othyer and your love will die gradually. I'm not scaring you but i've seen and heard enough stories of such.

Wish you guys all the best

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babyosisi .

You can if you want train your girls to wait very very long b4 they start having sex.

It is important you can talk to them and that starts when they are small.

eg.

the daughter 6 years old tells you a boy in her school beat her, you ask her if you should go and tell the teacher and she says no do not try telling the teacher  ask her what you can do about it  or make other suggestions if not she will stop telling you things.

If she tells you with 12 she has a freind that smokes do not condem the smoker but rather advise her hat smoking is bad for the health. . if not she will stop telling you things.

But even if she tells you she is having an eye on a boy she will never want to admitt the sex then you are her mother not her friend

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@babyosisi

I was under the impression u were a guy. Anyway thats the position of the bible and we just deceive ourselves if we say we have to modify things cos of times has changed. To me this is our own persecution - being non-conformist to the standards set by the world.

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@mamaput,I know it must not be easy a single mother and three girls.

I hope to be honest and open with my girls when I have them but I would rather tow the line of abstinence which is what I was taught rather than support sex before marriage no matter how prepared I think they are.My views may be due to my Christian beliefs.

I am not being judgemental but I bellieve waiting before matrriage has its advantages.

I am engaged to a wonderful man,have a date fixed but will move it closer if we feel we cannot wait any longer.

It is hard believe me,very hard but can be done.

I do not see any advantages in shacking up before or with no prospects of marriage.

Best wishes with those wonderful girls,there needs to be many more strong women like yourself.

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