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She Ok And I Am Ready Psycologically To Settle Down But?

My girlfriend that i ve been dating for 4yrs now, is insisting we get married b4 the year runs out. although i love her enough to get married to her but i need to put things in place because i only started working sept last year, and my monthly pay is just 50k, although when i told her about putting everything in place like getting my appartment which i just move into furnished properly and some other business runing to bring in more cash she aggreed no dougbt but insisted we go tru it together which i consider slowing my pace pls advice, new to this pls don't push me away with harsh words,

NB:i am 28 and my girl friend is 24 we re both graduates from university of benin

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34 answers

why must marriage be a thing of torture for every young man that wants to embark on it, i have this feeling that that period does great damage to a mans cardio health and the eventually show up as some cardio disease when he is fifty which his doctor will wrongly blame on some beer he drank when he was younger, See Africa has made marriage a big headache for a young man, to have wat is consider a good celebration u need to spend at least a million naira, then come the family unit xpenditure that makes u abandon your youthful dreams of driving a Ferrari( do u remember) for the life of paying school fees and sending monies that should have been invested to make ur dreams come true to ungrateful inlaws, its nt worth it man, go at ur own pace, now its nagging for marriage next it will be her nagging that you are a failure cos u ain't like the jones.

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Got to love them bi-girls ok gets mind out of the gutter

hey hey hey, am looking for a classy lady. what if both sides agree that marriage is not important and decide to continue their relationship as a live-in couple(basically common marriage).

why should a man be ready by 4years. we are not all the same. at least he is monogamous and faithful to his girlfriend. the same can't be said of many men forced into marriages. i hope he is monogamous

his relationship was already on shake grounds if a few posts on nairaland affects him. the woman has to realize nagging would only make the man more distant from her. rather than talk to her, he is coming to nairaland for help(isn't that a hint)

work ethic and luck would decide how long it takes. the timeline is different for each individual. do u want him to be rushed into an unstable or abusive relationship??

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AFTER FOUR YEARS OF BEING IN THE RELATIONSHIP, WHAT NEXT DO YOU THINK WLD BE ON THIS GIRLS MIND.

FROM ALL YOU'VE SAID, IT'S FAIR TO SAY SHE REALLY LOVES YOU AND WANTS TO SETTLE DOWN WITH YOU WHETHER RICH OR NO RICH. YOU'VE SAID YOU REALLY LOVE HER, SO MY ADVICE WLD BE TO GO AHEAD BEFORE SOMEONE ELSE SNATCHES HER FROM YOU.

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that is ur view and mentality.

Like I said, am not supporting the fact that she is insisting marriage. . .and 24 is still a young age but things have really changed this days and besides. . . 4yrs no be joke.

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Dude, retire that line.

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D- Reloaded, you look familiar sort of?

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and how long will that take. what if in the next 5 years he ends up making 250,000 K, should she wait til he claims that he wants to make 2.5 million in another 6 years?

With that said, I hope the girl in queestion is working as well

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neither should u or try to destroy their relationship.

The whole purpose of him coming on NL is to seek advice and if he is smart enuff, it is up to him to pick or go with the best advices or options that suit him best and trash the rest.

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That she is insisting on marriage is not proof that she is in love.In many ways,marriage is to women what sex is to men.A man insisting on sex is not proof of the man's love for his woman.

Whatever is the case,insisting on marriage verges on the desperate.Its good to set your priorities but there is something not right about being in a relationship were you have to insist on marriage to your partner.It just strikes me as demeaning.

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a woman willing to struggle wouldn't add the unnecessary burden of financial a wedding and raising a family at this point in his life. the ring is more of a priority to her than the status and nature of their relationship. let the man state when he is ready, don't give him a bullshit time line.

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You are making it sound like a woman is doing you a favor asking for marriage.

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These people no dey get shame insisting on marriage.If I have to "insist" that my partner and I marry,maybe the whole relationship is not worth it.Na by force?

Marriage is a consensual venture,not something one partner effectively demands from the other.

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One thing I will is this . . . she loves u enuff to wanna settle down with u and struggle it out with u. how many woman will really wanna do that.

My advice is that you either marry her, you got a job (even not as rewarding as u would want), you got an apartment (even tho its small one), you are both old enuff to be married and she is not complaining, I will say have a small or traditional wedding for now and do the big one when things are better. Or secondly, pet her, try to make her understand that you need a lil more time.

good luck!

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hey pal,you've been with the same person for 4 yrs.that means he/she is good enough for marriage or else why has the relationship been on for that long.

marriage does not stop the nagging and all that but working things out and accepting responsibility/ies for your actions helps. Even though you aren't ready,keep working IT out and when its time,get it done and you know,it doesn't have to be too elaborate Give it a thought.

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Why do i always believe when the guy is not ready, u are not having nothing. And that's simply the truth. Even when a girl is ready, if the guy is not moved, nothing will shake him.

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I don't think this dude wants to leave the girl. He wants to be financially confident to handle a wedding and other necessities. I think he's quite calculated.

You guys plan together and let her get a job too if she hasn't got one. All the best.

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Listen to your heart my friend: DO NOT let anyone pressure or rush you into anything

You are in the best position to know whether you are ready or not, but as a man it is your duty to plan and map out how you will provide for your family - don't let love or anything else becloud that.

That being said, If the lady in question is willing, (I mean genuinely willing - not someone who is just so eager to 'marry' and bear the title 'Mrs' and may later turn back and start insulting you for not being rich at the present time) then maybe you should consider her desire to get married before the year runs out.

I personally don't know why women like to get so hung up on dates - will something magical happen if you marry on December 31st 2008 instead of 2nd January 2009?

If you have genuinely expressed your interest in getting married to her and the relationship has gone on long enough, then set a date - be it this year or the next, but set a firm date and start planning towards it. Meet the folks, propose, buy the ring, start looking for a venue. I believe that should take care of some of the fears that you will jilt her suddenly. As those plans are proceeding, you can also continue your business/job and get yourself financially ready.

Don't try to get everything established before marriage, but you need to go in with enough confidence and financial strength to meet the basic needs of the home. Building together is good, but make sure you plan towards it from NOW.

Women sometimes don't think through all the details before making a decision - they decide and then make things fall in place with that decision, we men tend to work differently and plan first before making a decision. You both need to move a little closer to each other's positions and agree on this matter. But never let it be simply as a result of pressure - discuss it and agree on a date, then proceed with other activities concurrently.

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The secret is

Most of these men, Nigerians especially DONT want to do things together with their spouses. They want to be "set up" on their own so when they marry they can become like masters and say "yea well you weren't there when I got myself together. All I have now is from my own sweat and blood, you have no right to tell me what to do or to expect me to share my decisions with you", That is all it is.

That's why you have these losers in their  late 30s and 40s looking for "wives" to dominate

Btw I think it's funny that most of the men are crying 'don't rtush" yet they'll be the same jjerkswho will be making fun of such women in a few years time when they are in their mid 30s without any husband asking what has she been doing with her life

She was wasting it on some confused , that's what. Nonsense.

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I’m for early marriage too. Allow her advice, two good heads… And she’s been around for 4 years. So, I see no problem on that. You have professed love for her on nairaland. But, I do not subscribe to her pushing you hard on marriage. I understand your finances. It will get better. Seek means of improving it and I hope she gets something doing too.

I however think, you ask for her patience. Secondly, calm her down by introducing her to your people. That way both families get to know your respective intentions. Get her an engagement ring. Shower her with promises-u intend to keep, love and attention-I mean valuable time. Bro, pray.

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I disagree. Dont test the depth of a river with both legs!

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bros go marry

there is no perfect time for anytin

life is like jumping into the ocean and learning how to swim at the same place

JUST DO IT !!!

IF THERE'S LOVE AD TRUST BETWEEN U GUYS, THEN PROCEED ,

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@poster

please do not rush into anything as big as marriage for the wrong reasons. Do not forget that as soon as u say i do u have made a promise that u must keep in d presence of God and man.

If d chick is truly the one for u then she'd wait for u to settle down properly and get ur bearing.

cheers

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THANK YOU!!! Invested time takes only 10% in this. Haba, . . .

Bro, the truth is, . . . . .You will neva find answers here ok. a 28 yrs old man is ready for marriage. . . . .YOU WILL KNOW DEEP DOWN INSIDE YOU IF YOU ARE TRUELY READY.

If you make this decision based on profered external advise here or elsewhere . . . . .you are on your own.

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Mr man u better dont be forced into it, Thank God u are ok psycologically, U need to be ok FINICIALLY 2 ooo, and many many more OK,

Do it at your own pace,

Good Luck,

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am noticing that most posters r making reference to the 4yrs, making it seems as if the dude shud marry the dame just cos they have been dating 4 4yrs, that aint right

marry cos u are inlove n is FINACIALLY ,spritually,emotionally,physicall, emmm wch other ally word der sef?mature 2 cope with the demands of marriage

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get married to that chic buddy. Its a crime to let her waste 4 yrs just tagging along with u.

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bawolowo

You act like you don't understand how Nigeria goes. Who the hell is going watch a 4 year relationship go by and not expect marriage to come up. He should be glas she's just "nagging" now. Most would have started that after the first year.

I definitely agree with Almond on this.

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there relationship is fragile and not worthy of marriage if some random dude can come and snatch her. dump her if she nags too much about marriage.

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most marriages fail due to financial problems. u are right for trying to be financially stable especially before bringing kids into the world. don't let her rush u. she would be patient if she truly loves u. what's the big deal about a damn ring??

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If she is ok like u said, what else are you waiting for. You are 28, working, and you have a girl that wants to start with you from the scratch.

Are you going to wait till someone else snatches her from you.

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Bro, there is no need of waiting cos it may lead you to indulge in things that may bring negative aspect in your life. Your monthly salary of 50k can see you through since marriage is not all about money. You are very lucky to see a girl that want to be part of building process in your life which is a good thing. Simply go for the marriage formalities immediately. Wishing you happy married life in advance.

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That is the problem with you youths of today.  You think it gets better as you get older?  Instead of you to settle down now that you are sane, you want to wait till you discover the madness of too many failed relationships with all the medical risks involved.

I am for early marriages when you really have the time to deal with life's challenges because you are young. 

It is your choice. Please if you are not ready let her know instead of stringing her along for another 4 years.  Let her go and marry someone else since she is ready and you are not.  I would definetly leave you.  And let the chips fall where they may!  No hard feelings at all.  I don't believe in wasting ma time with any guy who is not on the same page as I am.  He can't be that special.  My happiness comes first! I would rather marry a responsible man and will take ma chances on love later!

Goodluck!

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follow your instinct. you are both too young to be rushing into marriage. hope u guys are not having sex? if you are stop it before you get blackmailed into it with some pregnancy

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