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My Girlfriend Says It's Over Between Us But Picks My Calls: Is She Done Yet?

Greetings to all,

I was in a long distance relationship and my girlfriend living back home recently dumped me.

According to her I've been too possesive, jealous and impatient for the one year we've been together.

I live in Toronto and she in Abuja so I would always call to find out how she was doing and when she sounded like she was in a car or with friends etc I would ask where she was and what was going on. She would get so annoyed. Sometimes I call at 5 or 6 in the morning(Abuja time) and she would yell at me.

Sometimes I would yell back at her. I have had one other girl not in a long distance relationship tell me this and was dumped as well. Am I really having a possessive and jealous problem with relationships?

This time I do not want to let this Abuja girl go because I'm so in love with her, so I've been calling since six days ago she dumped me for more than five times a day and lots of text messages. She does not reply any but picks my calls and talks well but when ever I try to talk about how we should carry on the relationship and that I will change, she repeats; IT IS OVER. She talks to the end of each conversation and picks up the phone even when I call ten minutes later.

Her family is behind me though, and have asked me to come over to talk things and promised everything will be OK.

I even cried on the phone twice on the following day after she'd dumped me.

One other thing is I called lots of friends and relatives to plead on my behalf as well and asked lots of questions like whether she was seeing someone else. One cousin admitted that she had been seeing one other man even before I met her and that they were still going out together but no signs about marriage even as the man is more than 35 and has a good job and the lady 26 and doing her youth service. When ever I confront her with this, she would ask me to carry on talking to the cousin saying that I trust the cousin more than herself. She denies she has been seeing someone. I have also spent lots of money on her and have shown that I am really interested and ready to marry her.

Do you think she will come back or is she gone for ever?

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86 answers

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I will never play the possessive card with any lady again.

Its a waste of time..

The more you care, the more you turn mugu..

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Broda, hoes ain't loyal.

Just impregnate her.

If you are keeping a girl saying you will marry her and waiting till marriage day, o boy, another man close by is servicing her.

One lady shocked me recently that she has not gone to bed with her bf for good 5 months but she was serving my bed for no fee.

Girls are very wicked !

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you are a real pussssssy!

where is your pride as man..

pathetic f00l.

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Why are people not advocating that he "kills" the girlfriend like they were doing on this thread

http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-715203.0.html

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Anyone here to suggest on my problem... I a don't understand whether she needs some space or she dosen't like me?

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Gosh! again, so if she takes your calls? What do you guys talk about anyways?

I chose not to speak to my ex for personal reasons, But if he calls my phone I will answer him,

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ask her urself, or maybe she jus wants to be friends with u, dat she picks ur calls dosent mean she still wnts to make up, dat u broke up dosent mean u cant be frinds, so stop day dreamin n wake up.

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oops. . . in same situation once

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Dont have any false hope ok, she is done with u, move on

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stop being so possessive

DONT CALL HER FOR SAY LIKE TWO WEEKS, NOT ONLY WILL SHE BE SHOCKED AT UR ABRUPT SILENCE BUT SHE WILL BE ITCHING TO KNOW WHY U HAVE FORGOTTEN HER SOO QUICKLY.

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lol davidylan, hahaha

yeah highveld is the girl's CBN, money minting. Now am starting to feel funny. Please focus on whatever you are doing in Canada and forget relationship, put your life in order and the right lady will come. MOVE ON brother. if she is yours, she will be without a dime.

cheers.

last warning, DON'T SEND ANYTHING NO MORE.

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i dont know really! cos i gat my own probs.she probably doesnt know what she wants yet.she will search and if she doesnt find,she'll come back to u.if you love her give her space.is easier said than done.but my mum always says something if a key is urs,it'll surely come back to u.good luck man.

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Save your money and leave this girl alone. No wonder she still kept picking your calls after she dumped you. You didnt tell us you were her own version of the central money minting bank.

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Greetings to Cute Bottom, Davidylan, even Adeboo and all,

You are not going to believe what happened today, Remember she's been talking well to me on the phone like nothing ever happened and today she begged that I send her some little money to help facilitate looking for a suitable NYSC Workplace and other issues concerning the service.

One thing I did not let you guys know is that she lost her father when she was just two and the mother is a mere Lagos Trader. The brother is a company driver so she struggled through studies and only met me during her last semester.

She lives in Abuja with the brother and the wife and have not been in good terms with his wife.

She pleaded she would want her own apartment once she commences with the NYSC work and I sent her four hundred thousand naira the end of Feb 2007. Meanwhile I had been sending money last year as well.

I am possesive, jealous, a drunk etc and we all know that, then she dumped me.

She's saying the apartment has been paid for already and that she's not moved in yet because it has not been equiped.

Today she asked for some little money for the NYSC endeavour and I mentioned I will not be sending anything now till I get a full account of how she's used the 400 000-00 naira. She mentioned she's gotten the apartment.

I called back an hour later and pleaded that if she loves me and really want to be with me for ever, then she should do me a fovour by waiting for me to come over the end of this month April and I will ensure I come with lots of money so both of us could move around town buying things for the apartment and I'll live with her there for a while before returning. She said no problem and if that's what I want then its cool. I asked her to get anything from the brother or friends to manage for two to three weeks and I'll be there. She sounded so cool and mentioned there was no problem.

Was she trying to use the money issue to dump me if I deny sending or is she really broke or is she just using me for money? She did not dump me when I said I don't have money but will bring sufficient money for everything when I come over.

I have done lots of research about her life in school with even present year two or three students and they all confirmed she was a reserved person and was not noticed dating anyone. And I know for sure that she was always doing holiday jobs particurlarly as a hostess to fend for her life. She is simple, beautiful, perfect character, presentable, intelligent and anyone who want to give her a job without neccessarily thinking about sex.

I'm not supporting her as I know this for sure. These things attracted me to her in the first place. Remember the cousin mentioned she has a boyfriend. Do you think the cousin is jealous or may be right?

Please remember we once had a perfect love affair until I ruined everything and she's now handling conversations just like before.

Is money really the issue or Love but poverty renders her asking for money?

Please help!!!!!

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nuff said. Even me i learnt a lesson right there.

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IF YOU WERE DUMPED TWICE BY WOMEN WHO THOUGHT YOU WERE JEALOUS AND POSSESSIVE, THEM MAYBE YOU SHOULD LOOK INTO YOUR SELF AND CHANGE SOMETHINGS. DOING SO WILL HELP YOU TO BE SUCCESSFUL IN YOUR FUTURE RELATIONSHIPS. IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU ARE VERY INSECURE. YOU SHOULD REALIZE THAT THERE IS NO NEED TO BE. APPRECIATE ALL THE WONDERFUL CHARACTERISTICS THAT GOD HAS BLESSED YOU WITH. AS FOR THE WOMAN ISN LAGOS, JUST BRUSH IT OFF AS A LESSON LEARNED AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE. SHE IS OBVIOUSLY NOT INTERESTED ANYMORE, AND AS MUCH AS THAT MAY HURT, ITS THE TRUTH. STOP HUMILIATING YOURSELF AND TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE AGAIN. THERE IS ONE THING ABOUT WOMEN THAT YOU SHOULD KNOW. NO WOMAN WANTS A MAN SHE CAN WALK OVER. YOU GAVE THIS GIRL THE UPPER HAND BY GIVING HER TOO MUCH ATTENTION. YOU OVA YASO AN SHE OVA DESO. I MEAN SHES IN LAGOS AND YOU ARE SOMEWHERE ELSE. SHE SHOULD BE THE ONE CALLING YOU AND WONDERING WHAT YOU ARE DOING. KNOW YOUR ROLE AND STICK TO IT. YOU ARE THE MAN. LAST BUT NOT LEAST BE WEARY OF LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS. .

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Im beginning to think she did not get an apartment and probably wanted money to pay off a debt, help the little brother at varsity or get the mother a better business etc. Can you girls do that if you love someone i.e ask for money but use it up for something else?

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Should I get her mother and brother to be involved then send her 50 000-00 naira on Monday or do I just wait?

I am beginning to feel sorry for the poor girl and the door may be open now for the rich Abuja Men we all know about to get in.

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@highhevl

Why don't u tell us what she said today, since you can't hold your woman in check. Tell us what she said to you today and we will tell you what to tell her 'morrow!

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Adeboo

Adeboo I will appreciate if you don't contribute on this topic any longer or any of my topics in the future. Have a wonderful life.

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God blessyou bovo, my thoughts exactly.

You see when she starts showing you enh - she will drive you back to drink.

She had said she didnt want ya, you begged, moaned and wined your way back and you expect her to treat you with respect?

Never - i know women cause am one. It is a no go area.

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your case is very critical man , u just have to give it up, else she would come back ready to use u , i went through a similar case too, i found out my gal was telling other gas that i was her boyfriend but she wouldn't talk about anything relationship when i call her , if i dare bring up d topic , she cuts the fone ,

let's say she just want's u as a friend so as to be able to dull your shine there isn't anything more to it,

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@Poster, thanks for your observations.

Well let me start by saying - I LOVE MEN. I love my NIJA men so much it hurts me. I have had hurts in the past but that is not withstanding. You obviously havent read all my posts on other topics for you to warrant this.

See the thing is that some people need to hear the cold hard truth and sometimes it comes out harsh to them cause they dont wanna accept the truth, they wanna leave in denial.

I was merely pointing out the facts of the matter to you - it may have been harsh but you needed to hear that. The reason i knew that was from the replies you were given.

I was just pointing out the obvious to you cause am seeing the situation from the outside and i only gave advice from that angel.

I can be all soft when i want to but am not one that will always present things all nice and kushty.

People need to hear the truth of the matter.

Now i see you have cried, moaned and wined your way into the girl's life - good luck to you both.

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Thanks Acidrop, I thought so and that's why I've not given up calling and she already mentioned I have a chance though she's not as excited as before but I'm sure with time we'll catch up the rythm.

Some have adviced me to call less or stay a week or so without calling. I call three to seven times a day and send 3 to 10 text messages a day.

I'm the one who messed up so I should be the one begging and as such staying a while without calling will mean I am not really interested, meanwhile I'm crazy about her.

She doesn't have a problem with my numerous calls and text messages. She picks each one of them and talks with excitement till the end.

Thanks again Acidrop

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Adeboo What have I done to get these kind of replies from you?

Have you once been dumped or have had lots of men dumping you? You seem to hate men. I have taken out time to read all your input on various topics here and you always sound -ve and bitter.

I know I'm the cause of my problems and have gotten a long way to go for my baby to give me her heart but Adeboo there is a better curve or manner to write or put down your opinion.

Anyway if you may know, she has taken me back and confessed she was not going to leave me and only wanted me to learn the heart way. We are soul mates and together we'll work on my problems. As for alcohol I'm not a big drinker . I mentioned two or three takes me off and as for the possessive nature, we're working on it. She's vowed to always reassure me of her love for me when I question her negatively. That way I'll always be affirmed and wont doubt her, hence zero possessiveness.

Thanks anyway.

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i think, she is reconsedering u, keep calling her if u want another chance

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@Poster, stop making excuses.

You wanted advice, and the people are advising you.

Stop making excuses.

There are only two words i have for you.

AA (ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS).

Really, do your self a favour, you are definately the one with the stress. You are in a country where there are laws.

If you carrying on in your drinking, possessive ways, you will get yourself in toruble on day and you will do time.

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If i were this girl i wouldn't go out with Highveld. He has a drinking problem and is not

about to change. Drinking is a very difficult habit to kick. Any woman who puts up with it in

the hope that her man would soon change is playing with fire. I wish we could get her own

side of the story cos there are two sides to every story.

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Cute Bottom, Davidylan and all, I'm gone down a bar to check the Chelsea vs Valencia match, i PROMISE i WONT DRINK and I've also called to let her know I will not drink and will call her back 2nite to prove the fact.

Thanks.

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So Davidylan are u saying I wont change 4 ever? U know this sister loves me and can/will make me change. I'm going to give up the drinking etc but its a gradual process and in the meantime she still fine with me. She is given me another chance, Infact I just called her and she was so happy and asked why I did not call all day. So haven't u seen a woman married to one who beats but sticks to him and the more she's beaten the more she loves the man. Anyway that's not my case and I'm not a big muscular guy in the first place and perhaps she could even beat me up.

I know love's got the power to move the world.

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I know how you feel. . . but i'm trying to look at the long term. It is good to love her now, what about 5 yrs from now when she's stuck with you. I'm sure she's considering her options. No Nigerian woman is keen on divorce and the stigma it brings, neither is she looking forward to a married life filled with drunkeness, lack of trust, yelling eventually progressing to wife beating e.t.c.

I think you should see things from her point of view and not just merely yours. I doubt she's happy she has to break up with you but in the end it may be she's considering her future.

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@topic i know the way it feels

u still got feelings for her niii? try one or 2 more dates am sure all will shed off as per picking ur phone calls, that doesnt mean she still dey for you ooooo

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I meant I'm really not that bad with alcohol

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Thans Davidylan but remember I'm really that bad with alcohol, 1,2,3 and am off already

She knows this and plz why talk about ur sister. You make me feel like am a devil.

Davidylan come on Men,

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So many men said the same thing before they got married.

I'm just saying it as it is. Sorry its not what you want to hear. If she were my sister she wont even be taking your calls by now.

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Wow!Cute Bottom, You're back, Check my input above please,

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Thanks Davidylan, Bro please try and see things with me.

The girl did love me so mad and is still willing to be with me and help in moulding me.

Now what you're saying is I should forget about someone who can actually change my ways for our own good to go mend my ways then look for another girl! What about this one who is willing giving the circumstances? And what if after I return from rehab I never get to find someone I love as dearly as the present one? It happens you know. As Cut Bottom mentioned above 'Love and God can change one's ways',

Men help, I need the sisiter and she's willing to go through the hague with me to see if they'll be a change. I'm sorry I had a couple of bottles last nite but you see it's a gradual thing and more so I know I wont drink when she's around i.e when we're finally living together. What do you say?

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@ highveld

If this chic marries you ii will be highly disappointed in her. Go and mend your ways first then you can start talking about dating a girl. She just took you back after months of begging and the very next thing you do is repeat the same behaviour that sent her away in the first place.

Anyway thank God you said she's on service year, many a girl find far better husbands there. I wish her all the best WITHOUT you to worry her again.

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Cute Bottom I'm sorry I' ve been away for a long time.

I thank you guys for all what you've contributed while I was away.

I have been trying to consider all your suggestions but as you KNOW i'M THE WHOLE CAUSE.

She actually did dump me last December because of same thing, possesiveness, being jealous and drinking.

She took me back and kept on warning me there after as I continued practicing my ways. Now she just dumped me and we're already back and has invited me to come over.

The last girl who dumped me back in 2004 warned me seriously to change and also did dump me twice before calling it off totally. She reckoned if I carry on with my ways, no girl will ever be with me but would love me.

Now same thing has happened and I wanted to go hang myself for loosing someone who cared.

The present girl in question really did care for me. Infact they all go crazy when we start. I also have other good qualities like I can be romantic funny, caring etc.

If I ever believed that this girl never loved me, I wouldn't have gone back. So I'm trying to mend this one rather than looking out for another whom I don't know whether she'll love me as this one did and whom I may use as the next victim to exhibit my terrible ways on.

She really doesn't check out the internet and only does so once in about four months. She's a kind of a christian (so to say) and I wouldn't want to pressure her now into checking out the internet so we could all chat. More so, she's tied up with the youth service camp right now.

Can you believe that after she took me back last Good Friday I still went ahead to drink yesterday and called her late to yell again. I troubled her trying to find out about the other man in Abuja with some bitter temper. This time she hung up. I called back twice then she picked up and our conversation ended up in tatters.

She mentioned she has nobody , I insisted and she warned me never to bring up the topic again.

I went to bed but so disgruntled and called back today morning and she said, Please it is really not a good thing for you to call me when you are drunk. You can drink but always try to avoid calling me when you are drunk. I know it is because you are lonely there all by youyself and have got to go out with friends, but plz don't call me when you are drunk.

I would really want you to call and try to get her side of the story and perchance then you'd know what's up in her mind and all what she may be holding or hiding from me.

How do we do that.

Please help.

I know you don't want a reward but we should be friends and I would definately get you through to Asaba for the wedding.

Please help!!!!!

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I understand girl.

I see where you are going with this.

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Cute-Bottom my gyal,

the thing am trying hard not to do is encourage the poster's ways.

But you say he has lost 4girls to this behaviour but i was under the impression that you are encouraging him to call the ex in Abuja.

Shouldnt he go and sort out his behaviour before he goes after other girls?

I am just calling a spade a spade by not letting him fool himself to think that this girl wants him back.

I am just being the voice of reason.

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darling, we're just having a discussion. Every man making their own suggestions. we're all trying to help so don't get me wrong ooh.

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relationship is very sensitive and u need 2 b at the very best state of mind to make things work out ur way, as for the man she is going wit , how authentic the story is and if it's really the true story , i'll say u shud leave her because as soon as she finished her service they'll b hooked each oda in marriage, the backing the siblings are giving may sentiment because they know they're gaining alot from u since u based in T in Canada,If i may ask where are they from which state and tribe?. I wish u the very best in ur choice of woman in marriage

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Oh ma goodness ma man whats wrong with ya?

Please listen to Sweet T- you are really disgracing yourself.

Is it that there are no moregirls on this earth?

Mark my words - if she comes back to you or even marry you, she will make your life a living hell and then you will loose your temper and start hitting her cause she will fraustrate you.

Make her come begging and not the other way - MY GUY HAVE SOME DIGNITY.

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