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Nigerian Men : Is He Really Mine?

Hello all,

I learned so much from your posts.

I was wondering what can you get from this . .

I am young, 25, and graduate, and working.  and Im involved with a older guy that I met online. We have been cool friends for several months, and he had hinted many times that he wanted more but I always told him no due to I I dont like long-distance relationships, and he lives in Nigeria while I live in New York. The Guy has a business over there and he does fairly well, and never once asked me for anything, but I never want for anything so I dont ask him for anything.

He recently asked to be serious with me because he is looking to marry soon. I finally gave him, but he is nothing I expected!

He barely calls, and even though he comes online, he doesnt email me unless I mail him.

I dont know much about his background and his people because we dont talk that much, he says hes always busy, and when we talk hes always going to bed, when I call him, ifs its at night he rarely picks, afternoon I work so i cant call him as much as I want to.

He once asked for my sisters and friends number incase he couldnt reach me, but I couldnt give it to him, because I have to make sure he is something I would introduce to my family before I introduce my sisters to him.

They are very cynical towards Nigerian men.

But two weeks he traveled to his aunts house in france and not one family member did I speak to!

I can count on one hand how many times we talked, dont even mention emails!

I told him I feel like he doesnt care, and he insists that no one cares for me more than him, but he will show it better if we meet.

How can I want to meet him, when I feel like i barely know him? I told him that I would rather be friends, because I wont have as much expectation, but as a relationship, its lonely and a bit loveless.

We argue about it everyday, and he say he will change but tommorow the same thing.

I am more of a romantic person. I love attention, and adoration. No Im not being prude, its just the way I am, and I realize that some people are different. . I don’t really like telling people what I like in a relationship because it tends for the other person to change their ways in order to please me, when in fact that it is not their typical nature. and then problems arises when the person begins being themselves again and the other person is left unsatisfied again. I dont think I'm asking too much because I have dated other people with busy careers

How can I help him know what I want, or am Im being paranoid?

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48 answers

Wow. you guys really derailed this thread.

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shld i mention their names?

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@na2day?: Sheeesh. Guy, everyone who reads this thread can see who the antagonists are/were. Enough said, I'm done here.

@OP: Sorry for derailing the thread. I already said my viewpoint. I wish you all the best.

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i am not abt to baby sit u through ur various post but i am sure u can try and read ur own writing

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cry baby? i laugh in igbo. i started nothing but since u are suffering from amnesia i will be patient, so whenever u remember give me a shout out

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You started the war, can couldn't get passed the first battle. Now you manage to get your regiments in line and now you want to declare warfare again? come on now. I'm not running, I'm just not into the cry babies.

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Was not picking fight with you, just my opinion, cos u re begining to reason like her

cheers

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nah, just u being a slowpoke thats all

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*I am being to feel like einstein*

do I smell oxymoron?

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Shebi na you, them don use jamo weed cook beans for you chop abi.

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@I dont worry about it, my name has been dragged, mopped and crapped on all over NL by three of them, let me reply ONCE and they cry blood murder. No sympathy. It was funny. . ."error" indeed.

@ Na2day my signature says all. One minute you want to call ppl out and the next you want to play victim. What I meant was I WAS REPORTED, I am not interested in Ifedy or reporting her; you got it COMPLETELY twisted. So my prayer remains.

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http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria?topic=405288.msg5624367#msg5624367

Na2day, the 2 aprokos don run there mouth go there

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Abeg waka pass make i see road jor.

shior

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@OP,he's not ur's, he's behaviour is weird, 4rm wat u've said, none of his actions hs shown seriousness let alone love.

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MzDarkSkin is OFFICIALLY *owned*. My blasted mouth is SHUT, SEWN AND ZIPPED lol. I finally got it. *owned* lol.

No wonder everyone was dying with laughter. LOL This is hilarious; my bad.

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How come you dint know they were just teasing you

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BTW are you a Nigerian??

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Only if you wont get zapped

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lets start with the simple one, in the contested statement, what does the word "BINGO" mean?

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Red lights! Danger! Abandon ship!

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@ Na2day: Who tell U say ifedy need e-singing? Wetin she need na e-credit card, oya bounce.

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@ OP: THe guy's obviously not serious, forget him. I'm sure there are lots of interested men in your vicinity who will have time to give you all the attention you need.

BTW, I notice you titled your thread "Nigerian Men". it's not a Nigerian man thingy y'know.

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@ OP run for your live. The signs are there. The guy is not so into you like you are into him.

If he truely loves you, you should be complaining of excess calls rite now and not the other way round. You should be "shacking" him.

But I guess we dont all love the same way, maybe thats his style of loving.

Majority will tell you he doesnt love you, while some will tell you to give him a chance.

But whatever advice you take, just make sure u spent  no kobo of urs on him.

As for me I dont support e-dating and never will. It can be shaddy at times

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^^ LMAO! No! In America if someone gets your point across for you we shout "BINGO" as in "EXACTLY!" lol. *tickled*

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@ poster, pips in here advice irrationally. One thing i can c is dat u hvn't meet somebody in person n u don't communicate wat u want to him n u want him to do d exact of wat u want .dat is nt poss. Discuss ur burden wit him n see if he changes.

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^ Bingo. She will be ok either way.

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BrwnSugar, you have a really beautiful heart, and I hate to say this but I think you should drop the guy like he's hot. It sounds like he is manipulating you, or attempting to do so. Don't be gulled.

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When you go back or when he goes back? Well, him visiting you is for you to get to know him face to face and see if you really would like him or not. Dont tell me you only want him online and dont want to make any further actions to get to know him better? Thats if tyou are still interested otherwise if you think that he is a waste of time and is playing around with your emotions than leave and seek elsewhere. Cause truth be told, you should seek someone whom you would really want to be serious with.

The reason why I say he should come visit you its because its safer cause its in your territory.

If based on what you described, I would say the guy is not serious at all but Its hard judging based on what is written. I get alot of misunderstandings when it comes to that section

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i know the problem here ,

if he is what u want why not try out this since u ve confirmed he is a busy guy.

1, be the fool and call him as much as u want and dont complain about him not calling u.

2,after talking with him .ask whn next u wil hear from him or whn he is going to call u if he says tomorrow . tell him to call u tht day

3,since wht u both talk about is how are u and complain, try talking about those things u will like ur man to discuss with u.

4, make him get addicted to ur calls and ur gist . make him ur friend

believe me if he enjoy ur daily gist u will be suprise about the rest ,try out this for a month. if it doesnt work runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

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To me I don't like long distance realtionship for once.I have tried it I end up lossing communication gradually.giv him a one last call and ask him wat his take on me I would ask him how he intend making d affair work as in how u two are gonna meet nd mind u,u are not getting any younger.as for me I don't like break ups I like giving chances for change but if he is not prone to change then u can call it off.

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Time difference dumbo! If this co'ck and bull story is true, if you are working, the only convenient time for you to call him will be equally inconvenient for him.

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@poster,I will advice dat u calm urself down.I will like u to stay tight in d relationship bkos gud tins don't start well.I blive if u shuld tell him al dis u hav written here I guess he will change.thank God he picks ur calls at tomes in d nits.find time nd call him during d day time.tell him dat if he really want somtin seriouse he shuld show it.he shuld let u know where u stand.plz giv time for him to change there.gud luck

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eyyah sis, i thnk i hve an idea of wat u feel. ive been tru smthng similar

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i guess my only concern is

Why is a well to do man in Nigeria looking online for love when there are lots of women in between Africa and Europe before you even reach America? His business is going great and he can't leave so are you planning on moving to Nigeria because you seem sure of this business he has. Also i know those of us out here spend more time working than socializing (some people anyway) how come you can't find someone close by you? all the dudes in ny From BX to staten island and you went and got hookup with a dude online and in Africa.

Truth be told he might be very succesful in his business (what is it btw) and he might be very busy but seriously something is fishy so thread lightly

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@kelvin,U just spoke my mind. @poster, just give d guy a break, he wil surely com 2ru, ok. Frm ur point ,he doesnt hav time 4 u bt he has time 4 his clients, al am sayin is just b patient and work on u guyz meetin in person, i tink it can help cement d ties. Shikena

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@kelvin,U just spoke my mind. @poster, just give d guy a break, he wil surely com 2ru, ok. Frm ur point ,he doesnt hav time 4 u bt he has time 4 his clients, al am sayin is just b patient and work on u guyz meetin in person, i tink it can help cement d ties. Shikena

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Kelvinj- thank you, he says the fact that we are having trouble meeting is the reason why our relationship is down.

I feel like if we meet, it would be false hopes, if he cant show me how he cares unless hes infront of me, isnt that wrong?

I am patient, and he says that he hasnt brought out the best yet, and that it is yet to come, he will love me like no other, except I am talking to another guy behind his back.

I could see if he couldnt afford to talk to me, but he keeps in touch with his clients very well, is it because hes used to women that dont ask for much communication?

adetoru- thank you for your post. he says hes possesive over me and doesnt want me to make a mistake because Ive been hurt in the past. I let him know he hurts more more the way hes a ghost in my life, though I try to ignore it.

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@adetoru

C'mon rmb the guy want her 2 go 2 france with her but her job wnt let her so mayb the guy has good intensions but needs 2 prove it. Taking abt been upset every1 has d rite 2 get upset in a r/ship or am i wrong

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no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no

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He doesn't have any right over you so why does he get upset when u say u just eant to be friends.There's a guy from my church who got married to an African American about 4 yrs ago;they met online and he paid for her airfare to come meet his folks 7mths later.He kept talking about her sooo much b4 we even met her,we felt we knew her.They have 2kids now and live in Miami.Kick him to the curb,you owe him nothing.You deserve better.

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@brwnsugar

I feel ur pain. I'm not against long distant or r/ship because am in 1 rite naw. I'll advice u guyz 2 try n meet in person i tink itz gonna go a long way 2 spice up the r/ship. Dont draw conclusions yet bt be careful and try 2 knw more abt him bt it still boils down 2 knowing each other in person

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Long distant relationship is no advisable from me; be just friends. I learnt you re falling in love from your posts; remember, realities does not appear the way it appears on a paper

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these pple you claim have met him

are they the pple he introduced to you?

are you sure they are not just backing him up

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Is everything grey because he wants it to be? And like Maeden said, if a Nigerien guy likes you your phone will be attached to your ears so far this guy seems disinterested.

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No,he's not really yours,sorry

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