«Home

Must Your Elder Brothers/sisters Choose Who You Should Marry?

This is not really a difficult one for me though, becuase my mind is made up already.

Why will your elder brothers mostly your immediate elder brother that is only 2 years older than you are be dictating who you should marry,mostly when you are above 30 as a lady i.e in your early 30s.

The man am marrying is an igbo guy, obviously a xtian, while i am yoruba, from a muslim home, but am now a xtian.when i discussed this with the eldest of us all, he did not frown against the fact that he is a xtian, but only paused for a sec when i told him he is an igbo guy, but did not frown against it after that, he only told me to invite him over so he can talk with him, and dis is somebody i was thinking was going to give me headache over this issue.

Just this afternoon, my immediate elder bro called and was saying all sort of things, how i will not go to aljanna if i marry a xtian/igbo, how he is not going to attend my wedding, and this are pple that did not marry their wives in a proper way o, that whenever i remember i always feel bad, they are now trying to choose who to marry for me.

As for me, i am very much ok with who am going to marry, and by God's grace, there is not going to be any problem now or in future.

we are looking at early next year for our wedding,i.e the introduction first, then after wihich we will proceed for the court, and the church wedding.

N.B there might still be issue from them regards the church wedding if dey eventually agree with me on my choice of man, but muslim wedding is one wedding i do not like atall, and it has never bin in my dictionary

My conclusion with my elder brother before this one called this afternoon is to bring my man over to his place on sunday i.e on sallah day, he also said he is going to invite them over i.e my other brothers, what i need is an advise on this issue so that i wont be rude to any body, becuase i have never been rude to any of them before.

Avatar
Newbie
32 answers

Glory be to God, Thread Close. abi?

0
Avatar
Newbie

Family will always be there for her? Have them? No they haven't, she have survived on her own, where were those familiy members when she was going through life on her own?Now they want to pick and chose for her who to marry with silly and meanless excuses. Did u even read her post?

0
Avatar
Newbie

Hahaha I love this forum ,

@just"wise",

I see ur r an unrepentant fellow; with a huge attitude, proud if u like.

@Poster,

If u really love the guy n want to marry him, U can make ur brother to accept him. Remember family will always b family(even when they r dead wrong). Believe n u will win them over, it shouldn't b too hard 4 u to do. I'll say a little pray 2 soften ur bro's heart

0
Avatar
Newbie

If u have bothered to read my reply u would noticed that i have advised her. Ur view is still outdated. All u want her to do is to keep whipping noses, begging pple to accept her fiance.

Tell me why she should be put through all that.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Show some tints of wisdom as ur username depict; break this this bitterness in ur tone and advise our dear sis(the poster). Ur advice might be d needed solution. We r waiting ,

0
Avatar
Newbie

your view is as bad as that of her brothers. Wht do u want her to do that she hasn't done so far? Tell me what her crime is?

0
Avatar
Newbie

@ Justwise,

There is no need for the attacks on my view. What the poster needs is advice and pls do not divert the attention. This thread is not about me. Let's get your own solution

0
Avatar
Newbie

I completely disagree with u, why must she suffer? All cos she want to marry IGBO man? What planet are u from? U need to be upgraded to 21st century.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Don't wait on anyone's approval. Your brothers -- and I'm sorry to say this -- are just stark illiterates. This is an advanced world where people no longer look at cultures before they make decision on who they want to marry. Just look at what they said, that igbo men kill their wives, doesn't that sound slow from boundlessly slow siblings?

I thought it was merely that they want nothing good for you but now I see it's just profound ignorance. Well, since you're the learned one, I think you know a lot better. You know within you if this man is meant for you or not, you know what you want and how much you want it. If you leave your man because of some suggestions and senseless observations from some siblings, it's you who will suffer the stigma in the future, but if you choose to go on, you have nothing to lose.

Go on with what you have to do and forget about them. If they want to come for the wedding, it's up to them, by the way, they never cared about you from the go, so who the heck cares if they don't now.

0
Avatar
Newbie

@ poster,

Use everything u have got to make ur family/brother like this man u wan marry. Diplomacy will surely solve it. If u start a war, there will only be one casualty, and that will be u.

All d best

0
Avatar
Newbie

Please u have done alot to get them involved, u need to think about urselfand ur fiance, enough of runing around and phone calls, they are not God, they are simply local almighties.

God knows ur heart and ONLY him will see u through. U can't kill urself, u are just a human being.

0
Avatar
Newbie

@ Olamilekan, thanks a lot, am very grateful. all that i have being doing, God help me.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Since you love this guy, Just continue praying harder. I am very sure if the guy is not your guy, God will reveal to you but you need to move very closer to God. Move closer to God by praying all days, fasting some days in the week and also giving alms to the poor. I am sure if you do this God will see you through. Alatise ni o ma n mo atise ara e. With God all things are possible. I wish you best of luck

0
Avatar
Newbie

All these your ranting is equal to zero. You are NOT her father, mother, brother, sister, cousin. . .blimey not even a friend but you are here saying that it is wrong to do this or that.

Again, the earlier question, what authority have you to decide how she is to live her life?

0
Avatar
Newbie

did ur elder bro go to school ?

0
Avatar
Newbie

Go on and do your thing. Don't let anyone terrify you for no reason

0
Avatar
Newbie

Very sad that pple like u still have this view.

@Poster, its ur life, ur man and ur decission.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Whenever love is concern, I can say lovers dont know how to control themselve. Let me ask you a question, was it this guy that changed you to be a xtian? if yes, your brothers might not like it that way but if you converted to xtian on your own then its not a big deal as the world is free for all to choose any religion of your choice (different religion, different beleifs) But it is only God who knows the right religion. Cultural difference in marriage has some things attached to it negatively, So your brothers will only advice you and I dont think they have the right to choose for you since the man is your heart desire. Frankly speaking, it very wrong for a muslim girl to marry a non muslim guy. Moreover, It is questionable if the guy was the one that converted you.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Yea you have a point.

0
Avatar
Newbie

[Quote author=Crazyman]If he still insist on you leaving him, then ask him to give you at least three genuine reasons(apart from tribalism and religious seasons) that should make you leave him. If he can't give any, then I would suggest that you go ahead with the wedding.[/Quote]

He shouldn't bother giving reasons. Asking him to give reasons will mean revering him more than he really is. He'll think nothing can be achieved about the marriage without his input. I think the best thing for her to do is when he keeps saying she shouldn't marry him, then she should ring into his ears that it's not his business; that way he'll get the message faster that he's not worth what he thinks he is.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Why?

Nobody can choose for me not even my mother abeg

0
Avatar
Newbie

No you should marry who is right for you, its you that has to wake up to them every morning.

The fact you are waiting for your brother to agree is telling him you are not ready to make that choice and are not happy with that choice.  If you were you would marry your guy and ignore your immediate elder brother. 

When you join with a man you leave your family to create a new family, if you can't fight for your new family to exist then it's not really love and you shouldn't be marrying the guy.

0
Avatar
Newbie

@Poster, i guess you just want to do things right, so i suggest whateva happens, remain calm. Can i ask, are you ok with your conversion?

0
Avatar
Newbie

Jus take it easy and make sure you know what you are doing. As for siblings , some of them can be a pain in the Bottom!

0
Avatar
Newbie

Why do your brothers think that threatening not to show for your wedding ceremony will change anything. People just like to make life complicated all in the name of culture. What do your parents have to say? Did your brother raise you or something?

0
Avatar
Newbie

@poster

i like that name mafolayomi

0
Avatar
Newbie

Ha in this modern age.That was then and not now.Aren't you mature enough 2 know what is good 4 you.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Abi, what about your parents?

I think you've given him too much power in the past that's why he's has so much voice in your marriage plans. But first, how's your relationship with him?

0
Avatar
Newbie

Yeah what about your parents?

0
Avatar
Newbie

Just talk to them and let them know that this man is the one who you think you will be happy with and no matter what happens you will be marrying him. Do it all with tact because you dont want to alienate anyone in the process. How about your parents how do they feel about this?

0
Avatar
Newbie

not really, i will be the first graduate that family will produce God willing by next year

0
Avatar
Newbie
Your answer
Add image

By posting your answer, you agree to the privacy policy and terms of service.