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Pls Advise,should I Marry This Yoruba Guy?

Am an ibo girl from imo state,i have been dating this yoruba guy 4 a yr nw and we're in love,he just proposed marriage and i accepted,i have met his family and they welcomed me,he has even acceptd 2 convert 2my church, Catholic. My family has totaly rejected him with reasons such as, Tribe,language and culture barrier, tendency of polygamy and other factors that could come in d marriage,pls i need ur sincere advise. At the moment i have another suitor from my state. Am confused.

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OP, I know of a gal that had similar issues with her parents back in the days, but she followed her heart (by marrying the guy). Her parents later dis-owned her but SHE NO SEND !!! After some years, when the parents knew that her marraige was stil going on fine and better, and with God blessing her with two sound kids, believe you me, her parents came calling, asking her to come and pay them visit. The gal refused paying them visit, saying, since they dis-owned her for making her right choice, then she is no more interested in seeing them anymore.

Few months later, after interventions from, both friends and relatives, she accepted their appolgies but, on one condition. . .She said "SHE WILL NOT BE THE ONE THAT WILL GO AND PAY THEM VIST. THEY SHOULD BE THE ONES TO COME AND VISIT HER" !!! The parents did not even see that as a difficult condition/situation, instead, they went and pay her visit AS SOON AS POSSIBLE !!!

Im not saying you should do dsame as the story I shared but, my advice to you is, in this life, there is NOTHING like HAPPINESS! And, if you know that guy will SURELY provide you the happiness that you need in marraige, then GO FOR HIM !!!

My take!

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am igbo,but i think u should go ahead and marry the yoruba guy.u are the one marrying,whatever comes out of ur marriage,u would be the one to enjoy or suffer it.with time,ur parents would adjust to the reality that its ur choice and not theirs and they must learn to embrace it.its a pity in this 21st century,nigerians are still tribalistic.it shows there is really no future for that country.My only sister got married to a yoruba guy,but at first my mum had an objection to it,my mum was calling us(the men/brothers) to talk to my sister but we told her to stay clear and that it was my sisters decision.Atimes u have to stand ur ground cos these our parents think they know everything.That said,i think Yorubas are kind of very tribalistic,am not trying to bash anyone but i observed that in NYSC Camp,where most of them just drifted from everyone and decided to form their own cliques,i was so disappointed because growing up,most of my friends didnt know tribe as in most of the guys i associated with were tibe blind,so it was a cultural shock cos when i got to camp and saw what these guys were doing i was kind of disappointed.

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well

its only been a yr if u feel your parents views will affect the marriage

let the guy move on- when ur 50 and still single or ur future husband treats u badly they will no they made the wrong decisions!

then again they do mean well but thier mentality is too backwards- issue of polygamy has gone long ago and thie ris no tribe thats doesnt practice fetishness!

if ur like me and sincerely dont give 2 abt what ur parents say then you can tell your parents to accept him cos youve chosen him and get married

if they simply make the effort to know the family and the guy they might like him!

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@poster, To be frank, a yoruba will prefer any other tribe that is not ibo. Dont doubt me; i have a lot of proof which i wont share here. What makes u think u'll still be comfortable in d long run? Believe me, ur parents wont be d problem in d long run; d dudes parents will be when u start findin it difficult to adjust to d yoruba uncomfortable lifestyle. Look before u leap.

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I think uju joan is kind of right , yorubas are not reliable , adultery and fetishness is their lot , but not all yorubas are bad , but majority are lik that , atimes I think nigeria's problm is not hausa but yorubas

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^^ can you share your sad experience with a yoruba lady?

what happened

the thread is actually about dating a yoruba guy but never mind.

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Sorry o my sister. I think you have to go with your mom and dad. I was in that situation some months back. I had a yoruba girl in the States and she does love me and wanted to get married too. but when i visited home to see her parents, it was another story. The welcome me very well . my next step was for my parents to go do the waka as we say it at home. guess what? I was refered as Omo Ibo. even when they are aware i was from the Niger Delta. I felt so bad. I learnt that cos i made a call some day to her after our discussion she thought the conversation was over and i could hear her in the background tell a neighbor why she cant give her daughter to me as OmO Ibo. i kept listening for over twenty minutes before she realised that the phone was still connected.

Oh my God i said to myself. when i came back to the staes she called me and gave me a reason why she doent want it. among her reason is tha i was once married in the states and that my girls dad ( who is now dead) told the daughter never to marry someone who had been married before. I went ahead to explain to her that when you go overseas you have to do all you can to get papers and that its over for a long time. All to no avail.

We ve stoped seeing each other just ordinary friends now.

Now i decided to try another one an Ibo girl. That one told me pointblank that her mom will never be a problem but her Dad. i ask why? and she told me that her Dad fought on Biafra side and that the Dad still felt that we betrayed them againt the Nigeria troups. I looked at myself. I wasnt born when the war was fought , so why should i be meant to face such. so i stoped see that one.

Now i am about to marry a sister her. A black American. period.

=================

Bottom line. dont do it if you or your family wount have a wrong perception about your family.

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@ poster

Not trying to be rude or abusive but i can bet my house that both or at least one of your parents is an illiterate. If your parents were educated and werent so myopic I doubt they would object to your choice. I find it hard to believe that in 2010 parents still decide who their kids can marry. Telling your parents who you want to marry is cultural and serves as a mark of repect for them. The should have absolutely no say over who you marry. That decision is yours alone to make.

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my dear there is nothing GOD cannot do ,pray as u go along with him, tel ur parent knw ure in love

tell them that we are not in 1940s.

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tribe really doesnt matter, once the combination works,. so check here for your combo.

1. ibo man + yoruba woman = good

2. ibo man + ibo woman = excellent

3. ibo man + hausa woman= very good

4. yoruba man + yoruba woman = disaster

5. yoruba man + ibo woman = error

6. yoruba man + hausa man = never happens

7. hausa man + hausa woman = very comfortable

8. hausa man + ibo woman = nice combo

9. hausa man + yoruba woman = cheaters.

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my dear , dont mind those that says tribe doest matter in marriage, it matters alot is just that they woundt say the truth ,if you people really love each other notting is there, bt you people must know how to speak the two languages well well for safety purposes.

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I cannot believe all these tribe nonsense is still dominant even in our times. Marry whomever your heart feels is the right man for you. Afterall, no family would be there to make your home for you.

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No matter the answer you get on NL,  it will never be enough.

it is your decision,  your investment,  your bargain,  your goods,

honestly, only God knows how it will turn out,

2 secrets that will surely see you through,   

   a.         build your love/marriage on his character and not on emotions[yours or his]

         

    b.       Hand it over to God,  his help makes the most sense [always]

For your parents,  just give them some time, with a and b they will come to see it your way

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na una sabi, as for me o, na my Okechukwu i go marry. and by God's grace, there will never be any regret for doing so. what matter most is true love, be open to one another, no pretence. finito

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Why do igbo gals marry yoruba guys and yoruba gals don't marry igbos, is it that igbo guys are inferior to selective yoruba gals or that yoruba guys are better husbands or that igbo guys prefer their own gals for marriage.

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Marriage is a sensistive issue, it is completely different from friendship. try and learn this, who ever you are dating u must ask question about the person's tribe, religion, tradition and norms they observe in their place. and always ask questions about they handle marriages in the place and how the family also respond to outsiders. while u are doin that u also ask your parents about the tribe you are in love with. know their consent on time before tins get more serious between you and the guy. Nigeria parents are very tribalistic and religious. I best advise is obey your parents, they have a point. and secondly, i dont trust a guy who is agreeing to follow u to his church, such people changes immediately after they have married you.

Again go deep into knowing the family's background, do they worship idols, or did their ancestors did. and how is the guy's family? is it polygamous or unigamous or monogamous? are they together as family. that will give u a litle idea of the kind of family u are going into. meanwhile marriage is also accessed from the spiritual angle so seek the candid advise of your pastors or spiritual leader. thanks. for more u can call or mail me: jetfilips@yahoo.com, 08036822451. good luck

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I feel quite sorry for this poster. Your parents no matter how much they love you will not always be right. I have seen ibo to ibo marriages fail and some work. If you love this man know his family and you are sure it can work marry him. Who says all ibo men are good? Parents who were born when there was no internet , space travel or nairaland (no pun intended) are predicting a future they do not know based on past events? Who says yoruba men are still prone to polygamy or ibo men still use their wives for money ( these are widely known sterotypes). Look no tribe in Nigeria is holier than the other we are all one huge mess. Marry the man that makes u happy biko? Before you regret for the rest of your life!!!!!

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gurl talkin tribalistic i used to be but when u r in love u will bonne many things.

i met the delta guy am dating during nysc and am yoruba, my parents av not agreed but i know time will tell sha. the mistake i tink u made was u should have at least let ur mum know abt him early like d 4yrs back u claim.

well it really is u to u but parents dont get angry forever my fear and if they do now sooner or later wit God as the solid rock of ur marriage tins will work out and ur Mum will bless u.

dont loose ur love gurl all this tribe dont count as far as the party is not too tribalistic. i mean laki a igbo guy that has never been to his village will not even mind any tribe so gurl tink well abt it and pray

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As for NL igbo guys claiming to date or marry yorubas but are nasty towards yorubas,err the word hypocrites ring true.What i meant to say is follow your heart,if you are making a mistake let it be your own and not the one parents or society pushed you into.Goodluck sha o

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EXACTLY FOLLOW UR HEART ITS VERY NECESSARY U DO DAT. COS U RE GOIN TO CARRY UR CROSS ALONE DEAR.

BUT LEFT TO ME TRIBE SHOULDNT BE A BIG DEAL, LOOK FOR THE GENUINE FEAR OF GOD IN HIS HEART

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@Poster, whatever you decide, make sure your parents are in support of the marriage, let them cool down 1st and start by talking to them and hopefully, they will come to understand and pray harder cuz prayer is the key

@kobikwelu , which of the U OF T campuses are u in?

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Nigeria will never be 1! D earlier we understand, d better for us. But if i must be frank, there are few yoruba good guys compared to ibo's. What proof do i have? I lived in an ibo land thru primary, sec, & university. I served in a yoruba land. Today, I live in a yoruba land. I know both tribes.

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Tendency? I don't think you should let these pathetic tribal stereotypes or your parents' prejudices about the yoruba guy deter you from following your heart and using your head. They're not the oens in relationship with him - you are. If you find him to your liking and he seems like the ideal guy for you then go for goal. Wtf with the bullsh** .

Even though I wouldn't be happy about it I would fight my parents over junk like that. I am mature enough to make these decisions on my own. It's my life and my burden to bear.

Nonsense and crap.

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yes ooo,our igbo boys prefer to marry the NNE babes , so dat dey can gave birth to 7boys ,one girl,

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@Poster

One question, if you told your parent you were getting married to a white guy, will they object?

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@ Deep Soul,God bless you.

I don't know where this Ibo jerks got this crazy notion from, this was the same thing my ex GF's mom used to sever my romance with CHIAMAGO.

msshhhhhh rubish!

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Follow your heart.  You will be the one living with which ever guy you choose; not your parents or anyone else for that matter

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Nigeria is not moving forward when it comes to unity and tribalisim and racisim amongst ourselves

Poster

why didn't you have the guy go to your parents with you so that when your parents raised their concerns he can at least speak and defend himself. At least have his family go with you so they could show their way of life and how they brought up their child.

well the generation of old is dying out and very soon these types of problems would diminish because more and more people are open to the ways of the world instead of being closed minded and stubborn

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just be careful

if your parents do not accept him the relationship wont be blissful as you want it to be

but that doesnt mean you should have a second thot abt his proposal

try sit your parents down and let them know they are in the 21st century

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mr devonian

how typical,

keep on marking my script (teacher) and forget the issue at hand.

by the way, all ur history lessons count for jack.

CARRY OUT YOUR PERSONAL SURVEY (i doubt ull have time for such a task) ITS A GENERAL PERCEPTION AMONGST THE IGBOS!!!!!

no body said other tribes arent fetish.

but the igbos are particular about the yoruba's that why parents hardly give out their girls to 'em

PS: QUOTE ME WRONG

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Please be informed that from pre-historic times, Polygamy was commonly practised among the Igbo people of Nigeria. It had both an important practical function in cementing alliances in many villages and economic functions of increasing a man’s available labour. It was also a social status symbol. Basden (1965:97) noted that this institution is inseparably bound up with the family and the social life of the Igbo, and without exception, touches the lives of every man and woman in the country. In his view, polygamy is favoured and fostered equally by men and women. In some respects the latter are the chief supporters of the system. The ambition of every Igbo man he noted was to become a polygamist, and he adds to the number of his wives as circumstances permit. They are an indication of social standing and a signs of affluence. In any case, they are counted as sound economic and social investment.

What goes on in your Okija shrine, Mass of Evil Massacre? (http://images.google.co.uk/images?q=Okija+shrine&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-GB:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&ei=QIOOS_fNNdaSjAfYzq2sCw&sa=X&oi=image_result_group&ct=title&resnum=5&ved=0CB0QsAQwBA), and what about the Otokoto Saga which never ends, even as late as 2009 (http://www.vanguardngr.com/2009/08/19/otokoto-again-in-imo-girl-18-beheaded-for-rituals/) You need to wake up to reality, ploygamy, fetishism and being irresponsible is not the hallmark of any specific ethnicity and nationality. It's identifiable amongst peoples of all nations. IT'S HIGH TIME WE STOPPED THIS TRIBAL STUPIDITY ON NAIRALAND

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Whilst it might be difficult for your parents to accept that you're marrying a man from another culture, you need to educate them and ask them to wake up to reality. This is 21st Century: the age of globalisation and multiculturalism. As such, you can, on balance, marry any man of your choice irrespective of his ethnicity, nationality and skin colour.

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Gal i understand exactly what u are goin through now but pls don't ever marry dat guy without d consent of u parent rather try havin a heart 2 heart talk with them make them realised that u are really in love with this guy. Am sure after that things will get better. Goodluck

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post like this really upsets me, we cry of the unjust way the whites have over time terrorized us the blacks through recism while we our self's are racist among ourselves.

Any ways @op you claim to have dated this guy for over 4yrs so only you can decide if he will make a good husband, no one can make that decision for you.

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Really, when it comes to the issue of marriage, I get a little scared, cos its an institution that u can never pass out from, it's a journey that haas no end, hence , why would one want to risk such a journey

I am tribalistic when it comes to marriage, and my parents also do not like one getting married to someone from another tribe, but they will never stop u, they will only give their advice, but me personally, I dont think I can marry someone from another tribe

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I smell bias in the posts of girls who I used to think were graduates. Anyway,Ibo girls will always be Ibo.

@poster, you are saying this just because you have another option.One word: follow your heart.

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pity

had a personal experience.

my sis had a yoruba guy that was proposing to her.

but her parents flately disagreed in terms of that peeps from his extraction in nigeria (yorubas) are prone polygammy, fetish and irresponsible (no pun intended to the yoruba's-its just a general consensus amongst the igbos).

so the whole arrangement went kaput.

the truth is that marriage aint about boyfriend and girlfriend. its a long and tedious journey that requires hardwork.

thats y most parents dont suscribe to that "i love him dearly and he loves me too and a result of that our cultural differences wont be an issue".

cos they know that in due tym, IT WILL BE AN ISSUE.

probably 15% of inter-cultural marriages survive the test of time

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