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My Fiancee And My Friend: Are They Cheating On Me?

Hi All,

I need your candid opinions on these:

I am a relationship that is 1 year old. Before I started dating my woman, we were friends and we had another male friend. We were all close before we started dating. Since we started dating, we have had ups and downs.

Anytime we have issues, my woman never shows it off outside, she smiles and acts as if nothing is wrong but whenever this guy is there, she will show that something is wrong and paint me bad. Sometimes ago, the three of us were together at my place and my friend said he is leaving and my woman looked at him in a way that says: 'wont you wait and walk me?' my friend didnt see that look and he left, as soon as he left, my woman asked me 'are u going to walk me or not?' and i answered so that u can call him back to walk you? I confronted her with the two expressions and she affirmed that i was correct and she apologized. It caused a big issue in the relationship.

A few days back, she came to my house from work and she wanted to talk about something and she called the guy's name enthusiatically. I was amazed and she said its because she was tired.

What do you guys think? I trust my friend and I think my woman just likes the guy. I think the guy doesnt really know my woman likes him that much. I am almost certain they are not dating but I am no longer comfortable with her friendship with the guy. The place where she works now is the company of the guy's inlaw and they see all the time and are always together.

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61 answers

@ poster, my guy i tink u shud investigate ASAP. Weneva a guy and babe spend so much tym togeda,tat name callin is the evidence but lemme tell u, a married woman i know who loved her husband to death met this guy whom she spent so much tym with and in the end, she exchanged her marital vows with just tat chanced meeting.

Am so scared of dis kinda girls who av dis close rapports cos women being the weaker vessels,always fall and u cant trust ur frnd enuff not to pay heed.

WORD TO THE WISE? There's gonna be somtin going on btw dem soonest.

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hra,

if u be correct bobo and u and ur friend have come a long way, call his attention to it and ask him a coupla questions and i am sure u will know how to move on from there. if the guy no correct he will be scared and sooner or later they will give themselves away as women will always blurt it out one day but while the grass grows, be watchful and show some love to ur babe

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Just take it easy, think before you react,

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Very well said boboye.In between, you wouldn't be the boboye from lerato (1996) set now would you?

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@ poster i could bet she is not cheating, she is very fond of the guy which is not really good cause you are engaged to be married it will shift her attention to the guy,,, just play your card very well YOU are the MAN here so sit up and protect wats urs before its late.

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poster this is a sensitive issue,you have to apply wisdom.because it is not good to loose two friend because of this.my candid advice is for you to take ur time do some observations.you know ur guy more than we do,if you get some positive answer to ur observation,you can now call your guy in a matured way,talk to him in a way he will understand you.because am a woman in most cases it is the woman that starts it not the guy.if really they are getting on,quite the relationship or you take ur time find out that thing that trips your woman over that ur guy,if only you are truly in love with her.and apply it to win her back.if not quietly walk way from the relationship.don't put up a fight with them.

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@ poster

Something really is odd here. She screamed his name!? THAT IS A RED FLAG!!! Secondly if you notice her looks at him and you have a bad feeling you need to confront them.

You guys need to have a serious talk if you are even still interested in marrying each other. If you are already having doubts and questions like this while just being engaged , imagine what your marriage will bring! This does not sound like a happy union at all.

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my brother, do not wait until she screams his name in the heat of passion and blames it on exhaustion. investigate man!

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why waste my time on a blatant lie? if he said it like he was referring to 2 ppl and made a good story out of it, we will gracefully throw in our hats but sum1 that just day dreams and never really contributed to his own thread meaningfully, why should i bother?

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Habba, e reach that way, everyone is learning, if you think you are much better than life teach him/her a lesson then, k

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sorry for all of una, na 419 story

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I will like to know if you have been able to put the issue under consideration with all the advice you've got from nlanders, by now  we ought to be getting some replies . kindly feed us up in other for us to know if u need any other advice,

thanks nlanders, keep up yah good works.

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haveone hot round in the sac, then ditch the gal, she aint worth the trouble

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Well my bros, why not try acting a bit. Schedule a trip out of town for a period of 2weeks. Then try as much as possible to monitor your wife's movement from, where she goes often how long she stays out and so on. You might be lucky to catch both red handed.

But be warned, what ever you find, you will get. So you've got to have a very strong mind.

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For how long will you be a guesser? Why not confront your woman and your friend together. Their individual and collective reactions will lead you somewhere. You are what you are!!!

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@ SKYLOOH HOW DO U KNOW? WER U DER?

AT POSTER, U CANT TELL GIVE IT TIME WATCH AND ABSERVE LET HER THINK U HAVE NO CLUE AND GET OF HER BACK ABOUT IT. IF THERES SOMETHING THER ULL SEE SOON ENOFF.

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hmmn, wat an advise, dat is wat we call EREE GELE (DELICATE PLAY) in yorubaland, wat if notin was going-on,dat he's just bn silly?

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Invite her to your place letting her know you have a very important issue to discuss with her.Tell her something has been disturbing you for sometime and you want to clear the air.

Tell her there is another lady in the picture, that you are not the double dating type that you would like both of you to separate .Then watch her reaction!!

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@Poster,

I guess you wont need any advice if she calls ur pal's name in the middle of some hot lovemaking. Move on, this is almost over. Just dont let her have the final say. Good luck.

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@ Poster

It is quite parthetic to have such a girl but i think you don't need to give yourself the stress.

Don't allow yourself this emotional choking. It is as clear as crystal that they are cheating on you.

You are not married yet (though it could be painful most especially with the one you have given your heart in

love to).

I SUGGEST YOU GO LOOK ANOTHER GIRL, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, THERE ARE LOTS OF HOMELY AND RESPONSIBLE

LADIES OUT THERE WHO WILL RESPONSE TO YOU AT YOUR BEACOME CALL.

EMPTY YOUR BRAIN OFF THE THOUGHT OF HER AND YOUR EMOTIONAL OFF THE FEELING OF HER.

REMEMBER YOU ARE NOT YET MARRIED TO HER

GOOD LUCK

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@ Poster

It is quite parthetic to have such a girl but i think you don't need to give yourself the stress.

Don't allow your this emotional choking. It is as clear as crystal that they are cheating on you.

You are not married yet (though it could be painful most especially with the one you have given your heart in

love to).

I SUGGEST YOU GO LOOK ANOTHER GIRL, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, THERE ARE LOT OF HOMELY AND RESPONSIBLE

LADIES OUT THERE WHO WILL RESPONSIBLE TO YOU AT YOUR BEACOME CALL.

EMPTY YOUR BRAIN OFF THE THOUGHT OF HER AND YOUR EMOTIONAL OFF THE FEELING OF HER.

REMEMBER YOU ARE NOT YET MARRIED TO HER

GOOD LUCK

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That your friend is wicked, she is not a good friend, don't give up.

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guy e don be for u ooooooooooooooo!

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while i dont really believe ur tales by moonlight, i'll like to point to the fact that i laugh when i hear of guyz sweating over a relationship,

Point is, no woman or man is worth the trouble.

live your life man, u dont even need to suspect, face your future and see as things unfold, u  get plans to buy Range at all? why na woman u dey bother yourself over?, if she likes your friend,the message is free her, simple

might not even be her fault,maybe your friend acts more matured or reasonable than you, If your friend ''AS YOU SAID'' dint look at her face when he was leaving and ''YOU'' did,then you have a serious problem she's not comfortable with.

check yourself before you wreck yourself bro, , loss of confidence and dignity, innit?

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dat lady is not worth it,she's just a cheap one,i think u should let her go

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My guy, it depends on ur friend, if ur friend is the type that does not show stuff, I mean one that keeps secret very tight, then he has probably been giving your woman canine somewhere in the office toilet or woeva. He be lyk sey u never know some women. What I'll advise is just to keep watching, if she is truly cheating, I swear u go catch them.

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bringing issues such as these to nairaland is not a good idea

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Two things here; viz: One, it is very obvious that your girl really like ur friend(if your report is not biased) and two it's obvious that you are jealous. A common adage goes thus, "patient is the only tool that allows deception to reveal itself". If you're not patient enough you'll be blamed at the expense of their inadequacies. I know how u feel. You're loving somebody and the person seem to be loving another person, what a tragedy! The only way out is stop insinuating. Just call her to mind-to-mind talk, from her response you should be able to draw an inference. Remember: Mariama said in her book- SO LONG A LETTER, She advice that you should marry someone who really loves you not the one that you really love but the problem about it is How do you know who really loves you as William Shakespeare concluded that there is no art to find mind's construction in the face.

Good luck!

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She is not your wife, so why complaining? You better look for a wife and not a fiancee.

A wife wouldn't do most of what fiancees does.

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we really need to take time and study this thing called love. some times i wonder if the real name is love or "lost" cos in a real love, their shouldn't be need for cheat. but why are most women in this game of hide and seek? this days, you hardly see a faithful lady and it is getting worst day by day in Nigeria. My brother, you really have to follow your instincts. from what i have noticed lately, if a woman should ask you this question "HONEY, YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T TRUST ME?" turn back to her "SWEETY, EVEN IF YOU ARE MY MOTHER, FORGET TRUST" i'm sorry but thats how i see it. love is unavoidable illusion.

The same thing is applicable to the married women. i think we should revert to Solomon's method (marry as many wife's as you can). considering the fact that one woman can't make good home this days, perhaps getting them many might help. by so doing, you will not have the time to count on the one who cheats or not. life goes on

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we really need to take time and study this thing called love. some times i wonder if the real name is love or "lost" cos in a real love, their shouldn't be need for cheat. but why are most women in this game of hide and seek? this days, you hardly see a faithful lady and it is getting worst day by day in Nigeria. My brother, you really have to follow your instincts. from what i have noticed lately, if a woman should ask you this question "HONEY, YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T TRUST ME?" turn back to her "SWEETY, EVEN IF YOU ARE MY MOTHER, FORGET TRUST" i'm sorry but thats how i see it.

love is unavoidable illusion, i think we should revert to Solomon's method (marry as many wife's as you can). considering the fact that one woman can't make good home this days, perhaps getting them many might help. by so doing, you will not have the time to count on the one who cheats or not. life goes on

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[color=#990000][/color]kill em both.LMAO

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I wrote an entire PAGE on this issue and somehow it timed out.

Anyhow, I agree with Joobreel.

#1 - Whatever your girl had to talk to you about she mentally spent time figuring out exactly what she wanted to say long before she approached you for the discussion.  With that being said, women don't make mistakes like these unless its an emotional outburst or some other sort of spontaneous expression.

So, either your girl is messing with the guy or she is talking to him about your relationship behind your back.

You have to look at their body language because we speak more with body language than words.  I will give you a couple of tips and I repeat you MUST see all or MOST of them at the same time not just one here and there to get a good idea.

When all of you link up look for the following signs and you have to look at one person at a time:

1.  Right when they meet each other do he/she fix their clothes, hair etc,  if so they are trying to look their best.

2.  Its all in the eyes.  When they first see each other do his/her eyebrows slightly raise.  This is very quick so you gotta be quick. You have to secretly look at one of them as soon as the other person appears.

3.  When one of them leaves the room, do they quickly look back to kinda say to the other person I'll be right back so behave yourself and the other person eyes give them an okay.

4.  Look at the feet.  The feet go where the mind wants to go.  When you guys are standing/sitting together is one of his/her foot pointing at each other or is it neutral. 

5.  Mirroring behavior.  He crosses his leg, she crosses hers and often times its the same leg (look at the foot again).  He picks up his drink she picks up hers.  They are in sync.

6.  She touches herself while talking to him, laughs more, touches him.

7.  Her body is turned more toward him than you. 

8.  There is little to no personal space between them when they are talking.

9.  Is she handling an object while looking at him. If so, sexual thoughts.

10.  When he is standing/sitting is he turned toward her with his legs open or with his hands on his hips pointing toward his ______?  If so he is highlighting his sexual prowess.

11.  When and if they hug upon greeting do they come close to each other at the pelvic area or do they leave space. Think about how you hug a real friend girl or a relative.

** Its best to look at her for the eyes and mirroring behavior

** Keep in mind that some of this may be hard to gauge because you all were friends to begin with but I think you will know.

If in the end you feel that she is cheating or interested in him then you need to be mature and confront her then let the chips fall where they may. Calling her out may check her.

Good luck

One

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Well, it's obvious that this girl fancy your friend more than you.  If they hadn't hit it out, soon they will and you will be heart broken.  Thus, curse and blame every woman under the universe for her sins. 

I want to make this clear before it happens, no respectable girl with dignity would behave like your girl therefore, don't go cursing, name-calling every woman as wicked, lying, deceitful, back-stabbing and betraying slags as your girl because majority of women are not like that.  I suggest you investigate this thoroughly to make sure your allegations are correct.  If so, dump her and move on.  This will not only save your face and give you back your dignity but also future heartaches should you wish to marry her afterall. As for your male friend, it all depends on how strong your relationship is; if a good friend maintain the relationship but wisen up. If possible, set boundaries you both must not cross in your relationships as friend and loose the woman because a good friend is worth more than GOLD! Women come and go so do men.

Good luck!

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I think I liked what viperman said. I would not go so far as throwing away a relationship so quickly. U need to take things easy. You may just b wrong.

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this is the 2nd or 3rd relationship NL is killing today

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From your story, she definitely likes your friend.

If you trust your friend so much, just call him and ask him what he thinks.

If he thinks the girl likes him or not. Just find out something.

Don't be blinded in a relationship.

Ask questions before stuff gets outta hand.

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Hi All,

Thanks for everything. I sincerely appreciate all your responses. I think the general thought is that I should let go.

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hra,

dont be deceived, something is happening between ur friend and ur girl. shallow or deep, cant be ascertained. there is a chemistry. the signs are there

1 mixing his name for yours

2 prefers him to walk her rather than you

3 they see apparantly everyday.

4 etc

please guy, follow ur instincts. be smart about the whole stuff. all the best. LOL

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@HRA

follow your instincts.there's somthing goin on, she is nice but she likes the other guy which is not a crime,you can either deal with it or choose not to,ur future together depend on how you decide,but follow your instincts, intincts are seldom wrong in matters like this

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too bad for you, your girlfriend is being bunked by your mate, trust me when you let her go she wouldnt be bothered 1 bit, until he dumps her then shel come running back to you, pls dont give her face then,

cheers

youre not alone tho,

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It's good to be on a safe side

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I love when men are insecure and they put it up for display . . .  makes me remember that they can be human too.

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Girls can do all sorts of rubbish, selfish and silly things in a relationship

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Poster.

They are already cheating on you plus your friend is not worth the trouble.  Get a new one!

cos if you dump the girl, your friend will try to get it on with your next GF.

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Space and care is just the only watchword. I advise you work on yourself first. Make sure your suspicion have sufficient indicators. if u eventually see what you are seeking for, that is, finding out that your girl loves him, then,  call it a day. it does not matter whether your frined likes her or not. You cannot base ur life on the help from your male friend. she has simply said that you are not the one, that is if and only if your suspicion is right. Forget about talking to your friend. You will never get the truth from there because, his opinion will not be independent.

But, mind you, in which ever way, you male pal remains your friend, becasue he has right to respond to love. But the girl who is a potential partner has proved not to be. This is if she is longing for your friend. LISTEN, your male friend does not need to love her back for her to be guilty. I am married and I went through girls. I can authoritatively tell you that you can never prevent a girl against her emotions. NEVER.

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My brother same thing happened to me, i don't need a prophet to prophesy to me, i handled the matter sharp, sharp, and ever since then everything stoped.

To be frank with you they are really cheating on you, in one way or the other.

you have to tackle it on time.

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Hi All,

I sincerely appreciate all your responses. I am trying to take a decision whether to end the relationship now or wait

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