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Should I Break Up Wit Her?

Watsup people,

I'm a frequent reader of this forum, jus signed up and decided 2 contribute and gain from this forum.

Iv bn datin dis girl for 23months nw, We all started in 2006, like play, it became serious, we was in love and all that, she was insecure, possessive and sensitive, but at first i never really cared, i nevr cheated or treated her bad, i was a kind of person who jus plays along wit love, cos 4 som reason i dun blive thers tru love, ok, to cut long story short, Im Nigerian, shes som othr race, I left the country wer i met her and transferred to the US, and we still datin, like long distance stuff, u knw, i havent seen her in about 12months, we all hav our ups and down, and that relationship wahala, but recently, i started being insecure and kinda too sensitive, while she bcame less n less jealous and kinda matured u knw, but the issue is well, we always hav issues u knw, fights and all dat, if she dun bring poo up, i wud bring poo up, u knw, none of us like havin fights or wahala, but it jus happuns, plus me nw gettin all kinda insecure and all dat, and recently bn thnkin and is still decidin 2 end the realationship(she is suppose 2 com join me in d states dis month) I want 2 break up wit her, because i feel its d rite thing 2 do, atleast, we wont b givin each othr stress whic we dun like, i see it dis way, if we meant 2 b togethr, we wont b havin so much stress, we cant stay for 48hrs witout havin a fight or argument, so i told her i want 2 break up wit her, aftr i got pissed of cos of lack of trust, she really loves me, and i love her too, but i do thnk d best thin 4 us 2 do is call it quits, cos we keep hurtin each othr with stress and worries, plus at this point in my life, i got so much poo 2 worry bou, skool, work and my family issues 2, u knw, its all so clumsy nw,

My aim if writin this is to seek 4 som advice, Im i doin the rite thing by breakin up wit her? I havnt found any person, neithr im i lookin for, i dun wan 2 break up, but i really feel its for both of our good. I told her 2 thnk bou it, she say she dun want 2 break up wit me, shud i go ahead and break up wit her, and hope time heals my heart or keep d relationship goin? Im really tired of the relationship cos of d problems, but i do love her and she does love me, any advice?

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10 answers

**singing: break it up now, back it up now, tuck it up now**

oh boy just do you!!!

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I agree to what has already been said that long distance relationship do work. You mentioned that she was coming over next month, is it for good or just on a visit? Eitherway, why don't you wait till she comes over before you decide whether to call it quits or not.

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I am sure u know marriage is not an institution to toy with.sit down and ask urself dis 2 important questions. 1. Do i really love this girl. 2. Can i spend d rest of my life wit her? take note dat love is not d number of times u hav had sex or how good she is on bed. I f ur answer is yes,sit her down and hav aheart to heart talk wit her 2 know where u stand in her life. if d answer is NO, tell her over and look for someone who loves u. D situation here has little to do wit distance relationship.Find out?

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Now I understand the pressure for my ex. He broke things because he knew from the advice from people around him that chances were it wasnt going to work, so he tried to revert us to friends, which to this day hasn't worked, but who knows the individual situation. Everybody says the same thing: "They don't work" "it won't work" "end it" etc, is there any positivity?!?!

I would only advice someone to break their relationship if the two people are having trust issues or problems before going into the LD stuff, it seems this guy has already been going through the LD relationship and now he's going to see her. Should he break up with her just like that? After all this effort and investment into the relationship? No, I think he should at least have a serious word with her, guys don't realise that when you talk to your girlfriends about your insecurities that she can comfort you, open up, or you two could come to an agreement, if he just broke up with her she may become really hurt and confused like I was and then any explanations afterwards barely seem plausible.

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Thanks alot people, really helped wit out,

@HcHcoo, ur links were helpful, thx

I'l try n work tins out, and hopefully all goes well,

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@ poster

Long distance does put stress on relationships sometimes.  dont break up just yet, wait till she joins you, have a heart2heart talk, and see if any of those issues created by distance repeat itself. only then should you make a firm decision on the best way forward.

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Work things out dear, the grass isnt always greener on the other side. I've had 4 yrs to regret doing the exact same thing you did for some of the same reasons. Stick this one out, long distance relationships do work if you make the effort.

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Hello Thread Star, good to have you here.  Welcome to nairaland!

Please OP, do not read too much into the poster above me's misinformative, absolutely untrue statement.  Sure long distance relationships are freaking hard, but they do work, and unlike most common relationships they require maybe twice/thrice as much work due to the distance and the feelings of insecurity/distrust, lack of physical connection it may create.  The real issue here is, you are going through a very difficult stretch in your relationship.  This is normal!  All relationships have their ups & downs.  In the end it comes down to your willingness to work things out, compatibility, communication and love for your partner.  You still love this woman so please think very well before you put an abrupt end to your relationship. 

There have been a handful of threads created in the past addressing, or geared towards coping, with long distance relationships.  I suggest you read up on them - they might help.

List below:

http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-469.352.html

http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-21621.0.html

http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-66244.0.html

http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-143655.0.html

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Break Up with her. long distance relationship do not work.

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